Casper Smart Has Been Promoted To Kept Bitch
Casper Smart must be doing all of his chores on time, because his azuquita mami JLo has moved him up from full-time rebound piece to being on her payroll. Casper makes a back-up dancer's salary and JLo won't even fart into the doorway of the places he can afford to take her, so she's allegedly giving him a $10,000 a week salary to keep everybody happy. Well, I've always said that good dick will make you sign a blank check and hand over your ATM code. But who knew that a humanized Howard the Duck could leave a ho dickmatized. Give it, get it, spend it, Casper.
Star Magazine (via Hollywood Life) heard from some source that JLo is an old-fashioned kind of bitch who thinks that the man should pay and it embarrasses her on the inside every time she has to bring her credit card out during dates with Casper. JLo is now putting a little money in his piggy bank, so everyone around them will think that he's paying even though everyone knows that she's really paying. The source says, “She hated having to whip out her credit card every time they go to dinner. Jen figured it’s easier to give Casper a weekly stipend, and she thought $10K was a nice round number. Jen doesn’t want to go over the top, showering Casper with too much, but she also wants him to up his game. Jen is hoping Casper won’t think twice about buying presents for her kids or whisking her off for a surprise weekend getaway.”
Is Star sure the source didn't leave a zero out in that $10,000 number? Because JLo's idea of a quick weekend getaway is getting her asshole platinum-leafed in an exclusive spa housed in an old diamond mine off the coast of Africa. And $10,000 won't even platinum leaf one of her ass lips. But honestly, I bet JLo's not even the one signing Casper's check. JLo is ridiculous, but she's not going to open up her checkbook when her main pimp Fiat will do it for her. Fiat's only requirement is that whenever Casper and JLo are getting down in a hotel room, he's contractually obligated to scream out "I'm going to ride you like a 1.4 liter Fiat 500, available at your local Fiat dealer!" loud enough for at least 4 people to hear.
In related news, The National Enquirer says that JLo's kids, the Dragon Tales Twins, are calling her kept piece "Daddy Casper." You know, there's no point in freaking about this, because I don't think it's a nickname. I'm pretty sure Daddy Casper is his actual government name.
Any man who is willing to stick his tongue ANYWHERE Marc Anthony has been deserves not only all the cash he can stuff into his G String but Diamonds & Pearls... You know that shit has to taste like "old"
the man should pay, so I'm gonna put money in his bank account so when he takes out his ATM card, it's just like he paid for it himself!
except he didn't!
lol!
damn JLo, you have officially lost your mind. countdown to epic pink wig meltdown begins.
$10,000 a WEEK?! ugh fmlfmlfmlfmlfml why couldn't i have been born a pygmy back up dancer?!?! WHYWHYWHY
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by jelliebean on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 4:02pm.
She will pay for some sex, some snuggling, some attention, some presents, and arm candy.
Sorry, this pug is no one's idea of "arm candy." If she's going to pay big for it, she can at least get someone pretty and with half a brain. This guy is totally unattractive and sounds like an idiot.
One thing is sure, though: when they go out together, NOBODY will be looking at him. And maybe that's the point.
Good lord. Lopez has absolutely atrocious taste in men, doesn't she? She has to be able to do better than this troll, especially if she's paying $10K a week for his, er, attentions.
Jesus, he looks like one of those Twilight Zone pigmen doctors in that episode where beautiful people are banished to an island because the ugly people rule rule the world. Guess Lopez agrees with them. Ugh. I'm sorry, but I could never stare into those nostrils, much less PAY huge bucks to do so.
She must have an inferiority complex. Why else would she settle for such fugly guys? This one really looks like a little rat.
Yah, Ben Affected is handsome outside, but maybe not so much on the Inside, as my grade school shrink used to say.
.
.
I think she knows what she's doing.She wants a toy for quick minute. He'll be toast in the next 90 days.I'm sure it's already starting to feel a tad uncomfortable.Dude needs a theme song.Here's one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1O9taoMAS5k&feature=related
If she is going to pay for it like Vadge, why can't she get something better looking?
