Thursday, May 24th 2012
Open Post: Hosted By Maru's 5th Birthday
Today, May 24th, is Asparagus Day, Hate Your Nostrils Day (see: Asparagus Day), Escargot Day, the day after Joan Collins' birthday, Tiara Day and most importantly it's the day a piece of the Internet's heart came out of his mom's box before charming all of us with his love of boxes. Let's all celebrate this day by stuffing ourselves in a box. Happy birthday, Maru!
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Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:55pm.
*looks at rack & real blond hair* Hey! You ho's think I've got the crazies?! Jack likes all chicks I think! Not sure any woman could keep his attention long. :)
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Pfffft! If it's human and has a working & willing twatwaffle he'll hit it. :P
"louise_brooks,
Dayum. I'm surprised it wasn't her pie goods doing the "Hi! How's your day going?!" with her propped open like that!
Submitted by beb on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:40pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:36pm.
I was laughing so hard this morning at all the crap you got from the ladies. They can be brutal (especially IF when she's drunky on the meds). *fist pump*
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Indeed! As much as I lurves my Ms Fury sometimes I tell ya....
*shanks all of Ireland just to be sure*
Shit, I forgot, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARU!! I heart you!
I want Maru's baby kitten and feed it goat's milk with a tiny bottle.
Submitted by mefunigirl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:40pm.
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:56pm.
welcome Stilla! it can be intimidating because they are all so naturally snarky/funny, but unless you're a mean bitch who starts shit they are very welcoming.
Jack was the first to reply to me so I had a lil crush for a nano-second till I realized he likes blonds with huge boobs who are all fkn psycho, so that leaves me out.
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*looks at rack & real blond hair* Hey! You ho's think I've got the crazies?! Jack likes all chicks I think! Not sure any woman could keep his attention long. :)
Submitted by louise_brooks:
By "wash up" I mean, put her foot up on a the counter with panties off and her vadge was wide open to all and sundry while she washed it out. She wouldn't even have the decency to look embarrassed when women would walk in. She'd be like, "Hi! How's your day going?" Fine, till I had to see your stanky crotch, hooker. Building management finally found out who it was and told her no one wanted to see her pie goods and to keep that shit under wraps.
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*jaw drops* WTF, I still won't even pee in front of my sister and I'm even embarrassed if my Poms see me so, I cannot even comprehend this level of nonchalance! *smh*
@ louise
Holy shit! Gross, but funny! There are ladies at my gym like that. No shame whatsoever.
Y'all have a great night! I'm treating myself to a nice filet, some wine, etc. as a reward for my hard work. The wine has arrived & there's a nice jazz band playing in the restaurant. Time to RELAX!
Ciao bitches!
Submitted by mefunigirl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:40pm.
haha, that leaves me out too. I'm only blond when I can handle the upkeep, my boobs were only huge while breast feeding, and I haven't been a psycho since my early 20's.
beb - the caption this contest is super tough! The commenters here really are so quick with what they can come up with.
Okay, really have to leave now. Talk to you all later.
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:36pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:28pm.
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:56pm.
Just be good and snarky and you'll fit right in!
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I need to work on my snarkyness! Thanks!
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If things move on just cut and paste the person and add your comment, sometimes you'll read someone's comments from hours ago but if they're still here you'll be able to pick up on it.
See you're already makin friends:)
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch :
I HATE TOMATO HORNWORMS!!!
Just had to get that out. Disgusting bugs, even with gloves on I almost puked as I pulled them off my plants. *shudders*
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*googles image of Tomato Hornworm*
*Has full body shudder*
OMG the one with the wasp white egg larvea on it eating it from the inside!!!! *gags*
You're a stronger Texan than I am SDR! I'm strickly an indoor girl.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:36pm.
I know and you're right - we haven't talked before last night. I was laughing so hard this morning at all the crap you got from the ladies. They can be brutal (especially IF when she's drunky on the meds). *fist pump*
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:56pm.
welcome Stilla!
it can be intimidating because they are all so naturally snarky/funny, but unless you're a mean bitch who starts shit they are very welcoming.
Jack was the first to reply to me so I had a lil crush for a nano-second till I realized he likes blonds with huge boobs who are all fkn psycho, so that leaves me out.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:04pm.
Hi Stilla! Things do move along quickly here, but there's always something going on in OP. I agree with SDR that Caption This is tough (I was surprised to get a nod yesterday - I got nothing tonight), but I'm sure you'll be on FIAH one day and we'll all be laughing with you.
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:28pm.
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:56pm.
Just be good and snarky and you'll fit right in!
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I need to work on my snarkyness! Thanks!
ubmitted by beb on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:06pm.
