GOOPy's Hangover Cure
Kids, I could use a hangover cure right now. Even one from a pretentious twat. I am in New York City for the New Year on Manhunt business (make of that what you will) and I went to a bar last night that Michael K. recommended. As soon as I saw the Xeroxed copies of guy's b-holes hanging from the ceiling, I knew I was in the right place. The bar stool read "Finger Me", there was hard core dicksucking on the monitors and the drinks were cheap (for NYC). I love my hometown of Boston, but New York is the business.
Do you ever feel like Gwyneth Paltrow keeps up that horrid website of hers just to be a cuntafasse (that's "cuntface" in German. It really isn't, but if you pronounce it as "Kunt-Ah-Fah-Say" it SOUNDS German and it gives calling someone a cunt a little more flair)? She's fully aware that all of the right-minded people in the world find her condescending rich bitch website deplorable, right? This week on GOOP, Fishsticks tackled a topic we might actually be interested in - hangover cures. If you figured Gwyneth's hangover cure was meant solely for the ultra-rich and jet-setty, you were right! Bitch wants you to fly your ass here to New York! Join me! This hotel room is the size of GOOPy's modesty, but I'll fit you in.
If you have the time and the inclination, I've found that the best hangover remedy can be a hot and cold spa treatment. The original would be the traditional Turkish Hamman, but you can find this kind of treatment in spas all over the world, including my favorites, the low-key Japanese spas in New York, like Osaka.
Start in a hot, dry room and then move into an even warmer steam room. Then splash yourself with cold water (or even dunk in cold pool or under a cold shower). Follow it with a full body scrubdown, which is typically followed by a massage. At the end you'll be sent to a cool room to relax and cool down.
I've been known to recreate this experience at home too. Just draw a bath that is as hot as you can handle it and mix in some Epsom Salts and Baking Soda. Soak for twenty minutes and then pop into a freezing cold shower for 1 minute. Get back in the hot bath and stay until you're warmed up. Then get back in the shower for 1 more minute.
Lol this bitch. Hangovers are universal. They don't just happen to "refined" millionaire douchenuggets in London. Cherylyne in the trailer park probably doesn't have access to a spa, you irritating mistress of smug. Also, who in the fuck has it in em' to do all this physical activity when they are laid the fuck up with their brain trying to burst through their eyes and so dehydrated they're pissing butter (ok, that was gross)? I can barely get off the couch, where I am undoubtedly covered in potato chip crumbs and very intent on Love & Hip-Hop. Also, who the dick has a separate shower and bathtub (in their bedroom)? My bathroom is so small that I practically shower in the sink. Snob please!
Not only that - this medical professional says her hangover cure is bullshit. This bitch left her brain in that box in Seven.
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From the little I have read, I find tantra to be a very fascinating way of living. I would very much like to read up on it, to see if its a lifestyle I want to switch to.Does anyone have any links to websites that go into detail about tantric teachings?
Tantra Massage
From the little I have read, I find tantra to be a very fascinating way of living. I would very much like to read up on it, to see if its a lifestyle I want to switch to.Does anyone have any links to websites that go into detail about tantric teachings?
Tantra Massage
that bitch is dumb. Vitamin B and a gatorade. NOT A FUCKING SPA DAY. SILLY 1 PERCENTERS!
Greasy food does it for me, and water, and sometimes a beer :)
This stuck up bitch irritates the hell out of me. If I am hangover, I drink gingerale, take two aspirin, and then lay down after eating Doritos. I am not going to be going to spas, espsom salt baths, getting hot and cold showers. Pretentious bitch.
Heh-heh @ "you annoying mistress of smug." LMAO @ that!
2 aspirin & a litre of H2O before bed. That works for me!
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"Two scoops of crazy with a side of coo-coo-catchoo"
Burnt toast, coco cola (THE REAL THING), and a dark quiet room usually does the trick for me.
Two words: Taco Bell
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Point taken. I should say as rugged as I like. Too rugged and they get into 'dad' territory for me. -- Fishy, 12/29/11.
Wanted to chime-in again and add my love for J Harvey. More guest posts in the future, PLEASE! "Bitch left her brain in that box" is my new 2012 catchphrase.
