Things That Exist: The Justin Bieber Blow-Up Doll
Because Jerry Sandusky needs something to keep him company in his prison cell, the makers of the Sex in her Shitty and JHo love dolls are giving the world a Just-in Beaver blow-up doll. This December 26th, the sounds of the holiday season will be replaced by the sounds of water sloshing around in rubber rain boots when thousands of Beliebers lose their virginity to their Christmas gift. I'm just going to direct you toward the description for this work of fuckery, because it will make you dry heave from every more than I ever could. via ONTD
Meet Just-In Beaver, the barely legal boy-toy who’s waited 18 long years to stick his lil’ dicky in something sticky! When he’s not busy beating up paparazzi or beating off, he’s up to his high-tops in hot Hollywood tail! But the Beave-ster doesn’t have this effect just on women — he turns straight men gay faster than you can peel his skinny jeans off! So what are you waiting for, inflate this lil’ pricks’s ego even more and have your very own Beaver bash!
Just like the real thing, you need a bike pump to inflate its wang. No, I can't. You know what this mess should come with, besides maple syrup lube, a strap-on modeled after Usher's dick and Kleenex for wiping away the tears you'll shed after you realize you're fucking a Justin Bieber blow-up doll? It should come with a visit from a Chris Hansen. I know this blow-up doll is legal, but you should still end up in cable tie handcuffs for buying this shit. I blame Usher, because he's responsible for creating the real thing and he's responsible for creating this too (you know he is).


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i want this bieber-ator!!!! owowowowo
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This guy is way hotter than Justin Bieber.
Submitted by literarylioness on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 3:09pm.
I don't think there can be male dolls for women. Sure maybe they can get the mechanical stuff going, but the doll would have to have a computer chip to say, "no you don't look fat." On a loop with, "you're the only woman I've ever loved." etc. The women would get to choose who says what and by what actor.
Hmm, I think I should get a copyright on that.
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Dresden Dolls beat you too it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4gPZPKJc0s
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
What does a male blow up doll look like? The female ones are such a rip off, they don't look remotely like the bitch pictured on the box, just a cheap plastic crudely outline version of a giant doll with the :O on its face and other crude soft vinyl? plasticy? Whatever the fuck it's made of like orifice. So what does the guy look like? All that but with a dildo attached? *googles*
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
Just saw the Biebs tonight in concert. Front row!! *swoon* this doesn't look like him at all. :( He is beautiful in person.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
If you're wondering what the doll looks like, there is something similar pictured in a user's comment here
You're welcome, humanity.
*______________________________________*
I'm a heretic. Feel free to drive me from your midst.
It can't be for women, cuz I don't think you can inflate a serviceable wang, can you? I suppose you could cuddle with it or dress it up...
.....................
Married men who wish to seduce young women always have horrid wives.
'Just like the real thing, you need a bike pump to inflate its wang.'
bwahaha priceless!!! Fuckin Bieber needs to come out as a lesbian already fuckin prick.
***
"You wait. They gonna get everybody on twitter, facebook, doing everythin' online and then they gonna pull the PLUG and we all gonna be FUCKED!"
This makes me feel like Cartman in that one episode of South Park where he saw the people with butts for faces and then was unable to laugh at anything ever again.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
i wonder how the modelling agency told the model about this job??
It is kinda funny.
However I can't look at this kid in any way sexual, makes me feel like a dirty old man.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 2:05pm.
Am I the only sicko who wants to know what this thing looks like when you take it out of the box?
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I know! And is the peen some cheap ass balloon material or is it like a dildo? I mean, can you fuck this thing for real?
Ok, nevermind...I don't need any of Chris Hansen's iced tea or lemonade. Cancel all questions.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I don't know. I see the humor in this. I wanna see it out of the box and what it can do.
*shudders*
•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
http://www.realdoll.com/cgi-bin/snav.rd?action=viewpage§ion=mrealdol...
Oh Usher... we all know that you were the one who commissioned this doll.
Oh jeebus. I just had a flash of that really cheap plastic smell.
I just threw up in my mouth.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I wonder if he would sue, the company making it has a pretty good defense putting "Grammy" on the box. Judge: "Mr Bieber. You can't seriously think this is you."