I was trying to get Whamo back for calling me elderly last night.
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Lol, I'm sorry bebs I was just goofing around, I didn't mean anything by It, I was just blubbering on as I do. The funny thing is we'd never really talked before and it was kinda my way of saying hello:) soo....hi there lol!
By the way, ya burned me pretty good! :)
@louise - That is...gross. I don't understand people.
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Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:24pm.
Oh shit, Mike, did you see the other story link on the page about the lady who was dispensing flies out of her vagina? lololololol!
LOL, yeah, there were more than a few WTF stories on that site.
Submitted by EvilShoe on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:20pm.
Hi! :)
Now I just start talking to people and have to leave work soon. Hopefully it won't be too busy tomorrow and I can post then, too. Hope everyone has a good evening!
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:56pm.
incredibly funny no one will EVER talk to you again....no pressure. Bwahaaaa! :P
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*raises hand*
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Well hellooo there Valley, I know what it's like when you're new and everyone kinda knows each other. Just know nobody intentionaly will try to ignore you but you might want to elbow your way into a few conversations and after a bit people will recognize and talk to you, you'll find it easier that way:) Just be good and snarky and you'll fit right in!
Submitted by JTROS on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:55pm.
At my old office building we had a small workout room that was free for everyone who worked in there (3-4 companies). They were redoing the locker room and it was closed for about a month. There was this woman from another company who would workout on lunch and instead of altering her workout habits temporarily, she would just "wash up" after her workout in our bathroom.
By "wash up" I mean, put her foot up on a the counter with panties off and her vadge was wide open to all and sundry while she washed it out. She wouldn't even have the decency to look embarrassed when women would walk in. She'd be like, "Hi! How's your day going?" Fine, till I had to see your stanky crotch, hooker. Building management finally found out who it was and told her no one wanted to see her pie goods and to keep that shit under wraps.
Sorry, double post. Blame it on the happy hour.
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Oh shit, Mike, did you see the other story link on the page about the lady who was dispensing flies out of her vagina? lololololol!
Submitted by JTROS on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:55pm.
We're the ONLY office on our floor, the rest are empty. So, I walk into the bathroom & the lights are completely off. I hear a toilet flush as I turn on the lights. Then this lady practically runs out of her stall WITH HER PANTS AROUND HER ANKLES, pulling her undies up. WTF?!?!?!?!? She said, "oh, I thought I was the only one in here."
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ROFL. Clearly!
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Submitted by JTROS on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:55pm.
We're the ONLY office on our floor, the rest are empty. So, I walk into the bathroom & the lights are completely off. I hear a toilet flush as I turn on the lights. Then this lady practically runs out of her stall WITH HER PANTS AROUND HER ANKLES, pulling her undies up. WTF?!?!?!?!? She said, "oh, I thought I was the only one in here."
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ROFL. Clearly!
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hahaha at Mike's link! Snake-like creatures with sunglasses!
*waves at Stilla in the corner* :D
by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:38pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:32pm.
I love sending love songs to other menz late at night.
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LMAO!!... for the record, I did NOT send the songs, I was mearly asked for a dance out of the blue and accepted, by the way Beb is a fine dancer thankyouverymuch:P
I'm off to cardio-kick. *sigh*
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:52pm.
Dog - You haven't lived until you've been snotted on by a horse. Or whacked with a tail from a mare in heat. Or have fingernails caked with smegma from cleaning a gelding.
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Or been following the horse on which you will riding, head down, not paying attention to where you are going, but thank God at the right moment you look up to see your horse getting ready to take a dump. Shituation AVOIDED.
*shudders*
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Bye guys, I'm out. Thanks for posting Stilla and please come again. Y'all have a wonderful weekend.
Whammerkins, I ♥ you.
Submitted by beb on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:06pm.
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:01pm.
Yeah, but she thinks Nyquil is a new kind of martini.
^^^^^^^
You've got a point. Yes, I'm a guy.
I was trying to get Whamo back for calling me elderly last night. BTW, Whamster, that picture that you sent last night...you know, the one where you're in a really tight mountie uniform...your secret's safe with me bud. :-)
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Post it or it isn't real.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I told ya'lls that beb was a dude. Why does no-one believe me on such matters?
*swigs nyquil*
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:04pm.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:00pm.
Helloooooo Stilla!!! Don't worry, humor comes to me 3 days after a thread. Glad you stuck your nose out there.
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LoL, that is what happens to me! I always finally think of something to say, log in and then you guys have moved on to something else. I'm the dorky kid that follows the cool crowd around going "uh-huh, yeah". No one wants to be that kid. ;-)
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Yes they do. They're just jelliz! This is why I hardly ever enter a Caption This contest. Give me a week and I might be good; less than 24 hours...forgetaboutit.
