Ryan Lochte's Mom Keeps It TOO Real
Love & Hip Hop Atlanta trick, K. Michelle (Side note: If I was dyslexic and a drag queen, K. Michelle would be my drag name. No, I'm not dyslexic. You learn something new, I know.), shook her head no yesterday at the rumor that nine-time Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte is tapping his American flag grill on her coochie full-time. K. Michelle says they're only really good friends (Translation: she licks the chlorine off his peen every and and again). Well, according to Ryan Lochte's mom, Ike Lochte, K. Michelle is telling the truth, because she told Today that her son is too busy winning medals and stuff, and he really doesn't have time for anything beyond a fuck and run.
When asked about Ryan's personal life, Ike Lochte was fresh out of fucks to give when she said this about his free agent peen: “He goes out on one-night stands. He’s not able to give fully to a relationship because he’s always on the go.”
I love how she didn't even try to keep it vague by saying that he dates around and doesn't dip into anything serious. Ike Lochte just came out and said he's a hit it and quit it kind of slut. Debbie Phelps has some competition as the Olympic mother who wins my heart. But you know, I'm sure Ike Lochte being blunt as hell isn't going to embarrass Ryan. Ryan is too busy still trying to figure out the answer to the question "What's 7 times 4?" If you watch only one thing today, watch this priceless video of Ryan's greatest interview moments. If a perma-stoned Ryan Phillippe played Joey in Blossom, it would sort of look like this:
So many gems, but my favorite part is when he says that his cell phone screensaver is a picture of his brain.
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Haha aww he's speshul!!! Lol as some have already stated and speaking from my own experience---you don't have to be the next Mensa member to be a great swimmer. I mean seriously
"okay Ryan, all you have to do is get in the water and move your arms and legs as fast as you can..."
Hell if you're sprinting a short distance you don't even have to remember to breathe!
Good think he doesn't sink like the rock he's dumb as.
In my lay person's opinion, he actually seems to have brain damage. Maybe it was lack of oxygen at birth, a birth defect, a lack of oxygen from holding his breath too much while swimming, or maybe his Momma dropped him on his head when he was a baby. No matter what the origin, this man is Stupid, yes, Stupid with a capital S. Too damn bad because he is a fantastic athlete and easy on the eyes, but you couldn't so much as have dinner with the man. You would be talking to your bread for better response.
http://peppersteakandpolyester.wordpress.com/2012/08/03/6-things-peeing-...
What should we do with you, Ryan?
mitted by jaariel on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 12:00am.
I prefer this to pseudo-intellectual pretentious asses like John Mayer. Ryan might be dumb, but at least he ain't frontin like he knows shit.
And I soooooo would! I'd even let him talk ;)
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I've got to agree. I would definitely take a dumb, endearing guy over an asshole like John Mayer.
The goofy douche style he seems to be fond of, though, is gross. Those pictures on the buzzfeed page are mostly all pretty horrible. He's probably fun as a friend, but obnoxious as a boyfriend. I read something where he said his perfect woman (or celebrity crush, or something) was Carmen Electra. Fucking Carmen Electra! What decade are you living in, dude?! Sadly she's pretty much stuck in the late 90's, too, from what little I've seen of her in the past few years.
I prefer Phelps' body--Lochte's a little too trunky for my taste, but I'd probably still give it a turn, in an imaginary world where that opportunity would ever present itself. I also wonder why the hell Phelps' hasn't fixed his teeth. I'm ok with some slightly crooked teeth, but it really would help his face a lot if he got some Invisalign or something.
That was mean indeed. The video was made to make him look dumb- atheletes, Ryan included are far from dumb.
He's seems like such a nice guy even though he is dumb as bricks and at least he's not fake. he could get it anyday of the week...
Its Walter Junior
Dumb as the rocks on his screensaver. But cute.
Ryan Lochte or Thom Evans? hmmmmm tough ...not really
He's so ridiculous, but such a nice guy and always in a good mood. His little brain is totally butterflying into my heart.
The last three men I've dated all had advanced degrees, two Masters and a PhD, so it's safe to say I like the geeky/intellectual type. That being said, I'd still do Ryan, no matter how dumb he is. I have no shame.
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"We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
He maybe a stupid dick, but he is better looking than Phelps. Wonder if he has herpes like Phelps does.
I prefer this to pseudo-intellectual pretentious asses like John Mayer. Ryan might be dumb, but at least he ain't frontin like he knows shit.
