Afternoon Crumbs

Janet Jackson is probably engaged to her billionaire boyfriend Wissam Al Mana (Note: You’re not alone if you read his last name as “Al Mañana”) and he’s obviously just marrying her so he can be Detective La Toya’s brother-in-law – Just Jared

Parents Magazine once again robbed White Oprah and Courtney Stodden’s mom of the title of Mother of the Year – Lainey Gossip

Let’s skip down Memory Lane and by Memory Lane, I mean Shakira’s nalgas – The Superficial 

Cindy the mouse needs to be Lindsay Lohan’s financial advisor – Towleroad

Those studded shoe horns really accentuate Nicki Minaj’s tits – Hollywood Tuna 

But where’s the picture of me crying at the bottom of the shower while holding onto my Zoopoo friend? – The Chive 

This Christmas, Nahla Aubry didn’t get the gift of another scar on her childhood from watching Olivier Martinez beat the pretty out of her dad’s face – Celebitchy

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis spent Christmas eating frozen yogurt in Iowa… Meanwhile, Demi Moore probably spent Christmas eating 20-something peen in the back room of a members only club in Miami called Iowa – ICYDK

Did Portia de Rossi and Ellen Degeneres finally become one person or did Tacky Pataky steal their look? – Popoholic

Chupa Zoe keeps her bones covered in St. Barts – Popsugar

The time I mistook JoJo for Lindsay Lohan’s pre-meth face of 2001 – Drunken Stepfather

Happy Boxing Day, here’s Thom Bierdz’s dick bush and salchicha – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Kelly Osbourne’s bikini body is on the cover of a magazine again – Hollywood Rag

Jack Klugman is in heaven now – SOW

I may or may not have wallet-sized versions of all of these Anderson Cooper pictures in my velcro wallet – Cityrag

FYI: Somewhere in California there’s a nursing home that allows Emo horses in – I’m Not Obsessed