Kris Humphries Doesn't Want To Talk About The Kardashians

Good Morning America gave you a visual answer to the question "What would an interview with a caveman statue from the Museum of Natural History look like?" when they interviewed Kris Humphries today. Despite the fact that GMA pretty much promoted this interview as "Kris Humphries finally breaking his silence on his marriage to Kim Kardashian," he wanted to talk about anything but the butt. Kris was there to bust out brain farts about basketball, basketball, baking cookies with his mom, basketball and basketball. But GMA's Josh Elliott could give a Khloe Kardashian dingle about basketball and kept bringing up his joke of a fake marriage.

This interview was almost more uncomfortable than me watching the nurse try to keep a straight face while asking me a bunch of questions before my STD test. Since I know you don't want to sit through a 5-minute video of Josh Elliott and Kris Humphries talking from totally different pages, here's the transcript. I typed it out word for word:

Josh: So Kris, how's it going?
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: What has this experience been like?
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: A lot of people found the divorce filing shocking. What did you think when she did it?
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: You responded by filing for a legal separation and an annulment. What do you hope the court will decide in regard to the annulment?
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: Do you still love her?
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: Kris, tell me, what one object would give a more exciting interview than you?
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: Thanks for that, Kris. Who would you rather? Kris Jenner or a basketball?
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: Just one more question before I let you go, Kris. Your IQ is that of a....
Kris: Basketball.
Josh: Wait, wait, just one more thing. Please don't say the word "basketball" again. PLEASE! I beg of you.
Kris: .........cookie.
Josh: Thank you!
Kris: Basketball.

A source tells TMZ that as soon as the interview ended, Kris was whining about how he felt he was set up. Kris only agreed to go on GMA after they promised to only stick to questions about basketball, his obesity foundation and cookies (nobody tell Kris that cookies and obesity aren't exactly friends). But a rep for GMA says they made it clear during the pre-interview that there would be no rules.

Is Kris stupid enough to think that GMA's focus wasn't going to be about his marriage to Kim Karkrashian? Wait. Here's a better question: Am I stupid enough to actually ask that last question after watching Kris be the epitome of dumb during that interview above?

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 11:32pm.

This guy may be an idiot, but he (and his mother) managed to stonewall on every damn question, and instead of getting mad he sort of laughed and said, "this guy!"

"Kris, this is the first time we're hearing from you..." ha ha ha, the interviewer looked like a dumbass.

Submitted by warmjuice on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 11:15pm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXhfRBkbeR4

he IS Vera de Milo, i have no idea how people cannot see how flaming he is

Submitted by tommyboy on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 5:48pm.

Good for you Kris,move on from that retarded circus of assholes. Keep your head up and let it be water under the bridge for you and leave the trolls under that bridge where they belong.

Andre,could you bring me my fan,,could you bake it in a cake or stick it up your ass or something? I must have my fan RIGHT AWAY"

Submitted by Mick on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 2:19pm.

...and can anyone tell me if they've actually seen the KK sex tape? If so, where??

================================================
"Oh, really? Did she like it?"
"I just love being a whore - you meet the most fascinating paint salesmen and curtain-rod manufacturers!"
"Oh, Honey. You´re simple, you´re shallow and you´re a common whor

Submitted by Mick on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 2:07pm.

The dude is dumb as dog shit, but, damn, I sure would like to suck his dick. Seriously.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 1:50pm.

Submitted by Hekki on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 2:55pm.

Sandbitch, I KNOW! From what I've seen he's kind of a dick,, but he put Kim in her place a bunch of times so I have to like him a little.

He would not have lasted 15 minutes in my presence, acting the jerk the way he did with Kim. But then again, she treated him like shit.

---Jerk is the WERD. Must also repeat: "once you have a coupla kids no one will care about you". Beautiful stuff that, sweet nothings.

So, has he been snapped up by any barse'bahl team yet? Non? He might well be selling his mom's cookies this season.

So these cookies - how *DOES* that work with a childhood obesity/diabetes foundation?? It's a bit like supporting a lung cancer foundation when your family own a tobacconists. Innit?

Submitted by Hekki on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 1:25pm.

Sandbitch, I KNOW! From what I've seen he's kind of a dick,, but he put Kim in her place a bunch of times so I have to like him a little.

He would not have lasted 15 minutes in my presence, acting the jerk the way he did with Kim. But then again, she treated him like shit.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 9:45am.

DERP.

_______________________________________________

Never question Bruce Dickinson!

Submitted by stinkbutt on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 2:30am.