And I soooooo would! I'd even let him talk ;)
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No, I am sorry D-listers, but I would do filthy, nasty, dirty things to that guy all night long. I guess I like goofy, dumb, pretty white guys. I am so turned on right now.
Submitted by Hockey fan on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 9:37pm.
submitted by snowball on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:33pm.
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At least a few on here have some sense! LOL
Still a yes! :)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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he's a dimwitted hick.
end of story.
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is a walking argument against nepotism.
just how many photo sessions has this self-absorbed douchebag done?!? no wonder he can't win, he was too busy promoting his douchie self to practice properly. Go, Phelps!
his douchieness is already approaching John Mayer levels and a week ago no one had ever heard of him ... now that's a major league douche!
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Aniston is artistically, intellectually and reproductively barren.
Paltrow is a walking argument against nepotism.
I like the comment on Jezebel: "I'd hit it like a Jeopardy buzzer. I'll take the walk of shame for $1000, Alex"
ubmitted by snowball on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:33pm.
Don't care if he's a douchebag. I'll tape his mouth shut (leaving the dimple side open) and do him until he's a desiccated husk.
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THIS. I don't care if he's got an ego the size of Phelps' gaping maw-- just shut the fuck up and do me, asshole. Then get out.
Speaking of Phelps' mouth-- Debbie, what the fuck? you couldn't get his fucking TEETH fixed? It's not like he's a hockey player-- he SWIMS for Chrissake! It's called Invisalign!
Ryan Lochte can dip his dick into my pool anytime. God damnm, he's fine.
WOOOOO!!
Tyler Clary (who went to school with my son) Just beat Lochte AND took his record to boot!
One of our very own Riversidians!
it takes so little to make me happy. Like winning the gold.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
JFC. Just no.
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"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it." - Hamlet, Shakespeare
"his cell phone screensaver is a picture of his brain." LOL! You're awesome, MK.
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No escapin' when I start
Once I'm in, I own your heart.
Mark Spitz was/is really dumb, too. It's not like being, say, a quarterback; you just have to swim from here to there and have a high tolerance for suffering.
I personally love men who dont talk much...Im always saying to my husband ( who I thought barely spoke when we were first dating) tricked me because now he never shuts up fer fucks sake....
Ryan here is adorable and i dont know how old he is but the only thing wrong with a 20 year old is... he's not 19.....
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
The shade of it all Michael K!!!!!! ahahahhaahhaahhahaha picture of his brain hahahah
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
- Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
Why are all these swimmers dumb as hell? Phelps is pretty fucking stupid as well, too much time in the water not enough time reading.
I think this article from Jezebel sums it up nicely:
http://jezebel.com/5931055/10-reasons-ryan-lochte-is-americas-sexiest-do...
he's mom is very strange, happy that he only has one stands, is it going to turn into Norman from "Psycho" He's going to be one of those 40 year old men, who never marries, occasional girlfriend and goes to his mother's house for dinner.
Yeay a male bimbo. When I saw that grill on his teeth I suspected he was dumb as a box of bricks, and his interview clips just confirmed it.
He reminds me of Dr. Steve Brule
I don't really like Ryan. I'm all about Phelps.
Maybe it's just me, and I pick a popular figure to dislike. Maybe I'm all about nonconformity. I refuse to like Lady Gaga and Katy Perry and the Call Me Maybe person. I refused to like Britney Spears and Christina when I was in 6th grade. My noncomformist views has gone back a long time, I guess.
Well, without giving too much away, I think Lochte's going to be on the prowl for a couple of hate fucks tonight.
Submitted by Janice Second on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:46pm.
I didn't say it was totally unfounded, I didn't say China has never been shady; and I read other examples of their strictness with their athletes.
I'm just saying that because it's Big Bad China people are jumping to conclusions. The average person has NO IDEA what these athletes have to go through on a daily basis. And on the day, it might be the temperature of the water, the swimming suit or some good omen that makes them go one second faster.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:36pm.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:11pm.
I'm pretty sure China takes anti-doping more seriously than any other country because of their past.
It has nothing to do with doping. A few Chinese women just withdrew from Badminton for throwing matches (like today). In 2008, Chinese got in trouble for having girls on their team who were under the Olympic age limit (which is 16 years old). Those girls were 14 and 12. There are several other examples of the Chinese doing shady shit at the Olympics too, so it's not totally unfounded.
