Afternoon Crumbs

Annapolis Naval Academy’s annual race up the lard monument is the most beautiful, peentastic, phallic and patriotic thing I’ve ever seen! USA! USA! – Buzzfeed

Keira Knightley is engaged and I’m wondering if her soon-to-be husband has told her that he’s the broken condom baby of David Archuleta and Perez Hilton – Lainey Gossip 

Kanye West’s movie sounds exactly like what his colonoscopy would look like – The Superficial

Food Network’s Anne Burrell says “DUH” to the news that she’s a gayelle – Towleroad

What in black and blue lattice crust hell is Kate Upton wearing? – Hollywood Tuna

More like a “titty-off” – (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

TGISF – The Berry

Lisa Marie Presley ain’t lying, because I’m sure her soul is in a mason jar on Xenu’s shelf – Celebitchy

Clive Owen has never put the tingles in me, but for some reason his “70s retired police detective” look is – Just Jared

I see four saggy boobs: Kim, her tits and Kanye – ICYDK

Katy Perry is really taking this 90s goth look seriously – Popoholic

Tom Sturridge should not be puckering when he’s got that tragic display on his head – Popsugar

The Silver Fox slaps down another – SOW

Chace Crawford is moist – SOW

Brit Brit is special – Hollywood Rag

Nicole Kidman totally injects Botox into her nalgas – Cityrag

Six had a baby, didn’t name her Seven – I’m Not Obsessed