This is just more fuel for Marc Anthony's fire in the custody battle. I don't blame him for giving Casper the side eye because truth is she probably doesn't know him from Adam. Daddy Casper's been charged with a DUI twice, and yet she lets her kids ride in the car with him? The fuck is her problem? I hope Marc gets the kids, because let's be honest, I think she could give to shits about them.
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"'Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' We hear the music and we still think you're insane, bitch. For the record." [Michael K on Megan Fox]
What a piece of trash...this woman is giving her "boyfriend" an allowance??? How pathetic and sad!!
Casper looks like Fivel Goes West.
barzzini
This dude is way hard on the eyes. Ick
Typical low class JHO Bag behavior. This untalented skank will do anything for attention - even pay for it. I hope he knocks her up and she is humiliated, but she won't be, because she is fake part time latina trash! This cunt is a disgrace to women, real mothers and this country. Don't you love how she ignores her kids all day long, and goes out and fucks THIS guy? What slop she is.
She Stinks!
Why would a gorgeous, filthy rich diva even look at some nobody dancer? And any bets they'll be engaged before summer? That's her style. She's fucked. Right in the head.
She looks like one of those bitches that can't achieve an orgasm by herself... this just proves it to me. He's just a dildo-controller. No longer need to look THAT up on salary.com!
I will NEVER buy a Fiat after seeing fucking Jennie from the Block in one. She has put me RIGHT OFF!
Actually, did I even see JFTB in a Fiat? Not unless it was CGI ...
(kiss this)--------------------------->>> (_!_)
next life, fuck an education, I'm gonna be a stripper or a back up dancer and snag me someone else's hard earned money and fame!
Submitted by Hotmami on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 2:11pm.
Hell no! And even if she did, it would be only the stuff she could show off for the cameras.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
haha jelliebean my friend used to say "thrown away like a sucked orange"
the comments today are too funny
I think she is taking the lead from Madge and Hef and buying them young-n-dumb. She will pay for some sex, some snuggling, some attention, some presents, and arm candy. As long as it dresses up and shuts up. The living doll, to be tossed like tissue when used up.
I hope she gets a big fat venereal disease. or two.
this whole story makes me ill.
Submitted by Hotmami: "I just KNOW that she doesn't spend that much of her money on the twins. Fucking cunt."
So true.
It's hilarious that his last name is Smart.
Submitted by Gigaboob on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 1:41pm.
Sorry, but he looks like he sucks peen behind the the do it yourself carwash for far less than 10 grand.
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HAHA
Well if he hasn't yet, he will be after she's done with him.
And Jenny's gonna lose those babies if Skeletor has anything to say about this closet dancer.
He is really fucking ugly.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 1:49pm.
I watched an Intervention re-run last night "Richard" gay dude in Canada with SEVERE duck lip syndrom. Not sure if they were surgically plumped or what. Dude was SERIOUSLY strung out.
The one I watched before that "Tiffany", talk about methface. She sat there and picked and picked and picked at her face.
I know this has nothing to do with this post. I can't stand JHo and her paid piece is the flavor of the month. DON'T CARE!
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What's a dick slip syndrome? I don't want to google it in case if I get some blue waffle type images.
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
I wouldn't have sex with that thing if he was the one paying me 10k a week. Wft is wrong with her?
That kid is facially challenged in a big way.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Classic rebound, opposite of skeletor, and will let her pay-control, for now. Soon after, His self-loathing will set in, boredom and side ass buffet while he spends and spends. Or, it could go the opposite way, he could could have a wonderschlong... How many times will it take!!
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
Those po chillun! Between mama, daddy, and "Daddy Casper" they don't stand a chance. I hope she's putti aside money for their therapy bills.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
I just KNOW that she doesn't spend that much of her money on the twins. Fucking cunt.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
Um JHo, the whole point is to get someone better and richer than your ex husband! Dumb bitch can't do anything right...
