Because An Orange Is Nature's Ball Gag
Masochist vegans who are members of the We Hate Simon Cowell Facebook group have never been more turned on.
Simon Cowell's deflated man tits look like a plate of poorly pounded chicken paillard sloppily breaded in stale rye breadcrumbs, but he's not letting their sad and defeated attitude get to him while he lives the glamorous life on a yacht in St. Barts with his fiancee and ex-girlfriend. While you're in your cubicle eating around the rotten parts of a banana left in the back of your office refrigerator, rich ass Simon and his friends are playing with those bananas for fun! To rich bored bitches, bananas are toys! But on a sad note, I bet this is making Ryan Seacrest wipe a single tear on his OshKosh B'Gosh undershirt, because it wasn't too long ago when the only fruit Simon liked to play with was him. :(
Meanwhile, thousands of miles away in Los Angeles, Paula Abdul is having a deep conversation on her banana phone while a pear transcribes the conversation on a slice of jicama.
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I looked through all the pics and his fiance is nowhere to be found. they haven't been photographed together in months. I think they are done.
You wouldn't do Simon if he was just some schlub on the bus instead of a wazooionaire on a chartered yacht. It's his power and wealth (capped with his sardonic wit), not his fur-pies, that make him marginally doable.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
I love a man with a hairy chest, but i couldn't with this bitch. His head, ugh. That face, that hair.
Team Adopt the Kitteh!
that's adorable...lol
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Never question Bruce Dickinson!
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 9:58pm.
Charlie, it sounds like you've grown very attached to that kitten, and the kitten obviously loves you a lot. Why don't you adopt it? Once it lives in your house, it will not be able to kill any birds that fly outside. Is your wife reluctant to take this kitten in because she just doesn't like cats, or because you already have pets, or because of an allergy or some other reason?
I would. I'm not ashamed to admit it, either. Also, compared to the venom that spews from people's mouths on other reality shows, his brand of "mean" is pretty tame.
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Douchechill!
Ummmm, round, fuzzy, slightly tart. I want a kiwi now.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
Heres the yacht. Hope he's leaving the crew a big tip.
http://www.burgessyachts.com/Charter/YachtSpecs.asp?thisID=13032&YachtNa...
“People say I'm indecisive, but I don't know about that.”
G.W.B.
This guy got rich and famous for being a bitch. BFD. Even people like Lindsay Lohan did some actual honest work.
God he just oozes unearned self-adoration. Puke.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 9:58pm.
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 9:13pm.
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that all is way too complicated for me. i just want to kiss your little face and stroke a little bit behind your ears. i have a little bit of a precarious situation with a stray cat at my house. i am feeding him every day, as has been for a year, but he is killing my doves and cardinals. he leaves them at my door. what to do! my spouse wants me to put him down, but i don't want to. but he is killing tons of birds. thoughts.
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Yes, like another post suggested, adopt the kitty! He is just showing you his appreciation, his loyalty, by bringing you those dead animals. As for the bird killing, well, he is a hunter. It's kind of like asking Lohan to ignore the filled crack pipe that's sitting on the coffee table day after day, hour after hour.
Clean the house and make her favourite meal, you know, something nice and special, and put a bow on the cat. Sometimes that worked for me when I wanted to bring home a stray. Grant it, I was a kid, but just give it a try anyway.
I still would. God I hate myself
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Rascal your item on housekeeping the comments and how reply works was appreciated
There are conversations here that give me that snarky boost to kickstart my ass to face my not alysys peachy situations in a day.
List is keeping me informed about shit I do NOT need to care a rats ass about, can do nothing about. Not like IRL where you have to pick up shit and carry it ... For other fucking people!
So if you or any one figures out reply bubutton
let's us know!
"Doc, I don't want to fly anymore"
Well hell see lots of reply talk get back in here later
dilsted guffaws always appreciated mega appreciated
"Doc, I don't want to fly anymore"
Sinitta, Simons ex actually dated Brad Pitt in the 80s. I bet she has tons of stories on these guys.
