Tuesday, January 24th 2012
Open Post: Hosted By A Pilot's Schlong
Family Feud is purposely dipping their board into gutter sludge now, so they can end up on YouTube and go viral. Because unless 3 of the 100 people they surveyed were you, me and Tommy Girl as his Top Gun character, who in cock pit hell said that something a pilot holds onto during a long flight is "his schlong." What pilot holds his own schlong? Isn't that what the co-pilot is for? No, I'm seriously asking that, because Marion and I are thinking of quitting our jobs to become co-pilots.
via Warming Glow
Imagine my surprise when I wondered through here last night and stumbled upon such utter grossness the likes of which, I can delightfully - only find here. I could not look away. That just HAD to be SHARED with oh-so-many people I don't like! Haha - A special true RASCAL shoutout to Ba-Buttons, Deb and M.E for that gem! I hope to repay you in kind someday! LOL!
"The only money shot you'll get is a load of tears to the face." MK
Anyone here?
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Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl.
Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 9:20pm.
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WTF. You are a saint. Normal people don't take advantage of others this way.
I have walked 2 miles to get home from work when my car was in the shop because I didn't know my coworkers well enough to ask for a ride, ridden 3 buses for 90 minutes to meet a friend who offered me a ride because I didn't want to ask for help. And when I was in college I napped in the library so I didn't have crash more than one night on a friend's couch.
What-the-hell kind of normal person does the shit you just listed out? I hate asking for help. HATE IT.
And with that, I am going to try and sleep. I have a "mom date" tomorrow morning and am taking the bus there even though I was offered a ride. Because that's what normal people do! Right?
Spaz, you did the right thing by helping. She is taking advantage. Be glad you can see thru it...people like that will use you up.
If you wnt to get rid of her, start asking her for favors. Chances are she will hide from you forever. Takers never give. EVER
You know, Spaz, it's easy, if you're kind, to be taken advantage of by druggies. Now you know so you'll be aware next time. You do have to be careful though because you might get in trouble as an accomplice by just giving her a ride.
Submitted by little_rascal on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 9:41pm.
Hi, Gobbler! So nice to see you back!
You dropped The from The Gobbler?
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Thanks Lil Ras! I had deleted my "TheGobbler" account, but when I decided to return to the fold, I couldn't have "TheGobbler" for some reason...The Gobbler was my nickname when I was younger, and NOT for the reason all you gutter slores are thinking!
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Submitted by Spaz de la Whoreta on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 9:11pm.
http://www.militaryrates.com/military-pay-charts-o1_o5_2011.cfm
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Hmmmm, so the guy I'm dating makes about 5k a month? He just might be a keeper....
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
@jelliebean, lol, I've never been to Queens. But I bet a lot of seniors have better teeth than this woman did - I mean, she's early 40's and the tooth they pulled was a cuspid, I think, something fairly close to the front. That can't be normal.
I feel really stupid, because I didn't realize she was a druggie -- I mean, 2 different pharmacies, "hiding" her prescription, buying ibuprofen to make it look like that was all she had for pain.
I think a lot of kindness stems from ignorance of the whole story.
Spaz, this sounds like a day in hell! Did you ever live with my grandmother in Queens? (cuz this sounds like some of the crap I did with a senior citizen in much smaller doses) Sheesh. You are so kind.
Vern, you *should* whine because that's exactly what I was doing by relating this story, except I prefer to call it "venting". It feels so cathartic to get it out. So get it out!
Submitted by Gobbler on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 7:24pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 7:09pm.
Awwwwww, spanks errybody! I feel better now!
GOBBLER! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? ((((((((hugs)))))))))) I haven't seen you in for-EVA! Someone said you left! I was devastated!
CUPCAKES FOR ALL MAH FWENDS!
*throws every relative that isn't stale into thread*
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I'll eat the stale ones!
I was gone for a bit, but never made a bye-good post. :)
Missed you too, and everybody else, obvs, or I wouldn't have come back!
xoxoxoxo
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Hi, Gobbler! So nice to see you back!
