That Life-Ruining Tramp Slut Kelly Taylor Just Can't Stop Herself

We've all seen this episode a million times, but I guess Kelly Taylor is really into re-living the reruns, because that stringy-haired, Contempo Casuals-wearing, home-wrecking klepto skank is at it again. The literary journal of 100% truthiness that is The National Enquirer (via Page Six) says that while shooting that piece of crap Old Navy commercial, Jennie Garth and Luke Perry found love in a Brenda Walsh-less place. Ever since then, Kelly Taylor has been riding Dylan McKay and I bet that when she stares deep into his greasy tenhead, she sees Brenda Walsh winking back at her. Some source (aka a publicist for Old Navy using a pay phone at the Peach Pit) said this about Kelly and Dylan's reunion:

"Since seeing Luke again, Jennie has fallen in love with him and Luke feels the same. There is an electricity between them that has been revived after all these years. It just happened.”

That electricity isn't from chemistry, it's from Brenda Walsh burning them with her bitch eyes. Jennie's rep denies all of this and says she's just friends with Luke, but whatever. I know how that Dylan-jacking whore operates. Let Kelly have her fun while she can, because we all know how this ends. Yes, it ends with me finally checking into a mental hospital to seek treatment for not letting go of TV shows from the 90s, but it also ends like this:

Jennie: What are you doing for Labor Day?
Luke: Going to Baja.
Jennie: .......

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by aradia07 on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 11:21pm.

Never watched one episode.

Submitted by hotbitch01 on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 10:11pm.

Hell yeah it was, luvsmekitty! My friends & I used to watch and then discuss with our teacher the next day. Fuck English, it was all about Melrose & 90210. Ahh, the good ole days. Anyway, I just saw pics of these two on People and you could tell they have either A) already fucked or B) were going to within the next 5 minutes. They should probably give it a try. Why not?

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 7:27pm.

Whamo & Within -- hey! Oh, yeah, James Woods has a huge dick. I have a James Woods story. When he was filming the movie "Straight Talk" with Dolly Parton in Chicago, he waved moi & my friends across the street to talk to him. We were in a hurry to get back to work and didn't go. Maybe I could have checked out the dick situation personally. But seriously, as much as I talk, I'm really not that type of chick. Yeah, Tony Randall, not quite the sex symbol type.

Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 6:55pm.

Hi Twatty and Whamo, what's this about big dick? What, how, where? HAAHHAHAHAHA lolol :p

Soooo glaaaaad it's Thursdaaaaaaaay!!!!!

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 6:52pm.

I knew Jennie would get with Luke sooner or later, lollol And MK, I agree, now we all know how that Dylan-jacking whore operates, he's totally playing this exactly right! lmao

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 6:38pm.

@ Twatty...,,Tony Randal lmao, quite the sex symbol I'd say. I heard James Woods has a bigun as well AND the dude has an IQ of 160 or something like that....so....well...there you go. :)

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 5:01pm.

Whamo -- it puts a little spring in my step, you know? You know who I heard had a big dick? It really shocked me, and it reminded me the other night when I was watching a Doris Day/Rock Hudson movie -- Tony Randall! Who would have thought, right?

Submitted by Madam Pince on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:29pm.

Jennie deserves a good time after Peter Facinelli dumped her. Hope she's having fun with whomever she's bonking.

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"Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly." ~~ Jon Hamm

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 4:21pm.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:59pm.

Once I hear a guy has a big dick, it goes in the vault. I'm sick that way.
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LOL, Ah Twatty that's classic.

Submitted by Tatiana on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:45pm.

Fuck this stupid show, I was the only girl in the fifth grade who wasn't watching it and wasn't gaga over Luke Perry and his sideburns, and all the other girls acted like something was very badly wrong with me. Pfft.

I remember "YM" magazine talked about Luke's then-wife once and her name was Minnie Sharp but they called her "Mimi Shark". Too bad that wasn't really her name since Mimi Shark is the best name ever.

Submitted by MadgesVadge on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:56pm.

Contempo Casuals! Oh, high school.... flared jeans, baby-doll dresses and thigh high stockings like Cher in Clueless.

I want so badly for this rumor to be true!
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom

Submitted by guest on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:44pm.

Team Brenda!

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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."

Submitted by MeowMeow on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:44pm.

Submitted by youarestupid on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:17pm.

