Things That Exist: The Real Fox Fur Merkin
Cindy Barshop, formerly of The Real Housewives of New York City and currently of The Real Asswipes of Old Douche City, has come up with the perfectly pointless thing for rich ladies who have always wanted to know what it feels like to have the coochie of a fox. For just $220+, Cindy's team at her waxing salon Completely Bare will give you the newborn by waxing your punane until every part of it is touching air and then they'll warm it up with a vagina wig made from real fox fur. It's like a fur coat for your cooter and you it's so luxurious that you won't even care that after a long August day your crotch will smell like a herring taking a bath in a bowl of butt sweat at the bottom of a used bunny cage.
TMZ says that Completely Bare also offers a feathered merkin and the fur one comes in a bunch of colors including pink.
As my abuelita used to say, "Usted haga lo que quieras con tu chocha a y que voy a hacer lo que quiero con mi chocha." (Okay, she never said that, but I wish she would've said that.) It's your vagina, but do you really want a dead fox lying on your naked beaver? Mother Nature just punched the tears out of her eyes. Besides, that hot pink patch of furry fug looks like the scalped head of a troll doll. If you really want to see a troll doll going down on you when you look at your crotch, just get yourself a troll doll vibrator! Damn.
And PETA doesn't have to worry about throwing red paint on all the fox fur merkins out there, because the wearer's pussy will do it for them on a monthly basis.
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Stupid rich cunts.
whores back in the day used to wear merkins to cover up syphilis and signs of disease
$220 to have a troll doll crazy-glued to your hoo-hah?!? Gimme $50 bucks and I'll do it for you! ( no I won't )
Ahahaa! This thread is Hell-bare-ee-ASS.
It seems there's a whole subculture of merkin-ology. Just check out the Urban Dic:
"Urban Dictionary: merkinfaust
Oct 27, 2010 – 1) the act of aggressively stealing another's pubic hair to replenish your own 2) to snack off someones pubic to produce a wig or fill out ones own"
"merkinfaust" -- another word of the day on "Things that Exist"
.
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Meh, in my neighborhood, we like to glue pine tree needles. It works as a nice exfoliator during sexy times.
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Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
what the hell is this!? Attach the pom poms to your man's balls and we'll all look like GD Dr. Suess rejects.
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"What bakery is this?"
"Zed's Bread baby, Zed's Bread."
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 1:31pm.
LOL! A chevette!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 1:25pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 1:08pm.
She said she had buttsecs in the back of a VW Bug????? Cum stained sweater?
*vows to never accept ride from EH or borrow a sweater*
^^^^^^^
Dunno. Maybe it was a Chevette.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
You guys are cracking me up.
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 1:08pm.
She said she had buttsecs in the back of a VW Bug????? Cum stained sweater?
*vows to never accept ride from EH or borrow a sweater*
if you really want a designer pussy, get the $1500 white coat harp seal merkin.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:25am.
EH, you'd fuck a cheese grater in Times Square if it got you enough attention.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *wipes tears* LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
^^^^^^^^^^^
Stunning, isn't it? This coming from a "woman" who is all about cum stains on her sweater and doing the difficult brown in backs of Volkswagons or some shit.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
FUUUUUUUCK!
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:25am.
I also leave a landing strip on my armpits and legs, just so no one thinks I'm not legal yet!!!!!
:P
:P
;P
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LOL! You guys are killing me in this thread today! I am getting the side eye from a crotchety co-worker for laughing. Bitch hasn't cracked a smile ever, that I know of.
Question, because I read very little of the full stories on merkins. Do you glue that shit on, or what? Do you wear it daily or just to freak people out when dating??
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:25am.
EH, you'd fuck a cheese grater in Times Square if it got you enough attention.
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www.charitywater.org
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *wipes tears* LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
I don't get it. If you wax off all the hair, why bother sticking FUR on it? Why not just keep your pubes?
Also, ANIMAL KILLER.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
how do you know ALL the young girls in your building are bare? you own a good pair of binoculars or something? creepay....
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:31am.
Jack and Babuttons, can confirm but with all this balding bareness going on, isn't a neat trimmed bush, the hot new thing again? Hhehehe
I know with dudes waxed is not the look!
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I like the landing strip too. Even a full bush (trimmed, of course) can be nice.
Totally bald doesn't bother me so much. Most strippers are smooth and every one of the young girls in my building is bare. To a woman they get the full brazillian (starfish too!) and only wear thongs... or less.
