No, This Didn't Already Happen
Here I was thinking that Panthor already mourned the divorce of the Dark Hemisphere's first couple, but nope! Skeletor and JLo are legally still married, but he officially filed a do not resuscitate order for his dying marriage in Los Angeles Superior Court yesterday. That's your cue to hand Panthor a crying cloth, because he's going to be a mess all day.
People says that Skeletor (born name: Marco Antonio Muñiz) checked "irreconcilable differences" as the reason why his marriage died like JLo's vocal cords when she tries to hit a high note. Skeletor doesn't want to pay spousal support and is asking the court to give him joint custody of the 4-year-old Dragon Tales Twins.
This will be Skeletor's second divorce and JLo's (drum roll, fire up the glitter cannons....) THIRD!
JLo's left ring finger will turn green and fall off if she doesn't have a wedded cock ring on it all times, so I'm sure that at this very second Casper Smart is at Friar Tux's toddler department getting fitted for a tuxedo onesie and a ruffled diaper. JLo will marry that baby. This only bothers me, because that means JLo will be one failed marriage closer to taking over Elizabeth Taylor's record! Larry King can still get married, right? That means necrophilia marriage isn't completely illegal in California. Somebody please marry Elizabeth Taylor's grave, so she can hold on to the record FOREVER!
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Who wants to bet JBlow is going to try to beat Skeletor to the altar? Since they are getting divorced in California, though they lived in New York (I scratch my head at that one), they will be divorced in six months. That gives JBlow the time to be a fall bride.
Let me remind you that when Affleck dumped her fat ass, she went slithering over to Marc and broke up his marriage to Dayanara Torres. JHO Bag is a disgusting home wrecking low class no talent slut. So, dating while married is nothing new to her. She's a vile self absorbed rotten pig from hell.
She Stinks!
Marc's new squeeze is only 24-years-old and it looks like he wants to marry her. He's such an ugly, controlling, scrawny, POS. Obviously it's money because he doesn't have anything else to offer.
Not a fan of people dating while they're legally married. I know people do it because they feel their marriage was over a long time ago but really, you're still legally married and it's weird.
if he wants to keep all his mega-millions out of Casper the Friendly Fetus's hands he shoulda sued her for infidelity ... gotta play hardball to guard the cash
"ruffled diaper" haha! fetal grooms stopped wearing them in the 'Seventies!
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is every argument against nepotism rolled into one.
"tuxedo onesie" has stiffling a good laugh in my cubicle! Someone please DO marry E. Taylor's tomb.
"I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned."
Submitted by Nanners on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 12:56pm.
She's probably a Scieno, although I've heard she's also into Santeria magic, likes to cast curses and stuff.
She probably feigned the Catholic stuff so she won't alienate the Latin fanbase.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
The floaty side-eye is talkin' to me. I'mma have nightmares now.
I never liked American Idol and it's even worse now that it "revived" this bitch's "career" which should have died before it took off.
OMG, Friar Tux! Whenever you drop these SGV references, Mikey, I laugh and laugh like a loon. Friar Tux. Yeah, that's exactly where this pug will go for his ruffly shirt.
I still can't believe that Lopez can't do better than Donkey Boy from Pinocchio. Jesus H. Christ. What good is all her money if she spends it on UGLY young guys? I know you don't want any attention diverted from yourself, Jenny, and believe me, no one is looking at this feito instead of you (which I suppose is his raison d'etre), but please. Are you really sleeping with this guy? Haven't you ever looked at his FACE?
I am a huge Marc Anthony fan-boy can sing!! But the only movie in my life I couldn't finish was "el cantante"--awful movie
Ew she has one of those huge Lionel Richie faces.
if the story is true about marc anthony's cock, then j-lo's vagina would look like two overcooked barbeque steaks and as wide as the panama canal.
casper probably fucks her with his bald head.
J. Lo should've eaten Marc when she had the chance. With a side of cocktail sauce.
PLEASE GOD let her make "Maid to Order 2". PLEASE!!
