The Search For Tom Cruise's Next Beard Bride Has Begun!
Tommy Girl is just a couple of months away from being legally free of the selfish human who refused to complete her transformation into a microchip-brained Stepford Wife and the head bitches at Scientology are already shopping around for his fourth wife. Tell Ashley Greene to not bother sending in her head shot, salary requirements and recommendation letters from past beading jobs, because Scientology has learned their lesson and they're filling the position internally this time (sounds sexy, but it isn't). Scientology isn't about to let another outsider blow open their front doors so that the public can see them sucking each other's dicks and being crazy and shit. Not this time.
The National Enquirer (via Radar) says that former members of Scientology are placing their bets on 27-year-old Yolanda Pecoraro as the next Mrs. Tommy Girl. Both of Yolanda's parents are Scientologists and she's been taking classes since she was 13. Yolanda is even used to tasting butt nectar on Tommy's lips during staged kissing sessions, because she dated him for a quick minute after meeting him at the opening of a Scientology center in Spain in 2004. Yolanda apparently has a boyfriend, but he's also a disciple of L. Ron Hubbard, so it'll only take one or two audit sessions to fully brainwash him into dumping her. Some source said this about Tommy's newest beard bride:
"With the embarrassment his divorce has caused the church, they want to stabilize the situation quickly. They also want to show that Tom has rebounded fast and that his new wife is beautiful and steeped in Scientology. If the church decides to make Yolanda Tom's next wife, they'd certainly want her to have a child soon. So she could quickly be going from her modest apartment to a mansion in Beverly Hills with a baby on the way. And there's little doubt she'd do what's best for the church."
Another source called Yolanda a true "princess of Scientology" and I don't appreciate that shit. That source's Thetans must be shitting lumps of stupidity onto their brain, because Tommy is the true princess of Scientology. Bow down and engrave that on your brain. If Yolanda thinks she's the princess, there's really going to be a problem, because no wife of Tommy touches his tiara. You know what else is a problem? Yolanda is not the right age! All of Tommy's wives were around 11 years younger than the last one, so his new wife should be 22. Don't screw with the numbers. But if they insist on screwing with the numbers, they should really make John Travolta Tommy's fourth and final wife, because that marriage will last until Xenu destroys earth and all the Scientologists escape in penis-shaped pods.
More importantly, WWYAS (What Would Yolanda's Abuelita Say)? I'd like to see Tommy try to use his telekinesis powers to stop an abuelita's switch from coming at him. Won't work.
Here's Tommy putting on a smile for the millions of paps while giving Suri a reverse piggyback ride in Manhattan yesterday.
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will he smother, oops! i mean 'shower' his Beard Bride with Beer Bongs to make the nuptials go down smoother? ;-)
Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 07/18/2012 - 8:01pm.
She should be off at a private residence with a private beach, somewhere out of the States and neither of them will do it because they are too busy scoring points off each other. Fucking disgraceful.
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Yes at this point I totally agree, she should be in a safe "middle ground" area where they can both access her and not have to cart her around. I think it's a totally toxic time for her all around.
Best posts on this TomKat drama.
While I am sure that maybe there is some staging going on when it comes to paps, it's also New York City. They know where Katie lives. Is she just supposed to never leave her apartment ever? That is retarded. I see tons of paps in Chelsea/Tribeca/West Village all the time.
Just to add, there was video of Tom being reunited with Suri online. People start screaming as soon as he comes out the door. There are loads of paps and sad people that have bought their own kids to stare at Suri and Tom. If you watch it , i fail to see how any little kid could be used to it and how it won't mess them up. It's just weird!
Why does anyone believe an anonymous 'source' in a newspaper. Generally it means the writer has come up with an angle and they need something to make it seem valid. I seriously doubt Tom and the scientos will be getting a new beard lined up just yet, he would come across as unfeeling and insensitive.
Also there are more paps around Suri than ever before because of this split and she is at an age where she more aware. Tom or Kate could easily hole up somewhere remote for the sake of their kid but they don't.
I am beginning to wonder how many of these so called paps are actually Co$ bots deliberately trying to frighten Suri to make the GMD look good.
