VaJohnny Is Pretty Much Over
Radar started digging a grave in the Hollywood Relationship Cemetery for Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp's relationship a couple of weeks ago when they reported that V and J are no longer rubbing their greasy, dirty, cheese-covered parts on each other. (What's really sad is that when Vanessa and Johnny rub on each other, their bodies churn out a gourmet ball of French American cheese jelly that is best enjoyed on a slice of stale bread with a glass of red table wine.) Well, People Magazine just jumped into their tractor and dug a bigger hole in VaJohnny's grave, because they say on their cover this week that the love between Vanessa and Johnny is flatlining.
People's sources say that Vanessa, Johnny and and their two chirruns used to live a simple family life in a small town in the South of France. You know, they'd skip around in berets all day and then spend their evenings baking baguettes on the wood burning fireplace in their 18th century chateau while reciting the works of famous French poet Pepe Le Pew. Charming shit like that. But not anymore. The family spends most of their time in L.A. now and Johnny and Vanessa are hardly ever together. People doesn't really spit any details on their website (you have to flip through it at Barnes & Noble if you want to know more), but their source says that after 14 years, it's all but done.
People Magazine is usually the voice of the publicist, so when they go rogue, it has to be true. This doesn't really leave me with the sads inside. The bar on Hollywood relationships is so low that Lucifer is using it as a butt dildo, so 14 years is FOREVER in Hollywood years. It does kind of suck, though, that the image of Johnny sticking his tip into Vanessa's ultra wide teeth gap is no longer relevant. Vanessa's nights are so not going to be the same without hearing Johnny give her that dirty talk like, "Tell me you want me to finger that gap, pute!"
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this is just too bad. here's hoping NPH isn't next!!
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Vanessa is beautiful & this is sad, the end.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
AWWWWWW kinda sadness
Oh, man! I love them both. Sad.
This gives all you tricks hope that JD will stick his bruised and used post-Winona doo hilly in your cha-chas.
You know he likes it dirty, so spread some cheese around the hole for maximum effectiveness.
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Well, not that surprising. It all seemed kinda stinky and contrived or affected. But I guess they had their time.
.
.
I don't think AJ has anything to do with the split. I think it's Penelope Cruz. Remember when Pen and Johnny began filming Pirates 4 in Hawaii, Javier Bardem was so threatened that he stopped everything, moved to Hawaii and did nothingall day but wait for Pen to come home, and got her pregnant. They had a quickie wedding in the middle of filming. Because Javier knew that Johnny always had a thing for Pen since they did Blow. But during Pirates the feelings were rekindled, and all love for Vanessa was lost, even if he couldn't get Pen in the end. A strong love can go to pieces once a stronger love comes along. It happens.
Sads.
If only a too good to believe fantasy could have withstood the test of time we could all have sneaked in another good night sleep. What we will think when even these two fairy tale love thing was doomed too?
So much for Hollywood romances that we can’t help but wish were still there…
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/rumors-allege-that-johnny-depp-a...
Angelina is pregnant? Band-aid baby.
I guess I'm sad about these two. Breaking up after 14 years can't be easy. But she was foolish never to demand marriage.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:46am.
Submitted by ditquoi on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:45am.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:43am.
AJ is pregnant again?
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Allegedly, yah.
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After this news, there may be an unfortunate "accidental" fall down the stairs for Angie.
So going to hell for that one.
Submitted by buckeyemama on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:21am.
I think he's having a midlife crisis (also known as Angelina Jolie) Karma's coming your way Brad Pitt
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Oh my god those two would be fucking perfect together.
It would be worth it just to see the Brangeloonies lose their collective shit. But then we'd be inundated with Jongeloonies.
This gives me the sads. I like VaJohnny! They always seemed really into each other. Give them props for staying mum and keeping everything classy & private. Wish 'em well... Now where do I sign up? :D
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
Submitted by kylimayrow on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 4:18pm.
I dont get the hate for Vanessa, she is a lovely woman and was beautiful in her youth. Love that taxi song, silly but so 80's French pop. She also use to hang out with Serge Gainsbourg as a teen which was creepy in a molester kind of way. Although, I love Serge Gainsbourg work he was a certified pervert/drunk.
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I agree (and I love Gainsbourg too. He wrote some beautiful music for Vanessa and basically legitimized her music career.)
