Papa Joe Busted For DUI
When Jessica Simpson gets a call on the hot dog phone next to her bed in the middle of the night on a Saturday, it's usually from a drunken Papa Joe asking her what she's wearing. But on the night of August 4th, Papa Joe called Jessica Simpson on the hot dog phone next to her bed to ask her to pick him up from jail....and then he asked her what she was wearing. TMZ says that Papa Joe put his Christian pastor values to good use last Saturday night when he drank some of the fermented blood of Christ before getting in his car to drive down Ventura Blvd. in Sherman Oaks.
Papa Joe was driving along when a flashing police siren in his rear-view mirror made whatever buzz he had left in his system slip out of his b-hole, because his drunk time drive party for one was officially over. The cops walked up to Papa Joe's window and got the feeling that he was under the influence of booze, so they arrested him, took him down to jail and kept him there the entire night. Papa Joe was released the next morning without having to pay bail. Criminal charges against him haven't been filed yet.
Nowhere in TMZ's report does it say that the cop tested Papa Joe's state of drunkenness with a sobriety test or a breathalyzer blow, so I'm guessing the officers just got the sense that he was boozed up. Was it because Papa Joe pulled a Randy Travis and wasn't wearing pants when they pulled him over? Because Papa Joe never drives with pants on. Papa Joe always keeps it pant-less while driving, because he's always prepared to tickle his down low parts with one hand as a sexy young piece next to his car walks down the street. And it would be highly irresponsible of Papa Joe to use both of his hands to take his pants off while driving. Maybe the cops figured Papa Joe was drunk, because when they walked up to his window, he told them to squeeze them titties together and shake, shake, shake 'em for daddy, bitch. That doesn't mean Papa Joe's drunk! Because both Jessica and Ashlee will tell you that he does that even when he's sober.
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I bet he was also drunk-driving Jessica while driving. So irresponsible.
"In the seventies, there were only three reasons why three people would be in a room together: to have sex, to snort cocaine, or to have sex on a giant pile of cocaine." --- The Cinema Snob
oh, pplleeaassee let his mugshot include overalls, and a triple x labeled jug!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
hahaha *voms* hahahahaha
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sat, 08/11/2012 - 12:41am.
and when that song plays, papa joe's vision of jessica goes into matrix style slow motion, so each boob jiggles at a 1/100th of a second, its almost like watching earth shake.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sat, 08/11/2012 - 12:41am.
you know thats the song papa joe's head plays whenever he sees jessica.
hahaha finally 2 people know this song!!
I thought it was Glen Beck before I read the caption.
And Papa Joe always struck me as an abusive, drunken perv. The bags under his eyes and his asinine behavior are dead giveaways.
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
SILK, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!
freak me baby, ohhhh yeah, beeenuuuoooo beeeenuuuwww
freak me baby, oh yeah... let me lick you up and down, make you say stop, let me play with you baby make you real hot...
you will know that song if you from the 90s :)
Submitted by DianaDeath on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 12:31pm.
Followed by Next's "Too Close". *pukes*
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hahaha and papa joe really belts out in high pitch "you're making it harrrrrrrrrddd for me"
Perv
"When Jessica Simpson gets a call on the hot dog phone next to her bed"
Here lies Elmo. Dead from laughter.
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"Somewhere, Jennifer Love Hewitt is vagazzling the words "FUCK MY LIFE" onto her crotch while deep throating a Pillsbury cookie dough roll".--MK
Always thought we'd find Papa Joe servicing Ryan Cabrera or "managing" boy bands at this late date. Glad to see he is still enjoying himself never the less.
Stupid whore. Doesn't he wear an earring and fake bake?
Submitted by MTurtle on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 12:11pm.
No one in this family should be a household name.
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ITA, but Jess at least deserves some special recognition for her "chicken of the sea" and "buffalo wings" comments!! LOL
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:50am.
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FREEEEAAAK!
