Presenting Mr. And Mrs. Rocknroll
37-year-old Kate Winslet married 34-year-old Ned Rocknroll in a secret wedding in New York earlier this month and that wedding was a secret, because she didn't want anyone to know she was marrying a ho with the legal last name of ROCKNROLL! I bet that when the officiant asked, "Kate, do you take Ned Rocknroll as your wedded husband," she turned around and asked everybody in the room if they had a tab of acid, because that's the only way she'd be able to say yes. Marrying a motherfucker with the last name Rocknroll only makes sense when you're high on some kind of brain-bending shit.
Kate and Ned Rocknroll (born name: Abel Smith) first met in 2011 when they were both vacationing on Richard Branson's island. Ned is Richard Branson's nephew. A fire broke out on the island and Kate saved Richard's 90-year-old mother. Kate and Ned hooked up after they left the island and she's been screaming his messed up name during fuck times ever since.
A source tells UsWeekly that Kate and Ned wanted to keep their wedding extra small, so they only invited a handful of friends and some family members. The best part is that Leonardo DiCapiro's ass walked her down the aisle, because OF COURSE and because it only seemed fitting since marrying a dude named Ned Rocknroll is a lot like boarding a sinking ship.
This is Kate's third marriage. She had a kid with her first husband and a kid with her second husband Sam Mendes, which means she'll totally have a kid with her third husband and that kid's last name will be Rocknroll. I hope they do have a kid and I hope that kid's first name is ILove or ItsOnly.
I really know nothing about Ned Rocknroll, but now I know that he lays down the peen good, because that has to be the only reason why Kate married his ass. Dude must have unicorn jizz. Ned probably gives it so good that for a quick second, Kate completely forgets that she's doing a dude with a name like a bottom tier wedding DJ who always ends up banging the ugliest bridesmaid in the bathroom.
That being said, I hope Kate took his last name and she'll forever be known personally and professional as Kate Rocknroll.
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Seems like there's something off about her these days, like she's living in "bad faith."
Even before the more recent contentions with plastic surgery, she kept denying that she'd lost weight when it was so terribly obvious that she had. She acts like her position in film, especially with the nudity, is still to represent the "everywoman" because she is so terribly average and dowdy. Nevertheless, she almost always dresses to look like a "lady" and doesn't really seem to have her own "look" besides when she's just dressed up. And despite the airs, she marries someone named Ned Rocknroll? How does that fit in with her image?
When you've changed your name to RocknRoll, it's time to lay off the weed or stop buying drugs from Lindsay Lohan. One of the two.
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Please, Dr Freud, help us out. We desperately need to see Casper [the Friendly Ghost] fuck his mother! --- Cinema Snob
DUDE! YOU ARE KILLING ME!!! LOL.
I am leaning towards Itsonly....
"Just look at all the fucks I give!"
"Faith means not wanting to know what is true." — Friedrich Nietzsche
"Is your name Michael Diamond?" "Naw, mine's Clarence..."
I used to love her, til I caught her bullshit about not having plastic surgery. LOOK at her in Titanic. It is not just age and weight loss, it is a NOSE JOB that makes her look different now.
LIAR.
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Back when Mark Walhberg was Marky Mark
This is how we used to make the party start
We used to mix Hen' with Bacardi Dark
And when it kicks in you can hardly talk
Will somebody cut that fucking hair already?
Kate looks like she's giving being a beard a try. Also anyone who legally changes their last name to shit like "RockNRoll" or any other phrase or words they think sound "cool" always end up just looking like a fucking jackass.
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"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
I stuck a business card on my screen over his face, and from the neck down he looks so much like a woman it's scary. The darts in the jacket are bad enough, but the whole outfit (shirt and all) looks like it came off the lady's discount rack at JC Penney. He's also fug to the point that I doubt she would give him a second glance if he wasn't from a rich family. He's 34 and calls himself Ned Rocknroll. The whole situation stinks of strange sexual urges. I bet he calls her "mama" in bed and she loves it. I just get the vibe that she loves him because she can baby him. Not sure why I feel that way.