Ma chanson préférée de l'epoque:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ptp7fCrakvQ
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
Are Johnny's glasses prescription?
Oh and it's sad but he proposed to Winona and Kate but not her, somethings gotta give, I'm looking forward to following his dates to come.
Is Johnny really hetero, tho? I always thought he had the face of someone who wanted a man's lips on his. Why else did Marlin Brando want him in Don Juan?
Submitted by mastixa on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 10:22am.
I mostly liked that you barely saw them together, have no idea what their children look like and he could care less that hes been sporting the same dirty boots to every event for the last ten years.
Totally.
Yeah, I agree with you kylimayrow. People are judging her because she has a gap in her teeth ~ as if that isn't one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Fuck! Shouldn't we be more worried about how the stupid is spreading so quickly?
I dont get the hate for Vanessa, she is a lovely woman and was beautiful in her youth. Love that taxi song, silly but so 80's French pop. She also use to hang out with Serge Gainsbourg as a teen which was creepy in a molester kind of way. Although, I love Serge Gainsbourg work he was a certified pervert/drunk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJrHSfDSm34
http://www.lexpress.fr/diaporama/diapo-photo/culture/festival/le-paradis...
He seemed so bored at the Golden Globes. I think he's just tired of his life and wants something more but doesn't know what. I feel sorry for the kids.
When was Kate Moss not a heroin addict? I thought they named "Heroin Chic" after her?
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http://youtu.be/35kF7gwV0Lo
"The universe is made of stories, not atoms."
Muriel Rukeyser, poet
HA HA HA HA HA!!!! It is so sadly predictable that some of you bright stars of higher intelligence are blaming this on Angelina. Honest to shit, you must lay awake trembling with cold fear every night over the dark powers that woman possesses. Single-handedly she is responsible for every destroyed life, abused kittens, the economy and global warming. That evil bitch. HA HA HA HA . . . . . greatly amusing. Let's hear some more.
bmitted by mbar on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 1:12pm.
Well since he didn't marry her that should be good for his billions. Where do you think Johnny lives in LA? Malibu? Santa Barbara (technically not LA but definitely swanky enough for J Depp)? Not that I'm trying to find him or anything. Just wondering where anti-Anerican Johnny would decide is good enough for him. Bellaire? I doubt he lives in Beverly Hills.
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Hollywood Hills.
MissAnnThrope, that all depends on how they act around one another. If they are fighting all the time, then it really is better for everyone if they seperate. No children are happy in a home with their parents fighting all the time, if that's what is happening.
14 years is a long time, I agree, but how do we know that they haven't been trying to save their relationship? I doubt that they woke up one day and were like, "Eh." This has probably been brewing for months.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
OH man! I completely FORGOT he used to date Kate Moss! Back when she was really really young, and not on heroin! I so remember that. I think they would drink and tear up hotel rooms together. I think they were with each other for a few years even... It's a distant memory, but I'm pretty sure I'm right... how weird!
I've read a few postings on here that Angie is pregnant again? She's turning into Michelle Duggar of Hollywood. GAH! (yes, I'm aware she has about 20 more pregnancies to go in order to catch up, but I'm betting she's good for it).
I went to a Screen Actors Guild event a few years ago. Johnny Depp was there. It was some screening of one of his films - a very bad one.
Anyway, the attitude SUCKED. I tried to liken it to his fatigue - maybe a long day? Not sure.
I could care less on this one. He is getting older, and it is time to think of his kids. Come on. It is a sad thing when some older man tries to "get" with younger women. Puhlease.
Knock it off!
Well, I for one, DO find this sad. 14 years is a long time to spend together. It's very hard on the kids. I really feel like as with any couple, these two need to somehow make it work. Go to counseling, and really DECIDE to be happy together. For themselves (cuz the grass aint greener out there) and for their kids (who deserve to have ONE home, and ONE set of parents). If I could say anything to these two, it would be: Get your shit together. Appreciate what you have and make it work, dipshits!
That was sweet Evil. Just have always wanted a few more inches to me...it has always bothered me when I try on pants and there is like 8 inches dangling. The walk to the mirror in the dressing room was dreadful as a teen. Anyways we should be happy with what we have, you tall drink of water you.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 1:04pm.
