The Alaskan Prince William & Kate Middleton Are Getting A Divorce
A year and a half ago the sound of a shotgun salute was heard all through the meth capital of Alaska when Sarah Palin's oldest son Track married his girlfriend Britta Hanson. They got married in the afternoon on a weekday and she held a bouquet of grocery store flowers in front of her stomach, so everyone figured that her something new was a fetus all up in her belly. Three months later, Britta popped out Sarah Palin's newest grandchild Kyla Grace. Because gay marriage and weed are both now legal in Washington state, a smoke of sin wafted all the way over to Alaska and cut Track and Britta's marriage ties in half. Britta tells Radar that after 18 months of marriage, she's making Track Palin her first ex-husband.
"I'm fine with it. We just filed the papers so we aren't divorced yet. I'm not sure how long it will take to get the divorced finalized. We want to keep our personal lives private and we don't want to say anything about each other or the situation."
One of my eloquent cousins, who is really familiar with the shot gun wedding, gave me some beautiful words of advice once. She said something like, "Bitch, make sure you suck the dick long and hard before you commit to it, because after you commit it you'll only be allowed to suck on that dick and sometimes sucking on the same dick gets real boring." Everyone, including Britta, should take that advice. That advice works for two reasons: a) You should really love sucking the dick attached to the dude you're marrying and; b) If you're always sucking that dick to make sure you're okay with sucking that dick for the rest of your life, you probably won't get pregnant, because I don't think you can get pregnant from sucking dick (I think)! And if you don't get pregnant, then you won't have to cave in to the pressures of your boyfriend's family and get married when you really don't want to.
Not that I'm insinuating that Britta got knocked up before she got married. I'm sure right after she got married, the entire family prayed for God to bless her belly and before she knew it she was knocked up with a 6-month-old fetus. It was a miracle!
And more importantly, the hell kind of name is Track?
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Britta? That bitch was named after a water filter. How exotic.
Thank U all for the funnies, whores! XD
Track?
Hmmmm.
Sarah Palin was only a vowel away from perfection.
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I can't believe Sarah Palin named her kids those ridiculously stupid names. On that fact alone, it's hard to believe anyone in the US even contemplated voting for any ticket she was attached to. That whole family is just UGH.
DRUG ADDICT, MENTALLY UNSTABLE, CLOSETED GAY. THATS TRACK PALIN FOR U, LADIES AND GENTS....
And yet again... somewhere off in TV-land... Murphy Brown tosses her golden head back and lets out an AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
LOL at Murphy Brown.
But I thought the Palin clan viewed marriage as sacred?
i'm of the belief that the only palin that has any good sense is the special needs baby that sarah "supposedly" birthed from her loins...
this family tree needs to be put in the woodchipper...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Do they just not sell baby batter barriers up there? Good grief.
"We want to keep our personal lives private"
By making a public announcement, of course. Your personal lives *were* private, because we had all forgotten about your boring asses.
"Track" is a stoopit name, just like his sisters' names are stoopit, that's what kind of a name it is.
Well so this is literally the only thing making me laugh all day-I had a horrific night turn on dlisted and a smile-thank u MK! Thk u whore commenters;)
typical hypocritical republicans
I'd double -no, triple- bag it, but I would.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Talk about fucking Z list.
I hope they both fall through a frozen lake.
That entire family is embarrassing. Tripp, Track, Trapp, Treckk, Trigg, Trott, Truckkk...Jeezus. Stop it already.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
I guess the preferred Palin method of contraception – dipping your dick in seal fat – just ain't cutting it anymore.
"Bitch, make sure you suck the dick long and hard before you commit to it, because after you commit it you'll only be allowed to suck on that dick and sometimes sucking on the same dick gets real boring."
I'm needle-pointing that onto a throw pillow.
Too perfrct
These posts were more fun back when Palin still had a few supporters.
Just because they aren't from the hills doesn't mean they aren't hillbillies. What a train wreck of a family. Mother dumb as a bag of hammers. Daughter is a whore. Son is an addict. Am I sensing a trend here?
Well at least they were proper Christians and shit for eighteen months.
They look like backwoods Johnny Depp and Goopy.
nice abs track.
yeah i would... but today im feeling charitable. so yeah. dont judge me dlisters.
This entire family needs to be sterilized.
mazel tov
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Submitted by dementa: "And that is why shotgun marriages never work. Thank you, class. In the next class, we'll explain why blowing people up won't convert you to their religion."
Comment of the fucking day.
I still would.
You make me hate my hips! I hate my hips!
And that is why shotgun marriages never work. Thank you, class. In the next class, we'll explain why blowing people up won't convert you to their religion.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Fast Track
Think of them in the fucking white house. like the rest of the world doesn't laugh at america enough.......
God, these fucking trashballs! Can't someone at least teach them to cum on the girl's face or something?!
"I love how he's staring at the camera like, 'Someone call an AMBER ALERT, because you will get lost in these eyes.'" - MK
Submitted by ba-buttons on Wed, 12/12/2012 - 9:13pm.
lol, I love the fact that his mom was a couple hundred electoral college votes and a heart attack away from having her finger on the button.
The whole world dodged that cannonball, thankfully.
Submitted by ba-buttons on Wed, 12/12/2012 - 9:13pm.
lol, I love the fact that his mom was a couple hundred electoral college votes and a heart attack away from having her finger on the button.
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I can nuke Russia from my backyard. Kids, come watch...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Sanctity of marriage, my ass.
Fuck these people! What a fucking, trashy, classless bunch of assholes that entire family is. And that damn woman has the gall to oppose gay rights and critcize the president for making birth control more available...fuck them
lol, I love the fact that his mom was a couple hundred electoral college votes and a heart attack away from having her finger on the button.
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Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Thu, 01/19/2012 - 11:56am.
Liver spotted hand
Groping while I cry inside
Merit badge and meth
Jesus, there is literally no one God damn person in the Palin family who knows how to use a fucking condom.
This chick should demand a big payout from the Palins for child support. Maybe Sarah will get wise to the fact that hanging on to her money is more important than teaching her kids about the 'sins' of birth control.
Michael K please keep track (haha) of what happens to this woman. If she ends up on government assistance America deserve to know about it, een those of us who don't live in the "REAL AMERICA (TM). Sarah is against government handouts so she better put her money where her big fat mouth is to make sure that doesn't happen..
Classy!
Sarah was holding that shotgun. Otherwise this valley trash wouldn't have made the drunk drive up to Hatcher's Passhole to get married. It left them out of being able to collect welfare.
The Palins are keepin' it klassy as usual. I'm surprised poet laureate Adam Levine hasn't commented on this yet.
I shudder to think that this bunch of ignorant, homophobic, meth-head white trash helicopter hunters were almost a heart- beat away from being America's First Family.
"Track" is the kind of name a pair of used dildos give to their first unwanted whoops-a-baby.
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Surfing the apocalypse.
It's nice to see that the Palins still have those great family values that ALL Americans should have.
Who are these asshats?
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So much for family values.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I seriously hope Track's trick gets some $ from all of this. Her poor child is gonna go through life as a Palin, after all.
Bitch, your crotch-stuffing is obvious.
Ah, the Wasilla Hillbillies keeping it real.
Must be on slow ass news day. who gives a fuck about that crazy ass bitch or her offspring? yawn.