Seal's Tip To Heidi Klum: Don't Fornicate With The Help
The rumor is that Heidi Klum's bodyguard Martin Kristen has been protecting her body extra close and most nights, he strips her down, strips himself down and then protects her body by lying on her so no bullets can hit her or anything. Seal was going through LAX the other night and TMZ asked him about Heidi being the Whitney to Martin's Kevin Costner. Seal basically said that Heidi's rose stopped kissing him, because she was too busy humping on her bodyguard. And it's kind of hard kissing Heidi's rose when Martin's dick is shoved into it. Heidi's cooch: one day you're in, the next day you're out, because the bodyguard's up in there.
Being the eloquent poet that he is, Seal said this when asked about Martin and he also said my favorite phrase of the day:
"Look, boys, this is what happens when two people separate, they move on and that generally means there's new people in their lives. I don't expect Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun. But as always, my main priority is the emotional of our children and to be quite honest if there's going to be somebody in their lives I'd much rather it be a familiar face. The only thing I would've preferred is if...um... I didn't expect any better from him, I would've thought Heidi would've shown a little bit more class and at least waited until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help."
Heidi wouldn't say if she's fornicating with the help now, but she denied fornicating with the help while she was married to Seal. Who cares either way, because we all won by Seal mouth farting the phrase: FORNICATE WITH THE HELP. I don't know if I should put on my coat and damn tails because it sounds like some prim and proper shit that would slip off of Maggie Smith's tongue in Downton Abbey. Or if it sounds dirtier than saying, she's getting dicked in the puss by her bodyguard. I don't know, but I do know that Seal's next single should be called Fornicate with the Help.
Here's Heidi and the help in NYC, making their way to her apartment to fornicate.
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I find the new guy to be every bit as heinous as Seal; bilious even.
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."
It's not "fornicating" if she was married. That's adultery. It's fornication when everyone involved is single and having sex outside of marriage. Geez.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 09/01/2012 - 10:25pm.
@ joeshmoe
From what I've heard your insights into infidelity are legendary.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 09/01/2012 - 10:21pm.
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT when you posts on cheating threads.
Leverage. Haha, he's already recanting.
http://www.tmz.com/2012/09/02/seal-heidi-klum-cheating/
Should have taken a leaf out of Gaddafi's book. Female bodyguards.
You simply cannot trust any guy around your woman. Fact. They are all trying to position themselves to "be there" or make a move when the inevitable tough times come around. Jungle rules!
The bodyguard is a sneaky little cocksucker and doesn't know the first thing about being professional*. Yeah I said it.
*If it's true of course ;)
--thanks awfully--
What would be honest is if Seal came out and admitted he cheated throughput their marriage AND that he can't control his temper. That would be refreshing. He's an asshole trying to get money. Admit that.
Oh, yes, he absolutely is. And if he cheated and was abusive Heidi should call his ass out about it the same way. It would probably help her case when she tells the courts she doesn't think he deserves shit.
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Love the Moms in your life. It would suck with out them.
What would be honest is if Seal came out and admitted he cheated throughput their marriage AND that he can't control his temper. That would be refreshing. He's an asshole trying to get money. Admit that.
R Kelly is right, Kate Moss is outta line.
I find Seal's honesty refreshing. Every time celeb couple break up we get a bs story about growing apart and remaining friends. Kudos for calling that shit out because if my husband starts screwing around on me, please believe me when I say that I will make sure the whole world knows. Bosses, coworkers, facebook friends, neighbors, the mailman, our H&R block girl. You cheat on your spouse, you don't get a say in how they handle that shit.
Yeah, they have kids that probably don't need to know that their mom is sleeping with her bodygaurd-but if that's a big deal, she SHOULDN'T BE SLEEPING WITH HIS ASS!
And yeah it sounds assholish to say she's fucking the help, but imagine ur spouse not only screwing around, but screwing someone one your payroll-to hell with niceties, I'd refer to him as the help, too. That shit was meant to slap her and her bodyguard in the face, and it did.
The real tragedy here is that Halloween will never ever be the same again. Ever.
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Love the Moms in your life. It would suck with out them.
Mwahahahaha I love his response. I hate it when people decide their marriage is over and then have several relationships before they even get the official divorce papers. Gross, sluts. Wait it out until it's official, you don't need to sow your oats immediately.