Sorry Cupcake! Just jealous...I'm 4'11. :( Doomed to a life of 4 in heels.
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OMG! Don't be jelly. I am the one jelly! Oh to be petite and loved! When you are the height of the Empire State building, guys tend to think you can take care of yourself for some odd reason. I mean I have literally been in situations where a guy has said something rude to me and grabbed me, and my guy friends think, "Oh, she can handle it" Like I am Hulk Hogan or somefin'.!
Men love the little ones. They feel protective. Petite women always look younger too.
Well since he didn't marry her that should be good for his billions. Where do you think Johnny lives in LA? Malibu? Santa Barbara (technically not LA but definitely swanky enough for J Depp)? Not that I'm trying to find him or anything. Just wondering where anti-Anerican Johnny would decide is good enough for him. Bellaire? I doubt he lives in Beverly Hills.
I'm not sure why anyone would think he would be interested in AJ? He probably sees through that pretentious anorexic.
Sorry Cupcake! Just jealous...I'm 4'11. :( Doomed to a life of 4 in heels.
She looks like a particularly unhealthy meth addict, and until very recently he was a hottay, so I never really understood what he was doing with her.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:58pm.
That's a hugggggggggggggggge Cupcake!
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Hey, that makes me sound fat *puts down stick of butter*!
Yeah, Johnny seems to be into anorexic elf-girls.
It's sad news, but probably inevitable. I mean, 14 YEARS. He has fangirls younger than that!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:56pm.
Yep, it kinda sucks. I grew an in and a half AFTER I turned 21!
That's a hugggggggggggggggge Cupcake!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:54pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:46pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:42pm.
whore #2 was 5'-9"
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I'm 5'10 3/4's
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DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:46pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:42pm.
whore #2 was 5'-9"
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I'm 5'10 3/4's.
You used to watch Dr.Shrinker? My uncle was a grip or something on that show, it was out before my time, but he has lots of crappy memorabilia from it. He tried to make his way in Hollywood, before he ended up a banker in Seattle.
Evil - holy shit I used to watch that show!!!!!!!!!!!
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:42pm.
whore #2 was 5'-9"
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
*makes room for M.E.* What do you think about polygamy? :)
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:25pm.
LOL!
I am pretty tall too, and you like em petite!
*throws out heels, calls Dr.Shrinker*
EDITED to add:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e3vQmhm3Bc
I don't know if I have a chance with Johnny. It seems he, too, has a type. That Eva Green looks like Vanessa with dark hair.
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:37am.
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:29am.
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 11:18am.
That's sad. I thought they were really cute together.
If Johnny hooks up with Blake Lively now, he'll officially be dead to me.
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Are you trying to give us nightmares or something?
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Lol. Sorry. Johnny usually goes for tiny, elf-like women. Giant, horsey Blake might have to take a pass on this one.
I bet somewhere Winona Ryder is cutting tags out of designer clothing with her best scissors to celebrate this news.
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lol, Wino Forever!
What's with everyone saying that AJ is involved? Jokingly or not, do we really need another reason to dislike her?
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
Jack, redheads are zee best!
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Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:22pm.
whoa, Whoa, WHOA! I said I have a type, not that I totally discriminate... I dated a couple of brunettes in the last year or so and even dated a redhead (who was one of my favorites, just way to fucking INSANE CRAZY... but so hot).
So you just settle down.
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"The English are horrible and Oprah is a moron." 01/10/12 the refined Brit, clairey claire
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:20pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:17pm.
*waits to see how fast M.E. can get to L.A.*
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Bitch, I can make that 8hr drive in 5 if I wanted to!
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Man, I picture you hitching, roller skating, skateboarding, train surfing, swimming, flying, boating, anything to get to L.A. now! LMAO!
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www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:19pm.
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 01/18/2012 - 12:14pm.
Jack, would you hit Moss? I don't see what men see in her. She's so sleazy.
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All. Day. Long. She's a petite blond... I have a type. :P
I put her right up there in the Sienna Miller category... again, another petite blond.
They both seem like they would be nasty as hell in bed, which is a good thing.
^^^^^^^^^^^
*blank stare*
But.........but......she slept with Dreamboat! SLEPT WITH HIM! And went down on him!!!!!!!
*dies*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org