IT'S BASKETBALL NOT BASSIBALL DUMB ASS. I CAN'T STAND ANYONE IN THIS INTERVIEW.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 1:19am.

I'm so conflicted about my feelings for Mr Snuffleupagus.

Look, he hurled KK from a great height into the sea ripping out an expensive diamond earring... He stomped on her foot cracking a toenail... He told her she smelled...

I think he's a lumbering, self obsessed, evil cunt but I appreciate what he ripped in those 72 days.

Submitted by marinara on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 12:50am.

That made me lol because it reminded me so much of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F4W0R1Zr_8

Submitted by Miss Thang on Sat, 12/10/2011 - 12:44am.

Kris is smarter than he appears. Was he extremely articulate? no. But he knows this is his biggest opportunity for publicity and he is smart to stick to his message. He's a free agent so I think it's good that he goes on GMA and shows that he is focused on his game and nothing else. Fuck the Kartrashians. At least Kris has some sort of talent that justifies why he has money.

************
I like living this way. I like loving this way.

Submitted by Cap6 The Asperger on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 11:09pm.

"...how was your marital night with Kim?"....

"Well the rim shot is the most sought after and with Baskeball season looking hopeful I feel every night I will be in top form for games..."

*disclaimer: my translation

Team HUMPHRIES

Submitted by Dr. Cornelia J.... on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 9:11pm.

Ha ha I love when these rich idiots become confused by their own stupidity! This guy is a mouth-breathing numbskull who should maybe read a few books or something so that he doesn't always appear so dumb.

Submitted by ReallyReal on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 7:07pm.

I thought MK was stretching the truth with his transcript.. only to watch it- and he was word-for-word.

Sorry Kris, you don't get to stop people talking about your pretend marriage when its not good anymore after you whored your wedding pictures and the whole relationship in the media.
Who first gets married, then afterwards decides it's time to discuss where to make home and when to breed? Yes Kim took advantage of him cos he's a boy.. clearly, but theres no prizes for being a dumb broad. If you want to promote stuff then you will talk about your claim to fame 'cos you're nobody without it.. so whore it. Whore it good. It's what made you.

Basketball.

Submitted by contrario on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 5:23pm.

Was this an "interview" for an adult audience?
Kris' answers were way more intelligent than the inane questions.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 4:17pm.

@ditquoi: That's what I think! He APPEARS to cum on her belly. I say "appears" cuz the lighting's really bad. But you know, they're doin' it - and then he cums on her - the only thing is that I can't tell if he's cumming or he just gets bored, too, for a second there but he's SO not peeing on her (IF that's what peeps are referring to), that would be something I could see. This is so disgusting, I'm sorry. LOL!

ETA ITA about Montana - that was damn hard to watch too but at least she made an effort!

♥ Threadkilla!
"God gave you breath to waste. Waste your breath!"
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Submitted by Who Datt on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 4:08pm.

Can he even *spell* basketball, much less "GMA"? The bacteria in his drool probably had better SAT scores.

He's Bamm Bamm with a club for a tongue.

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 4:00pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 5:16pm.

no doubt...I mean, what's up with being a prude /shitty lay but releasing a sex tape? that doesn't make sense. at least Montana Fishburne put her back into it in her porn. I guess she thought, like Paris, that her "performance" wouldn't matter because it's "her"? Jeez what an egotistical bitch.

so the pee pee thing never happened? how the hell did that rumor start then? did he cum in her face or something and it just looked like pee?

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 3:46pm.

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 5:02pm.

As for it being staged, um...who do you know gives blowjobs and gets fucked with their bra on the whole time? that only happens in PG rated movies. :D
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Precisely. But they also talk to the camera a LOT. RayJ says something about "when you're jacking to this...blah blah blah"...I saw it when it dropped and I didn't see it then either but this - it's SO boring and long so I keep forwarding it and then I wonder if I've missed something. It gets dumber too cuz now I've seen that piece of shit like ten times...but it's always choppy cuz I always get bored. This last time I was more attentive cuz it's just one of those things that got stuck in my craw... but I think what bothers me most is what you said up there about her bra and panties (god, that's annoying! They're not even NICE! or FUN! or ANYTHING but in the way): She's SUCH a prude. Surrsly. She's the most boring-ass lay ever caught on tape; in the end - I just don't beweave she'd go there with her princess-y self.

Submitted by ARIES1B on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 3:46pm.

Poor pet!..listen carefully when he mentions moms KooKie baKe..I am SO sure you can hear the floor Krew GIGLING!...and the utterly vacant looK on his face while his mom's speaKing is just pure GOLD!