I'm going to find a way to use this line in a conversation today
They're both a-holes. Case closed.
His previous girlfriend, the model Tatjana Patitz spoke about his volatile temper and cheating. It's hell living with a person with that type of a temper.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2095113/Seals-ex-Tatjana-Pa...
Seal did not save her when she was pregnant by the fat ass Briatore. Yes, it was really great that he adopted her, but that doesn't give him a pass to be a cheater with anger issues. She had no reason to feel ashamed about being an unwed pregnant woman. She did not take the easy route of having an abortion.
Birth control is a shared responsibility. You don't want kids then use a condom or take the pill. It's too easy to blame the woman for trying to "trap" a man. Wear a condom!
Hey Lucy♥, *waves* I still like his music though, but he should deal with this through their lawyers. If he's serious about alimony and wants partial custody(?) that would help his case more than announcing details of what she's doing with that other guy. Come on. ;)
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I never heard anything about Seal cheating on her. But he was certainly the nice guy when he adopted her daughter and stood by her while that other dickhead treated her badly. His comments are stupid, but reactionary to seeing pictures of them together. If you and your SO break up and tomorrow he is fucking on that "friend" he said was just a friend, what would YOU think? It's not a case of "Oh she just moved on!" The bodyguard was in their lives before the separation. On circumstantial evidence (which is all anybody has since this is celebrity gossip) it's fair to suspect she cheated.
I mean, if it is also fair to suspect Brad Pitt cheated.
Can't side with Seal on this one because he's making public statements. This is standard separation/divorce stuff plus he injected digs at the bodyguard, her parenting skills and whether or not she cheated while they were separated. Has he mentioned the safety of the kids yet? Did she beat him up? lol
I've no clue about who cheated or who's to blame but he's sounding bitter and jealous. It's to be expected but not publicly. If she comes out with a similar statement I'll say the same of her.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Cupcake, don't get your panties in a bunch. I'm not saying she's at fault, I'm saying we don't know.
Submitted by sillykat on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 11:30am.
OH FUCK! Here we go with the "if this were a white man" blah, blah, blah.
No one is vilifying a black man. But you seem to be doing that with the white woman. Racism works both ways ya know, and we seem to have two on the thread today. You and Chris Knight.
*slams thread door*
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 11:02am.
We don't know that she didn't cheat, either, do we? That's my point, is that we really don't know jack shit about this situation but everyone will side with her anyway.
Just because he has (had? Once again, we don't know) anger issues doesn't automatically make him a liar and make her perfect.
It's way easier to vilify a black man than a blonde white woman.
Agreed that Heidi is just average in the face. Her body is still slammin though.
Am I the only one who thinks Heidi Klum is extremely overrated in the looks department? Very average face. She also has horrible tits.
And I knew that marriage was going to dissolve when they kept renewing their fucking vows.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 11:00am.
Just saw on the news Seal wants spousal support.
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Bwahahaha. Because he is going to have to live in a one room apartment and get on the dole to survive otherwise.
Submitted by sillykat on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 10:49am.
We don't know that she in fact did cheat, do we.
All we have is his word, which doesn't mean much when he has a bad reputation himself.
Dude, you have kids with this woman. True or not, shutit.
Just saw on the news Seal wants spousal support.
he looks like Red Skull in Captain America.
I don't know if you are all slightly racist or just blindly genderist....why shouldn't he feel slighted that his ex-wife is humping on the bodyguard possibly before the marriage ended? I have seen so many posters here freak out about cheating, how it's so low, blah blah, cheaters are the worst. And here, faced with a pretty blonde woman allegedly cheating on a scarred face black guy, everyone is shitting on him.
She's not fucking Pollyanna, folks. For sure it's wasn't classy of Seal to make a public statement or use the term "the help" but it's also not classy to hump on your bodyguard while you are married.
Seal cheated throughout their marriage. That's why it's not an issue if she did cheat with the bodyguard. He was doing it ALL along. Being on tour provided him with plenty of opportunities.
Anyway he's just causing waves to get money.
Agreed
Submitted by TANGELINE on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 3:51am.
She never got any money from Briatore. Wrong you are on that front.
Submitted by Chris Knight on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 6:00am.
The only reason Heidi got 3 little niglets is that she may be owning a cotton farm.... One of the dumbest women ever, perfect product of the Marxist society we live in....
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Normally I wouldn't do this but...
You piece of shit bastard. People like you make me literally sick. Get some help before you shoot up some innocent Sikhs or blow up a black church with "niglets" in it. Oh, yeah, and fuck off to this site where you belong:
http://www.stormfront.org/forum/
You're not welcome here.
ETA: By the way, I'm reporting you. I don't know if it will do any good, but hopefully you will be erased.
Submitted by Chris Knight on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 6:00am.
The only reason Heidi got 3 little niglets is that she may be owning a cotton farm.... One of the dumbest women ever, perfect product of the Marxist society we live in....
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WHAT.THE.FUCK???????
Usually your comments are just annoying and stupid, but this proves you are even more of an idiot and creep than I thought you were.
Take your racist shit and kindly fuck yourself!
Don't you have a fucking Klan meeting in a few minutes fucktard?
Submitted by Naughychimp on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 7:27am.
There have been rumors for years that he was unfaithful to Klum, which is why people have always given a serious side eye to their annual "vow renewal".
His own band members have called him out on his temper as well.
He is not the nice guy people want to think he is.
I remember some backup singer or some woman that "worked" with him in some capacity complaining about him either groping her or trying to force her to kiss him a few years back. I can't recall the specifics and am far to lazy to bother looking it up.
"Submitted by Chris Knight on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 6:00am.
The only reason Heidi got 3 little niglets is that she may be owning a cotton farm.... One of the dumbest women ever, perfect product of the Marxist society we live in"
Hey nutjob: sounds like you need a big black cock up your ass.
This is why I want to be a celebrity's help
"Heidi's cooch: one day you're in, the next day you're out, because the bodyguard's up in there."
Thank you for my belly laugh of the day, MK! I don't know what I would do without you.
I like Heidi - she's worked hard and built an empire. She's funny on PR and makes fun of her own taste in clothes (short, tight, and shiny).
This is ALL about the money - he wants it. And his being ugly has nothing to do with scars, just personality.
huh. well. I guess you do go back.
I never heard about Seal cheating during the marriage. I'm not saying it's a lie but this is the first I'm hearing of it. (Did hear rumours that he was a dick with anger issues, but not about the cheating.)
Heidi looked much better with her original nose and brown hair. http://www.google.ca/imgres?hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=x38&sa=X&rls=org.m... Folks: not everyone looks better, blonde!
Heidi was not at all faithful to her first husband, homely hairdresser Ric Pipino. http://www.google.ca/imgres?hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=0Po&sa=X&rls=org.m... And, supposedly, she had another relationship when she got knocked up by Flavio Briatore. So, maybe Heidi only does "open" marriages/relationships. Nothin' wrong with that, as long as all parties are consenting. Remember, for a split second she also dated John Mayer, back in the day... I have nothing against her or Seal but I think they tried to portray a squeaky clean image that wasn't in line with the truth.
Submitted by Chris Knight on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 5:55am.
A real downgrading for the poor bodyguard.... No decent white man will marry her ever again. She'll only have shitty adventures over shitty adventures. Well, Heidi, dear race traitor, once u go black, we dont want u back....
give the bodyguard some credit. not everyone can find such an intelligent, classy and not at all retarded other half as you are
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sat, 09/01/2012 - 10:32pm.
I may be in the minority here, but why should Seal show some class? Yeah , announcing that shit publicly isn't too cute, but if this is really what went down, the classless one is Heidi, no matter how you turn it. His feelings are hurt and his reaction is understandable. Just my humble opinion.
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*nods in agreement*
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Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 12:32am.
OK, sometimes I like to cruise the internet for really weird, out there sites like bizarre porn, woman hating sites
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lol me too! I once found a site that promoted "human extinction".
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by TANGELINE on Sun, 09/02/2012 - 3:51am.
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ITA. And before she met Seal, she dated Anthony Keidis. The whole pregnancy situation made her look bad IMHO and Seal was amazing that he stayed with her despite the pregnancy. I hope Seal gets $$ and shared custody of the kids. He seems like a nice guy. Of course I could be wrong, but I don't know either of them.
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!