Welcome To Beyonce's Private Birthing Suite
TMZ posted a few pictures of the much-bitched about luxury birthing suite at Lenox Hill Hospital where Blue Ivy Carter cleansed the world's sins and SAVED THE MUSIC INDUSTRY!!! by being born. And, well....
Okay, my mom's an ultrasound tech and when I was just a young gay who was fascinated with sonogram jelly (no comment), I'd go to work with her on the weekends. There were so many times that I'd go into the maternity wing and walk right into a woman turning inside/out on a stretcher while going into labor right there in the hallway, because all the rooms were busy. IN THE HALLWAY. I could practically smell the disgusted fear from the almost-born newborn who knew to keeps its eyes shut, because it didn't want its first sight on earth to be that of a fat motherfucker flashing his ass crack while bending over to pull a Rocky Road bar out of the vending machine. Yeah, their waiting room vending machine had Rocky Road bars in it. Kind of fancy, right? But that's not the point! Beyonce's suite is 5 million steps above staring at an old man slowly stirring powdered creamer into his vending machine coffee while a human baby explodes out of your vagina, but it's not what I expected.
Lenox Hill denies that the rooms were renovated just for Beyonce and Jay-Z, but they do admit that she christened it. They are lying. You know Beyonce and Jay-Z slipped a bar of gold into those Lenox Hill's pockets to rid the sixth floor of the smell of dried birth blood and random cheese. But this is the best they could come up with? Where's the alligator floor tiles? Where's the hologram of Kanye West telling Beyonce that's she going to have the best birth of all time? Where's the trapdoor to throw the surrogate into after they're done with her? Where's the easel for an artist to paint portraits of the entire birth on (videotaping is for peons)? Where's all of that? This almost looks like a junior suite at the Radisson. How dreadful.
Blue Ivy is barely a week old and she already knows what the emotion called embarrassing feels like. If this suite was on TripAdvisor, the first review would be:
(H)B.I.C. - "I squeezed myself through a pussy canal for this one star shit?!"
• 
Submitted by Get Serious on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 1:12pm.
Aunt Gemima & Joe Camel's birthing episode is a perfect example of why old money doesn't mix with new money. Old money typically is frugal; new money spends money like a drunken sailor on the stupidest & most gaudy things... like $1.3 million to rent the entire wing of a hospital for themselves.. They've proven money doesn't buy class...
LOL, Old money is classier than new money? LOL, have you caught a gander at Paris Hilton's bright pink Bentley? That's understated elegance right there.
Trashy and gaudy has nothing to do with the length of time someone has had wealth...but more of the gaudy cheap character of the person spending it.
And if you look at those old homes of the old money elite, you'll see some of the gaudiest crap like murals painted on ceilings and gold fixtures. That crap is nothing but showing off. It's just the newer shit of today is even gaudier...but make no mistake...it's all vainglorious bullshit...old and new.
You know I have a feeling this child is going to be beautiful (I reserve the right to take that back). Firstly, because Beyonce is beautiful, even before the nose job and lip reductions, etc. Secondly, Jay z's little boy is adorable... well from a few years ago. Thirdly, it's possible that they went down the designer route. I guess she could get Bobby Brown, Willow Smith, Potatoe Willis symdrome where the mother is pretty but the fathers genes got jealous and punched the shit outta them.
As far as the suite. If the room already existed, then fair play to them for renting it, money has to buy you some luxuries. This does not condone taking the whole damned floor though stressing other parents with new babies. That is horrendous and makes me dislike Beyonce more. Jay z is a douche anyway.
And why's mama Tina going on like she has no grandchildren? Seriously, Sloange's life must be really difficult, constantly pushed to the side.
Oh wells.
Seriously......People need to start watching the real news and not gossip sights 24/7. Get a grip on reality and not 'star' watching. All these reports are so far off the reality scale....
Has anyone been in a hospital recently? All competitive hospitals have these accommodations now. What your insurance doesnt pay, you pay. Even the standard floors and rooms are carpeted, flat screen TV's, luxury bathrooms, high quality linens and toiletries, restaurant style menu service.....etc etc.
