Open Post: Hosted By Doogie Howser And Child

File this under: Yet another reason to hate on toddlers.

Toddlers have don’t have to work, don’t have to go to school, don’t have to walk much, don’t have to go through a 30-minute beauty treatment every night, can get away with wearing fucked up outfits in public, can make a poopy in their pants without getting judged for it and they don’t have to worry about getting the cops called on them when they bust into a full tantrum on the floor of a McDonald’s after their parent refuses to buy them a soft-serve. Toddlers have it all!

And Neil Patrick Harris’ twin toddlers really have it all. Look at this toddler. This toddler is in the arms of Doogie Howser on Elton John’s yacht in St. Tropez while all of us aren’t in the arms of Doogie Howser and aren’t on Elton John’s yacht docked in St. Tropez. But mostly, I’m mad at that toddler for making that life vest work, because I’ve never ever been able to do that no matter how hard I try to match my boat-riding outfit with the color orange.