Happy New Year everyone :)
Her grass-and-organic-cow-shit diet is evident. Her skin looks like dried goat leather stretched over a drum. She looks OLD.
YES Sans Fards!!!!
As Pooptentious as Goopy is, Chris-I'm-so-fucking-artistic-Martin seems a million times worse!
Happy New Year everyone!
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
It's posts like this that make me want to fall in love with you J. Harvey beautiful stuff.
Submitted by humans_off_earth_now : As soon as I saw the Xeroxed copies of guy's b-holes hanging from the ceiling, I knew I was in the right place. The bar stool read "Finger Me", there was hard core dicksucking on the monitors
Holy shit I'm old, stuff like this just makes me want to cry and go to sleep. Oh well, not my demographic anyway
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/\ THIS!! My brain would shut down, I'd clutch my pearls and back out of there in a hurry, then go somewhere to bleach my brain, lol.
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
Guaranteed Hangover Cure, Goop style:
1. Take a bath in liquid platinum.
2. Have your personal assistant dry you off with a custom handcrafted towel made of organic $1000 bills.
3. Powder your asshole with gold dust.
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"This is so over the top the director must be a Sherpa." -- Who Datt
G's face be chisled. I'm not mad.
Happy New Years Bitches!!
Cheers!
Ibuprofen Before bed... Strong Black coffee when you wake up and lots of water. The end
Cheers! I am getting drunk for the first time in three years. Salud!
What if you are too drunk to follow that advice? Is there a simple back up plan?
(973) Jersey Strong
Pickle juice! I drink it anyways, and no, I am not that ugly bitch Snooki. Alka seltzer, water and ibuprofen, too, but pickle juice is some good shit for a hangover.
Sie sieht superklasse aus, dieses dissen geht mir auf die Nerven, es gibt schlimmere.
Now you make that out, superbrain.
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Auri sacra fames
Um, one word: WATER. Drink as many glasses as possible before sleeping, even though you'll wake up to pee. And take some tylenol. The end.
Sauna is great if you have a gym membership, though. I do crawl up to 24 hour fitness the day after-but none of this getting up and sitting down adn then getting up again business for me!
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"How to give yourself a golden shower medal: lay down face up, find a way to piss up into the air and turn around really fast so the golden shower lands on your nalgas. -MK
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 2:37pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 2:10pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 01/01/2012 - 6:47am
sure. you know we love ya! "Whispering"
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*bless you*
edit @ Dog
Fuck you too :)
*HAPPY NEW YEARS*
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Happy New Year's Sandbitch. I look forward to a new year of Sucky's face glued on everything from a tree stump to Michael Lohan's shorts.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
ahhaa, you're right Angle, my Alzheimers!! Whas moy name please??
>>Youtube was just becoming a bitch about copyright stuff....
Yeah, dats it, now I amember. If I recall, it was something to do with Tom Jones. IT DEF WEREN'T NUFFIN ABOUT YOUR SHIT BEING SHIT!!
I mean to say GOOD GOD you did LEAN LIKE A CHOLA!
Lean Like a Chola
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tINhCE65rQM
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 9:55am.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 9:40am.
@Angel, Tim Hortons is the shit! I'm a 'Murrican but I've been to a few in Quebec. Good stuff.
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It'll cure what ails ya, that's fersure:)
TIMMAYS! Plus they have breakfast sammiches until noon on the weekend, and none of this 10:30 breakfast ends bullshit. My complaint is you don't ALWAYS have time for Tim Horton's when there's almost always ten cars lined up at the drive thru.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 3:03pm.
ALZHEIMER'S MUCH ANGEL?
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LOL! I thought you were talking about the mess I made on your page;p
I din't make that one - TITS made that!
I think it was when I went MIA IRL....
O yeah - and Tigerlily! That's how she started cuz she din't like the way I made it and Youtube was just becoming a bitch about copyright stuff....but why din't she make more?!?
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
ALZHEIMER'S MUCH ANGEL?
*side-eye*
Angel_i's video of Gosselin Hair.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9dzac_jon-kate-plus-my-hate_people
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 2:52pm.
Angle, I CAN HAZ LINKS TO YO OLD VIDZ?