So please, enough with the exaggerated claims of 'SPECIAL TREATMENT'. Hospitals are serious institutions who don't have the time for this nonsense. They are run tighter and with more constraints than our own government.
THE REAL QUESTION should be....how did TMZ get those photos? You can't just randomly walk around a hospital, in and out of rooms taking pics. If you or your loved one were there, would you feel safe knowing anyone could wander around there unchecked (possibly exposing you to who knows what cold or disease when you are most vulnerable??)
TMZ should be investigated and whoever was walking around should be held accountable for putting people at risk. AND security at the hospitals needs to be more vigilant, possibly checking all ID's and Drivers Licenses noted when you enter and exit.
Aunt Gemima & Joe Camel's birthing episode is a perfect example of why old money doesn't mix with new money. Old money typically is frugal; new money spends money like a drunken sailor on the stupidest & most gaudy things... like $1.3 million to rent the entire wing of a hospital for themselves. They've proven money doesn't buy class...
--------------------------------------------
"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Submitted by Satans Panties on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 11:33am.
Wow! Shows what I know. I thought they would have had leg stirrups, a lowered end of the bed and overhead lighting at least
----
Can't say much on the light since my room did have a light built into the wall behind me, but my bed also had side rails and stirrups that folded down and into the side of the bed. The way the bed is made in this picture, it could all easily be hiddden by the blankets.
Whatever is being released about this birth is what Beyonce and Jay-Z want released. The hospital was already paid hush money and probably had to sign a confidentiality agreement so tight that B & J would end up owning the place if anything got leaked.
Submitted by Miss Molly :JANUARY 7, 2012 IS A FOUR IN NUMEROLOGY!!! 01+07+2+0+1+2 = 13 = 1+3 = 4 THESE F*CKERS ARE SUCH LYING ASSH*LES! THEY PICKED THIS DAY FOR THE SURROGATE, WHICH IS MORE OF A FOUR THAN JAN. 4 WOULD HAVE BEEN!!! IN NUMEROLOGY, JAN 4 IS A ONE, NOT A TRUE FOUR.
_______________________________________________
I fucking KNEW it!!! I was just to lazy to do the maths. (much like that Smith spawn).
***********************************************
"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
"No woman should be deprived of peen....young, old, fat or skinny..there's someone out there who would fuck you." -Event Horiz
Wow! Shows what I know. I thought they would have had leg stirrups, a lowered end of the bed and overhead lighting at least. Guess they probably made her hold her own legs up and slide down till her butt was hanging off the end of the bed and used a flashlight instead. Who'd of thought it? Everything has changed since I last worked in Obstetrics ten years ago.
Submitted by Satans Panties on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 10:40am.
Furthermore . . . that is NOT even a birthing bed. Not even close.
--------------
I had my 2nd (and 3rd and 4th) in the "nicer" hospital in town and the bed I gave birth in looked just like that, only the footboard had a scale doohickey and some other buttons in it. The thing slid down so as to be out of the doctor's way. I have no opinion of and do not care whether this was her birthing suite, but some birthing beds do look like that.
Furthermore . . . that is NOT even a birthing bed. Not even close. What the fuck does a birthing bed need with a FOOTBOARD? You want that area clear of any obstacles so the doctor can FACILITATE THE BIRTH unless the baby is going to levitate the second it's born and fly over those bars. How the fuck is he supposed to get at the baby with those bars in the way? Anyone who is buying this bullshit needs to Google birthing beds to see a real one. Just wait now that people call them on this latest bullshit they will come back with, "Oh, but that's the recovery bed, dontcha know? Not the birthing bed." Sad thing is there will be unfortunate fools that will believe them.
HAHAHA H.B.I.C.... fuckin looove it! I thought I was the only head bitch in charge!! LOL .. well I am still.. at my job anyway. I love that you quoted a straight up east coast hip hop song (Prodigy H.N.I.C.) though MK, now not only do I love you to pieces, but I respect you too !! SWOOOOOON!
These fucking assholes just won't stop insulting our intelligence will they? God damned pigs! As IF!!!!! this is their million-dollar-plus accomodations! Jesus they think we are stupid! Why won't everyone just stop buying their music? That is the only thing they will understand.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 6:25am.