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:01pm.
Yeah, but she thinks Nyquil is a new kind of martini.
^^^^^^^
You've got a point. Yes, I'm a guy.
I was trying to get Whamo back for calling me elderly last night. BTW, Whamster, that picture that you sent last night...you know, the one where you're in a *really* tight mountie uniform...your secret's safe with me bud. :-)
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:00pm.
Helloooooo Stilla!!! Don't worry, humor comes to me 3 days after a thread. Glad you stuck your nose out there.
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LoL, that is what happens to me! I always finally think of something to say, log in and then you guys have moved on to something else. I'm the dorky kid that follows the cool crowd around going "uh-huh, yeah". No one wants to be that kid. ;-)
Submitted by StillaVllyGrl on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:01pm.
Well, be careful. A horse can very much sense when you are scared of it and will take advantage in a heartbeat. You have to show them up front that you are in charge. They'll laugh in your face when you do that but at least it makes YOU feel better.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:32pm.
Anybody here that's kinda new to the D and feeling a little left out of the loop? I was thinking of that Phoebe girl that said nobody ever talked to her so I just thought I'd throw it out there. I know we can be a cliquey(?) group of bitches so feel free to stand up and so we know who you are.
Just be warned if you don't say something incredibly funny no one will EVER talk to you again....no pressure. Bwahaaaa! :P
I know you're mostly joking, but there's more than a grain of truth to what you said.
Submitted by beb on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 6:00pm.
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:59pm.
Didn't IF ID me last night?
^^^^^^^^^
Yeah, but she thinks Nyquil is a new kind of martini. You're a guy? I thought Whamo was a girl when he first came on and he thought I was a guy, so you wouldn't be the first Dlister I got wrong.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:58pm.
I've been kicked in the leg by a horse and pushed into the electric fence by one that was trying to get another horse's bucket of food from me. I love horses though. I'm a little afraid of them, but I love them.
Yowza. Bristol Plain sure can pick 'em.
http://todayentertainment.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/24/11862393-...
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:59pm.
Didn't IF ID me last night?
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK
Helloooooo Stilla!!! Don't worry, humor comes to me 3 days after a thread. Glad you stuck your nose out there.
Submitted by beb on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:55pm.
Hi all (and Whamo)!
^^^^^^^^
Okay, so are you a dewd?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Whamo, you dumb fekker, I am kidding you!
Oh look, beb is here! I leave you two alone!
Oh and ..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocOmgKcHw1g
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:52pm.
Or be bitten on the boob. The horse's name was Nutter, too. Fucker left a bruise that would turn a sunset to shame. I've also been farted on, kicked, shoved into the wall by a horse who thought stepping sideways was hilarious, narrowly missed a shit shower during a very unpleasant episode with a hose and the vet, watched our dogs eat burned hooves when the smith came to call, slipped on manure (landing, yes, on my hands), and thrown by a horse named Balker because that was his specialty when he didn't feel like taking a jump, which was every other half hour.
Horses are like little kids and they will push you to see how far they can go, just like little kids. But they are loyal and don't ask why they can't have a car when they get their license, so I consider that a big win.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 05/24/2012 - 5:32pm.
Anybody here that's kinda new to the D and feeling a little left out of the loop? I was thinking of that Phoebe girl that said nobody ever talked to her so I just thought I'd throw it out there. I know we can be a cliquey(?) group of bitches so feel free to stand up and so we know who you are.
Just be warned if you don't say something incredibly funny no one will EVER talk to you again....no pressure. Bwahaaaa! :P
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*raises hand*
I've only posted a few times. I can't think of anything funny to say... *panics*
I don't believe a word of this news item, but the last paragraph is GOLD.
http://www.zimdiaspora.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=...
I've been working on some legal stuff for a family member this week & I just spent the last 6 hours finishing everything up. I'm so stressed that my face is flushed and I'm shaking. It may be a night for a trough of pasta and gallon of vino.
Anywho - finally got a chance to break away to head to the ladies' room. We're the ONLY office on our floor, the rest are empty. So, I walk into the bathroom & the lights are completely off. I hear a toilet flush as I turn on the lights. Then this lady practically runs out of her stall WITH HER PANTS AROUND HER ANKLES, pulling her undies up. WTF?!?!?!?!? She said, "oh, I thought I was the only one in here."
My response was "nope. there's an office on this floor." When, really, I wanted to say, "Bitch! Go take a shit on your own damn floor & stop stinking up my bathroom!"
Last night a different lady was washing her armpits in the sink when I went in...
I just can't with these people.
Hi all (and Whamo)!
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"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK