Heidi Klum And Seal Are Totally Over (I Mean It This Time)
Who do I need to talk to about extending the weekend to today and tomorrow, because all of us need an extra two days to recover from the emotional roller coaster of tragic uncertainty that Heidi Klum and Seal put us through. It all started on Saturday morning when the meaning of love cried itself into a sad puddle after TMZ said that Heidi is filing for divorce this week. Then on Sunday morning, People peeled us off of the bathroom floor, gently pulled the bottle of Jack out of our anuses and the dildo out of our mouths (In our vulnerable state, we all got confused about what goes into which hole. It happens.) to tell us that Heidi and Seal were working out. But the roller coaster finally crashed into the pavement last night when Heidi and Seal told People that they are done.
"While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate. We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart. This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition. We thank our family, friends, and fans for their kind words of support. And for our children's sake, we appreciate you respecting our privacy."
TMZ is now saying that Seal is a complete raging dickfart and since nobody likes a mean seal, Heidi is getting out of there. It also isn't soothing Seal's ego knowing that his wife makes more money than he does.
Whatever the reason is, can they just stop it already? One day Seal's in Heidi, the next day Seal's out of Heidi. My emotions (and my whiskey-soaked prostate) can't take it! All this Seal news has forced me to listen to "Kiss From A Rose" more times than one person should (once) and I got so low that I even searched for Heidi's song on YouTube. That's the Internet equivalent of reciting lines from The Way We Were to your cats while wearing your nastiest period sweats and eating bowls of ice cream soup.
And on a different note, almost every article about Seal and Heidi I read mentioned that he has a new album coming out. This is why the state of California should really add "Stunt Queen Moves" to its reasons for divorce list.
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I hope Heidi stays single and has her manager or somebody screen her dates as she has horrible taste in men.
Submitted by MissBish on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 5:31pm.
Good luck finding your next girlfriend, Seal. You reckon there's someone better out there for you than HEIDI KLUM?!?! #downgrade alert
No, but there are women who are younger and without as much baggage.
holy lord that graphic is the most unbelievable thing i've seen in a while!
but for some reason, this split is kind of shocking to me. they seemed to have kept a relatively low profile, supporting each other and having their own gigs. too bad. WHO IS NEXT!!
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RE:Submitted by sonyablade on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 6:10pm.
This is yet another sign that the world will end in 2012. I mean…we might as well cancel Halloween this year because there will be no more of this: http://bit.ly/zefN50
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
I guess that's the "Hollywood Way", have a bunch of babies with someone and then split up so now their kids lives are fucked (in a non-financial way). Way to go.
"Shut up, bitch - it hurts to be beautiful" - Richie K. 2005
<" It also isn't soothing Seal's ego knowing that his wife makes more money than he does.">
A-ha. I knew it. She's like Giselle. You think they just stand and pose, but they have sidelines like mascara and sunglasses and hair products and collect a mint. Giselle makes more than SuperBowl quarterback Tom Brady, her husband, according to Forbes.
This is yet another sign that the world will end in 2012. I mean…we might as well cancel Halloween this year because there will be no more of this: http://bit.ly/zefN50
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http://youknowyoucare.com
Always knew the hausfrau would go BACK from BLACK.
Good luck finding your next girlfriend, Seal. You reckon there's someone better out there for you than HEIDI KLUM?!?! #downgrade alert
Heidi fell in love with Russell Brand.......
Bullshit on faking it for the kids. Counseling only works if both parties still love each other and want to make it work. If one or both don't, it's useless. People change, circumstances change and you can pop out a bajillionty crotchfruit with the intention of forever and then life throws you a curve ball.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
You all may disagree But marital vows in Hollywood arent the same as for Us lowly regular People. Remember Brad Pitt in his vows promised to make Jen her favorite milkshake whenever she wanted? That was always in their THS ect. Then they wondee why marriage didnt workout?
