Nothing Like A Little Squid Jizz In Your Mouth
A 63-year-old woman was eating some calamari at a restaurant in South Korea when she suddenly tasted something that was way too early in the night to taste: SQUID JIZZ! Like something out of a Japanese fetish porn, the woman bit into her semi-cooked calamari and quickly realized something in the squid was spunk. Ole' girl is a spitter, because she spit that mess out and almost immediately noticed a tingling sensation in her mouth. It was a squid jizz party.
ABC News says that even though the squid she ate was dead and boiled, its sperm bags were alive and exploded in her mouth. The sacks released both jizz and some kind of cement that attached the sperm to the wall. Doctors later found “small, white spindle-shaped bug-like organisms” lodged in the mucous membrane of her tongue. Poor bitch went in craving some delicious calamari and came out smelling like she just sucked off Squidward Tentacles and he liked it a little too much.
ABC News also says that the chances of this mess happening in America is slim since restaurants here usually remove all squid organs before serving that up. But I don't know, I've eaten at some shady shady places before. I'm pretty sure I've eaten roach dick in my tacos and worm vagina in my chow mein. But getting knocked up in the mouth by a dead squid has to be the worst. What if you don't know and before you knew it you were throwing up thousands upon thousands of squid babies.
How are you going to support all those fucking things? You'll have to go on welfare, pose topless in some UK tabloid and finger bang yourself in a self-pleasure porn to put plankton on the aquarium table. Then you'll fall into some deep depression, because a Michele Bachmann-type will go on Fox News and shame you for being an unwed parent. It's not like you can marry your babies' father. He's dead and you ate half of him! You'll get so depressed that you'll get really drunk, come home and accidentally fry up and eat your squid babies with a side of marinara sauce. A tragic ending. No thanks. From now on, I'm eating all calamari with a condom on my tongue and I'm going to chase that shit with a morning-after pill.
(Thanks, Shasta)
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Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 06/18/2012 - 10:16am.
That's the nasty shit I've ever heard in my life.
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Jacko, no joke. I wonder how she knew it was jizzum. Maybe she has been sucking too many guys who eat squd....
That's the nasty shit I've ever heard in my life.
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"It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Thamar on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 9:38am.
those are just some of my life stories lol
Submitted by WithinReason... on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 7:22pm.
One must set rules for sexy times, or else, they automatically assume, you is a freaky ass ho, who is down with anything AKA Kirsten Dunst.
LOL yes, well ive never been smothered with boobs for a long long long time, not since my breast feeding days.
Loopy, three taps means, "I'm close, come and get it cuz I'm ready to blow the house down!" It's, Tap... Tap tap, NOT..., tap tap tap, bru, HELLO... knock knock, who's in there?! Not you! lol @you saying, "thanks I'm good" to that lady, when you were being smothered, haaahhaha, you kill me Loopy! ;D
OnT: Come on! A little spunk on the tongue never hurt anyone. Sister prude here is going overboard, could be squid saliva for all she knows... whadaya gonna do lady, cry ALLERGIC?! bwahahaha
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Clams are just as disgusting to me. When you open them op, there is this brown muck inside the size of a pea. What is that?!
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Who are you calling silly cow?
I love squid. I'm more concerned about the shark teeth in the photo.
MK: you shpuld honestly be making billions for your brilliant writing.. that was high-larious! T/you! ;)
Submitted by Deb on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 1:08pm.
I prefer baby squid, and grilled instead of fried with garlic and lemon. YUM!
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Baby eater!
Why is she eating squid with a SPORK?
I totally agree with that statement. I have a huge phobia of sea creatures, octopus and squid being at the very top of the list. The picture nearly made me throw my computer across the room. If I ever saw someone eat this, I would pass out for sure.
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Submitted by YourClothesAreDead on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 5:30am.
Why would anyone want to eat squid? Was she starved to death?
Its a tad perplexing. Usually, to jizz in a broad's mouth, I have to buy her dinner first. But what if the jizz actually is the dinner? This is like Rubik's cube.......
I love the tentacles. I prefer baby squid, and grilled instead of fried with garlic and lemon. YUM!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Andrei on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 1:06am.
MK... not a pleasant picture to leave off with for the night. Dork.
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This is how the D has worked since the beginning of time. Every weekend..endless hours of a horrific picture. It's our weekly gift.
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
hahaha atomic city, lol with the picture of your bare ass hangin out with heels askew!!
That shrimp lady email story is gross. You can read it on Snopes. Although it is obviously urban legend.
'cuz we never discussed three taps'
LOOPY! That is one of the funniest things I ever read here. Lol all day on it. Got a long day ahead of serving and the work doesn't bother but having to do it with a smile can hurt the worst!
Thank you sluts for the ha ha ha. . Oh that wedding! Atomic more about the wedding!
kitty with the white block on head. When you feel like you do they use to say you got two more weeks. You are right on schedule!
oh yuck! reminds me of the shrimp lady email being sent in the earlier days of the interwebs
Why would anyone want to eat squid? Was she starved to death?
Oh LOL Atomiccity. To be filed under "You can't make that shit up". My apologies for laughing. :D
Just one question, let me get this straight about the "converted barn".... is it like a chapel now?
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Lorddd and they found floating jizz that was still alive in her mouth..... OMG im gonna hurl.
this is why I always tell a guy, to tap me on the head like a door, one tap for "im close", and two taps for "im gonna come".
sometimes they tap three times, but that just confuses me, cuz we never discussed three taps.
The trick in the picture has dolphin teeth. Also, is she using a spork?
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Submitted by AtomicCity on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 2:11am.
Please tell me there were pictures.
OT: this is why I don't eat squid, it's disgusting!
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
Nite D people! Thanks for the story AtomicCity!
AtomicCity, lololol *ouch* but big question, how was your toast?! With that entrance, it must have been a success or at the very least it was MEMORABLE! Hehe Hope nothing was too banged up! ;D
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Yay! For AtomicCity's bareassed MoH! I hope you waxed!
I remember you saying a few days ago about a barn wedding.
As briefly as I can put I'll say that I was my sister's MOH today at her wedding. The wedding was in the oldest, but converted, barn on our farm out in the middle of Nowhere, USA. I realized right before I was putting my dress on that I didn't pack undies. Guests were already arriving and we were so far away from anything that I couldn't just send someone out to get me a pair. I went sans knickers, who would notice, right? I also had these sky-high heels, which I was supposed to walk down the super steep stairs from the upstairs loft, down through the great room and up onto the raised platform where the wedding party was to be stationed. Let me set the mood, really dim lighting with the exception of a handful of hanging Edison bulbs and bright lighting on the stage. It really was lovely.
Briefly put, I fell down the stairs while making my entrance. My lack of underoos did not go unnoticed once I got on the stage and the best part? Right before the exchanging of the rings I realized that I had left the groom's ring upstairs in the loft. It was awesome.
Oh, and I DETEST squid.
"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl
Jelliebean, hahahhahaha!
OMG. ASSHATS are already blowing off fourth of July Fireworks!
YOU ARE NOT PATRIOTIC, you douchebags.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 06/16/2012 - 9:15pm.
Come on, who hasn't gone out for dinner and ended up with a mouth full of jizz?
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Those of us who swallow like proper hoors do!
Submitted by AtomicCity on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 12:50am.
I know that this isn't OP and you guys probably couldn't care less, but I am DYING to tell what I did at my sister's wedding today.
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Atomic, you could write something brief like "On topic : I hate squid", and then write anything you want. It's Saturday night, and there's no OP on Saturday.
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Sun, 06/17/2012 - 1:26am.
That's why I cut up all my food into really small pieces and keep an eye on it before I eat it.
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LOL! OMG. Do you kiss your mother's cheek with those blood-thirsty hooter teefs? LOL
That's why I cut up all my food into really small pieces and keep an eye on it before I eat it.
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl, is ready to PARTAY!!!
Oh sweet fuck. That picture. THAT PICTURE. KILL IT before you EAT it!
No good deed obviously goes unpunished. LOL
What you do??? Now I HAVE to know!
AtomicCity, if you're dying to tell and don't want to upset the "On Topic Police" *just kidding* you could go to Friday's OP, or what the heck, it's late, and who knows if anyone would care, about being on topic, I mean... lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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MK... not a pleasant picture to leave off with for the night. Dork.
WHAT U DO ATOMICCITY???
I know that this isn't OP and you guys probably couldn't care less, but I am DYING to tell what I did at my sister's wedding today.
"A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl
Who called me a hoor? Jellys h8erz!
I couldn't even read all of this, ewwww... gives me the creeps.
@Sans,
Oh, well, there you go! Reduced Fat anything is always a blunder. Bet you're sorry now. Look for Table Talk™ pie to go with your Stouffer's lutefisk. (Which I know you will be purchasing in light of this new information.)
"How are you going to support all those fucking things? You'll have to go on welfare, pose topless in some UK tabloid and finger bang yourself in a self-pleasure porn to put plankton on the aquarium table."
LOL!!!!
Michael K. you are a fucking God!
Now if only you could somehow tie this story to Blohan my day would be complete.
This is almost as bad as my co-worker telling me that some lady had bugs that had laid eggs in her sew-in (aka weave or lacefront) while she was sleeping. *rips out hair*
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
lol magpie, it was actually Lean Cuisine Reduced Fat Lutefisk. Next time I'll try the brands you suggested, or Stouffers...you usually can't go wrong with Stouffers.
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"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."
- Yogi Berra
@Sans,
Was it "Marie Callender's"® brand lutefisk? That's one of the downmarket lutefisks; you want the Swanson's or the Entenmann's lutefisk.
i am just now tucking into clam pizza. with white sauce.
yum.
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“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience...a quietly mad population is a tractable one.”
That's why I don't eat anything that resembles a tongue or a slug.
I imagine that's how Britney felt after being with KFed.
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"Sal, darling, you are the reason some women go gay. ♥" - Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 6:32pm.
"life is precious, you must not have watched The Lion King, you heartless fuck"
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sat, 06/16/2012 - 11:22pm.
You just didn't have enough aquavit beforehand. :)
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Please: It's "rahnday."
Submitted by IrishFury on Sat, 06/16/2012 - 10:57pm.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Sat, 06/16/2012 - 10:54pm.
Submitted by IrishFury on Sat, 06/16/2012 - 10:46pm.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Sat, 06/16/2012 - 9:15pm.
Come on, who hasn't gone out for dinner and ended up with a mouth full of jizz?
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People who aren't hoors like you, GG!
*shines rosary beads and returns to bible study to pray for hoors*
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Depends on who paid for the dinner. I've been known to oblige, after being wined and dined at my favorite Korean BBQ joint.
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Oh honey boo boo chile, that's a whole lotta BBQ roasted dog with jizz for dessert.
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Lmfao *hurls
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"Discussions about what is good, beautiful, noble, pure, true, could always go on. Why is that important? Because that is the only conversation worth having." C.Hitchens,1949-2011. (RIP MCA, "no sleep til Brooklyn") *caprica six was/is here*