Sorry, it's the holidays and I'm being way too whiny. I guess I should be happy for them.
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"Someone needs to remind Adam Levine his band is just Sugar Ray for the new millennium." -Tyroan
I'd rather be Rickrolled!
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Submitted by justincase on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 4:48pm.
I have been trying to identify the occasional MK post from the guest wags and the " ... boarding a sinking ship." comment tipped me off, lol.
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You do realize that the poster is identified at the bottom of each post right?
I love Kate Winslet, but she can't seem to stop seeing herself as the fat girl who has to take second best. How mature can a guy that changes his name to Rocknroll be? Ugh. Who would want someone like that to be step parent to their kid.
Doomed. Ned Rocknroll-Ned? How shitfaced was he when he dreamed that one up? Does he work? How Sean Bateman of him. She's an idiot. Next!
Lmao at his name change. Seriously wealthy family, and that's the best he could do? He checked 'pick one' in a random name generator, didn't he?
I have been trying to identify the occasional MK post from the guest wags and the " ... boarding a sinking ship." comment tipped me off, lol.
She is marrying into the Branson family which is rich.
I give them max. one year....
Ned Rocknroll is giving me a young Ned Sanders pre-glasses same cranium.
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"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity"
His face is giving me full on "The Elephant Man" in that photo.
So he's 34 and going by the name Ned Rocknroll? That pretty much proves he is beyond immature.
The marriage is her admission price,like a celebrity escort.the arraigment is he gets to say he married her,gets better/personal access to hollywood stuff and she gets the major bump in luxury lifestyle. Yes she may have her own money but not like this guys got access too,islands,castles,huge countryside estates. Maybe she married because she figures why give away the milk for free.
I'm a longtime lurker...never posted here before. My parents are on their 3rd marriage each, my mother was 35 when they got married and they have been happily married for over 26 years now. Good for Kate. I hope she finds what she is looking for with mr rocknroll
He kinda looks like Courtney Taylor-Taylor from The Dandy Warhols.
Oh Kate, you don't marry your divorce rebound midlife crisis hookup. Has your mother taught you nothing?
I thought it was Scarjo for a quick second. I agree,she had some work done.
she sounds so down to earth, says she's all natural, but marrying a dude for the third time you met in 2011 screams MAJOR insecurity, no matter what size she is compared to the rest of size 0 actresses and models. Plus, right, there are already kids involved.
I wonder how she saved the grandma from a fire. I'm sure it wasn't in a last minute heroic feat like in the movies, and anyone would have done the same if they were at the right place, right time. Especially for a mother of two.
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And just so all you Jenaloonies and Brangeloonies know I would read JA's biography if I found it at the dollar store, too. - PrettyHateMachine
More baby names:
Sushi...
Webuiltthiscityon...
Normally, I find Kate Winslet boring, but there is so much wrong here that I don't know where to start.
1. Her face. "Harpo, who dis woman?" Did she ask her plastic surgeon for the Emma Thompson special?
2. His jacket. The DARTS!
3. Frankly, when the fire story came out last year, I suspected hanky-panky between Kate and Richard Branson. That would have made more sense.
4. Finally, NED? I mean seriously, NED? You spend a fortune and change your life to legally change your name, and the best you can come up with is NED?
Two kids with different baby daddies? That is NOTHING.
My cousins ex-gf has SIX kids, every single one of them all from different men. And yes she is TRASHY.
Luci- does the UK media venerate Kate? I ask because I'm remembering Katy Brand's skits mocking Kate in a real, kinda self-righteous, "I'm really just like you" kind of manner.
Kate Winslet is one beautiful woman. Wow. flawless
*whips condom wrapper out of bathrobe pocket* --"WE need to talk..." Richie during the out of control summer of 2005
Good for her.
