James Deen And Lindsay Lohan Will Probably Bone On Camera

But just like a lemon wedge in White Oprah's claw while she makes her morning mug of vodka, that headline is getting a twist! Porn star James Deen and future porn star Lindsay Lohan are not bumping pretties (Note: I hate when whores call them "uglies," because most genitals are prettier than most human faces! Truth according to a peen-hungry slut.) in an actual fuck film written by Bret Easton Ellis. James and Blohan are starring in a mainstream movie and this pairing makes sense, because one is known for fucking ladies on camera and the other is known for fucking the California justice system on camera. Bret Easton Ellis and Blohan also make a good pair since nobody writes messy Hollywood cokehead twats like him and she's well....you know.

Bret Easton Ellis, the author of Less Than Zero and American Psycho, has been trying to work with James Deen for a while and for obvious reasons. I mean, James Deen has 9-inch peen. What's not to love? Bret and James will finally work together in a movie the former wrote called The Canyons. After raising money on Kickstarter, The Canyons now has a start date, a director (see: Paul Schrader, the director of American Gigolo) and its cast is coming together. Once stunt car driver LiLo finishes crackifying the image of Elizabeth Taylor in that Liz & Dick train wreck, she'll start shooting The Canyons on July 9th in L.A. The Canyons will be shot digitally and will probably be released on NetFlix (I didn't make that up). The Canyons' Kickstarter page describes the movie like this and yes, it's like nothing Bret Easton Ellis has ever written before!!!!!!:

The Canyons documents five twenty-something's quest for power, love, sex and success in 2012 Hollywood.

LiLo as a twenty-something?! I hope they put room in the budget for tubs of lens Vaseline, the best mask makers in the business and CGI.

BEE is really excited about this shit and Tweeted about it last night:

Shooting THE CANYONS starring James Deen and Lindsay Lohan: July 9-31 in L.A. Could not have dreamed of a better cast. Lindsay nailed it...

We know Lindsay nailed it to get the part, but how was her acting during the audition or did they not even bother with that? And LiLo better sweeten up that LSD-loving Geico pig by dropping tabs into his mouth, because that's the only way she's going to get insured again. That pig will do anything for a tab.

via Coming Soon

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by sensitivity on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 7:40pm.

I think Im going to vomit on these two!!!Happy holidays Rascal!!

Submitted by shirley_twizzletits on Mon, 08/27/2012 - 7:40pm.

I'd fuck him!!

Of course with 9 condoms, a preventative dose of Valtrex, about 6 shots of that HPV shot, and a hazmat suit on, but yea, I'd fuck him.

I like my men like I like my syrup---thick and rich!

Submitted by Elisha88 on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 12:23am.

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Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 1:58am.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 1:56am.

yeah me no likey fake orgasms.

there is alot of fakery with gay porn also :P like the gay for pay actors take hours to climax and often they go off scene to watch straight porn and they come back to scene to finish.. OH lord that is too much info lol

but the good looking straight guys know they will get paid more if they did gay porn then straight porn. which is why we have soo many gay for pay guys in gay porn.

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:51am.

Me likey. But it's a shame about his face.

Oh and I think he looks a tiny bit like the ugly curly haired, blue-eyed dude from Entourage. Not the one who lost weight, the ugly one.


Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.

I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl, is ready to PARTAY!!!

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:37am.

*googles James Deen peen*


Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.

I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl, is ready to PARTAY!!!

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:26am.

Totally agree Loopy, that's why the gay variety is better imo. The guys for the most part look more attractive. No doubt about it. And can I say, I hate fake lady screams, there I said it... lol Just listen to me HAHAHAHAHA *the wine witchery has done its job tonight* ;D

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:19am.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 1:43am.

I've seen his 9inches, its a so-so peen in terms of looks. like its not a very handsome penis, i just dunno if i can say Hi to an ugly dick.

but i dont think there are many straight male pornstars who are attractive. because being attractive is not a prerequisite, cuz i guess most of the time you dont see their faces anyway, u only see balls and dick lol

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:13am.

Loopy, RandéS, doesn't LoHan live this every day tho? Every SORRRRDIDLY NASTY thing you can imagine, she's already tried. James Peen is nothing, *googles his 9-inch vids* what else is there? ugh! *looks for bleach* ;D

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:12am.

I'd believe Lohan as a 40-something, but no way does she look like a 20 something anymore. Even though she hasn't hit 26 yet. I still can't believe she's alive. I thought she'd be dead by 23.