Does it look like I've given up the meth?

Tevness.

Submitted by phillysweet on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 3:38pm.

A lot of people feel sorry for this smart mouth well fuck that he wanted the shine that good basketball players get. He married Kim so his non muthafukin factor ass could be well known. He thought he could act like an ass and that Kim wouldn't dare divorce his ass after so much hype.He could've played his cards right and came out of this alright. He looks like a fukin deer in head lights. He came on that show to talk about his foundation meaning change that bitchness that is all him. Bake cookies hold mams hand and stay in Minneapolis. Nobody likes a fukin asshole Kris!

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 3:32pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 4:52pm.

oh yw. you know I don't give a shit lol

I just came across this link too.

http://www.thesuperficial.com/kim_kardashian_sex_tape_is_rea-01-2007

I dunno it might have been one of those things like the R Kelly pee pee tape, like if you didn't see it when it was first released, you never will again, and Ray J can deny it ever happened because somehow, the Kardashians ensured it would never be seen again. Having high powered lawyers to bury stuff comes with the territory of being a famewhore, dontchaknow.

As for it being staged, um...who do you know gives blowjobs and gets fucked with their bra on the whole time? that only happens in PG rated movies. :D

Submitted by jussayin on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 3:30pm.

not talking about her is the smartest thing he ever did!!

not that there's a lot of contenders for that moment in his life....

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 3:22pm.

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 4:44pm.
*********************************

It wasn't edited out. Ray J has laffed about it in several interviews. It never happened. It's just like MM - people beweave what they like to beweave.

PS> THANK you for being the ONLY person to broach the subject. I never mentioned it before cuz I was pretty sure I'd get ignored. People like the story way too much;p

And more - I can't remember but does that bitch claim that tape got leaked? Cuz if you watch it, that's probably the most obvious lie she's ever told.

Submitted by ditquoi on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 3:14pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 2:04pm.

Ok, I'm about to commit sacrilege here but...I watched that video - recently. And I didn't see him pee on her. Not once. Just sayin'

it's been edited out, apparently. I was looking for the pee pee video too lol

http://www.tmz.com/2007/02/07/kim-golden-without-shower/

Submitted by Dog on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 2:06pm.

If you go to any dictionary and look up the word "Duh", there will be a picture of this hoopster doofus in the definition field.

I get 10 points for the play of words on the Seinfeld-ism.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

Submitted by oceanlover998 on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 2:02pm.

...yeah I can't hate on this guy at all...he was completely rooked by the KKKs...

...plus he's got kind of a Kristy McNicholl vibe goin on that I find rather enchanting...

________________________________________________
...'She’s a really nice person and I have great respect for her as an actress — and I think most actresses are c*nts with a capital K' - Mickey Rourke...

Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 1:57pm.

Holy shit he's dumb AND boring! I don't hate him, though. Also, he's cuter in motion than in photos.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Douchechill!

Submitted by mastixa on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 1:52pm.

I think Kim would do well with one of those fuckers who dedicate their lives to Real World/Road Rules challenges. Because really, where do you go from here when you have banged every type of dude in every industry.

Submitted by shut the smurf up on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 1:13pm.

Hi Hookers!
I still like him better than Kuntrashian so.. is all well in my book.

....But that’s vulgar and gross to me: exploding assholes, exploding brains. And Christian sites are vulgar to me, too. Michael K

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 1:09pm.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 2:06pm.
is it me or is Whamo being particularly bad today ??
=====================================
Every so often my inner nastiness must be expelled. lol.!

Submitted by woodqueen on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 1:09pm.

Court proof that Piss on me Kim used him as a standup prop...theres no brain cells floating in his jutting brow fer sure'...

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:54pm.

LOL@ Sandy: we went over those achally...but I LOVE that her name is Kamber. How fucked up is that?

Submitted by stefystef on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:53pm.

Submitted by Stan Hooper on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 1:18pm.
This guy needs to fire his PR hack because he came off as an idiot. A good PR hack, like me!! Would have only booked him on real sports tv shows where they don't give a flying fuck about Kim and her stupid show.

****************************************************************

I agree @Stan. But Kim wanted to go on something national and bring his mommy too. He needs to work on looking like he actually connects with people. It is obvious that he barely knew who the hell she was.

Kris doesn't know how to talk about a relationship because he never really had one. It was too funny to watch. And it if was more funny that they got the news guy to the interview, not George and not Robin Roberts.
______________________________________________________________
All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11

Submitted by malibu mom on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:52pm.