Papa Joe, not you, HAHAHAHA ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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That right there is a punchable face.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
lislop - Oh me and the cab companies are friends now. LOL
Actually, if we go out I usually don't even drink. I'll only drink at home, unless there is a special occassion.
like tomorrow we have a wedding to go to, but BH already stated he's not drinking, so, I'M GOOD!
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 12:26pm.
fredfred - actually California has some of the most strict laws on DUI. But I guess if you are a celebrity they don't apply to you.
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It's true, CA is strict! When I lived there we would pitch in and rent a hotel room for $100 a night or we'd use a taxi.
Sick pervert!
fredfred - actually California has some of the most strict laws on DUI. But I guess if you are a celebrity they don't apply to you.
I was stupid enough to drive after drinking a few years ago and got busted. I spent the night in jail, went to court, pleaded no contest (not going to try to justify being a stupid fuck), got sentenced to 10 days in jail, but never served any of them due to "over crowding" but I did have to do 40 hours of community service. I also had to attend a 9 month DUI "school", pay out my ass in fines, my license was restricted for a year (to and from work, picking up kids from school only) and was given 5 years probation with zero tolerence. If I fucked up probation, 30 days in jail mandatory.
Needless to say, I learned my lesson.
Submitted by MTurtle on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 12:10pm.
Well that is cool if he is coming to your place to work something out. He sounds like he at least runs a decent enough company.
The year before a state hwy worker was weed eating and hit a rock and it shattered my drivers side windshield. I pulled over and they immediately took my info and 1 wk later they sent me a check for the amount to replace the windshield after I had sent them 3 estimates on the replacement. The dude from a few months back was a prick. Fat and sweaty too! Anyway, he owned the company and refused to admit it was his fault, and told me to "go take some more drugs, bitch, cuz I ain't fixin' it. Law's on mah side!" And unfortunately it was, as it is up to the private company's discretion if they want to accept responsibility or not. So now I have a crack and will probably have to pay for a new windshield when it comes time for my inspection next year!
When Jessica showered and walked out with only a towel, Papa Joe's mind started playing "Silk: Freak Me"
Followed by Next's "Too Close". *pukes*
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
and all I can think when I look at him is, "His poor wife." Imagine having that face and paunchy gut grunting and slobbering over you. Bleh!! :P :P
One can just sense how foul his breath is from that photo. Probably keeps a little package of Sen-Sen in his pocket to ward off the booze stench. :P
OK, now I feel a tad queasy....
No one in this family should be a household name.
Cuppy, that sucks, sorry that happened to you!
You're right about the companies not accepting liability but I think they are going to fix my car. The fact that he is coming to our house pretty much tells me they are going to pay. My husband talked to him and discredited just about every argument he gave for how it couldn't have been their fault, etc. Which is also fucked up that it took my husband talking to him to get anything done...but i digress lol...
You know, Papa Joe strikes me as the type that would have an Eric Johnson skin suit made, and then on the day of her "wedding" drug ol' Eric during a pre-wedding toast and then slip the skin suit on and marry his own daughter.
Take a look at his earlobes and read this:
http://www.ehow.com/about_6618431_earlobes-heart-disease.html
He may have bigger issues than drunk driving in his future. (Hopefully he won't have the big one while measuring his daughter for her Weight Watchers bikini pics...how embarrassing!)
Papa Joe even went to Indonesia and bought a degree in gynecology, $10,000 USD, so he can be jess' personal gynecologist.
@whamo - lmao
"gettin' lucky tonite!" {{slurps on JD bottle}} "Oh yeah!"
@loopyg - yes, I believe so {{cringing for knowing that useless factoid!!}}
Maybe he got a little drunk on his way to Jessica's place because he was pretty sure "tonight was the night"?
Submitted by moonmaid on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 12:00pm.
didnt they break up cuz asshit fucked another guy?