You dropped The from The Gobbler?
Spaz,
I came here to whine and I NEVER do that. drunkd ramblings, sure, but no whining. Anywho, read your mess and I am humbled, dizzy and roooting for you. I am sorry your day was such a shit storm, but, thank you for leveling my ass out.
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Thank you for the sympathies, ladies!
And UBF, no, I'm not. She showed up with her kid at my door this evening, and I talked to her thru the storm door, told her I was busy. She pulled open the storm door and I had to pull it back and tell her I didn't want my cat getting out, since he was right there at the door looking for an opening. She said, "when you're done, I need to tell you what my dentist said." I told her, "I can't help you." She then started whining, "what sarah said isn't true!" but I just shut the damn door.
What kinda shit?
I would of told that bitch if you don't get the fuck outta my car we're gonna have a real motherfuckin problem! I don't got 4 hours to waste on some non-sense!
That bitch needs to kiss your raw ass for the next month for all the shit she put you through!!!
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Damn, Spaz. You are a fucking SAINT.
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Poor Spaz. I guess its true, no good dead goes unpunished!
Yesterday, while I was working at home, a woman from down the street (who I’ve met/talked to briefly a couple of times) pounded on my front door. She claimed to be in terrible pain from a tooth, said her ride to the dentist fell through, and today (yesterday) was her last chance to use some deal/gift from her church and she would give me gas money if I would please drive her to the dentist, about 10 minutes away. And she needed to be there in about 20 minutes. So I put a bra on under my otherwise baglady attire, threw on a cap and coat, and took her, all the while telling her no, she didn’t need to give me gas money, while she rambled on and on about shit and promising she’d be right in and out of the dentist’s office. Two hours later, she came out with gauze hanging out of her mouth, and insisted she wanted to buy me lunch at least for my trouble. I just wanted to go home, and said it wouldn’t be nice of me to eat in front of her, but she said she was hongray and wasn’t gonna let the extraction keep her ass from eating, so would I please stop at McD’s so she could get a free sammich with her coupon. Ok. She got her food to go, and then begged me to stop at Meijer so she could get free antibiotics. Ok. Their pharmacy computer was down, so she asked me would I please take her up the road to CVS for their 15-minute prescription. Ok. But first, she said, she needed to pick up a couple of things there at Meijer. I waited in the car.
I drove her to CVS. She came out with a big ol’ grin on her face, asked me if it had been 15 minutes or less. Lady, I didn’t time it, I just want to drop you off and go home. By that point, I had been with her for 4 freaking hours. She still wanted to buy me a sandwich, so I told her maybe some day I would need a favor and she could help.
I had been home about 2 hours when she showed up at my door again. Someone from her church had tried to pick up her antibiotics at Meijer – wtf did we get at CVS??? – but there was some problem, could I please take her? Before we got in the car, she called church dude, who had in fact picked the pills up and was waiting in the parking lot of her apartment complex. Still, she wanted to buy me a sandwich. So I took her to her apt, she got the pills, and I drove her ass to MickeyD’s hoping that I could get her out of my life after this.
Inside, she wanted to fill out one of those electronic employment applications. She wasted all this time not knowing how to use the computer before I convinced her it was broken (it wasn’t). They weren’t real busy initially, but this bitch takes 10 years asking the cashier about this coupon and what comes on a quarter pounder and shit and a line formed behind her, but she was oblivious. I hate this kind of person. This was the second time this day she was eating at fucking McDonald’s. On the way out, she wanted a milkshake to go, but her debit card only had 50 cents or something on it, so she asked me to loan her $2.45. Ok, big deal, that burger I ate probably normally costs that much or more.