Looks like she punched Skeletor in the eye in that picture.
Watch Jello not ask Casper to sign a pre-nup, foolish! She's a beautiful woman but I'd divorce her just for wearing that thing on her head, Marlene Dietrich you ARE NOT toots!
Can't believe these two multi-millionaire hos would fight over alimony/palimony... smdh lol!
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"Ayúdame, no puedo!" - MK
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Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 1:50pm.
Sans Fards - have you seen the youtube clip of Wilson and The Machine?
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ha yes! I love this guy. He's hilarious...and that beard is legendary.
"have you met the machine?"
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Winter is coming!
Im sure j.lo has people in her ear constantly saying please don't marry casper, especially her mom. Hopefully she listens.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 1:46pm.
GO GIANTS!!!! i lmao yesterday when i saw your pic.
OT: does anyone know if Skeletor resolved his "irreconcilable differences" with the IRS? was that his separate tax debt or marital?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Oh, Dr. Ruth is here. Engage her, but also read her shit on Tuesday's OP. Just a heads up...
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 1:33pm.
I didn't realize Marc was so popular. Honestly the last time I'd heard of him, besides the whole marrying J.Lo thing, was that terrible movie Cantante.
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Oh, I loved that movie "El Cantante." I think Anthony is the real deal, and JLo saw this. And I think he brought out the best in her because she was good in that movie. Of course there was that telenovela disaster, the time they sang together on the Grammys, some music award show. I got what they were trying to do, but JLo's voice is not what one would call strong or with range, so it ended up being laughable, but ultimately saved for its camp, it's failed seriousness, to quote Sontag.
"Hectah!"
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 1:46pm.
@Dr. Ruth, this beardly hunk is Brian Wilson, pitcher for the SF Giants. He's a bit of a wacko. When he tames the beard, he's actually pretty good-looking...but this is his thang, and he rocks it.
Fank you! Fank you! You are my hero O' da day!
That's some serious face rug. Any longer and he can join ZZTOP!
(seriously, thank you, I was going nuts trying to place the face lol)
Sans Fards - have you seen the youtube clip of Wilson and The Machine?
@Dr. Ruth, this beardly hunk is Brian Wilson, pitcher for the SF Giants. He's a bit of a wacko. When he tames the beard, he's actually pretty good-looking...but this is his thang, and he rocks it.
http://blogs.eagletribune.com/smittyonbaseball/wp-content/uploads/2011/0...
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Winter is coming!
Working that turban, JLo is giving me equal parts of QVC-queens Jeanie Brice and Tova Borgnine.
MK's Casper jokes are the best: "Casper Smart is at Friar Tux's toddler department getting fitted for a tuxedo onesie and a ruffled diaper."
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Please: It's "rahnday."
@ MJT..RE; GaGa, ya getting a percentage of a superstars cash is ALWAYS a bonus. Usher made a shit pot of money on his own but I'll bet he's made 10 times more than that off his Bieber management cut.
He probably gets 70% or more of every dollar Biebes makes.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 1:33pm.
WHO in holy fuck is in your avatar? Did I miss a dlisted episode? I thought at first it might be Ryan Gosling in fake beard but the face is a little too chub.
Please, have some humanity and tell me who is in your avatar!
I didn't realize Marc was so popular. Honestly the last time I'd heard of him, besides the whole marrying J.Lo thing, was that terrible movie Cantante.
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Winter is coming!
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 1:23pm.
I know! I was watching Akon's Behind the Music last night (don't ask me why). I was shocked..he is worth like $100 million dollars from behind the scenes producing and the amount of sales overseas. I know he was on the Fugees Score album and helped Lady Gaga get big but I thought he was a one hit wonder with his music. Who knew?!
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#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.
I would fuck Skelator up, down, front, back, and sideways. I mean Skelator from "He-Man." But I would also do the same to JLo's ex. And JLo is a total bitch, you know it, but she is still pretty (and I like her smile and laugh). That face... that is sadly attached to an egotistical asshole who has NO BUSINESS JUDING ANYONE'S SINGING.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 12:46pm.