**********************************************
I don't steal and I don't lie, but I can feel and I can cry
A fact I'll bet you never knew
But to cry in front of you, that's the worst thing I could do

Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:07am.

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 1:29am.

Yeh i was surprised too, cuz she hasn't been in THAT many movies. when i checked her IMDB, i thought, thats not many.

which was somewhat dissapointing, because i would have enjoyed "pornifying" 30-50 movie titles, but i only had a dozen or so to work with.

bitch is more famous for being a drunk coke whore than her movies.

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:01am.

Submitted by SFRB on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 1:07am.
Within reason, come closer, and I'll show you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6biSPNE3U2s

Ooh! I'll bookmark this song! 

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Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.

I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:59pm.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 1:26am.

Actually, when I read your list, I realized how many movies she's been in. If she had played her career cards right and salted the money away, she'd be A-list now instead of a sad punchline.

* * * * * * * * * * *
Please: It's "rahnday."

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:56pm.

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 1:15am.

you got me! damn i was trying sooooo hard to find a title for that.

congrats!

Submitted by RandéSleepover on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:45pm.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:08am.

Not long now before Lindsay stars in
Herbie Fully /Unloaded
Mean Sluts
I know Who Screwed Me
Georgia Rules S&M
Just My Fuck
A Prairie Hoe Companion
Confessions of a Cock Whore

haaaaaaaaaaaa. Penis Trap.

* * * * * * * * * * *
Please: It's "rahnday."

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:40pm.

SFRB, Come on upstairs... I wanna show you something good...
♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫ niiiice...
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Submitted by SFRB on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:37pm.

Within reason, come closer, and I'll show you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6biSPNE3U2s

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:35pm.

SIN?
What means this?

*Ain't heard the half of it. This is clean talk, girl!* lol ;D

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Submitted by SFRB on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:31pm.

Good lord you sluts like to talk about porn.

You shouldn't watch that stuff. It's a sin, you know.

*uses hairy palm to buff off dry forehead skin*

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:25pm.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:32am.
Submitted by SalmaNella on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:27am.
but I'm into lean athletic frat types as well, cuz they remind hot guys next doors lol but im not into the veiny muscles roided guys, cuz you can see their bacne (back acne)
--
Some guys just look SEXAY. Hair, no hair, lean or muscles. Beard, no beard, all dudes. Keep your eye on the ball loopy!!!! Peen is peen. AHAHAHAHA *please don't mention the bacne, I don't need to see behind the curtain!*

About the teeth, as MK's dentist naively asked "Have you ever had anything this nasty in your mouth before?" - naive bitch... *smirks*

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:21pm.

be right back, i gotta go the shoe store and get insoles for two pairs of shoes i just bought over the internet, which dont fit properly, but they were on sale so i couldnt help it.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:20pm.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:45am.

Its cuz he has a 9inch penis lol

straight porn isnt made for women lol they are made for guys who just wanna watch women get fucked by a dick, they couldnt care less who the owner of the dick is.

thats why Ron Jeremy was like the biggest porn star in his time, and he was ugly as sin and looked nasty.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:15pm.

Salma, hahahah tight bodies. True. Nothing worse than plastic-on-plastic fake ass screams... lmao but nice tone mmm mmm! ;)

Seriously, I'd never guess this derpy lookin' dude was such a porn king... evah! #schooled

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:02pm.

Submitted by SalmaNella on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:27am.

but I'm into lean athletic frat types as well, cuz they remind hot guys next doors lol but im not into the veiny muscles roided guys, cuz you can see their bacne (back acne).

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 11:00pm.

Submitted by SalmaNella on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:27am.

nothing wrong with hairy guys :) im all into hairy guys with muscles of course! not skin on bones hairy hipsters emos types or watever they are.

they gotta be muscular and hairy, like a big bear, then we can play yogi and the ranger..and ill be the ranger

Submitted by SalmaNella on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:57pm.

LOL @ Loopy

Pube hairs in the teef is so 1970. Today, the hairless crotch is preferred. No fuss, no muss.
I'll admit to liking the hairy monkeys. Maybe I haven't evolved much since primitive cave woman days.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:55pm.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:17am.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:16am.

LMAO, I guess its like when guys like to see two girls get it on... women like to see two guys get it on as well.