After the whole weekend being tainted with these taints, I'm over it.
I said people should try to work it out and I meant it but I also don't believe in the "stay together for the kids" mentality. My ex-boyfriend's mom is a crazy Christian and her husband was her first everything. He left the family, cheated, did whatever he wanted, came back a year later after slutting around and she took him back. He's emotionally and physically abusive but she "doesn't believe in divorce" and thinks it's better for the kids if they stay together. Bullshit. Her daughter is 15 years old. I can think of 10 different men she should see as an example of what she should look for in a boyfriend. Her father is not any of those people.
It just makes people fucking miserable when you force it - yourselves, your kids. Split, move on, be one big happy mixed family like Demi and Bruce. Voila.
Submitted by dementa on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:48pm.
Submitted by Capitanne on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 11:15am.
Sigourney Weaver has been married since the mid 80s.
Christopher Lee has been married longer than many of us have been alive.
Michelle Pfeiffer has been married to David Kelley since 1993.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
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Meryl Streep, too but none of the above are married to fellow actors. That's the rub. Two insecure egomaniacs rarely survive in a relationship without drugs (Brangelina) and affairs.
a lot of people fake the love in public and are miserable in private, not just celebrities.
Blah blah blah I have Hollywood relationship ADD and I'm/we're bored and want a new piece.
Submitted by dlaugher on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:54pm.
Proud member of the oversharer club!
Yeah, i always swore i would never be with someone with a temper like my father. and whaddya know. here i am.
we saw an exhibit of louise bourgeois a few years back. one piece that really stuck with me was "the tyranny of the father." turns out, it's actually called "the destruction of the father" (so much better). i loved my dad, but i could totally relate.
http://www.artslant.com/la/articles/show/2711
Powerfull piece of art.
I told the sperm donor (as i called him in my teens) that I loved him because he was my dad but I really did not like him. First boyfriend was controling like him, I thank God I saw it and got away from that shit. Then later I married a man who had a similar dictator for a mother,so we were both looking for something else, He had a terrici sense of humor and could cook better than me, so I married him.
Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 1:33pm.
Her nose is stupidly narrow and I have always hated it immensely. If I was Seal I wouldn't tolerate it either.
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lmao
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...the end
LMFAO at People magazine being sneaky so they could be the one OFFICIALLY announcing the split.
How stupid do they look they they denounced TMZ on Saturday but then turning around this morning with this shit.
Submitted by Chola_ on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:19pm
May I ask: how in the world did you find time to study? I tried taking 2 classes while working nights and I couldn't take it. My grades were shit I haven't been back since. And I don't have kids.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Denzel Washington and Pauletta: 28 years.
I'm pretty sure there is some truly great reality TV coming out of this breakup.
Her nose is stupidly narrow and I have always hated it immensely. If I was Seal I wouldn't tolerate it either.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by tomahawk on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 10:29am.
Same here. He's not my usual type, but there's something very attractive about him... and the bod ain't bad either.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
This is such a stunt move!! Either they were heading that way anyways and decide to capitalize on the publicity by coming out right before Seal's album. Or they are doing this just for the publicity.
Just read on TMZ that seal will be on Ellen tomorrow. How convenient! Also, look who came out with the info: TMZ then People. Two media outlets which are favourited (too lazy to spell check that) by publicists
Proud member of the oversharer club!
Yeah, i always swore i would never be with someone with a temper like my father. and whaddya know. here i am.
we saw an exhibit of louise bourgeois a few years back. one piece that really stuck with me was "the tyranny of the father." turns out, it's actually called "the destruction of the father" (so much better). i loved my dad, but i could totally relate.
http://www.artslant.com/la/articles/show/2711
Submitted by OXA on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:32pm.
As an adult child of an out of control ragaholic I remember being trapped/terrorized by his outbursts. We were just kids who couldn't anticipate or avoid what would set him off but when he blew we were were all trapped/frozen in absolute fear as he terrorized all in his wake. It took me years to understand and stop being the people pleaser who desperately tried to keep the peace.