Drama. Fuck these parents. Kid will be traumatized with their bullshit. This is a critical time for this kid's sense of herself. Cruise has more than enough cash to create privacy for his family. Addicted to the attention all of them. I like the kid. Then again I like all kids. I'm with IF, they should have a house at the beach somewhere. She needs to get dirty and play in NATURE!!!
''heads out to call Loser Police on Tom Cruise'
Why are there always so many paps for this freak?
Tommy Girl is a Big Movie Star SEE and life wouldn't be worth living if he didn't have dozens of flash-bulbs and fan cries greeting his every emergence into our little people's world. That Suri has been dragged into this suggests that she has a supporting role in this freak show. Sick CO$ fuck.
nah, dont see this happening.
tammy gonna date some under-the-radar-celeb who needs stardom.
betcha tammy gonna morph into CO$ version of george clooney.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
There goes my money cause i had bet Kim Fatasshian's lawyers do nightshifts already working on a beard pre-nup.
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Do you want a banana?
No i don't wanna
I haven't read all the comments, but here's an idea--maybe the child in those photos is not Suri. Look again.
I have no love for either Tom or Katie and think that CO$ is a crock of shit. However, the poor little girl is probably upset and confused about what is going on and glad to see her daddy. Even if he is a crazy ass weirdo.
He could marry octoslag. Her feral children are probably ripe for brainwashing, octotard would have a roof over her head, and her litter could pull Suri around in a rickshaw or one of them jimmyjanks they used to carry Cleopatra around in.
The pap situation is sad, and both parents are probably guilty of staging photo ops with Suri for their own respective reasons.
But there's a noticeable difference. In the pictures with Katie the last few weeks, Suri has started to look and act more or her age... she's started to look more like a "normal," ordinary girl. A what, 6-7 year old who walks on her own instead of being carried around all the time like a baby.
In these photos with Tom, she's back to full-blown infantilization.
Maybe that's because the paps are more frenzied around Tom than around Katie. Maybe not.
Submitted by literarylioness on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:19am.
Why is the kid always being held? I don't remember being picked-up that much when I was six. Even Harper 7,8,9 is walking. Why can't Suri walk?
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Right, but you didn't have two famous, nutjobs who paraded you through one of the world's biggest cities, swarmed by hundreds of paps, within feet of you, fighting to take you pic.
Look at the second last thumb - would you let your 5 year old walk through that? I sure as hell wouldn't. We all know Suri can walk but her parents put her in positions where they have to hold her for her own safety. It's not her fault, it's theirs.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 8:39am.
Sickening, but very predictable. When Katie was whoring Suri out for paparazzi every single day until midnight for the past three weeks, Dlisted's world-renowned parenting experts justified it.
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They did? I said she was whoring out her kid and the kid shouldn't even be in the States right now, to ensure privacy.
Signed
DListed World Renowned Parenting Expert.
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Dark-sided!
Sickening, but very predictable. When Katie was whoring Suri out for paparazzi every single day until midnight for the past three weeks, Dlisted's world-renowned parenting experts justified it.
Now that Tom is photographed with her twice, our experts have flung themselves on the floor frothing and drooling from the mouth, pounding their fat sausage fingers to their chests like King Kong and screaming blue murder outrage over Suri's privacy and how she should be kept indoors.
Do you love to wake up knee-deep in your own shit or what.
Why is the kid always being held? I don't remember being picked-up that much when I was six. Even Harper 7,8,9 is walking. Why can't Suri walk?
she has ugly fingers.
Tammy is really looking like a nelly old queen - which is exactly what she is!!!!
Does she pad her butt?
The guy's JUST a movie star. It's not like he ever invented anything important or life-saving. And actors are merely 'cattle' as Hitchcock said.
Tom cruise is nasty! Would anyone really let tc watch their kid?Ever? Suri looks insane already. How sad!
Uhm- I haven't googles any images of Yolanda but in this pic - she looks like Suri circa 2026. My Tommy Creep Factor just doubled down.
Submitted by quickkill on Wed, 07/18/2012 - 11:21pm.
It's because getting married PROVES that he likes vagina, and is a heterosexual manly man who likes women. At least, he believes that will prove it.
Marriage is a tool to them, it seems. It's used to camouflage gay celebs, and to pull others into the cult for good if they drift away (Beck).