@ ME - I think Marc makes a ton of money from non-usa music sales and tours. Not saying that makes it okay, but I think he is definitely the breadwinner
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You know it MJT, we seem to only think in USA for sales. I'm sure there are lots of artists we don't think are big that make most of their money off shore and make a SHITLOAD of it too. It's funny when I see these bollywood stars that I have NO CLUE who they are and they could walk around anywhere in NA and no one would blink and eye but if they were in India they get killed from being fan mobbed.
As a side note, some of those Persian woman are so unbelievably beautifull its crazy.
Marc is a mega global star, more so than JLo but she has the American market.
I hate that I find something dirty-sexy about Marc. I think if I saw him naked I'd run a mile but when I see pics of him, he kinds of rocks that SEX thing.
*shame face*
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Dark-sided!
way..Liz was married like 8 times..even tho she married the same dood twice. that is why NO ONE in H-Town will ever be as fierce as Elizabeth Taylor. JLO and that Head Wrap shit just make me raff all day. love it!
Christ...it only took once for me to decide I wasn't marriage material. And only 3 times to realize I don't make good relationship choices. Yeah, I'd rather be the crazy cat lady.
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J.LO is trash compared to Elizabeth Taylor. I mean, WHY is she always trying to emulate her. Elizabeth got drunk,popped pills, slapped the shit outta her man who slapped the shit out of her...Her second hubby DIED. Her first hubby was Parisite Hilton's grandaddy who beat the fucking baby out of her belly. Like, what a sick fuck. Any
damn right you needed to put up a photo of Efron after subjecting us to Gibson, Ezterhaus and Skeletor. jeebus that was a rough scroll
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
She can't be alone for a week. She will marry at least 2 more times.
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Here's another point in life you should not miss
Do not be a fool who's prejudiced
Because we're all written down on the same list
It's like that (what?) and that's the way it is
3 divorces...
I wonder if JLo considers herself catholic or a full-time scientologist now.
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What kind of fuckery is this?
MJT - yes, I believe I've heard that also. But JHO has enough of her own money.
@ ME - I think Marc makes a ton of money from non-usa music sales and tours. Not saying that makes it okay, but I think he is definitely the breadwinner.
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#KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
Please watch, learn and share. 2012 is the year.
Isn't this ho raking in like a million dollars an episode on AI?
Why the FUCK should he pay her spousal support? Besides they weren't married for the golden Californian 10 years that would automatically give her half of everything he has.
Submitted by Bjork You on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 12:30pm.
...
And everyone will be at our wedding and throw gay rice at us, and it will get in our eyes and our hair, but we won't care, will we?
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I want an invitation. I want to scoop up all the gay rice and make rainbow boppy pillows that come in lots of gay scents for long-lasting and fun gay love and happiness. They are perfect for bumpy car rides too.
Really? Spouse support.. she shouldn't have bought her new kid a truck just yet !
Their poor kids. Being dragged through this mess.
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
MadgesV: doesn't she have perfect skin? I have always envied it. So smooth and a gorgeous color.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 12:31pm.
Haha that's the one!!
OT Marc looks like a heroin addict or a starving vampire. Is he anemic, just really really REALLY tired, or what?
Submitted by Bjork You on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 12:30pm.
Exactly.
But I will marry your faggot ass, sucky, and hold you and caress you and put lotion on you (after I take it out of the basket), and we will sail away on a boat, listening to PJ Harvey and Bjork and Mazzy Star and oh my goodness...
And everyone will be at our wedding and throw gay rice at us, and it will get in our eyes and our hair, but we won't care, will we?
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baby you talkin the language of love
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 04/12/2012 - 12:29pm.
lollol jacko, you do!! The only girl there besides me with a date...
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same one that just moved out by the lake??? LOL
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"You reap what you fuck." ~ RichBitch 03/13/2012
MK, you are one of the greatest f'ing writers in this or any generation...peeing myself at work reading this...LOVES ya!!!!!!!!!!!!