Beyonce Gives Obama The Last-Minute Pep Talk He Really, Rally Needed

We already know that when a polling place in Lower Manhattan is cleared of peons and the walls are painted white and the windows are covered with white silk curtains and dozens of lit Jo Malone candles  are placed on every table, Beyonce will then sashay in with her votin’ wig on and vote for you know who. The lights will dim, everyone will hold her breath and Beyonce’s ladies-in-waiting will aim electronic fans at her as she pulls out her custom-made House of Dereon platinum voting wand and places it on Obama’s name. Then everyone will exhale and she’ll dramatically turn around and sing an election day version of Forever Your Girl. Here’s some sample lyrics:

Hey Bama, you gotta remember
I’m forever your girl
Bama forever and ever and ever
You know I am

Bama pick your head up
Come on and look me in the face
‘Cause I can tell that somethin’ is bringin’ you down
(Why are you down?)

Is it the rumor that another candidate wants to take your place?
(I hear he’s after your vote)
Have you been hearin’ the stories, they’re goin’ around?
(All of Fox News is talkin’)

Bama, just remember I gave you my vote
Ain’t Romney gonna tear us apart
He could promise the moon and the stars above
Even if he promised me a tax break

Just remember I’m forever your gurrr-er-earl

In short: Beyonce is Obama’s biggest stan and so of course she’s voting for her ass. And last night, she made it clear AGAIN by writing him an open letter and putting it up on her site:

So where is Melissa Joan Hart’s “Dear Mittens, I’m Forever Your Girl” open letter?! Explain that, Clarissa.

And I can’t wait until tonight when CNN breaks into election day results to report that a 4th grader at an elementary school in Houston is accusing Beyonce of stealing the letter to Obama she wrote. That Beyonce can’t stop thieving even on election day. SHAME. LESS.