Then she wanted me to stop for her to get ibuprofen, so we stopped at the dollar store and of course, she harassed the cashier there to find her the most economical bottle, and I’m out another couple of bucks there. Then she asked to borrow my cell phone. I told her it’s a prepay, and I hadn’t busted my dollar for the day. She said she would “pay [me] back” and hell, I handed it over and then *I* had to grab her dollar store bag because she had just walked away. I got outside and she’s yelling into the phone, “WHY DID YOU CALL THE POLICE? YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE BACK UNTIL 9!” She has 2 daughters, and the 20-something had taken the 8-year-old to the mall, and when they got back to mom’s she wasn’t there. So fucking leech-mother is yelling at older daughter that younger daughter is going to be “taken away” again. Faaaaaahk meeeeee. On the way to her dad’s house to get the kid, she said she was putting her prescription in my glove box. Dad was standing on the front porch, yelling at her to not dare set foot in his house, was she out buying fucking drugs? Leech said tomorrow was her birthday, didn’t she get a present? Older daughter said, “if it’s cash, don’t give it to her.” It was white trash yelling match on the front yard. Finally, I took mama and the younger kid back to her apt, and she told me what a great day she’d had with me. I felt like puking all over her. By the time I got home it was 9:45 pm.
Moral of the story: I need to just be the bitch that I know I am all of the time, and never let people mistake my stony silence for me being a good listener.
http://www.militaryrates.com/military-pay-charts-o1_o5_2011.cfm
Pay grade eh? I wonder what O3s make?
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Oh my goodness Momus, you were a dependent for 21 years too!
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 7:31pm.
POOR MOMUS! That must have been horrible!
Thanks for officially closing down the unsavory subjects for the day.
*shudders at what tomorrow may bring*
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 7:16pm.
I can relate. My mom would get the dry heaves whenever she had to clean a hairbrush or comb. Needless to say, I got all the hair-related clean-up duties (sinks, showers, brushes, combs, carpets, floors, etc.)
That being said:
I HEREBY DECLARE THAT ALL SKIN-RELATED AND HAIR-RELATED TOPICS ARE CLOSED FOR THE REST OF TODAY!
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Well I am glad you are back. I totally understand the break time. I was MIA for a bit myself.
Don't eat stale, when you and Momus can have FRESH!
Momus- All cupcakes are decadent, unless they are sugar free and we only keep those around for the people who cannot have the good stuff!
Shocking how I can easily sacrifice my relatives!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 7:09pm.
Awwwwww, spanks errybody! I feel better now!
GOBBLER! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? ((((((((hugs)))))))))) I haven't seen you in for-EVA! Someone said you left! I was devastated!
CUPCAKES FOR ALL MAH FWENDS!
*throws every relative that isn't stale into thread*
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I'll eat the stale ones!
I was gone for a bit, but never made a bye-good post. :)
Missed you too, and everybody else, obvs, or I wouldn't have come back!
xoxoxoxo
Sorry I couldn't roll with the zit/cyst talk, but pus related things just....well,,,*gags* I can't. Kind of like talking about hair wads in drains! I literally have to call friends over to clean my drains because I am phobic about hair wads, even my own. When a stray hair wraps around my toe in the shower (my OWN hair, mind you) I start to gag. So Cupcake has some crazy ass zit/boil/cyst phobias AND hair issues! Thank God my skin was always pretty clear.
*runs to wash face*
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 7:09pm.
CUPCAKES FOR ALL MAH FWENDS!
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I want the most deliciously evil one.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 7:02pm.
Having served as United States Navy dependent for 21 years, I know that enlisted personnel and petty officers are E-grades and commissioned officers were always referred to by the rank (e.g., Ensign, Lt. Commander, Commander, Captain, etc.). Never were officers referred to by their pay grade. Yardbirds (civil service aboard base) always referred to themselves as their GS number.
Hence, my confusion about what O3 (or O-3) meant.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Awwwwww, spanks errybody! I feel better now!
GOBBLER! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? ((((((((hugs)))))))))) I haven't seen you in for-EVA! Someone said you left! I was devastated!
CUPCAKES FOR ALL MAH FWENDS!
*throws every relative that isn't stale into thread*
Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 3:37pm
OMG. Tell me that the nursing assistant didn't have to do that duty.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by Event Horizon on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 6:28pm.
What's an O3 officer? Someone who monitors ozone?