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
Meat Loaf was in the middle of a show when his knees suddenly hit the stage floor like a narcoleptic bat out of hell ~MK
Well, I've always said that good dick will make you sign a blank check and hand over your ATM code.
LOL. So, true, MK. So true. You really should compile these little words of wisdom into a book.
But wtf with these stupid bitches and back-up dancers? LeAnn Rimes and her gay first husband, Britney and K-Fed and now J-Lo and this loser. If I had her money, I'd damn well buy myself some eye candy at the very least.
As much as I dislike JLOW, I do believe she generally has a packed day with music, movies (lol), stinky perfumes, children, multiple properties, meeting with execs and managers, her crappy fashion lines, workouts diets etc. I know if I had so much things to divert me during the day, I would just be happy to take a nice shower in the night and curl up in my bed with dlisted and dailymail.com. Isn't she happy to be free and on her own after she got out of an unhappy relationship? Why does she need an ugly boytoy so quickly after her marriage ended? Why not enjoy some time alone??
Then again, I never understood people who have to be in a relationship! Is it because these people are afraid to dine alone in a restaurant, or go to the movies all by themselves or can not whisk themselves away to a nice weekend so a romantic partner is a necessity?
And Ben Affleck gets down on his knees and thanks God he didn't marry her.
So he handed over his balls to her for $10k a week. And he signed a contract. I couldn't do it. Maybe I'm too much of a controller myself. Not doing the leash this year or any other year. I feel for him. He's got a lesson coming up in nasty bitches & now she's made sure he'll keep quiet about it.
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As useless as a saggy pair of tits
Ahahahahahahahah Weezy!!!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Top Cat????????
I watched an Intervention re-run last night "Richard" gay dude in Canada with SEVERE duck lip syndrom. Not sure if they were surgically plumped or what. Dude was SERIOUSLY strung out.
The one I watched before that "Tiffany", talk about methface. She sat there and picked and picked and picked at her face.
I know this has nothing to do with this post. I can't stand JHo and her paid piece is the flavor of the month. DON'T CARE!
Whamo: when is the last time you were in McDonalds? they do so take credit cards! LOL
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
lmfao at weezy!!
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
bet his parents are proud
I bet he talks like Cedric from Seinfeld... WHO DUZ NAHT WANT TO WEAR DE RRRRRIBBON?!!
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Submitted by guest on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 1:10pm.
I'd be her kept bitch for $10k a week. *applies*
No kidding. Scissor me timbers, Jlo!
i thought jen had better sense than this...and i thought she was broke...
i guess this dude's duck lips must be quacking all over her in all the right places...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Sorry, but he looks like he sucks peen behind the the do it yourself carwash for far less than 10 grand.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 1:24pm.
Everyone KNOWS who has the money in the relationship.
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That's why this is soooooo DUMB.
She has made it a point in her career for erryone to KNOW who she is and what she's got ("These rocks that I got," anyone? The pic she posted of her rhinestones when she was battling it out with Idol, or whoever. Hello?)
And she picked him from her own payroll. She knows she only pays her backups $12/hour. Gawd.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 1:31pm.
I don't understand why people are confused...she likes them busted.
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Hahahahahahahahahahaha
*pees self*
Like Madonna, she knows having a young, naive and practically jobless man is the way to go. These two bitches can't fathom a man who speaks his mind or questions them. It's about control.
Heck, men have been doing this for years. Don't know if should applaud J.Lo or be disgusted.
You know, there's no point in freaking about this, because I don't think it's a nickname. I'm pretty sure Daddy Casper is his actual government name.
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Her name was Lorelei
She was his only girl
She called him "Speedoo"
But his Chistian name was Mister Earl
She called him "Speedoo"
But his Chistian name was Mister Earl
--- "Was a Sunny Day" Paul Simon
So she went from grandpa Skeletor to someone who probably still gets carded for booze. Shit, at least try something good like stealing Ben from Jen or P Diddy from whoever his boo is right now.
I wonder if she & Steven Tyler have humped...there was a blind item a while back about a divorce where the wife was sleeping with a coworker. Wondered if it was her & Skeletor.