Jessica Simpson Confirms What Everybody Already Knew
Bitches can stop throwing Jessica Simpson a "GUUURRRRRL, you just swallowed three lifetimes of Weight Watchers points" side-eye when she puts her mouth around a Pop-Tarts and three sticks of butter sandwich, because she's eating buttered Pop-Tarts for two now. Jessica tweeted this picture of Baby Maxwell this morning and it's her way of letting everyone know that she'll be birfing out her second baby in about 98 weeks or so. My hungover eyes saw this pic and thought the words read "BIG TITS." That makes sense too since the last time Chestica got knocked up, her chichis grew to the size of Papa Joe's bulging eyeballs when he sees a hairless, blonde twink sashaying by.
About a month ago, UsWeekly put a No Vacancy sign over Jessica's uterus when they said that she came down with another case of the babies just a few months after she gave birth to Baby Maxwell. Then Weight Watchers threw a mountain of money at her, she lost 50 pounds and then said, "Fuckit, losing weight is overrated, I'm hongray!"
Weight Watchers didn't miss a second and tweeted some words for Chestica:
Congrats to @JessicaSimpson, Eric and big-sister-to-be Maxwell! Your WW family is so thrilled for you. What an amazing year you've had!
Translation: "Um, here's the receipt, can we go our moneys back?"
But really, congratulations to Chestica, Whatshisname and the makers of Pop-Tarts who will have another record-breaking year!