Gwyneth Paltrow Is Trying To GOOP-ify Cameron Diaz
Cameron Diaz is single, hops from dude to dude and spends her money on booze, pussy lube, booze, pussy lube, booze, pussy lube and booze that doubles as pussy lube. I think I speak for all of us when I say that we don't see any problems with this. But I guess Cameron Diaz wants to grow as a person or whatever, so she's asked GOOPY Paltrow to be her life coach, because if anybody knows how to rid the shit from your life, it's her. GOOPY Paltrow is practically a human colonic. Also, when you ask GOOPY to be your life coach, be prepared to escort "Fun" to your front door and hug it while saying, "Fun, I probably won't see you for a while, but it's been you. Try not to have too much YOU without me. Bye, girl."
The Sun says that Cameron thinks she's having some kind of mid-life crisis, so she asked GOOPY to sort her life out. GOOPY showed up to Cameron's house and after she poured all the booze into the sink and threw away all the bottles of pussy lube, she put a CLOSED sign over Cameron's sex parts. GOOPY banished the dick from Cameron's cooch for a full year. The source put the sad news like this:
“Gwyneth’s sorted out everything from finances to hooking her up with her trainer. She has also forced her to swear off sex for a year, saying men distract her focus.”
Having seen The Green Hornet, I know that Cameron makes a lot of bad decisions and maybe she should settle down a bit, but taking a sabbatical from peen for a whole year?! How in the hell is that going to help her to focus? That's going to make things worse. When Cameron is chanting with the Dalai Lama and GOOP in the mountains of Thailand, it's going to be really awkward when she stops OM-ing to ask one of the monks if he wants to go behind a rock for a quickie since she hasn't been laid in 6 months and her coochie has gone into starvation mode. When Cameron is training with Tracy Anderson, it's going to really ruin their workout when she starts humping one of Tracy's arms since Tracy's arm looks like an extra veiny dick shaft. Any doctor will tell you that quitting dick cold turkey is not recommended. You have to wean off the peen.
Just look at me, I have involuntarily quit the dick and it took me 20 minutes to write that last sentence, because I was too distracted with window shopping for uncut peen on Google Images.
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One funny quote Cammi probably got bashed by her PR about: (paraphrased: girls talk about how hard it is to find a good date, hell, I've flown to different countries for a good date." I died. Me too, Cami, me too. LOL love her mistakes in the press, cause she always recoops by going dark in the press.
My vision of world peace: a chicken in every pot, and pot for all us chickens...and weasels.
oatmeal is more interesting than GOOP.
She's just making Cameron go without sex for a year because she hasn't had sex in that long herself. Conniving jellyfishsticks!
What is the freakish fascination with goop lately?? She has to be THE most boring bitch on the planet. Camerons joker face needs work but her body is great. I wouldn't want to go from that to goop. That's a downgrade.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Wasn't Cammy going on and on about being SO SO SO happy recently? *eye-roll* Can't argue with the Goopster helping out a friend with her finances and stuff but swearing off sex for a year, seems excessive! Cam may rebound and become a sex-o-holic... wait... well... a worse one, lol ;)
And check out the pipes on Cammy! :O
Both look great, tbh.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Bloggie noms close January 27th! http://2013.bloggi.es/
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 8:13pm.
Is it just me, or does Goopsters have a lil' tiny clit growing out of her elbow? Hey, I'm all for ho's growing extra clits....
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Bwaahaaahaaahaaaaahaahahaa!
Quitting the dick isn't going to help her. Sex is healthy...that's why I do it...for health! LOL!
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
Submitted by Craigypants on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 7:22pm.
Yes because Goopy Paltrow is an expert on everything. Why would anyone listen to her, she named her kid after a fucking fruit!
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And not even a pretty fruit name, like maybe Lemon or Cherry. If you HAD to choose a fruit name.
Good sex is relaxing and clears the mind, imo. Swear off something else for a year.
Submitted by literarylioness on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 8:27pm.
Taking "life advice" from Goop is like getting your car fixed by a mechanic riding a bus---dumb. Since it's Cameron Diaz, it makes perfect sense though. She killed most of her brain cells years ago.
Why is it women are always told to "swear off sex?" I never hear men get this advice. I don't hear the guys say to each: "Hey dude you know you need to lay of the ladies and be celibate for a while. It will help you get your act together." Yet most men, not by choice, do have to be celibate for a while.
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Yeah, I think the problem with us womens is we ain't been aloud to let our WHORE flag fly. I mean, seriously. Sometime a bitch is just straight up HORNAY and need some good hard dick. It's just the truth.
Now, all you bitches got a convenient good hard dick right beside yo' ass, hey good for you. BUT us bitches that don't, we need to whore a little. It ain't right to starve a HONGRY, HONGRY kitteh. It just ain't.
Yeah, ain't nothing wrong with feeding a HONGRAY pussy through a little whorin'.
Cameron, stuff a ball gag up Gwynnie's GOOP and go get you some dick, girl. I'm talkin' some corn fed Grade A tube steak...dipped in chocolate for dessert. You know you want it.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Tigerlilly.. Tosses a slim Jim and scratches the great cat behind the ears::::
Kortni is in High school...
Submitted by kortni_thegreat on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 8:15pm.
"I am not really a crazy psycho. I swear." Nicki Minaj. ________________________________________________________________
I think sex is disgusting, I've never had the urge to do it. So I don't see the big deal in no sex for a year, but I guess to a recovering whore, it is. But, c'mon, have you seen Cameron? Bitch looks like a strung out praying mantis.
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Wait. Hold up...You've NEVER had the urge to do the NASTAY??? I mean, NEVER, EVER? For Realz????
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Taking "life advice" from Goop is like getting your car fixed by a mechanic riding a bus---dumb. Since it's Cameron Diaz, it makes perfect sense though. She killed most of her brain cells years ago.
Why is it women are always told to "swear off sex?" I never hear men get this advice. I don't hear the guys say to each: "Hey dude you know you need to lay of the ladies and be celibate for a while. It will help you get your act together." Yet most men, not by choice, do have to be celibate for a while.
"I am not really a crazy psycho. I swear." Nicki Minaj. ________________________________________________________________
I think sex is disgusting, I've never had the urge to do it. So I don't see the big deal in no sex for a year, but I guess to a recovering whore, it is. But, c'mon, have you seen Cameron? Bitch looks like a strung out praying mantis.
Is it just me, or does Goopsters have a lil' tiny clit growing out of her elbow? Hey, I'm all for ho's growing extra clits. I wanna know where Goop got hers so I can get one...or two, but I'd just like mine in the crotchal region.
Cameron looks like a Batman joker doll left on a space heater in the face and The HULK in the arms. Not a fan of Gwynnie or Tracie Manderson, but somebody need to help this fugly bitch!!! Remember how SMOKING HOT she was in "The Mask"? What the fuck happened????? How you go from THAT to THIS and don't tell me it's too much jizz.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
those arms..and that face, she doesn't have to swear off men, she pretty much scares them off..and Goopy is a cunt with a totally messed up home life, and is fucking her friends husband, so there goes your role model...
Cammie - read Red Flags of Love Fraud, stay away from Doctors and give ARod back his arms. Get right back on the peen when you finish this!!
Yes because Goopy Paltrow is an expert on everything. Why would anyone listen to her, she named her kid after a fucking fruit!
This is bullshit. Why would Diaz switch trainers when her arms, legs, etc are in great shape. And switch to Tracy Anderson? Even Goop's arms look fleshy next to Diaz.
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Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 5:24pm.
Yes, because it is a well known FACT that long periods of abstinence, especially for hors, is a positive. It doesn't negatively affectyour mood OR MAKE YOU GOTDAMMED EDGY AS FUCK ANDGENERALLY PISSED OFF *throws shit*
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Bwahaaahaaaahaaahaaaa!!!
Not that Gwynnie's cheek implants are sublime, BUT Cameron needs to go to Gwynnie's plastic surgeon. Her cheek implants are freakin' leakin' or some shit.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Give up sex?! So says Fishsticks, who has Jay-Z's dick in one hole and Chris Martin's in another? Granted, they're both fug, but who can tell when the lights are off? Hos like her never practice what they preach, just like the minister's wife.
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 3:21pm.
I think it's a shorthand for stopping all the behaviour surrounding sex for her. So instead of "stop dating jerks, show some self control, be less desperate etc.", Goopy's telling her "no sex". It's simpler, and in order to follow it, Diaz has to change her behaviour. Same effect.
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I agree with this theory. Sometimes the only way people can stop bad behavior is to quit cold turkey. But I give Cammie two weeks before she's back on the peen.
whoah her face is becoming like the inside of a hot pocket! poor pizza face! Life coach from Goopy? ahahhahahahaa what a freakin' joke! probably forever crying on the toulette!!!
Coma Caca!
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Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 5:24pm.
hahaha! You may just need a Goopy intervention.
After I took a year long break from bumping naughty bits, I met my soon-to-be-ex- husband. I would like to say the break is worth it- but he is my ex for SEVERAL good reasons. I am on another year long break now.
Yeah, you are right. I did NOT learn my lesson the first go round. The moral of the story is Cammie and I should both be letting our freak flags fly.
Submitted by BangoSkank on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 5:38pm.
I think she thinks it's messy and has to be done in the 'right' way. I doubt she and whatever her husband's name is have spontaneous sex. I'm sure it's penciled in months in advance.
However, when she gets that premenstrual hormonal surge, she speed dials Mr. Carter.
I think Goopy is hot, though an asshole... But I can completely see her as an asexual, sex be bad, you're better off without it, type of girl....
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Yes, because it is a well known FACT that long periods of abstinence, especially for hors, is a positive. It doesn't negatively affect your mood OR MAKE YOU GOTDAMMED EDGY AS FUCK AND GENERALLY PISSED OFF *throws shit*
If those two had a baby it would be Claire Danes.
No sex for a year!?!? Jesus, I get cranky after a few days. And you just know that Gwennie is patting herself on the back. She's so innovative.
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There might have been a time when I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try
But I think you could save my life
Couldn't she just join Scientology? An adult is allowing another adult to decide they can't have sex for a year? (are they married?)
I don't know who comes off worse. Asking for this shows maybe a temporary lapse, but to actually say, "Sure, I'll be right over," and then do it, might be worse?
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 3:27pm.
It looks like Cammie's been giving marathon hand jobs.
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Glad you're ok (how'd you get out of the basement, I triple locked that damn door.)
Are these two morphing into each other?
Cameron has nice arms. That's all I have to say.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Awwwwwwwww, they have coordinating cheek implants.
I give Cameron about 2 days before she has to break the news to the Goopster that she's off the wagon and back on the PEEN!
Guru Goopy should focus her efforts on a more needy cause-Demi Moore.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 4:36pm.
hi Whammy -- glad you are ok! and cool with Shawn Carter's sloppy seconds... ;-)
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Nooooo, Cameron! Pick the bong back up and cover your ears and go "lalalalalala!"
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 4:19pm.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 4:06pm.
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Hey Whams, YOUR Gwynnie is a cheatin' hor,
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Lol, why yes she is Bammer, all the more reason to love her:D
Hi there Foxxy Lady, I saw your ledge comment the other day. Lol!
Camron just needs to stop doing what ever it is that is making her look like the fucking Joker.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 3:58pm.
Ok, I just read the article... do people really get "life coaches" or is that MK being funny?
hired one for a minute years ago when i needed to make decisions about career path. quickly figured out he was just taking the work of zig zigler, tony robbins etc etc and regurgitating it
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Nothing worse than a married whore telling a single whore to remain abstinate. And how is Goop going to get Caz's life together when she can't handle her own?
I love Cami's arms. Her face is not doing as well.
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I hope you know that this will go down on your permanent record
dammit bambam, they just got him off the ledge!!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 4:06pm.
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Hey Whams, YOUR Gwynnie is a cheatin' hor, didja see that?
Not like my RachelmyRachel, Rachel Weisz! lols
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fuck u dan snyder.
Paltrow has got to be the most boring white woman on the fucking planet damn!!!!! One of the fastest ways to lose your man is if you turn into a Goop Paltrow....
Submitted by Mani6 on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 4:05pm.
IDK..I think her muscles look great.
On a guy. Just kidding. Though I am not a fan, Michelle O has the best upper arms I've seen.
Love them.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 4:14pm.
he must really be weaning himself off the D -- there's a conversation going on in another thread about titty wrangling and he hasn't even noticed
/you better not leave jack
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 3:59pm.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 3:52pm.
working, drinking, writing my memoirs...
aka slowly weaning myself off the D...
ETA which stands for DLISTED lol
Hey! I know what D stands for. I'm not that bad.
Do not answer that.
BTW (hah!) Your memoirs would be worth the read.
Still, being a tad cheap nowadays, I'll catch
your stories FOR FREE on the D:)
also, got a larger grip on the 38 and a 9.
and a wonderful poster framed of Maurice.
I must have been a very very good girl last year.
Submitted by bambam on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 4:00pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 3:57pm.
yes but we both watch porn so we might be predisposed to think that way... ;-P lmao
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12