Jersey Strong
I think Kate is gorgeous but she has the strangest taste in men. I thought her first husband was kind of cute, but everyone else she has dated has confused me. I agree with the poster below who said she is on her way to being this generation's Liz Taylor. I look forward to the Larry Fortensky years.
"Every time an asshole signs off with 'love and light,' hate and darkness eats a kitten." -MK
I wouldn't care if she was marrying for the 3rd time if there weren't kids involved. Like someone else said, when this doesn't end well, she's going to have to explain it to her kids.
I like the fact that Leo walked her down the aisle, too, but at the rate she's going, every co-star will have the chance to walk her down the aisle.
Kate looks like a blonde Dita Von Teese there.
I give them 10 months before they separate.
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
I had to read the article to find out who was the woman in the photo.
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Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 6:22pm.
All females belong to the sex class; they are subhuman buckets for male incontinence.
Submitted by Richiegay on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 12:33pm.
I'm no expert but his jacket looks like it's cut for a person with boobies.
Oh wow. Excellent catch.
Has anyone been married three times and actually had the third time be the charm, really?
More like Rockneyeroll.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I'm no expert but his jacket looks like it's cut for a person with boobies.
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
Holy fuck he is one ugly mug too.
http://cdn01.cdn.justjared.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/winslet-spacep...
This reminds me of a conversation I had with my 4 year old step-granddaughter over Thanksgiving.
She wants to call herself "Princess Rockstar Ariel..". I explained to her that real rockstars don't put it in their names. Maybe Kate's hubby needs the same talk!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Le sigh. Kate, Kate, Kate. This is unseemly.
If he kept his original name, she'd be Kate Smith.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!
Submitted by misslainey on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 12:07pm.
No kidding. It's so edgy that I'm surprised Miley Cyrus didn't come up with it first.
She knows this is silly... That's why she only had 6 guest and Leo "give her away" Sounds like a quick spur of the moment Vegas marriage.
If these were women of another color or socio-economic group, everyone would be calling them trashy and clutching their pearls. But they're classy white ladies with loads of money, so no one says a thing.
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I don't know -- I think it's less socio-economics and more that people just expect celebrities to be married 3 or 4 times a la Liz Taylor.
If these fools were regular folks with money, I think society would give them the side eye too.
If this dude is Branson's nephew and he felt he was "edgy" enough to change his last name to Rocknroll (ie, he doesn't have a job), then you best believe he's got some serious UncleBucks keeping his ass afloat. I don't care how good the peen is, Kate wouldn't marry just for the peen at this juncture (#3); she can have peen and eat her cake too. No, there's got to be some major financial security in the offing for her to succumb to the embarrassment of being Mrs. RnR.
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
..and the horrible taste in men continues.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 12/27/2012 - 11:37am
I don't know which is worse: Ned or ROCKNROLL. So original and edgy.
I love Kate as an actress, but she needs to slow down when it comes to relationships. Seriously, this one is not gonna end well. . .
Third time's the charm? Yeah... probably not. Congrats all the same to the Rocknrolls. I hope they got some nice gifts.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Damn she's beautiful and I love her. Too bad about the heterosexuality, but oh well.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
"if Mary drops my baby girl tonight I'm gonna name her Rockandroll"
Submitted by Trixster: "Is it wrong that even tho I love Kate as an actress I am giving her a total side eye for being on her 3rd marriage at only 37?"
Nah. That's pretty fast. My friend pointed something out to me about Christie Brinkley, too. She has a bunch of kids with three different men. I think Uma Thurman is like that, too.
If these were women of another color or socio-economic group, everyone would be calling them trashy and clutching their pearls. But they're classy white ladies with loads of money, so no one says a thing.
Kate only had two babydaddies, and that's normal. But if she has a kid with Mr. Rocknroll, she's getting lumped into the "feckless trash with money" heap.
I don't think celebs marry instead of sleeping around. They marry, THEN sleep around...