All that money and he can't get a decent haircut? Looks like he uses a Flowbee.
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 9:13pm.
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that all is way too complicated for me. i just want to kiss your little face and stroke a little bit behind your ears. i have a little bit of a precarious situation with a stray cat at my house. i am feeding him every day, as has been for a year, but he is killing my doves and cardinals. he leaves them at my door. what to do! my spouse wants me to put him down, but i don't want to. but he is killing tons of birds. thoughts.
He's showing you his loyalty. You've been feeding him, so now he's bringing you food also. Plus, he's showing you his love in a way, wanting you to be proud of him! XD
As for killing the birds...can you bring him inside! Make him a house cat? Or do you know who he belongs to?
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
I salute him as the banana down his throat and the orange to his ear would have just been too expected.
@ Charlie loves tiger
I am using my desktop computer right now and I don't have a "reply" button when I'm logged onto Dlisted.com, but when I log on mobile.Dlisted.com I do have "reply" even on my desktop.
But I don't like the weird format of mobile.Dlisted.com, it's very different from regular Dlisted.
And when you reply using the "reply" button, it doesn't bump the comment with your reply to the top of the page, the reply gets attached to the original comment you were responding to and says there, so the person you're replying to has to look for his original comment to check if anyone responded. And that comment can be somewhere 5 pages ago.
When you reply someone by using the old-fashioned way, your response appears at the top of the page.
Also when you respond using a "reply" button, the reply is not visible on the main comment feed, instead you need to click on "show reply" button UNDER THE ORIGINAL COMMENT to be able to see the reply.
Lil_rascal
The replies falling under who you replied to is the way it's supposed to be on the pc version also, but I think there might be a glitch. I believe Michael K had it set this way to cut down on pages (maybe blog space!? I am not that comp literate). But it's supposed to be like this now.
Even on mobile (which I use all the time) it used to be the same way it was on pc. I don't know if anyone has told MK about the problem, but I'm sure he'll get it fixed as soon as he finds out/can.
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
It's like his nipples are hiding. Even his nipples are embarrased!
When babara walters interviewed Simon he talked about his daily diet. He eats lots of veggies,fruits and vitamin drinks. She called him out on it because he smokes like a chimney.
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 8:26pm.
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Yes, there's a "reply" button right next to "report abuse" button that appears when you use mobile phone, MK installed it a week ago. If you use laptop or desktop computer, you can't see it and if you want that "reply" button, you need to enter mobile.dlisted.com instead of simply dlisted.com.
Then you'll be able to reply to any post by clicking on "reply" button, and your reply will be attached to the comment you're responding to. I have a reply button, but I don't like using it, I prefer the old-fashioned way of response much more.
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do you actually have all that fancy stuff, little kitten? you are so precious. i've got dsl and this computer fucking shit that takes about 10 minutes to boot up. once you get the fucker off and running though, it moves pretty fast. but walk around in your pocket phones, oh fuck no. if some asshole wants to call my ass, they can wait until i get home and leave the message on my glorious landline that has a 20 year old answering machine attached. but you know what? that motherfucker has never failed me. but i have a dirty secret. i do have a track in my glove compartment. and i actually used it to call AAA when i blew a tire going over the Sunshine Skyway about 6 months ago. glad i didn't wake up dead. my landline went out once during hurricane elena in 85 then again during wilma, but that's it. a landline is the dc part of ac/dc. dc standing for direct current. it takes a pretty big storm to knock that fucker out. cell phones get knocked out if it rains real hard. anyway, i still got a landline rotary hardwired to the kitchen wall and i pay about 20 dollars a month for it and it is well worth it.
I'd fuck the ever-loving hell out of Simon. He's a rich douche bag that only wants to fuck and pay for my shit. Sounds really nice to me.
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A beauty that makes abuelitas pray for our sinful souls is my kind of beauty. -MK 9/12/11
YAAAAAAASS! -Sage Khia
Using my BB, the only time I can see the reply button is when I'm logged in. Is it the same for you guys on pc? Or are you all logging in as soon as the site loads?
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
Same here!