I am still NOT WATCHING YOUR LOUSY SHOW ON SUNDAY NO MATTER WHAT ANY OF YOU SAY.

SUNDAY IS BOYCOTT KARTRASHIAN SHOW DAY AND

KEEP KIDS OFF TWITTER DAY

BOYCOTT E!CHANNEL TOO THOSE CREEPS

Submitted by A.cotw on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:52pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 1:59pm.
I don't think he's that dumb. He married a Kardashian and divorced her quickly enuff that she couldn't really ruin him. He got fame and he knows these people want to talk about her. If I was him, I'd do the same thing. "Interview? Absolutely! Just tell me when and where!" And then go there and counter every question with information about the things I want to promote. That ain't dumb.
_____________________________________
I agree. Also,the NBA lockout has been news for months and he is a basketball player.

Submitted by ritzyroxie on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:51pm.

I'd never heard this dipshit talk, and was expecting to be blown away by the derp. And I was. I mean, he's a fucking nba player, yet he can't pronounce basketball correctly. I don't know how anyone could tolerate such stupidity. And I am so fucking done with assholes who can't close their damn legs during these interviews. I KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING HINDENBURG FOR A COCK, MORON. CLOSE YOUR LEGS.

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A beauty that makes abuelitas pray for our sinful souls is my kind of beauty. -MK 9/12/11

YAAAAAAASS! -Sage Khia

Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:50pm.

Kris Humphries ex GF pics.

http://dailypopfwd.blogspot.com/2011/11/he-told-me-i-was-way-better-look...

Submitted by stefystef on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:45pm.

I actually let my dog pee on the floor so I could watch this interview in the morning. It was watching a robot programmed to say the same thing. Basketball, Foundation, Family.

I was laughing like crazy when he was asked if he still loved Kim. He talked about Basketball. I mean, you wonder if he loved her in the first place. that's why he wants the annulment.

And he was promoting his mama's cook book. What's funny is that this is good way to show him as a kid with his momma. Kris ain't rolling over for the Kardashian machine.
______________________________________________________________
All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11

Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:45pm.

I'm sure there was a **MOMMY YOU PROMISED** or two after the taping.

So is it worth me hoping he won't get picked for any baks'bahl team?

I'll bet his Kim K look-a-like ex GF doesn't want him back either. He slam dunked her the moment he saw Kim K's fat wallet.

Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:36pm.

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 2:01pm.
I just want to know if her wet moldy Armenian wool blanket of a vaginer smells worse before or after you piss on it.

is it me or is Whamo being particularly bad today ??

hahaha don't change.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:34pm.

Ok, I'm about to commit sacrilege here but...I watched that video - recently. And I didn't see him pee on her. Not once. Just sayin'

Submitted by Deb on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:33pm.

Me neither. Next!

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:32pm.

UHNNNNNNGGGG-UH!! *sniffs* huh? *sniff* bahskit *sniff* bahl deeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr

I kinda feel sorry for the stupid idiot.
_____________________________________________
"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011

Submitted by Anonymous101 on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:32pm.

Josh: Kris, tell me, what one object would give a more exciting interview than you?
Kris: Basketball.
--------------------------------------------
Josh: Thanks for that, Kris. Who would you rather? Kris Jenner or a basketball?
Kris: Basketball.
-------------------------------------------------
Josh: Wait, wait, just one more thing. Please don't say the word "basketball" again. PLEASE! I beg of you.
Kris: .........cookie.
Josh: Thank you!
Kris: Basketball.

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BWHAHAHAHA!! One of your best posts to date, MK!! :D

_______________________________________________

Happy Holidays to you too, Khloe! And may you and your family GTFA for 2012!!

Submitted by Whatever on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:32pm.

Did this big dufus and his prune of mother really think anyone gives a fuck about him moving forward and playing basketball? Wonder how much they got for going on the show?

Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:31pm.

I just want to know if her wet moldy Armenian wool blanket of a vaginer smells worse before or after you piss on it.

Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:29pm.

I don't think he's that dumb. He married a Kardashian and divorced her quickly enuff that she couldn't really ruin him. He got fame and he knows these people want to talk about her. If I was him, I'd do the same thing. "Interview? Absolutely! Just tell me when and where!" And then go there and counter every question with information about the things I want to promote. That ain't dumb.

Submitted by BaconSlut on Fri, 12/09/2011 - 12:27pm.

@Sucky

..."That word has a lot of numbers in it."

ROTFLMAO!!!

"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead