This Dumb Trick: Lindsay Lohan Will Stop Hurricane Sally (Or Whatever That Ho's Name Is) With The Power Of Prayer!
Hundreds of thousands of people have been told to evacuate, an 11-foot wall of water is supposed to crash into Manhattan and millions of people are furiously searching the Internet while they still can for ways to make a satellite dish and TV out of tin foil and fish bones (because they can't miss American Horror Story on Wednesday night, DUH), but Lindsay Lohan wants everyone to stop bitching and crying about Hurricane Sally Jessy Raphael. (Don't hate Blohan for not remembering Sandy's name. You know how bad crackheads are at remembering anything.)
Right before LiLo, whose brain was destroyed a long time ago by Hurricane Cokey, begged Lady CaCa to pay attention to her, she told all of her followers to stop being so dramatic and use positive thinking to ward the hurricane away. I can see it now. There's LiLo, wasted out of her mind, sitting on her living room floor and rambling to the walls about how we can make the storm go away if we just THINK it away.
Hurricane Sandy is obviously a coked up, drunk mess herself, and Lindsay Lohan is made up entirely of vodka and coke granules, so can't we just tie her to the top of the Empire State Building as an offering to the storm? That's me thinking positively.
(Thanks to Deb and Jardley for sending this mess in)
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Catching up with storm news reminds me of Hurricane Gloria in 1985. Even the Stock Market closed but it swerved and missed New York - I was out shopping for supplies in the worst of it without realizing and years later you could still see the masking tape X's on random windows - but my mother was visiting family in Miami at the time and calmly called to tell me that she was watching the storm on the ocean from their high-rise perspective. Sheeesh, that was some damn cool.
Although storms are exciting to me, I experienced a hurricane when I was a child and know there is a deadly element to the adventure. Be safe east-coasters!
Lindsay is an idiot.
Hope all that are in Sandys path, are hunkered down in a safe shelter. Praying you will be safe.
Thinking positively has obviously worked for her, her life is so perfect, what with being humiliated over and over and over again in public, I wish my life was like that.
You can always count on Lohan to create chaos and mayhem in whatever she does.
It's not a peace issue, it's a fucking WIND issue, cumdumpster.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Lol Tigerlilly :)
What a stupid whore. Thinking away weather? Just OD already you fuckwad, people are DEAD because of this storm you dopey loser. Lindsay is on my Dead Pool, she needs to make it happen already. Don't watch her comeback TV movie. If the thing bombs her career is over and she and her family will finally be gone.
Submitted by JessicaGiovanna on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 9:27pm.
Holes in the brain from all the drug use?
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Well, that and being a Lohan. Chicken-Egg...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Holes in the brain from all the drug use?
Submitted by REDMOND on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 6:42pm.
Hell, go swimming! In the ocean! I mean, the positivity and prayers will make sure you're not washed out to sea, drowned and eaten by barracudas!
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Hahaha! Exactly!
Submitted by Migraineuse on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 8:18pm.
"Right before LiLo, whose brain was destroyed a long time ago by Hurricane Cokey..."
Nuggets like this are the reason I can't entirely quit Dlisted, even though I know it to be deeply toxic.
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I don't know about DEEPLY toxic...just kinda regualr toxic. Nothing a shot of penicillin can't take care of. Oh, and I recommend a dust mask too...some antibiotic ointment, maybe...Lysol...anti-bacterial soap...I'm not saying a taser gun isn't a bad idea, I'm not...but DEEPLY toxic? Naw...:-)
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
It's also doing no good for my karma laughing my ass off at some of these comments.
Then again, it's only a Lohan, so the gods of karma probably don't give a shit.
Hope everyone else makes it through Sandy OK.
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I'm a heretic. Feel free to drive me from your midst.
"Right before LiLo, whose brain was destroyed a long time ago by Hurricane Cokey..."
Nuggets like this are the reason I can't entirely quit Dlisted, even though I know it to be deeply toxic.
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I'm a heretic. Feel free to drive me from your midst.
On the bright side, my office is closed tomorrow (still have to work from home) so I may be busting out the wine in a moment...
Wanted to be w/my Dlisted peeps to ride the storm out.
65 ppl died in the Carribean and this bitch is wondering why everyone is panicking? I've never seen anyone so fucking oblivious and insensitive. Seriously, total idiot.
BTW- apparently the worst is over here in Boston but it still sounds like a howling bitch outside. I don't know what these MF'ers are talking about.
Preying positively for Sandy to Hit White Oprah's house and take that bitch out. She wont have insurance, she'll be even more finacially ruined. She will be back to giving blowjobs in the meat packing district.
Pray for peace and be adequate. If there's any damage at all, we all know the black kid did it, right?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Agree Lindsay! Now get your ass down to the beach and don't worry about a thing!
Lindsey more back with your retarded family so you can feel at home. Why does anyone pay attention to this mess of a person that has been given huge chances only to fuck them up. You sorry ass of a person!
ugh. she is sincerely gross. narcissism or sociopathy never seemed so foul.
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 4:58pm.
Jack, I'm impressed. You are a man of many talents. ;-)
Submitted by Bigbendy on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 4:41pm.
Shit, you should see what I did at a friend's house... he added a 12 person theater room with full kitchen and bar. We took subzero fridge, built-in, and custom built cabinet facades to blend in to cabinetry. fuckin suhweet!
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 4:38pm.
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Dude, that's grounds for killing somebody right there. I finally got one when we built our new home. I would cut off hands if someone tried to take mine. ;-)
Not sure I needed to know there were humans as stupid as her. Wow. Stay safe anyone in this historical storm's path. Well stay drunk at least.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 4:34pm.
LOL! Yes, Subzero!!!!!! glad someone gets it finally! Went to Electrolux after that. :P
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 4:09pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:05pm.