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It means she went on a date with an Army/Air Force/Marine Captain or a Navy Lieutenant.
It's actually a reference to the pay grade. I served in the Canadian military and served with all sorts of Yanks.
You'd ask their rank and they'd say E-this or 0-that.
Um, thanks, now I know how much you make a month - I actually need to know where you stand in the military hierarchy. At which point they'd say, "Oh, I'm a Petty Officer/Lieutenant etc etc"
Military rank, no matter how humble, should always be source of pride. You refer to yourself by RANK, not PAY GRADE.
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 6:48pm.
Submitted by Event Horizon on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 6:28pm.
What's an O3 officer? Someone who monitors ozone?
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Lol....I think it' captain or some hit....like Cap'n Dan...
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
THE HELL IS WRONG WITH Y'ALL? SMDH
Submitted by Event Horizon on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 6:28pm.
What's an O3 officer? Someone who monitors ozone?
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 5:53pm.
The best way to get everyone to tell you they like you is to announce that no-one likes you.
Uh....no-one likes me...
*waiting for this to backfire*
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Being a fellow Irish soul I must say, yes, no one likes you. Feckin' git.
*ba-buttons does Maury Show "You-ARE-the-Irish" dance*
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
So went on a date with an O3 officer over the weekend and we got some seafood rosooto! yum.....this week thai!
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 5:10pm.
Awwwww, no one hates you! I was just going to complain about people posting sad pics about on Facebook. It just ruined my night.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 5:53pm.
The best way to get everyone to tell you they like you is to announce that no-one likes you.
Uh....no-one likes me...
*waiting for this to backfire*
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How could anyone hate you? Especially when you are wearing your festive little Santa hat.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 5:10pm.
I don't hate you, either. You're too delicious. In my defense, I didn't scroll that far back. That reminds me of this exchange on Corner Gas.
Wanda: Okay, look, I don't like you and you don't like me....
Hank: What?? But, I like you!
Wanda: You do? *long pause* Oh.
The best way to get everyone to tell you they like you is to announce that no-one likes you.
Uh....no-one likes me...
*waiting for this to backfire*
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Dark-sided!
The zits thread is slightly gross. However, the topic doesn't upset me since I've attended autopsies of shotgun-blast victims and held down lunch afterwards.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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awww, I don't hate you Cupcake!
Now give me a hug (and check out the zit on my back).
Who could hate a sweet 'lil ebil cupcake?! None, I say. NONE!
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I've got ten bucks and me and dirty eddie are staying out all weekend! - Rob Pue (thank you BBitch and Sweetas)
The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
*specifically doesn't talk about zits in order to show Cuppy some love*
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 5:10pm.
I don't hate you. Never did.
Just joined the fun.
BRB after I scan the threads here.
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“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.” J.R.R. Tolkein
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Submitted by chewinsmoke on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 3:25pm.
I have the same exact problem. Anytime I excercise really hard for long periods of time I tend to either gain weight or not be able to lose despite eating well. I think it's water retention as well.
It sounds like you are doing really well though. I wouldn't be too concerned with the number on the scale if you are feeling great and losing sizes. I do know how frustrating that can be though to not see the scale move.
Cuppy, shut it!! I'd hug you but last time you got frosting all over my shirt.
Okay I'm out too! xoxo
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 4:39pm.
You guys are gross. I came here to complain about something sad and now I just feel like vomiting.
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Don't feel bad MJT, I made a post earlier and said I knew everyone hated me and not ONE person chimed in to say I was wrong. My post was tongue and cheek, BUT I got to thinking, no one said they DIDN'T hate me! Bad way to find out your popularity on here! LOL!
Now, why are you sad?
(((IF))) Glad you're taking some time off and hope it helps. Depending on what you want, go to the pharmacia, or just ask around it's not hard to find. I mean, my friend told me that. lol
I think MJT ran screaming for the hills. :(
Nite, guest.
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Dark-sided!
I'm sorry MJT. What is your sads?
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Dark-sided!