Kudos to Heidi if she really is doing this for the kids.
ok maybe I overshared but oh well.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
Oh fer cryin' out loud - I only heard about this breakup two days ago and I am already sick to death of it.
So get divorced already! I'll bet even their 7 or 8 kids are rolling thir eyes at this "will they or won't they" bullshit.
Submitted by Capitanne on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 11:15am.
Sigourney Weaver has been married since the mid 80s.
Christopher Lee has been married longer than many of us have been alive.
Michelle Pfeiffer has been married to David Kelley since 1993.
*********
I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by Chola_ on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:28pm.
Honestly, I thought lupus only attacks your internal organs. Seems that this is a different strain. I stand corrected. :)
Submitted by dlaugher on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 11:38am.
You are right, Dog and EC and everyone else who is sick of this. And yet...I *do* care. First, I have this (lame?) belief that people with young children should stick it out. Having a two-year-old (not to mention other kids) is extremely STRESSFUL (even if you have nannies, i think, not that i would know).
i read the TMZ story and i guess i related. i have a friend who's a friend of a friend of Seal, and he said Seal is a real cool, nice guy. I guess i find it surprising that he has a temper.
i can totally relate because my husband has a bad-ass temper and i'm sick of it! you realize it more when kids are involved. HOWEVER, we are going to counseling. In fact, we will continue to go to counseling if we want to stay married.
i just can't get with these statements about undying love but growing apart. WHA? Less than a year ago, you renewed your vow. WORK IT, BEYOTCHES!
ok, i'm done.
As an adult child of an out of control ragaholic I remember being trapped/terrorized by his outbursts. We were just kids who couldn't anticipate or avoid what would set him off but when he blew we were were all trapped/frozen in absolute fear as he terrorized all in his wake. It took me years to understand and stop being the people pleaser who desperately tried to keep the peace.
Kudos to Heidi if she really is doing this for the kids.
ok maybe I overshared but oh well.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:26pm.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:23pm.
Aretha "Bathtub Butt" Franklin just called off her engagement. Her ex-fiance should consider himself reprieved.
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That was fast.
He dodged a bullet on that one.
^^^^^^^^^^
A bullet covered in chicken grease.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by ditquoi on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 10:44am
Lupus doesn't 'show up on your face'. Lupus attacks your organs, skin is an organ.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:23pm.
Aretha "Bathtub Butt" Franklin just called off her engagement. Her ex-fiance should consider himself reprieved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That was fast.
He dodged a bullet on that one.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:23pm.
Aretha "Bathtub Butt" Franklin just called off her engagement. Her ex-fiance should consider himself reprieved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That was fast.
He dodged a bullet on that one.
Submitted by Rasclaat on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 12:01pm.
Am I the only one that thinks Seal's constant black nail polish on his fingers and toes is freaky?
---NO. Except, I fear that it might be the natural colour of his nailbeds. Whatever it is, it looks nast.
He's so damn shiny.
Aretha "Bathtub Butt" Franklin just called off her engagement. Her ex-fiance should consider himself reprieved.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Figure it out, assholes. You have four children under the age of 10.
So apparent when couples just have to show everybody in the world that they are sooo in love. Behind closed doors they really hate each other.
Welp I left my daughters father when she was 1 and I was a single mother going to school and working full time. A year later I met my (now) husband, people shouldn't stay together merely for the sake of their children as it will only make the situation worse in the long run. My parents never divorced but fought like psychos when I was a child, threatening to leave each other, packing suitcases. It was quite apparent that they were only together for the the sake of their children but in the end it only fucked up my views on what was a healthy relationship.
If everything has failed, imho in the long run it's in the best interest of children to see their parents co-parenting and being amicable friends rather than fueding partners.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 11:18am.