LOL. Carrying the most important thing inside of them? That's just the pure narcissism showing, there are 7 billion people on this planet, how do you think they got here? I have to say, most pregnant women I encounter are completely insufferable and act like they invented pregnancy. I am sick of the baby before it's even born because I'm tired of their endless babbling about about how now she's a MOMMY. If your bump grew 1 mm, if your fetus is the size of a lime today, if you've been Google-Imaging women with you & the baby-daddy's ethnicities and telling people your unborn daughter will look like these exotic bikini models (even though neither of you do), nobody gives a fuck except Grandma!!!!!
***********************************************
Ditto the hell out of that!
***********************************************
I'm bored with babies and engagements and happiness and joy and shit. - ImpertinentVixen
The couch was for surrogate,the bed was for bitchyonce, she had her nails done while the surrogate gave birth to an ugly turtle face baby.
"I could practically smell the disgusted fear from the almost-born newborn who knew to keeps its eyes shut, because it didn't want its first sight on earth to be that of a fat motherfucker flashing his ass crack while bending over to pull a Rocky Road bar out of the vending machine."
more priceless imagery provided by the one and only MK
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 1:11am.
"she didn't find out til later that her asshole telescoped out about 4 inches there at the end, like a chinese yoyo"
_____________________________________________________
WTF??? That happens?! I've had a baby, is this what Mr Digga was looking at?!! *never looks him in the eye again*
----------------------------------------------------
Her:"I bought sparkling wine. Let's have girls night!" Me:"I would rather put a cigarette out on my clit." - Slashleen on Twitter
what did they do w/ the 3rd world EZ bake oven?
fuck these 2 assholes.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
what are the couches for? are they there so bey and jay can sit and watch blue ivy slide out of their paid surrogate's hooch while they eat popcorn and sip on champagne?
_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by IsMikeHuntThere on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 9:02pm.
Pregnant women are sexy. Their glow and the way that some of them walk like they know they are carrying the most important thing inside of them. That is pure beauty. Too bad Beyonce denied herself that.
__________________________________
LOL. Carrying the most important thing inside of them? That's just the pure narcissism showing, there are 7 billion people on this planet, how do you think they got here? I have to say, most pregnant women I encounter are completely insufferable and act like they invented pregnancy. I am sick of the baby before it's even born because I'm tired of their endless babbling about about how now she's a MOMMY. If your bump grew 1 mm, if your fetus is the size of a lime today, if you've been Google-Imaging women with you & the baby-daddy's ethnicities and telling people your unborn daughter will look like these exotic bikini models (even though neither of you do), nobody gives a fuck except Grandma!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
JANUARY 7, 2012 IS A FOUR IN NUMEROLOGY!!! 01+07+2+0+1+2 = 13 = 1+3 = 4 THESE F*CKERS ARE SUCH LYING ASSH*LES! THEY PICKED THIS DAY FOR THE SURROGATE, WHICH IS MORE OF A FOUR THAN JAN. 4 WOULD HAVE BEEN!!! IN NUMEROLOGY, JAN 4 IS A ONE, NOT A TRUE FOUR.
I'll tell you all who is making me sick-Russell Fucking Simmons. Every other status update on his FB page is about JayBey and BIC. His head is so far up their twats it's disgusting!
One of the definitions of "not end well" in the dictionary of truth is: "crackhead leading a crackhead to Mexico..." MK--8/20/11
I keep reading Lenox Hill as Lauryn Hill.
It makes this story really surreal ...
@johnnysgirl I live in SF, General is the worst! My doctor is sending me there next week for a dermatology specialist and I'm dreading it. That place gives me the creeps. (I really hate hospitals but General takes the cake)
This is a perfect IKEA house of horrors for childbirth. *shudder*
so they really pampered the surrogate
geezus that made me laugh so hard I 'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.
I don't believe in miracles. I depend on them.
Oh, and get this... My brother- and sister-in-law had their baby last week. Their hospital dinner? Steak and lobster!
Submitted by undinespragg on Thu, 01/12/2012 - 8:28pm.
Whatever. She still shat herself when she birthed out the messiah
--------------------------------------------
SO glad that didn't happen when my daughter was born! Had a bowel movement that morning and was going about my regular errands; didn't know labor had begun. They even had to break my water in the hospital.