(ba-buttons slips on official dirty old man badge)
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Name Deleted: Me, too. I really liked that movie. It's funny. Where is that idiot? I just went to the Tattoo Boy thread (where ba-buttns got all hoity toity) and didn't see.
Submitted by boredashell on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:04am.
Yeah, 'cause apparently guys don't find vagina appealing enough. WTF?
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You could hot glue legos to the damn thing and we wouldn't care.
and LMAO at snowy
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
EH, you'd fuck a cheese grater in Times Square if it got you enough attention.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I also leave a landing strip on my armpits and legs, just so no one thinks I'm not legal yet!!!!!
:P
:P
;P
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
if I were in a monotonous long term relationship, id probably try this just to see what it's like and spice things up.
definitely not something id whip out on a first date.
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
If a man can get one in lime green fake fur, I'm all for it.
I was watching TMZ, and one of the guys said it made it look like a bird crashed into a vagina.
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"I bet his crotch looks like an uncooked dough cigar lying on a bed of saffron" MK
Yeah, 'cause apparently guys don't find vagina appealing enough. WTF?
where's PETA when you really need them?
it's bad enough that people expect you to have a hairless twat these days so they can feel good about their shitty oral skills, but this is just further proof that some morons have way too much money and the-last-pea-that-won't- come-out-of-the-can for brains.
ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....I don't understand the merkin trend. I also am not on board with going completely bald down there. Sorry, I don't want to look like a kindergartener on my yes yes.
TEAM LANDING STRIP!
Jimmy can do no wrong Yucko!
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
Speaking of troll dolls! Somehow I ended up watching/listening to this video on youtube a few weeks ago and it was really funny. Maybe you don't like Jimmy Fallon, but...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n70ywfDq-_Q&list=LLJduE1cvnuvz7IS1pXsMiGw...
Ugh, sorry about the long link.
But they're all good aren't they Jack? You playah! My point exactly! All coochie good, stop with the frou-frou decorations. They're distracting and may cause static. Haha
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:31am.
I, personally, do not like a hairless kitty... nicely trimmed landing srip is perfect for me... not sure what's "in style" right now. I can tell you the ladies I've been with in the past year or so have been a wide range of brazilian waxed to Demi Moore and everything in between.
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Jack and Babuttons, can confirm but with all this balding bareness going on, isn't a neat trimmed bush, the hot new thing again? Hhehehe
I know with dudes waxed is not the look!
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
Lol. I agree with about getting rid of your eyelashes for expensive fake ones.
Jack, I totally got your Jeter reference :)
Cindy always was too classy for the RHWNY crew.
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
this is some clockwork orange shit right here!
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
I guess I don't have to wonder if Nicki Minaj's top matches the bottom anymore ....
i wanna cock sock
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
If you're so bored with your old boring bush, why not just dye it pink or any color of a rainbow (my personal choice would be leopard spots) and brush/blow-dry it all fluffy and furry. And save $220.
lmfaooo @ "hot glue gun". OW. *covers coochie's ears*
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:00am.
LOL!
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
*puts it on backwards and streaks through thread*
can't wait to see the cheap ghetto version of a bad punani weave...
nekkid shih tzus....nuff sed!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:51am.
So why not keep your own pubes if you want hair down there?
I do not get this merkin thing at all!
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Seriously. This is like having your eyelashes burned off so you can rock some really expensive fake ones.
And who finds this sexy? Bestiality enthusiasts?
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
Submitted by BrandyCane on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:48am.
ppl r fucking disgusting. Torture and kill animals for purses shoes and now twat toupees. Ugh.
Ride the spiral to the end you may just go where no ones been. SPIRAL OUT
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From what I read on the article on Gawker, the minx that are used for the merkins are brushed daily to acquire the fur.
I'd like a zebra one, thankyouverymuch.
Submitted by TequilaTax on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:58am.
no STDs... thus the name jack-n-the-HAT
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
At least foxes are being cruelly killed for a good reason.
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:52am
Jeter... signed baseball.
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:28am
I'm going to assume that "parting gift" is not an STD?
(I'm kidding Jack. Hope you realize that?)
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
For home application, do not use a hot glue gun. Take it from me, this is a mistake you will not make twice.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:50am.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:27am.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 9:23am.
I started to sweat as I read this because I thought the last word in the sentence was gonna be "ass".
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ass??? LOL,
Ya you got a real cool looking Peacock thing going on there with your ass Doggie, that's ah...quite the look!
^^^^^^^^^^
*shimmies* RIDE THAT BULL!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org