America's Hottest PILFs, According To JWoww
98% of JWoww was made in a plastic factory in China somewhere, but she's still a proud American and what do proud Americans do on Geena Davis Day (she's the only President I care enough about to honor)? They write a list of all the President's they'd like to fuck, of course. Truth is, I'm twisting my taint for not coming up with this first.
The First Lady of the Back Alley Plastic Surgeon Office got patriotic on her blog yesterday and listed all the Presidents she's wet smush on a moist mattress in the shore house. This list should really be the new Pledge of Allegiance:
Ulysses S. Grant
I heard he was an alchoholic. Sounds like he liked to party! He kinda looks like that actor Kevin Kline, right? LOL.Abraham Lincoln
Who knew the dude on the $5 bill wasn't always so hairy. I bet the ladies loved him back in the day.Bill Clinton
He might be old and gray but he was famous for not being able to keep it in his pants and a guy with a healthy sexual appetite is always sexy in my book.George Washington
Who knew that the guy on the coin you use to get your laundry done was a bit of a looker. He can join me for some GTL anytime he wants!George W. Bush
We all know this guy liked to party Jersey style and that makes him A-OK in my book.Ronald Reagan
Movie star turned P.I.L.F!Barack Obama
Yes we can!John F. Kennedy
Too much of a ladies man in his day, but he liked a lady with curves and I am down with that.
Isn't that list so beautiful that it's got you singing, "Aaaaand the whooooore of the braaaaaave."
The gin-soaked tattered sponge in JWoww's head nearly melted yesterday when she spent at least 11 hours trying to figure out how to spell "Wikipedia" and "President" so she could look up all these hos she'd like to spangle her star on, but she didn't need to go to all that trouble. Bitch's list would still be 100% correct if she simply wrote:
ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!
JWoww would pussy hump every single President (alive or dead) until red, white and blue liquid started spewing out of their peen holes. That is the American way. I swear, JWoww is so modest.
• 
At least try to get hair extensions in the same shade....
Katherine Zeta Jones
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:38pm.
Give me shade all you want but I have Rick Santorum on my "to-do" list as far as politicians go (he would just have to keep his mouth shut the whole time because he looses the sessy appeal once he does)
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I'm so glad you said this because I detest that man with every bone in my sinful whore body, but everytime I see him on TV, my panties get so wet. Maybe its because I have naughty fantasies about seducing this supposed "godly" man. Shit, he and I are both Catholics, let's fuck. Can't tell Mr. Bum about this because he'd be so jelly.
Thomas Jefferson was a hot ginger!
I'm very impressed Ms. Farley could even name that many presidents.
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Do. Not. Want.
IS SHE OUT OF HER FUCKING MIND???
WHERE is that hot Aries slut Thomas Jefferson on this list?
We visited Monticello one summer and when the tour guide took us into Jefferson's bedroom and droned on and on about whatever it is he was yapping about, all I could do was stare at the bed (the room has been furnished and arranged exactly as it was in the 1700's) and think this is where hot, sessy times took place between him and Sally. (Sally looks exactly like Thandie Newton, right?)Seriously, I could not get out of that bedroom. As the tour moved on my husband had to shuttle me out of there.
jwow outta find a russian mobster hung like a horse to marry cause she aint getting any younger.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I hope she's putting away her money. With her ridiculous stupid looking fake tits & majorly fucked up face, she ain't got much future except for porn...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Ehhh, JWoww needs to lay off the sedatives(she ALWAYS has those xanax/valium Garfield eyes) and the injectables.
Botox can cause drooping eyelid if administered improperly & her cheeks resemble Billy that doll from the SAW movie's. Many women for some unknown reason feel that injecting fillers into their cheeks making them look like chipmunks will somehow improve their appearance, meanwhile it just makes them look like a displaced fat face (i.e. madonna, also megan fox).
Jwoww definitely goes way overboard with botox and facial fillers.
Jenny if everyone can tell, that is a sign to ease up so you aren't so "done" looking. Learn to love yourself - or whatever is left.
@message in a bottle
Very true, but I'd bring in a condom, a diaphragm and the neuvo ring just to fuck with him. Maybe slide a condom on him while he sleeps and take a picture to send out to the media.
She should have stopped at the tits and tummy tuck.
Who the fuck pays to have someone install them a wonk eye? This is the kind of tragic shit that happens when your role-models are Paris Hilton.
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I want you to get on them fat chubby knees and take muh manhood in to your sugarwalls!-Early Cuyler -Squidbillies-
Like wow.. when did she join the Wonk Eye club? She can give Lucy Liu and Parisite a run for their money!
I don't think it's necessarily Clinton's looks but I heard that he's very charismatic and intriguing.
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"What is the Yiddish word for puto estúpido, because that's what he really is" - MK
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:47pm
Al Gore! Reading about seniors made me have a senior moment. He is the only politician I'd would have done. Never got the appeal of Clinton. (Maybe it was the W.C. Fields nose)
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:11pm.