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O!!! *cue bad french accent* BOT OF CAURSE! HERE IS MAH PAGE!
http://www.youtube.com/user/littlemissbliss
"♪What takes Shiba Inus, sticks 'em in a box?...♫"
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
@Sandy: At the risk of sounding like some kinda Superfriend - I hit you up on FB - I gotta place you can stash 'em for me:) I happen to know you have LOTS of good Gosslein hair (WTF do you guys call that thing on her head? I totally can't amember!)pics:)
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
Angle, I CAN HAZ LINKS TO YO OLD VIDZ?
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 2:43pm.
SAAAAAAAAAAAANDY!!!!!
I wanna make a video. You got pics for me? :)
and TITS. You got that?
---DUN DUN---
I was just about to start looking for links to some of your old classics! Being New Years an all, I think it's only fitting...
What pics can I help yous wif?
GOOP looks like Donatella Versace with the HONGRAYS. If this is what macrobiotic eating does to you, then count me the fuck out.
SAAAAAAAAAAAANDY!!!!!
I wanna make a video. You got pics for me? :)
and TITS. You got that?
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 2:10pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 01/01/2012 - 6:47am
sure. you know we love ya! "Whispering"
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*bless you*
edit @ Dog
Fuck you too :)
*HAPPY NEW YEARS*
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 2:07pm.
No sex, garden tools or drugs?
Amateur.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 2:07pm
sure. you know we love ya! "Whispering"
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
Anyone who felt like trying that cure ain't got no hangover - maybe a handicap like GOOP or a Kardashian perhaps.
*burps bourbon breath*
I have reflux.
It's 6am on new years day in Australia, can y'all keep it down a bit please? We are all trying to sleep or heave. Thanks.
I kinda agree with the bitch on this one. I like going to the Korean spa which has many different types of saunas, warm tubs, cold tubs, hot tubs, steam rooms...totally will fix a hangover as long as you also have some gatoraid and a fuck-ton of water. The spas / bath houses like that are pretty reasonably priced. It is like $25 for a day pass, and it was $12 when I grouponed it, we stayed for 6 hours.
Submitted by Stoney on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 1:31pm.
Yes and whoever dies will deserve a Darwin award.
seriously, you need to hydrate from the inside out.and her neck looks fuckin awful too.
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
HAHAAA.
now I'm on the wagon, if I ever get even the least tempted, I remember what a fucker a hangover is. that cures my ass. trust.
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Don't stand on my tits, bitch!
Okay, I heard that getting into a hot tub, a sauna, or a steam room when drinking is extremely dangerous because of the temperatures and your inability to judge it all while impaired from the booze. What I'm wondering is does that also apply to someone who is super hungover and probably still drunk?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
A virgin bloody Mary is always the best cure for a hangover (and I am not referring to the drink).
Her advice is gonna kill someone one of these days. And that person will deserve it for following this crap. Natural selection.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
All of this hangover talk is making me thirsty.
*rips plastic wine sack thingy out of the box with my bare teeth, farts in Goopy's general direction*
Really - it's all just something to DO while your hungover. I'd rather watch The Bad Girls Club.
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
Mickey, I couldn't even look at food then. Ugh. But I do love me some Gouda.
Thankee. Normally, I just throw one up and leave it for months because I can't be bothered but this holiday season I was just moved to spread the dog.....uh...love.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Gwyneth's advice is useless as usual. Her remedy might work for someone who's a millionaire, but what about those of use who are billionaires??? I'm not going to go to an elite NYC spa like some peasant!
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
Submitted by chinlee3 on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 1:02pm.
You could just tough it out, take a couple of asprin, drink a lot of water and STFU. Like the rest of us.
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This.
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
My hangover cure is simple. Lunch and a big poop. Works every time.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
@Dog
Drinking lots of milk and eating a cheese sandwich always does the trick for me (but being from Gouda I may be a bit biased).
BTW, your ever changing avie never fails to enamor me.
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
You guys are all giving headache remedies. The one time I got drunk enough to have a hangover (back in the Iron Age) I didn't have a headache. I had an awful, queasy stomach.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
You could just tough it out, take a couple of asprin, drink a lot of water and STFU. Like the rest of us.