There's Nothing Sweeter Than His And Hers Sex Tapes
No, that isn't another picture of the immaculate restoration of Ecce Homo. It's icky homo and gay fish Kanye Kardashian (née West) adjusting the video camera so it gets a clear shot of his taco meat-covered mopey titties in action as he breaks a trick like her coochie's a MacBook Air. Since Kanye's heffa ass ho Kim Kartrashian has a sex tape, he made his own so they both have touching memories to share with their future children on family home video night. Radar says they've seen a 20 minute-long video of Kanye pounding into some 18-year-old piece like she's an ALL-CAPS keyboard.
Radar calls Kanye's fuck tape co-star a married Kim Kardashian look-alike who says on camera that she's 18 and she's there because her husband doesn't wet hump her anymore. (No, bitch, you're there because you answered Kanye's Craigslist ad and you messed up your lines. You were supposed to say, "I'm here, because Kanye West is God wrapped in Jesus wrapped in all the apostles and I am surrendering my humble body in the name of everything that is holy and everything that is holy is Kanye. Hash tag YOLO! Hash tag KanyeWestSexTape2012BuyIt!")
Radar also says that Kanye's peen is covered in a rubber the entire time and he doesn't ever kiss his trick on the lips, because he didn't want to smear his Balenciaga lip gloss. ("But Michael, they don't sell Balenciaga lip gloss in stores." - you "Exactly." - me) Some porn industry insider says that the tape was shot right before he started dating Kim and that he broke down in tears (of fame whore joy) when he found out the tape was being shopped around. The porn industry insider went on to say this:
"The sex tape is being shopped right now and there's a lot of interest, but Kanye is freaking out! He doesn't want this tape out and will do anything to make sure it stays private. If this were to hit the market it would be worth a fortune… there would definitely be a lot of people wanting to see this! In my expert opinion Kanye's performance far outweighs Kim's!"
In MY expert opinion, a comatose wart hog's performance far outweighs Kim's.
Please, this staged sex tape mess is just another production from Pimp Mama Kris. If you want to be fully accepted by the Kardashian family, the world has to see your bare ass bouncing in the air on a sex tape. It's not a sex tape, it's an initiation ceremony.
And if you want to see a Kanye sex tape, just watch any one of his music videos. It's nothing but him finger banging his ego raw over and over again.
And here's Kim infecting Melbourne yesterday.
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WHY ARE HIS TITTAYS SO BIG???? IS HE A CLOSETED HOMOSEXUAL? IS THIS TO MAKE HIM SEEM MORE MASCULINE SINCE THE HE'S HER STYLISTS COMMENTS? HMMMMMM??? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.
That face...he just looks like smoke comes out of his ears when he tries to think about something.
He should be in a museum somewhere with a stick of wood in one hand, a rock in the other with a tasteful mammoth skin draped over his body.
These (people) are so disgusting! It is really a shame who celebrities are now! Disgusting!
Yuck!
HE'S her stylist now so it seems...providing her with clothing and his shitty line of shit... She looks awful lately...and prego...what's with all the peplum recently? Trendy maybe, but this frequently?? OT...Sex tape...Gross...Chipmunk Sex.....PMK is definatly behind this...
Thanks for the 14 Whaaaaaaaaaaaamster!!!!!!!!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXO
*chanting as always*
Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.
Media Take Out (please don't judge me) had screen shots of the video that do not show either persons face right before Kanye and Kim started prancing together in the streets. They never said it was Kanye or even Kim but you got the vibe that it was them. They said (like they always do) that they would soon say who it was in the video but it never materialized. Whomever is shopping the vid has done so for a while now.
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"MY FAVORITE CEREAL IS LIFE! AND I GOT IT; AND I LIVED!!!"
Got 2B Real : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRHIwO_tE34&feature=relmfu
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 9:52pm.
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Loopy, I offer you a chopper full of hot man navy seals on a mission to rescue you and you are talking about KK and her ho-ho ass? Who are you, and what have you done with Loopy! hahahaha
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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within & esteem, take your whore back!!! we are going to revoke her visa and send her ass back to the US of A. because she is stinking up australia with her diseases.
Both of them are making me pine for the days of Heidi and Spencer. At least they knew when to just. go. away.
LOL GG, his "taco meat-covered mopey titties" is what I meant. That and his Kuntrashian-whipped-ass could have a taco meat burrito in those undies, no? hahahaha *shuddering* ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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He fucked a female!?
That's all I got
If his sex-tape outsells Lardassian's, that'll be the end of their relationship. Let us pray. *bows head*
"taco meat"? :(
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 2:07pm.
sorry i havent posted lately, Kim is in australia and in melbourne, my home town, and ever since she landed, everybody in australia has become sick cuz of kim's resident evil t-virus vagina has infected us all....we are all gonna DIE!!!!!! save us america, take back your whore!!!
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WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY BEFORE LOOPY? I'M SENDING THE NAVY SEALS IN THE RESCUE CHOPPER, BRING YOUR DAY PACK! lol ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Nobody wants a shot of his taco meat! argh
#BalenciagaLipJizz
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by loopygorilla on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 2:07pm.
Dear Loopy: We're sorry to inform you, but we don't want her back.
Thank you for your sacrifice,
America
Gaaaaaaaag! He is so ugly. And no matter how many women he dates you'll never convince me he isn't gay.
Christ. Cues up Metallica's The Thing That Should Not Be.
and again, who would want to watch this crap? he is fug with a capital eff. man boobs. ugh. squirrel cheeks. ugh. another ploy to appear staight. i guess it ain't easy being gay in the rap game.
COME ON OUT KANYE. WE ALL KNOW UR A BOTTOM BITCH. STOP WITH THE KUMK SHIT, IT'S RUINING UR "REP" DUDE. AND PLEASE, PLEASE STOP WITH THE CLOTHING LINE. THAT'S THE TYPE OF SHIT U PUT ON SOMEBODY U HATE INTERNALLY BUT TELL EM THEY LOOK GOOD. AND NO,UR TASTE LEVEL IS NOT UP TO MY WAIST LEVEL. UR LINE IS FUG. UR "NEW MONEY" EPITOMIZED. WITHOUT CLASS. END.
gah, i really feel sorry for this guy. he got caught up in the KKK and he may never get out.
*drops the mic*
I see saddlebags and cankles in Kim's future with those short little legs.
i almost spit out my beer! not good. chipmunkcheeks. u think he stores cum in those things? he looks like he would.
i must admit, i kinda like his music. *gulp*
but i hate the fact that this fabricated coupling happened
i hate kumtwat with all of my being
i hate the fact that she is a household name
i hate the fact that teen girls watch her show
i hate that i see her face everyday
i hate the way she carried that kitty
i hate that she's famous for fucking on film
i hate the way she dresses
i hate the collaboration "kumye"
i hate her katface
i hate her family
i hate her mom
i hate her dad
i hate her.
period.
i'm a hater.
9/11 was a coup
*drops the mic*
Kanye looks like the type of guy who has crusty white shit in the corners of his mouth and just leaves it there. He should thank his lucky stars that douchebags buy his music.
Michael...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!! I BEG YOU, please give some type of warning for those of us viewing your fantabulous sites on the small screens of our phones!!
GD, that scared the shit outta mean when I scrolled down and saw that ugly ass, gay chipmunk ass face filling my screen!!!! Dear dog, I'm not that young any more and having a 17 y o kid and smoke like a chimney I could probably be thrown into a full blown MI with shit like that!!
Please dear! PLEASE, love you long time but don't want my phone laying beside me as EMT's work to revive me with pics like this staring up at them. They're likely to see that and stop CPR thinking that if I was *intentionally* viewing this type of material I deserved to die!!! =p
Edit: typos and they stay. Sorry! Too traumatized!
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"...If I put a Cleopatra wig on my asshole and painted cat eyes on it, it would look and act more like Elizabeth Taylor than LiLo does..."- MK
i bet my house, car, entire spring/summer 2012 wardrobe collection, 12 pairs of shoes, that this is another fake mama kris directed video.
kanye: can we finish?
kris: no!! i want to do another cum shot!! now watch me, stand over here, and hold on your dick...
random trick: excuse me, but how much money am i getting?
kris: none sweetie, but you will go home with the KKK sears autumn/winter 2013 hooker collection.
kanye: kris i cant get hard.
kris: *rolls eyes* FOR FUCK SAKE! THESE AMATEURS!!!
sorry i havent posted lately, Kim is in australia and in melbourne, my home town, and ever since she landed, everybody in australia has become sick cuz of kim's resident evil t-virus vagina has infected us all....we are all gonna DIE!!!!!! save us america, take back your whore!!!
Kim isn't fat and isn't near obese. She's just stupid, gross (you're right about that), and not worthy of life.
That's all.
@Gardening Girl, haha really? I save mine for skinny days! Mine is REALLY fitted and hits right at the waist. So if my waist is looking small it's going to look great and it has a whole vavoom look with the larger chest and slim waist. If I felt bloated I think I would look sloppy and just large on top. I guess it depends on the exact type and material of each peplum blouse.