Spencers Gifts, right?
I wonder if he's going to try and sue. Clearly the model is not Bieber, he just looks a lot like him.
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 4:15pm.
I have no problem with this. SAFE SEX!
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Yeah, it's probably so small you could fuck it in the ass and fuck someone else through it while still blocking the jizz factor.
Can't we finally see THE DOLL? I wanna know what it looks like. My guess would a generic blowup with brown hair and dildo with interchangeable vadge for those of us who may still believe there's something yeasty going on down there.
Don't know if I could fuck a doll though. Supposedly, people who have them feel like necrophiliacs when it comes to the more realistic ones.
Anything inflatable ain't sexy though. They never look like people.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 3:23pm.
A few years ago, Walgreens and places like that sold this little man doll that would say stuff like "ah, can't your mother stay another week"
"the ballgame really isn't that important, I'd rather spend time with you" "let's just cuddle tonigh" I have one. It's hilarious.
___________________________________________________
I remember those! They were funny, but true.
I have no problem with this. SAFE SEX!
what's next? the miranda cosgrove blow-up doll?
What. The Christ. Jesus.
This reminds me of watching Anderson and they were showing a man who had sex with real life dolls and would take them on dates. Weird beyond hell.
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Also, when you end a statement with "Kim Kardashian is fabulous," all your previous points are INVALID, because obviously you have lost your damn mind." - MK
Usher's already busted and deflated a dozen of these.
****************************************
"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
FUCK!
Submitted by literarylioness on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 3:09pm
Don't forget to include batteries for--you know:)
A few years ago, Walgreens and places like that sold this little man doll that would say stuff like "ah, can't your mother stay another week"
"the ballgame really isn't that important, I'd rather spend time with you" "let's just cuddle tonigh" I have one. It's hilarious.
Fucking apocalyptic.
The world can end now, we don't need to wait for that Mayan calendar shit.
Speaking of male real dolls, I checked them out. They look like mannequins with dildos. For nearly $10,000, I want some reality thrown in.
jack -- a new movie, "jack & the real girl."
=======================================================
"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
I don't think there can be male dolls for women. Sure maybe they can get the mechanical stuff going, but the doll would have to have a computer chip to say, "no you don't look fat." On a loop with, "you're the only woman I've ever loved." etc. The women would get to choose who says what and by what actor.
Hmm, I think I should get a copyright on that.
@jack I can understand a Farrah and even a Pam doll but Debbie Gibson? really? As long as you keep something stuck in her piehole she could be tolerable I suppose. OMG I hated her then and more so now -- especially since I saw her in action on the Apprentice.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 3:04pm.
jack -- if you had a Pam Anderson real doll made, we'd never hear from you again!
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 2:05pm.
Am I the only sicko who wants to know what this thing looks like when you take it out of the box?
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It will look like a female blow-up sex doll minus the tits with a polyester Bieber wig on it.
Something like this...
http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00449/BLOWUP-DOLL_449061a.jpg
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
jack -- if you had a Pam Anderson real doll made, we'd never hear from you again!
=======================================================
"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
Am I the only sicko who wants to know what this thing looks like when you take it out of the box?
No. But there must be a reason why they put a picture of a model on the front and not the actual item, which I doubt looks convincingly like Justin Bieber or any other member of our species. But what could you expect for a measly $26? Real Dolls cost thousands, no?
MK's lucky we don't know where he lives or he'd get 50 of these.
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What the fuck dude? And being European is NOT an excuse. - IHateCharityChic 05/10/2012
I saw an episode of Real Sex with this girl riding on a real sex doll. She was really into in..crying and I *think* her friends were watching.
Anyway this doll is wrong and hopefully only ever bought as a prank lol.
Holy shit if they would have had a Farrah Fawcett doll like this when I was a teenager I would still be holed up in my bedroom!! or Debbie Gibson lolll
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Smart move releasing this right before Xmas. *checks list to see if anyone has been really naughty this year*
Could you imagine finding this shit under your tree.
this is 50 shades of wrong...
_____________________________________________
"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
does not compute
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's already tax time again!? Guess I gotta get my trusted tax adviser, Stephen King, on the phone STAT.