...As my ex used to say, her face looks like a can of smashed assholes.
HAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!
OT: Those boobs are at least the size of volleyballs. And why no PILF assessments of, say, Herbert Hoover? John Quincy Adams? Millard Fillmore? Hmph.
Submitted by jackie on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:55pm.
@message in a bottle
You really wanna have fuck times with a man that doesn't believe in birth control? Not a good idea.
On a brighter note, I can get preggers and be set for life and have MK praise me as another gold-digging hussy :P
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"What is the Yiddish word for puto estúpido, because that's what he really is" - MK
@message in a bottle
Very true, but I'd bring in a condom, a diaphragm and the neuvo ring just to fuck with him. Maybe slide a condom on him while he sleeps and take a picture to send out to the media.
@message in a bottle
Very true, but I'd bring in a condom, a diaphragm and the neuvo ring just to fuck with him. Maybe slide a condom on him while he sleeps and take a picture to send out to the media.
Andrew Jackson and Warren G. Harding got a lot of action.
@message in a bottle
You really wanna have fuck times with a man that doesn't believe in birth control? Not a good idea.
Jwoww looks good here but usually her face has a weird look, like her cheeks are drawn in and her mouth looks weird too. She looked better the first few seasons
Edit: I agree about the young mcain thing. He looked a million times better.
Submitted by TequilaTax on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:41pm.
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:38pm
No shade throwing from me. I confess that I once wanted to tap Clinton's VP when he was in office. (For some reason I can't remember his name)
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Al Gore??? *google searches under images* I wouldn't tap it but he's not butt ugly so I can see how he'd be on a do-it list.
Oh another one I'd do? A young John McCain. O.M.G
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_N6Z5aoOxgS8/TR3iMCLRA2I/AAAAAAABQE8/CQQa-ZOcQk...
My inner feminazi is asking me why I have Republicans on my do-list now!
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"What is the Yiddish word for puto estúpido, because that's what he really is" - MK
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:38pm
No shade throwing from me. I confess that I once wanted to tap Clinton's VP when he was in office. (For some reason I can't remember his name)
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
I don't watch Jersey Shore but from the other pictures that I've seen with this chick modeling her clothing line, her tits tend to look like bolt-ons.
*shrug* She seems to carry herself a little better then Snookie.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Give me shade all you want but I have Rick Santorum on my "to-do" list as far as politicians go (he would just have to keep his mouth shut the whole time because he looses the sessy appeal once he does)
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"What is the Yiddish word for puto estúpido, because that's what he really is" - MK
Submitted by guest on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:06pm.
Preidents don't have secks!!! Except for jfk & bc. :p
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Apparently that isn't a lie. To quote from one of Bill Clinton's advisory (from the recent documentary that aired 2 days ago):
"Ever since I got to the White House, I've had to shut my body down, sexually".
In otherwords, Hillary was giving this guy no booty at all. And she expected him to be faithful? SMH
I think Hillary is a bit of a carpet muncher. Nothing wrong with that.
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:33pm.
DOG, that's good enough for me. Cutting out of work and heading for couch now! Blinds down, lights off!
^^^^^^^
Forget Calgon! ID take me awaaaaaaaaay!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
DOG, that's good enough for me. Cutting out of work and heading for couch now! Blinds down, lights off!
CokeyBloke, NOOOOOOOOOOO! Never ever give up the ID Channel. You can't pick your family but you CAN pick your channel! If you give it up for any reason you will throw a disturbance into The Force that will bring the Death Star down on your household! And if that argument doesn't work, remember that if you tell people you watch ID, they think you're smarted.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
DOG: I am a damn I'd Channel addict! It's sick. In fact, I'm contemplating giving it up for Lent. I honestly think it's making me more of a cynical bitch, if possible. This world is keer-razzy.
Submitted by Oxygen on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:09pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:05pm.
Submitted by Oxygen on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:03pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:58pm.
You know what it is about Bill Clinton for me? His brilliance...and the fact that his dick is so curved, he could fuck around a corner.
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*hangs a left at the dick at the intersection of 21st and K Streets*
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Watch out for that cigar store on the corner.
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The one to really watch out for is any cigar lounge like Ozio's Martini & Cigar Lounge. High end popping going on there.
^^^^^^^^^^
Never been to one.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:08pm.
@Dog, email delays may be a problem with the carrier for your company. However, every so often, I find it helps to open the back, carefully take out the battery & re-install it, particularly if I've lost my signal and haven't received emails for a long while. Not sure why. Won't help if your carrier is having problems though. ;}
^^^^^^^^^^^^
I did that and all of a sudden my BB blew up with about forty'leven emails. But even still, it happens a few times a week that I receive emails sent to me many hours earlier.
*le sigh* <------ Note the use of Franglais.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
*calls Jack ♥ Bubba ♥ from now on*
***************
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:05pm.
Submitted by Oxygen on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:03pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:58pm.