@parissucksliterally, wohoo! I like friends. I'm glad we're in agreement on things today.
I have a peplum top too..but I save it for bloated period days.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
*stands next to Bossy*
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So I'm gonna try to be still now
Gonna renounce from the mill for a while
And if we had a double king sized bed
We could move in it and I'd soon forget
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 1:10pm.
OT, this smells like it was all a scheme from Pimp Mama Kris because she's proven to be a spawn of Satan and wouldn't know the word dignity if it hit her in the head.
^^THIS. is there any doubt? except she just might be Satan herself.
and I'm going to ignore the whole "like Kanye" bit.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
I have a peplum top that looks great with dark jeans. I do agree though that you have to be rather slim hipped to wear it with a skirt, especially one that short like Kim's. You're just rounding out all the bottom features that way--the pants, on the other hand, balance the look with a sleek line and work well if you want to accentuate a small waist (hourglass shape). I end up looking more like this: http://www.viviannadoesmakeup.com/the-peplum-top/ rather than the hot mess Kim is.
Also, this bitch has a total pear shape and I can't stand her huge, unattractive bottom half. Huge hips, huge butt, undefined sausage legs.
yeah, there she goes with an ugly dress and ankle straps around her short, stumpy legs again.
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Nothing, nothing is manageable
So can't we skip the valedictories
I can see the door there
Shut it and forget my number
Yeah, that's why people make these tapes, so that they stay private *eye roll*
Also, as much as I love a good Ecce Homo meme or recap of the story (I giggle every time) I'm not sure how this connected to Kanye, he certainly doesn't look like "Ecce Mono"
This is a just a plot line for that shit show. That pic of him is revolting.
Sorry Dlisters, don't banish me from the Dlisted kingdom but I love Kanye's music and his antics crack me up. OT, this smells like it was all a scheme from Pimp Mama Kris because she's proven to be a spawn of Satan and wouldn't know the word dignity if it hit her in the head.
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Also, when you end a statement with "Kim Kardashian is fabulous," all your previous points are INVALID, because obviously you have lost your damn mind." - MK
thanks, MK -- there's nothing like having a good vomit to start my day!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Awesome now they can share herpes medication. Kim is so gross, her ass looked like a bloated beach whale and its not hot. She's like a cheeto away from obesity and her gay boyfriend is just w her to appear straight. I hope they don't make kids.
Who in hell wants to watch this douchebag hate-fuck an 18-year-old girl? Not I.
A. He's fucking ugly
B. He's an established and successful rapper. He actually doesn't need these disgusting publicity stunts to further his music career. At this point sex tapes and naked photos are so played out that I don't even bat an eyelash when I hear of these things getting "leaked" to the public. I just really cannot fathom living a life without ANY dignity whatsoever.
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Douchechill!
I think the problem with the peplum is it's not for pear shapes. you don't have to be skinny to wear them but you can't carry your weight in your hips, ass & thighs and expect this look to work. also, the neckline is wonky, too close to the peplum line, so it makes her boobs look saggy. but the print is nice and she gets a B+ for trying.
why are her legs so lumpy looking?
craigypants I LOOOOOOOOOVE your avi. :D
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Fri, 09/21/2012 - 11:50am.
Reggie White was a football player but he has been dead for about 10 years.
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(I'm a big Packers fan, so I knew Reggie White was deceased. RIP, big guy!)
Anyway, I was laughing so hard at the visual of Kim K. having a "relationship" with a dead dude and him finally dumping her fake ass from beyond the grave. I was all like, "damn, that bitch probably WOULD try to do something like that just for the publicity!"
I clearly need help.
Humanity continues on a downward spiral...
Am I missing something here? Is making a sex tape reserved for some narcissistic personality disorder club??? I have NEVER - EVER had the desire to make a video and neither has anyone I've ever been with. It sound stupid and even though I'm not famous or ever will be....why risk it anyway?
I just don't understand the naked texts, videos, etc.... I don't carry that gene.
was PMK the fluffer?
Hekki- I hear'ya. Plus, the timing is suspicious. Wasn't there a rumor that he watched the tape to get in the mood? And the, poof? A tape appears with a Kim K lookalike? Whatever.
You'd have to PAY me to watch that shit.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
...furthermore, if she's 18, what husband wouldn't want to fuck their new barely legal bride anymore? It sounds so badly scripted and set up. Like, uh, in porno's?