So if you have a gas stove you can still light it if there's no power? Ours has an electric ignition I think
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Even if you have electric spark ignition the manufacturer usually builds a back up method to light the range... depends on the brand. I used to have a Wolfe Range and it had that capability. Good luck and stay safe Hekkster! That goes for the rest of you damn yankees, too!! ♥
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Damn Jack, a Wolfe Range is a nice piece of equipment. Did you have a Subzero Refrigerator ? I'd be pissed too if someone took that. ;-)
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 1:17pm.
The beer is safe and secure. I REPEAT: the beer has been secured.
hahaha! Priorities, man.
Submitted by Gigaboob on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:10pm.
I think we should offer her as a human sacrifice to the gods.
Just film it and tell her it's a new roll. Then pay her with a check she'll never cash (she still takes checks, right?). Or a suitcase full of flour.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:05pm.
So if you have a gas stove you can still light it if there's no power? Ours has an electric ignition I think
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Even if you have electric spark ignition the manufacturer usually builds a back up method to light the range... depends on the brand. I used to have a Wolfe Range and it had that capability. Good luck and stay safe Hekkster! That goes for the rest of you damn yankees, too!! ♥
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Just called dad (whose in NYC) and he's safe and sound. He may sound like Borat's twin brother but he's a sharp, smart cookie so I know he prepped for this. Praying for the others <3
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Also, when you end a statement with "Kim Kardashian is fabulous," all your previous points are INVALID, because obviously you have lost your damn mind." - MK
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:35pm.
Submitted by Gigaboob on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:10pm.
I think we should offer her as a human sacrifice to the gods.
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UNGA BUNGA BINGA BUNGA!!!!
*dances around in grass skirt*
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*jumps up and down and flops boobs*
Whamo! Seriously, I want to drop her into a volcano. Or we could go the Rande route and tie her to a lamp post in Long Island.
THROW HER IN THE PIT!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 1:56pm.
Whamo, luckily we have a gas range
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I see, well looky looky who's all happy and shit with her beer and her pizza:)
At this point I think Lohan's seriously mentally ill. I can't even snark anymore. It's just sad shit.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Submitted by Gigaboob on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 3:10pm.
I think we should offer her as a human sacrifice to the gods.
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UNGA BUNGA BINGA BUNGA!!!!
*dances around in grass skirt*
I think Lindsay should go back to LI and take a stand at WO's house, projecting positivity till the waters start lapping at her freckled, saggy kneecaps.
My bro's in D.C., and this shit ain't no joke. No Stock Exchange, trains, government is shut down...this is some anarchy shit...for real. I don't think people even know how bad it is really going to get...Sandy may make Katrina look like her punk ass sister when all is said and done, and with that being said I vote we toss Hohan and the Whoretrashian's in the Atlantic as a sacrfice to Sandy so she will just take them the fuck away!!!
I think we should offer her as a human sacrifice to the gods.
So if you have a gas stove you can still light it if there's no power? Ours has an electric ignition I think, but i used to have one from the dark ages that you lit with matches. We will be fine if I can use the stove. If not, we are fuxked. Although our neighborhood gets power restored first because the rich people and the mayor.
I keep stashing more and more water because the reports are starting to scare me.
We took a walk and it's windy and lots of stores are closing at 5:00 or already closed. All the Starbucks in our neighborhood closed last night. The supermarket was open and there were crazy lines and empty shelves. People in Manhattan are taking this much more seriously than they took Irene.
Who in HELL is she praying to these days? Good thing she has Twitter to help her find her people (equally ignorant, delusional, addictive souls).
Sandy = Sally
Things that belong to you = Things I'm going to take.
Same, really.
that dumb twat needs to quit with the tweets, because as stupid and brain-dead as she is normally, she comes off even worse in 140 characters or less...
Submitted by boredasfuckyo on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 1:48pm.
Lmao! I don't know how to tweet, I couldn't tweet a single twat if my life depended on it. I have facebook, I figure that's bad enough.
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I hate social media. If someone needs to talk to me, there's this new fangled contraption called a phone. And when I'm feeling really geeky and want to talk to a bunch of people at once, I use email. Kickin it like it's 1994, yo!
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 11:42am
This storm has 3 elements making it massive, add to that the full moons high tide, and the potential for damage and wide-spread damage is huge.
My family in Brooklyn have sent me pictures of their streets completely flooded, and Sandy isn't even there yet, it will be worse by tonight, storm surges there will be from 4-8 ft, in some areas 8-11 feet.
You don't need Cat 5 winds to cause wide-spread major damage.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
look I grew up in Bama, and I remember we had a tropical storm that cured me of all things hurrican related, I will take an earthquake over a hurricane, every day of the week. I saw some shit during that storm huge oak trees tossing around like sticks, downed electrical lines everywhere...and the f-d up thing about hurricans and bad storms is they go on a Llloonnggg time, it is not over in an hour it can go on for days...the wind is the worse though, it is violent wind...and Hohan's mom and brothers (her sister is still turning tricks in South Korea, oh sorry "modeling" in South Korea still I think)... are in Long Island so you think she would have some concern since the damn thing is headed straight for NYC!!!
Actually she's right, you can change the weather with your thoughts and feelings more importantly. I'm amazed to hear it from Lilo though. I never thought she'd be that enlightened. Yeah shoot me down disbelievers whatever, unless you've done it you won't understand. And that's ok. I like being empowered :)
Does anyone ever respond to Lohan's idiotic tweets?
Does she think that because she, the Biggest Trend Setter in the WORLD OMG, calls Hurricane Sandy "Sally" that everyone else will follow her lead?
And finally, Lohan does believe in magic - magic which will turn away natural disasters and bring PEACE OMG. Clap your hands if you believe in Lilo's Magic!