I call for an Old Navy commercial that involves Emily Valentine trying to set all the performance fleece on fire.

_______________________

HELL YES! ^^^^

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:12pm.

Lurch and Hand from the Adams Family were DEF getting it on back in the day. You could totally feel the sexual vibes.

·...¸><((((º>·´¯`·. ¸.><((((º> .·´¯`·..·><((((º>
Visit The Freckle on Lindsay Lohan's Lip on Facebook.

Submitted by youarestupid on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:47pm.

I call for an Old Navy commercial that involves Emily Valentine trying to set all the performance fleece on fire.

Submitted by Kizzy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:40pm.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:08pm.

Submitted by Kizzy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:04pm.
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Oh, whew, good!!~ TYVM (sorry I'm too lazy to look it up)

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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥

Submitted by MeowMeow on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:38pm.

How come no one's mentioned Shannen Doherty's GODDAMNED TEEFS yet? Fuck her wonk eye -- I can live with that. But her teeth are jacked -- total smoker's teeth.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:38pm.

Submitted by Kizzy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:04pm.

He's still alive Kizzy. I think Carmine Ragusa may have died. *runs to Google*

Edited- Carmine is still alive too.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:35pm.

Submitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:59pm.

It is a sure thing, THANK GOD! The ratings have steadily declined and MTV fears that sober Mike and Mama Snookie ain't gonna cut it! If ONLY Snookie had gotten pregnant the first season and Mike sober!

Submitted by Kizzy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:34pm.

Submitted by luvsmekitty on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 3:00pm.
I'm pretty sure Squiggy's gone.

Submitted by luvsmekitty on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:30pm.

Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:48pm.
BS. Someone is getting lazy. First Mulder and Scully are reunited and allegedly "doing it." Now another 90's show couple, reunited and are supposedly back for more? Not buying it. Even if true. yawn.
Melrose Place was the shit back in the day.
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I know! Next thing you know, they'll be telling us that Shirley and Squiggy are doing the no-no-naughty. *hoping neither one is dead*

And Boogie Boo, your avatar is cracking. me. up.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:29pm.

Whamo -- it's possible that Jason Priestley is also a dick, but I did read he also possesses a large dick. Hey, I'm a size queen -- I know my shit. Once I hear a guy has a big dick, it goes in the vault. I'm sick that way.

Submitted by MissDior on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:21pm.

I was at the mall yesterday thinking it was a damn shame Contempo Casuals was out of business! I used to shop their clearance all the time as a broke ass college girl. Now that I'm a grown up and can afford full price hip huggers and baby t's it's gone! But good on Kelly and Dylan for hooking it up.

Submitted by Dion flowerboy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:18pm.

BS. Someone is getting lazy. First Mulder and Scully are reunited and allegedly "doing it." Now another 90's show couple, reunited and are supposedly back for more? Not buying it. Even if true. yawn.
Melrose Place was the shit back in the day.

Submitted by Boogie Boo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:10pm.

DONNA MARTIN GRADUATE!!!

Submitted by Chirio on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:08pm.

Hey "kelly" leave my man alone. go to Baja and become a prostituta.

Coma Caca!
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Submitted by CeeCee on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:58pm.

Ok last I remember Perry was married to some skank from his fan club who sent her panties to him in the mail. I think she was British and her name was Minnie but could have her mixed up with Minnie Driver. I'd look it up but am on my damn phone.

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:57pm.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:25pm.

I heard that Jason Priestley has a huge dick. Since we're talking about 90210 & all . . .
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I think that read Jason Priestley IS a huge dick

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:55pm.

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:18pm.

The Situation is on Celeb Big Brother in the UK right now
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I did not know that Snowy, that pay cheque should last a week or two.

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:55pm.

I heard that Jason Priestley has a huge dick. Since we're talking about 90210 & all . . .

Submitted by Kizzy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:51pm.

Didn't watch that show, have had to suffer that fucking show brought us Shannen fucking Doherty and the living troll doll Tori Spelling, one of the most fugliest creatures ever spawned!! AND ALL THEIR DISGUSTING BEHAVIOR SINCE!! Just those two, everybody else seems to know how to behave themselves. OH!! That nasty Brian Austin Green, too, but since he's with Megan Fox, he's enduring his own circle of Dante's Inferno.

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:48pm.