You know what it is about Bill Clinton for me? His brilliance...and the fact that his dick is so curved, he could fuck around a corner.
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*hangs a left at the dick at the intersection of 21st and K Streets*
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Watch out for that cigar store on the corner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The one to really watch out for is any cigar lounge like Ozio's Martini & Cigar Lounge. High end popping going on there.
@Dog, email delays may be a problem with the carrier for your company. However, every so often, I find it helps to open the back, carefully take out the battery & re-install it, particularly if I've lost my signal and haven't received emails for a long while. Not sure why. Won't help if your carrier is having problems though. ;}
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?"MK
Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:03pm.
Hey, how are YOU doin? ;)
Within lmao Ugh I can't even pickpocket right.
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LMAO:)
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:05pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:55pm.
Something about everyone barfing in the living room. Not funny...
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LOL, ya it's not for everyone that's for sure!
extremely crude and juvenile....:P!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sometimes that's what's needed. I never "got" The Simpsons or Married With Children, either. But I loved Caddyshack. Go figure.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Oxygen on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 4:03pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:58pm.
You know what it is about Bill Clinton for me? His brilliance...and the fact that his dick is so curved, he could fuck around a corner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*hangs a left at the dick at the intersection of 21st and K Streets*
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Watch out for that cigar store on the corner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
she and Kim K should get together for a "who has more plastic in their face" contest.
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I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me
What wasted unconditional love, on somebody who doesn't believe in the stuff- Oh, well
-Fiona Apple
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:55pm.
Something about everyone barfing in the living room. Not funny...
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LOL, ya it's not for everyone that's for sure!
extremely crude and juvenile....:P!
TEAM CLINTON COULD GET IT
(or I could just close my eyes and listen to Jack and pretend.......stttiiilllllll)
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"That's what Jesus would do. Give you a blunt when you're down." MK
"I'm from the New Jersey where we say "AYY! FUCKA YOUA PIZZA PIE!!!" " Sucky
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:33pm.
Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:28pm.
Hahaha Whamo!! *high fives you and slips your rings off* ♥
--
Don't wear a ring ;)
Hey, how are YOU doin? ;) Oh and here's your Kabbalah bracelet thing back.
Within lmao Ugh I can't even pickpocket right.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:58pm.
You know what it is about Bill Clinton for me? His brilliance...and the fact that his dick is so curved, he could fuck around a corner.
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*hangs a left at the dick at the intersection of 21st and K Streets*
@LMA618: Ryan Gosling as the young FDR...you should be a casting director! (see pic)
http://www.shorpy.com/files/images/05644u.preview.jpg
Submitted by moomarse on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:56pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:55pm.
(pssssttt...... don't bother!)
^^^^^^^^^^^
Kinda thought that might be it.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Oxygen on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:52pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:48pm.
Don't get excited. He hands those out to everyone. They say "I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Miss Lewinsky." He's still trying to dodge that one.
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hahahaaaaa....my co-worker said the same thing and added another famous D.C. quote "It wasn't me. The bitch set me up."
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You know what it is about Bill Clinton for me? His brilliance. He is extremely adept at using that Arkansas accent to lull people into thinking he's just a bubba and then hitting them right between the eyes with a brilliant idea. Given how many years it's been, people forget that he was at the top of his law class and was a Rhodes Scholar. I also find his sense of humor sexy. That's how I can overlook his bony hands, potato nose, and the fact that his dick is so curved, he could fuck around a corner.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:55pm.
(pssssttt...... don't bother!)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"When I'm ready to get off, I'll get off"
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:52pm.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:46pm.
Never seen Family Guy. And you never did answer my BlackBerry question, Whoro.
*dirty look*
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No dirty looks my dear I just saw and answered it.
How could you never have seen Family Guy??? You do live on the planet earth don't you, you're not intercepting the Internet signal from Alpha Centauri are you?
^^^^^^^^^^^
We weren't allowed to watch much TV growing up and I just never developed a taste for it. I do like my ID Channel, though. All those true crime shows! I think, though, I did see a clip from FG on a friend's computer. Something about everyone barfing in the living room. Not funny.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Citizen's arrest! I'm charging her with first degree titty abuse and second degree wonk of the left eye.
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What kind of fuckery is this?
Big Bill does have some serious rosecia (sp ) but he is so fucking charming and intelligent that I would overlook the W.C.Fields nose.
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:46pm.
Never seen Family Guy. And you never did answer my BlackBerry question, Whoro.
*dirty look*
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No dirty looks my dear I just saw and answered it.
How could you never have seen Family Guy??? You do live on the planet earth don't you, you're not intercepting the Internet signal from Alpha Centauri are you?
Submitted by Dog on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 3:48pm.
Don't get excited. He hands those out to everyone. They say "I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Miss Lewinsky." He's still trying to dodge that one.
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hahahaaaaa....my co-worker said the same thing and added another famous D.C. quote "It wasn't me. The bitch set me up."