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 3:40am.
"I feel bad for the little girl in these photos. Very sad, let her live in peace."
ITA, Zomay. This feels wrong.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
I would hate it to have all those paps swarming around my child.
I feel bad for the little girl in these photos. Very sad, let her live in peace.
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Worrying is using your imagination
to create something you don’t want.
At least he's keeping with his own kind now. No more messing with Catholic girls. It always ends badly.
i was arguing with mr ka about some domestic shit - who remembers - and the tv was on mute. i saw tom cruise and then i saw this chick, and i immediately had a horrifying thought. tom cruise + kim kardashian. i know its totally impossible, but think about just how fucked things would be if it did happen. i think i'd have to go live off the grid somewhere and live to forget it all happened.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
They will without a doubt find him a wife who is in the cult this time. Katie really made Tommygirl and the cult look like the fools they are.
Submitted by SoulTaker on Wed, 07/18/2012 - 11:45pm.
He's not even legally divorced and already there's discussion about his forthcoming victim/employee/beardwife and marriage?
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I know!! Can they be more obvious and pathetic?!
Of course, it was just the end of a contract.
I don't get why Suri tolerates that krap. Why doesn't she just take off for Paris and start working the runways.... she's old enough. Then she could be independent and free from this douche bag.
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."
Anony: I hear you. I also just don't get all the hate on a little girl or a baby. I listened to an interview with Michael K recently, and the interviewer asked him if anyone was off limits to his snark. He said children.
I just think MK is the bestest. <3
the person in the pic looks like a girly boy and i bet her dick is bigger than toms. i shit you not
he is not making her do that. you think she would if he told her to?
obviously, she is a little girl who loves her father. didnt any of you have parents that you loved in spite of less than stellar performances? of course you did. most of us did.
she hasnt seen him in a long time, and she missed him. its pretty freaking basic.
sometimes the cynicism here blows my mind, and i am a burnt out old cynic.
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.
Why does suri appeared to be in fear for her life? The way she's wrapped around tommy girl like someone is after her. She's use to the millions of paps being around all the time so it can't be that. Very weird...hope i live to read her tell all book in 15 years.
As for ms. tommy's new beard, he likes them tall that way he can pretend it's a man. But, I think they're right that he'll get married pretty quickly to someone audited within an inch of her life and he'll be all zen and peace and love about it when he appears on oprah's super soul sunday.
What do you call a cholita scientologist?
just look at those eye brows and lipstick.
Pathetic Scientology PR move ( pretty much like everything else they do ).
Auditions for the new beard/robot wife will start soon , though.
She HAS been wearing that same dress every day. It's gotta be little kid stinky by now! :(
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by Droppin Kids Of... on Wed, 07/18/2012 - 9:19pm.
Buy me a damn puppy. I've been wearing this orange dress for 3 days now.
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Hahahahaha! It's true, isn't it?
edit: And she's wearing a SCRUNCHIE. This divorce must be really hard on the poor girl. If she starts wearing Crocs, we'll know she's gone off the deep end.
double post, sorry
He's not even legally divorced and already there's discussion about his forthcoming victim/employee/beardwife and marriage?
What a huge bunch of delusional, self-serving assholes.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Wed, 07/18/2012 - 10:56pm.
I'd love to be a fly on the wall when Sister tells her to get her ass back in her seat.
Yup. Though any parochial school that has tolerated Paris Hilton will put up with a lot.
I guess many straight guys would say "yeh id bang her" but IMO she looks ladyboy trannylicious.
Is Kirstie Alley still available?
My view is that shorty is purposely letting the paps view him when he is holding his daughter. Its pretty easy for a rich man to have bodyguards clear out a space or do something in secret.
Many stars never have encounters with paps--is it a miracle, or do they simply not tip them off?
Scary.
Do they EVER stay at home with her? Comb this girls hair! And walking every day up and down concrete sidewalks in those flat ballet shoes are going to murder her feet and legs.
This pairing will never work...he only marries actresses.
Why does Tom Cruise even have to get married ? He has three kids...I guess it is a Scientology thing...He makes a lot of money..He could have anyone ( man or woman ) pretty much anywhere...Screw it...don't get married anymore !