The Situation is on Celeb Big Brother in the UK right now

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"Shut up, brain! "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." "Did he participate in the actual Olympics or Special Olympics?" Evil_Cupcake

Submitted by mefunigirl on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:47pm.

Submitted by luvsmekitty on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:12pm.
Oh man, how I loved this show. And then Melrose Place right after it?? That was THE night for television.

Melrose Place!! I wanted to live there so badly!
http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb58377/90210/images/e/ed/MP_Apartmen_Complex_(R).jpg

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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz

Submitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:43pm.

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 2:07pm.
Submitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:46pm.

Okay, this is TOTALLY off-topic...but...The Jersey Shore has been cancelled!
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With Snookie and Jwow with their own show it was inevitable I think, those two are the two "stars" anyway. I hope the situation saved some money cause me thinks he's about to have many money Situations.

If I was a no talent (glares at the room) that was lucky enough to get on a show like that I wouldn't spend a red cent because you know you'll never see payday's like that again. At least if you're an real actor you can tell yourself you'll get another job but WTF are those assclown Juice Heads going to do for cake now? Appearance fees are only good when your show is on or shortly after it's over, that money dries up fast.

JHC I can't believe I had much to shit out about a show I've never seen more the 10min in my whole live!

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Totally agreed.

Submitted by luvsmekitty on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:42pm.

Oh man, how I loved this show. And then Melrose Place right after it?? That was THE night for television.

Submitted by Kizzy on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:38pm.

ubmitted by chewinsmoke on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:47pm.

Off topic, but noteworthy to us haters:
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OOOOOH THAT BITCH, THAT FUCKING BITCH!!!!

Lady, do the world a favor. Walk this bitch down, and FUCK HER UP.
(after the producers fix yo' shit, of course)
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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:37pm.

Submitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:46pm.

JHC I can't believe I had much to shit out about a show I've never seen more the 10min in my whole live!

Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:32pm.

Submitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:59pm.

i'm disappointed they're not pulling this season's episodes too :-(

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Submitted by Bizzarelife on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:29pm.

Okay, I certainly hope that the cancellation of "The Jersey Shore" is a reality. It was on Yahoo!:

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/-jersey-shore--canceled.html

Hopefully, they speak the truth. I will be so incredibly disappointed if it is not the truth!

Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:29pm.

Submitted by winniwins on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:48pm.

Submitted by sinjin on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 1:29pm.
Submitted by MahatMaCoat :
This has bothered me for years; look at the picture of Shannen Doherty and you will see that one of her eyes is massively higher than the other, it bothers me - ___________________________________________

I thought errbody was aware of Shannon's Picasso face. Maybe not the Third World, but at least errbody else, I'm pretty sure. Yeah.
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"Picasso face" LOL Winny, I always knew she had wonk eye but that is sheer poetry

On that note we give Winny a nod and show how Shannon inspired this Picasso masterpiece

http://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/picasso-sarajessicap...

Submitted by Helena on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:27pm.

PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.

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Devil's advocate.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:22pm.

I watched EVERY single episode of this when I was a teenager. I LIVED for this show. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Season I liked most was when Kelly was a coke addict and that hot piece Colin was her BF.

Submitted by youarestupid on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:20pm.

"There is an electricity between them..."

Much like me and the fucking hairdryer I'm about to throw in my own bath water.

Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:20pm.

Bizarre, is that true? LOL. That show wore out its welcome a long time ago. Nobody cares about them anymore...everyone's moved on to bigger, better, and freakier things, like Honey Boo Boo.

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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!

Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:20pm.

MK don't hate on kelly taylor, her husband peter vaseline left her after he got fame on twilight and you wouldnt be happy either if you found out your husband left your ass cuz he got his cock sucked by taylor lautner.

Submitted by winniwins on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:18pm.

I thought errbody was aware of Shannon's Picasso face. Maybe not the Third World, but at least errbody else, I'm pretty sure. Yeah.
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Me too! It's bugged me since Little House on the Prairie. Same thing with Thora Birch and those Mutt and Jeff tits.

Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Thu, 08/30/2012 - 12:18pm.

I remember watching this shit as a small child wondering why the girls were so worked up over Dylan. He's FUG and vaguely resembles George W. Bush. Also, I don't buy this story. Wasn't she spotted with a semi-hot new piece lately?!
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Douchechill!