And about the monitors and stuff. They're conveniently hidden behind those wall panels.
"Where's the trapdoor to throw the surrogate into after they're done with her?" HAHAHAHAHA!
Whatever about this room. None of this "fancy"(?) shit is going to make your birth less painful, or more fun, so I don't see what's the point.
My sis gave birf in SF General (so NOT fancy) - I was with her there. She brought her laptop, and we spent the first few hours watching youtube clips (trying to memorize Travolta's famous solo dance from Saturday Night Fever) and zombie movies. It was pretty fun.
When shit started to get real, it was so painful she just sort of dissociated - she didn't find out til later that her asshole telescoped out about 4 inches there at the end, like a chinese yoyo. She was just somewhere else entirely. Who remembers the room?!?!
BTW guys, my nephew is now almost 3 months old, and I am so totally smitten with him :D
also, last time I assisted my Midwife friend Myra at a birthing center birth as a massage doula there sure was a heck of alot of fluids+smells, I won't say more.
Looks like Todd Oldham for Target Stores 99% version of Jonathan Adler
How long until one of the medical staff talks? We all know that bitch didn't birth no baby--babies cause stretch marks!
$1.3 mil and Lenox Hill decorates Magenta Kudzu's delivery room with Target furniture.
Love. It.
Well hurro erebody. Whassup?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KL2DiRHmjk&feature=related
Fucking ponderous .
This isn't the Presidential Suite at the Poughkeepsie Westin? If I had these jerk-offs money, I'd have built my own hospital.
And I don't want to hear any more comparisons to my girl Suri. Have you seen the Sciento Center where Suri was hatched? High-tech all the way. Baby Blue's suite looks like a dumpster in comparison.
_______________________
Submitted by shandi on Thu, 01/12/2012
What was the black thing on his cake? I could not even fathom a guess.
Submitted by tojo on Thu, 01/12/2012
I tried to figure it out and just pretended it was a penis.
togo seen that pic earlier and almost peed myself... I love you for the opportunity to look at it over,, and over, again. I'll have little tinkles every time I see it.
**************************************
Cure for cramps: weed. Weed for everything, really.- Bjork You
So we're supposed to believe that they just HAPPENED to make a new 'executive suite' and that Beyonce just HAPPENED to be the first one to use it but had nothing to do with the funding? How stupid do they think people are?
@Starr07:In this case, I think MK was referring to the baby when he said (H)BIC...read somewhere they're calling the baby Bic because those are her initials (Blue Ivy Carter)...
psst -- HBIC = Head bitch in charge
*****
Tonight I'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob/I want to feel in my throat
luscious_t requests asylum from Hollywood star whackers
hmmm... brown and Blue, just like that baby...
*****
Tonight I'm feeling to make you enjoy with a blowjob/I want to feel in my throat
luscious_t requests asylum from Hollywood star whackers
*embarrassed*
Me doesn't know what the 'H' stands for in (H)B.I.C.
Who cares. Welcome to the US health care system.
.
.
For $1.3M, I'd expect more. MUCH more. Tacky, tasteless, without a soul. Kinda like those new parents who "christened" that wing.
You know JayBey paid for it, the hospital will whore it out to other 1%ers, and JayBey will claim it as a "charitable donation" on their taxes.
Assholes. All of them.
looks like another soulless luxe apartment.
i hate hospitals. i'd rather give birth at home or in a birthing pool.
Oh, and where are all the monitors and babies crib that they put it into when you give birth to have it checked out and dressed?
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
Pregnant women are sexy. Their glow and the way that some of them walk like they know they are carrying the most important thing inside of them.
On the other hand, there's nothing sexier to me than women who fiercely guard their eggs from ever being thrust into the plague of pointless existence and the need for self-importance and so many other narcotics ..
Oh well, you say po-tahto ..
****
"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
I hope both she and her entire tacky ass family rots in hell soon, as I am sick to death of reading about their camel toe baby!
P.S. That room is so ugly.
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
They needed those couches for the cocktail party that was going on while a random South American woman gave birth to their baby.
Ivy just makes me think 'In Vitro'.
I.V.
Just a thought.