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:55am.
what does Asshit Simpson think about all this? i mean she went all skater-emo, and did that Ashlee Simpson show, and the song was like "im not like my sister, she's stupid, im smarterer"
Yeah, and then she married 1-pop-emo-hit wonder Pete Wentz and kinda blew that premise out the window...
I know it's terrible to laugh at someone's misfortune (but hey, isn't that why we're all here?) but this made me truly laugh out loud. This holier-than-thou creepatron has skeeved me out from the time I heard that he gave Jessica a promise ring when she was a teenager and bragged about her D cup breasts.
Creepy old bastard.
Submitted by MTurtle on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:53am.
Good luck with that Muddy. If the gravel truck was a state truck, they will pay, but if it was a private company they won't. I am not sure what state you are in, but in the state where I live, private gravel trucks bear no responsibility. Three months ago, I had a gravel truck, who had an UNCOVERED load they were hauling, crack my windshield. I had a huge fight with the guy and then went to the police, who told me I was S.O.L, because unless the company agrees to pay, they have no legal claim to make them pay. Hopefully the laws are different in your state!
Ugh ladies, here's a creepy Papa Joe item from a few years back: http://forum.purseblog.com/celebrity-news-and-gossip/joe-simpson-creepy-...
Of course, when you look up the word "creepy" in Webster's, there is a photo of smiling Papa Joe chomping gum and salivating over his daughter's double-dees...
what does Asshit Simpson think about all this? i mean she went all skater-emo, and did that Ashlee Simpson show, and the song was like "im not like my sister, she's stupid, im smarterer"
mad tv ashlee simpson show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVdVZr-XhMY
Lmao. Yall are hilarious today.
I'm in a shitty mood cause a dump truck full of gravel chipped my paint and my windshield on the only NEW car I've ever owned yesterday...the person "in charge" of that at the company told me "sorry, but thats how the world works...not responsible"
Fuck you, motherfucker. In my world, people take responsibility for their actions...we raised so much hell he's coming Monday to assess the damage.
Back to OT: gross!
I see she takes after her hubby, doesn't she know Fez only likes 'em pre menstrual?
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3495008768/nm1622779
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"Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun."
Submitted by miz cynical on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:50am.
Loopy: you are on a disgusting little roll here! But don't stop :D!
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i don't get an opportunity often to poke fun at papa, so i hold up all this ammunition and wait for the day it arrives and TODAY is THE DAY!
OMG LOL Mary.. those credits!!!!! "actress" ahahah
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"Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun."
Submitted by WithinReason... on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:41am.
apparently they went on an aspen ski trip and papa joe insisted on warming his hands by juggling jessica's jungus.
Loopy: you are on a disgusting little roll here! But don't stop :D!
Hekki: Jess does have a mom, whom she oddly resembles. She's very quiet in the whole situation. I get the impression that if it weren't for them being 'good, upstanding Christians' she would've divorced his ass a while ago. I don't know...either she's oblivious to his creepiness or just too dumb to see it. He's very Tina Knowles/Dina Lohan...but creepier.
cuppy: LOL @ "daddy allowance"
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"Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun."
Submitted by moonmaid on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:45am.
UGH! Moonmaid thank God you knew better! WTF is up with old men pedos?
My mom always told me to never trust an adult male who wants you to call him "Uncle". LOL.
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 11:45am.
can't his daughter sell a couple of pairs of shoes and get him a cap for that molar?
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That's what I was thinking, but then I figured he was probably spending his "daddy allowance" on booze and under age hookers, so that explains the teefs.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1622779/
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Fri, 08/10/2012 - 10:42am.
Maybe because I am in a particularly foul mood today my words may be harsh, but this man is a fucking disgusting, sick piece of shit.
The comments he has made about his daughter over the years have been borderline pedophile and incest lover.
Glad he got arrested, stupid fucking asshole.
I actually thought you were being too kind. He is dreck. Reminds me of a family "friend" that used to chase me all over, insistenly saying "I want a kiss!" I would run away crying. Even at age 5, I knew that shit was wrong.