Submitted by Capitanne on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 11:15am.
You forgot Ernie and Bert.
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LOL.
Good point. I was only listing technically married (didn't count Goldie and Kurt for the same reason.)
Well we're never gonna survive unelss we get a little crazy
Am I the only one that thinks Seal's constant black nail polish on his fingers and toes is freaky?
Submitted by fuckingclassy on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 11:51am.
Ride! Can't people even be nice to their fans for an hour? It's not like people are bugging them on the street or something.
I met Fall Out Boy the same way, years ago, and when we were in line the told us that they would autograph one thing, not to talk to them, and NO pictures. They were all so rude, and when I got to the end of the table, the last person was Pete Wentz.I yelled at him about how they treat their fans. He ended up taking a picture with me and onme of them said in an interview how a "fan' called them out for being assholes lol.
Met Seal back in 1994 backstage after I won some free passes through a local radio station. He was such an ass, hardly smiled, refused to pose for photos, etc. Yeah, yeah maybe? he had a bad day, blah blah but such experience left a really bad taste in my mouth. As for Heidi, my German friend says that German people don't really care about the interracial thing and she really must work in America to be recognized as she isn't very accepted by her own people. You know, they're German.
*** what goes down, must come up ***
I kinda thought it might have been something he did. Of course there are exceptions, but generally, when a woman loves a man enough to push out 3 of his children, she's in it for the long haul if he is good to her. But throw fame and fortune in the mix, and God knows what goes on in any of these people's heads. Being able to have whatever you want in life inevitably leads to one thing---boredom.
You are right, Dog and EC and everyone else who is sick of this. And yet...I *do* care. First, I have this (lame?) belief that people with young children should stick it out. Having a two-year-old (not to mention other kids) is extremely STRESSFUL (even if you have nannies, i think, not that i would know).
i read the TMZ story and i guess i related. i have a friend who's a friend of a friend of Seal, and he said Seal is a real cool, nice guy. I guess i find it surprising that he has a temper.
i can totally relate because my husband has a bad-ass temper and i'm sick of it! you realize it more when kids are involved. HOWEVER, we are going to counseling. In fact, we will continue to go to counseling if we want to stay married.
i just can't get with these statements about undying love but growing apart. WHA? Less than a year ago, you renewed your vow. WORK IT, BEYOTCHES!
ok, i'm done.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 11:02am.
You know what? I don't think anyone really gives a shit and to have three threads devoted to these two is just stupid. Move the hell on already.
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Amnesty International
Shine a Light
I just love black guys with English accents...very sexy...yes his face does have all those scars but that's ok...great body...I'd hit it.
Submitted by Capitanne on Mon, 01/23/2012 - 11:15am.
You forgot Ernie and Bert.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Although this is sad, there are still a lot of Hollywood couples who are married and have been together for YEARS. They're just too boring for us dlisters to care about. ;)
--------------------------------------------------"a lot"?????
Over 10 years togther, I can think of 8: Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson; Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgewick; Michael J. Fox and whatshername; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones; Danny DeVito and Reah Perlman; John Travolta and Kelly Preston (PLEASE); Will Smith Jada Pinkett Smith (PLEASE); Warren Beatty and Annette Benning (tick tock).
So there you have it. A couple of playboy/ cheaters "settled down;" a couple of gays in bearded marriages and a few in for the long haul. Hardly "a lot." There have been more than 8 Hollywood splits announced since X-mas.
Maybe this is karma for moving Project Runway to the old lady channel? My fave was Nick V and I wish I could punch Santino in the nuts for being a dick to him.
You know what? I don't think anyone really gives a shit and to have three threads devoted to these two is just stupid. Move the hell on already.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
" the Internet equivalent of reciting lines from The Way We Were to your cats while wearing your nastiest period sweats and eating bowls of ice cream soup"
Save your fingers some typing! Just say "pulling an Aniston" - the entire world will know what you mean.