For me, the guys can't be too trimmed, plucked and hairless. I like it when they have chest hair and slightly groomed down under (not shaved bald) so it doesn't look like a wild rainforest, plus you dont want to get hair caught in your teeeeffss, like my girlfriend Andrea (name not change since she doesn't mind me telling people) she went down on a hairy guy and got pube stuck between her teefs and she didnt know until she went to the dentist appointment the next day and they found it for her....CLASSSYYYY

Submitted by SalmaNella on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:55pm.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:20am.
Ya Salma, but beautiful bodies are nice too! <33 ahhaha hi!
______________

HI!

True..yes. beautiful bodies are great to look at but its reassuring to know that sex is not just for the tight bodies too.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:50pm.

Ya Salma, but beautiful bodies are nice too! <33 ahhaha hi!

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Submitted by SalmaNella on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:49pm.

I like amateur pron myself. Nice to see average people getting it on.

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:47pm.

Loopy, I like the gay pron! I like a double shot of wienner.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:46pm.

No, Loopy, gay porn is hellagood! Not tricking anyone you! Elevator porn is passé! ☺☺☺
#firsthandknowledge
#gonnahaftoshareboo
lolololol

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦≈♠░░░░

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:41pm.

He looks like he is into necrophilia...so Linds wont be too different for him.

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:40pm.

btw Ladies, there are studios now that make straight porn aimed at the ladies, so its more about the men pleasuring the women, its not so much focus on gagging, deep throating and more about the men doing the lickety lick lick.

so you dont need to watch gay porn anymore lol unless its true that some women enjoy watching guys getting it on...

Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:38pm.

Not long now before Lindsay stars in
Herbie Fully /Unloaded
Mean Sluts
I know Who Screwed Me
Georgia Rules S&M
Just My Fuck
A Prairie Hoe Companion
Confessions of a Cock Whore

Submitted by Mani6 on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:17pm.

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 1:09pm.

FUCKING FUCK FUCK MUTHERFUCKERS FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it. I'm going down there to kill her with my own bare hands.

You can try but she's slippery when wet!

Submitted by Mani6 on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:01pm.

Dirk Diggler of the 2000s or whatever you're supposed to call this decade...the 2010s? Ugh.

Submitted by phillyphillie on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 7:46pm.

A straight-to-streaming netflix video with a porn actor. I guess she'll do anything for a check.

Submitted by Mani6 on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 7:15pm.

Maybe they'll just have casual panties pulled aside sex while they're watching Madmen on TV. Not that I've ever done that or anything.

Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 7:12pm.

Submitted by illuminaupolis on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 8:28pm.

This is hilarious in a sad kinda way. Girl needs to runaway and live in the woods in a log cabin and seriously think things over. Also, am I the only straight guy who hates porn? I get a softon watching it especially listening to the insipid chatter/dialogue. Come on, sex is meant to be personal.
______________________

You sound like my kinda guy. ;)

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 7:07pm.

*wakes up* somebody mention gay pron???

Submitted by illuminaupolis on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 6:58pm.

Submitted by QueenieBK on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 6:55pm.

I don't get his appeal. He has pretty eyes, that's about it. Oh, and supposedly a 9" penis.

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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley

Submitted by dorian_graye on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 6:46pm.

Bret Easton Ellis & Paul Schrader? Yes, please.

Submitted by Migraineuse on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 6:42pm.

A sociopath is hired by a sociopath to star in a film glamorizing sociopaths. Set in the sociopath center of the world.

Life imitates art, or some shit.

*______________________________________*

I'm a heretic. Feel free to drive me from your midst.

Submitted by QueenieBK on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 6:28pm.

Submitted by NDNchief on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 1:35pm.

"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-

I can see it now. . .bLowhan is gonna try to outdo C.Sevigny's performance in The Brown Bunny.

Coming soon the Octomom/bLowhan lesbian porno.
=========
I just threw up all over myself ... thanks ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley

Submitted by Cowjam on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 5:27pm.

OK, now I'm really dazed and confused. Not only did Lohan get hired again, but this little nebbish is some sort of porn star??

*checks calendar-it's not April 1st*

Submitted by kylimayrow on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 5:22pm.

Has anyone read this guys wiki, I know it is wiki so I shouldn't take it to seriously but come on! His ambitions was to be in porn films since elementary school? What the fuck happened to this guy as a child to know & want that at that age? You are a baby in elementary school. Second, it says he has a fan base of teen girls, again wtf is that about? Why is there a big sell of sex to children? Wtf is going on, anyone who has read that wiki would think it was written by a pedo aiming to recruit children for the sex trade, fucking unreal!

Submitted by Cowjam on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 5:15pm.

Bitch got another job? FML...