Yes he has a hot body but his douchiness repels me!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 3:11pm.
Ian Thorpe said that between the age of 15 and 16 he dropped 7 seconds (I think) from his lap time, which is huge, so there is no reason why it would be "impossible" for any other swimmer, with intensive training, to achieve this irrespective of the fact that she's a girl.
And secondly, I'm pretty sure China takes anti-doping more seriously than any other country because of their past. They have an Olympics school for God's sake. They disqualified some of their own athletes just because they showed up at the wrong location for testing. So it's safe to say they're not fucking around with their Gold status. They're producing athletic machines out there while Phelps is busy smoking pot and being lackadaisical about training, so Shiwen's achievement does not seem in the least "impossible" to me. Until it is proven that she doped, that is. At every Olympics new records are made. I'm sure there will soon be someone faster than Bolt.
Sorry, but the 1990s is not "recent past". China has moved on in many ways since then, but anti-China sentiment apparently hasn't.
I doubt he cares much that he's cerebrally challenged. I'm sure his gold medals and $ponsorship deals keep him warm at night.
Personally, I don't find him attractive. From some angles he looks boss-eyed and what's with that ugly grill thing?
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Vile - Linda La Hughes
He's hot, but dumb.
Why to Americans use the world "like" four or five times in every fucking sentence?
It's annoying as "LIKE" shit..............LIKE.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 12:45pm.
LOL @ these butthurt American swimming coaches still bitching about that 16 year old Chinese girl. Sit down, eat your sour grapes and shut the fuck up.
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That's the unfortunate consequence for being from a country that engaged in state-sanctioned doping of their swimmers in the recent past. It's not only that American coach who was suspicious, though of course, he's the one that gets quoted.
The IOC keeps drug tests for 8 years, because dopers are often far ahead of the curve. Innocent until proven guilty, like Lance Armstrong and Marion Jones, but people are right to be suspicious about Shiwen, given the combo of her age / her physique / the nature of her final split in the IM (it's almost unheard of for a female swimmer to out-split a much larger male swimmer), and her country's propensity to cheat on a large scale.
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"SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!"
Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:41pm
yeah and like Taylor i pretend to be a sweet country girl with my giddy songs, but in the evening the real me comes alive *thank Sheryl Lee Ralph*
good night its bedtime for me :P
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:42pm.
lol and the brazilian guys arent shy at all. its flesh everywhere.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:51pm.
Submitted by DiamondDogs on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 1:48pm.
have you heard about the dlist hors and my dream trip to the rio di janeiro 2016 olympic games?? brazilian guys are the hotness, i think i might need a masseuse cuz ill get a neck whiplash from turning around to look at all the hot guys.
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Dude, fucking everyone in Brazil is hot. Even the 80 year old abuelitas strut their stuff on the beach in skimpy bikinis. I am soooo looking forward to Rio it's not even funny!
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"SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!"
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:31pm.
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Sorry Loopy, YOU wouldn't but Loopy the second, definitely WOULD. Don't you take the little leash off and let it run free? HAHAHAAH or is it on a time lock... lol just kidding ya! Your virtue is like Taylor's, untouched!
"Whorey Potter" - lmao
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Don't care if he's a douchebag. I'll tape his mouth shut (leaving the dimple side open) and do him until he's a desiccated husk.
Then maybe I'll go for one of the water polo teams. I love the Olympics.
*doesn't objectify men at all*
Submitted by Janice Second on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:23pm.
Submitted by IBeLizzy on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 12:32pm.
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You make a very good case, but he would 1) be naked 2) in the water. So, I don't see how those pictures have any relevance, olololol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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ROFL! Thanks, Mama Lochte. She should get together with fellow Rupert Sanders's dad...the two seem to have verbal diarrhea.
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"SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!"
Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 08/02/2012 - 2:26pm.
Loopy, who would you NOT hit? Lochte with Carol Channing? I find that hard to believe. If we put in front of you a torso with the face covered, I think lower Loopy, would not know the difference, how could he tell? lol
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*runs hand through comb fringe, sticks nose in the air* NOPE! *shakes head* im not whorey potter.
do you think I just sleep with every male swimmer who wins a gold medal?
nooooo, I give them handjobs.
DERP!!
And not only would I still hit it in spite of the dumbness, but probably because of it. I have a thing for dumb jocks...
His mom is a creeper.