Oh my word....the things I would do to this man!? Rawwwrh! ::purr::
Don't even care if ex-gf or even *current* gf are there, but only watch.
::swats hand of anyone else trying to touch him:: =p
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Mountain Dew is also the perfect butt douche to turn to when that stubborn gerbil refuses to fall out of your ass.-Michael K.
This really is major fuckery.
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My "give a fuck" is still broken but my "go fuck yourself" is fully functional.
Submitted by warmislandsun on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 6:18pm.
How do we reply to each other? Does anyone have that ability yet?
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Yes, there's a "reply" button right next to "report abuse" button that appears when you use mobile phone, MK installed it a week ago. If you use laptop or desktop computer, you can't see it and if you want that "reply" button, you need to enter mobile.dlisted.com instead of simply dlisted.com.
Then you'll be able to reply to any post by clicking on "reply" button, and your reply will be attached to the comment you're responding to. I have a reply button, but I don't like using it, I prefer the old-fashioned way of response much more.
Simon would not pass the pencil test.
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 8:11pm.
Yes, I think I've actually watched parts of this remake. But it would be nice to see the whole thing from the beginning.
I've been dying to get the entire original series and rewatch throughout the winter. Can't quite legitimize the splurge. I'm such a dork! haha
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YAY!!! The return of jicama humor!! i heart jicama!
His chest looks like.. everything bagel thins
Submitted by Hysteria on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 8:08pm.
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just so you are clear, it is a remake/sequel of the original upstairs downstairs. not the original. it aired on masterpiece about a year ago, but is re-airing this sunday after downton.
Gawd, he is gross. :(
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 6:55pm.
is anyone watching downton abbey on masterpiece? the second episode is on this sunday and then after that the first episode of the upstairs downstairs remake.
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Wooo! I loved Upstairs Downstairs. Will definitely check that out.
ONT: Also: lmao at:
"...is having a deep conversation on her banana phone while a pear transcribes the conversation on a slice of jicama." Sounds like Alice's Restaurant.
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Personally, I just have to applaud this furry titted bitche's jungle fever...
It's sad days indeed when assholes are applauded and rewarded in our culture. This guy is shit.
Doesn't Simon Cowhair need to go poop or something?
"Am I in reply mode?
Andrei Lol! They only time I like seeing people on boats is when they are the captain and crew, otherwise feels ridiculous and lame. Being at sea is boring unless you have something real to do.
Doc, I don't want to fly anymore"
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Fri, 01/13/2012 - 6:55pm.
is anyone watching downton abbey on masterpiece? the second episode is on this sunday and then after that the first episode of the upstairs downstairs remake.
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Yes, I am watching.
Charlie, I want to but I missed the first episode! :( Can't wait for Upstairs, Downstairs!
is anyone watching downton abbey on masterpiece? the second episode is on this sunday and then after that the first episode of the upstairs downstairs remake.
I don't know whtat it is (it's probabaly his millions) but I kind of find Simon...attractive *runs and hides*
and who goes on vacation with their fiancee and ex-girlfriend. Sorry, but I'm just one of those girls that refuses to be in the same room with a woman who use to regularly sleep with my man (unless it was YEARS ago).
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
@jetsam_jane- Actually, while a tummy tuck is always a possibility in Hollywood, she is pretty lean which leads me to believe it is natural.
There are some people who have really high navels. Particularly those with West-African ancestry. It is linked with a higher center of gravity so a lot of sprinters and track stars have super high belly buttons. So technically it is a good thing for athleticism. I know this shit b/c it's related to what I do for a living.
I don't know if I would be cool with my fiancee bringing his ex-girlfriend on family vacations. And he brings her all the time. He was going on vacations with his ex before he met his current fiancee. Somethings up with that.
How do we reply to each other? Does anyone have that ability yet?
@letinstar, don't stare at it too closely or for too long, it might hypnotize you with it's swirly hair beauty.
is it just me or is the navel of the woman in the pink bikini incredibly.... high up? tummy tuck, mayhaps?
i stopped breathing when i looked at thumbnail #5...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr