Dieting Makes Goopy Less Bitchy
Goopy Paltrow really spilled all her thoughts out while lying on the therapist couch at Self Magazine. Goop admitted to starving her family of carbs, said she almost died while pregnant with the child she miscarried and she also said that her insane diet changed her marriage to Chris Martin. Goop said that her family doesn't eat any gluten, bread, pasta, cheese, sugar and many other delicious things, but now she says that she only eats like that for a month or two a year. Blue Ivy Carter's auntie went on the no food diet a couple of years ago when she felt like she was spinning out of control and turning into a real grouch to the cunth degree (no comment).
A couple of years ago, I got really run down. I had to sing at awards shows, which was fun but stressful. I'd have a Guinness and a beta-blocker every time. I also was constantly getting on airplanes, trying to knock myself out with sleeping pills and wine, waking up, trying to sweat it out with exercise and a steam, and then working really hard all day. Eventually, I had a panic attack. My body was like, "What is happening?"
Guinness, sleeping pills and wine? That sounds like the diet of champions! My body asks "What is happening?" when I don't fill it with beer and wine. But Goopy went to the doctor and he told her to stop eating:
My doctor, Alejandro Junger, recommended that I cut out basically everything: dairy, sugar, gluten, anything processed. I was like, "What the fuck am I going to eat now?" That's why I made the book: to stop eating brown rice out of the fridge because I didn't know what else to eat—it was demoralizing.
So Goop's rock bottom moment is when she ate brown rice out of the fridge? This bitch is a parody now. I don't even keep brown rice in the fridge, but if I did and ate it one day, that would be a super healthy accomplishment for me. I'd say to myself, "You ate brown rice. Good for you! Now you deserve to eat 10 chocolate fudge cookies in a row." One of my rock bottom moments was when I shoved two spoonfuls of Bisquick powder and two spoonfuls of milk in my mouth and swished them together before swallowing the batter down.
But like I said, Goop only eats humidifier mist and leaf tips a couple times a year:
I probably eat this way two or three times a year for three weeks at a time. Past that, I'm not willing to make the sacrifice. Life is about balance. It's good to work in healthy food, whether it's five days a week or five meals a week. And if you're going to do it, it should be awesome food you're psyched to make. But never cut out the brownies or the wine.
When Goop detoxes, she shits out her inner cuntiness and it makes her a less insufferable person (again, too easy) and her marriage to Chris Martin is different because of it:
You feel lighter and your emotions get smoother. I also was run-down because I had a lot of unexpressed anger. I made everyone else's feelings more important than my own. I'd suck it up and then be alone in my car yelling at traffic or fighting with hangers in my closet when they got stuck together.
You're not learning anything unless you're having the difficult conversations. Dealing with things directly changed my relationships. Sometimes when you get clear about who you are, others get less comfortable because they liked who you were. It's changed my marriage [to Chris Martin, 36], too, but he's up for the challenge.
It's probably made Goopy's marriage better, because every time she goes on the no food diet, she makes Chris Martin go on the no food diet. So whenever she says some ridiculous crap, he's too weak to fight back. He just lifts his head from off of the couch, uses the bit of strength he has left to shrug and then collapses into a puddle of weak numbness again. It's the perfect marriage.
And Goop's diet is totally working. It's made her a reasonable, sane, down-to-earth and happy human being!
The scary thing is, Goop's starting to sound a little like my mom. My mom is really healthy and thinks that diet has everything to do with your mood. Like whenever I'm on the phone with her and complain about something, she'll say, "Did you eat sugar today? You sound grouchy." Of course I ate sugar that day! I eat sugar every day! Of course I was grouchy that day! I'm grouchy every day! Being a bitch is my life blood and if sugar makes me bitchier, bring on the Twinkies!
Yes, I'm going to die alone surrounded by Butterfinger wrappers.
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guinness and beta blockers, that's hardcore.
The more she tries to be real, the more pretentious she becomes.
SHUT THE FUCK UP GOOPFISHSTICKS,...i cant take anymore...its just worst and worst with her... sick bitch
xoxox
The war isn't working.
That was really funny Tiger!!!!!!
And Joe Schmoe!!!
You hors cracked me up!
*pats Whammy's tired todger*
*chanting as always*
Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 11:07pm.
we can make a FORTUNE! a fortune i say, by selling goopy's shit to her.
its microbiotic, free range, chemical free, ethically grown, free trade shit.
Confused backpedalling? Not sure if it has been pointed out on the list already (apologies) but... hasn't she spent the past few years talking about her healthy eating, her garden, her belief that toxins in food killed her father and motivated her to drastically change her life with food and exercise for herself and family? What happened btwn now and her last cookbook and goopy nonsense about food best practice? I read this full article and now she's on/off practicing her diet, talking existing on pills and alcohol, admitting her food obsession (agree, eating disorder!) affected her marriage and setting aside her family privacy to discuss her miscarriage and near death. This whole thing is spin for image damage control. Extremely manipulative. Her timeline doesn't fit. She's talking all of this over the past 8-10 years yet for at least the last 5 yrs she's been pedaling her crazy eating habit books and on her blog but NOW "slyly" admitting it all was BS. What? For publicity? This is worse than pretentious. Manipulating and encouraging weight conscious people to "lick humidifier moisture" (hilarious!) and starve is unconscionable when she's not even practicing it herself. Anyone in renal failure or psychotherapy because if her should sue her butt. Yep. Shows she studied well under Madge and Beyonce a long time.
lol @ The Superficial's headline about her ‘I Almost Died From A Miscarriage. Buy My Cookbook!’.
Ya basta con esta mamona!
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Submitted by winkadoodle on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 4:56pm.
@Tempokat
Are you a fellow Nashvillian?
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didnt think people from "the 'Ville" liked this kind of humor.
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A good pimp never tells.-M.K.
"Yes, I'm going to die alone surrounded by Butterfinger wrappers."
Don't feel bad, MK -- when I die, I'll be surrounded by psychotic chihuahuas with a variety of medical and/or mental issues.
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"Lord help us all! Jesus take the bedazzled wheel." ~~MK
This is going to make me sound like a piece of sh*t, I know. But the girls I know who are most body conscious and who I suspect to have serious issues with food are vegans. I think factory farming and animal suffering is a terrible thing, but I just feel like certain girls I know use it as an excuse to not eat when we go out together, etc. I know there are legit vegans out there who really care about animal welfare, but some of the vegans I know don't really fall into that category and I feel like it's just another variant of orthorexia
Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 11:01pm.
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Well she's wearing the perfect dress for it, M. Chef!
Maybe if she has some left over, she can use it as a face mask? It is baby shit consistency.
*rubs hands evilly at your genius plan*
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 8:17pm.
nah, no garnish, just straight serve shit and shove it down her throat.
Submitted by justducky on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:51pm.
Just an observation eating disorders and sexual abuse tend to go hand in hand.
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... and wasn't her last crapfest book entitled "My Father's Daughter?" --- ewwwww
I used to love mayonnaise sammiches. Two slices of bread and mayo.
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
They say you are what you eat...evidently she is nothing.
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If anyone is going to pee on him it's going to be me.- Nicole Kidman
This has probably already been said but it's so clear that she has an eating disorder. Who is THIS obsessed with food?
Submitted by winkadoodle on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 4:56pm.
@Tempokat Are you a fellow Nashvillian?
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Yup! Love me some Prince's and Family Wash, so I can't really fault Fishstick's shoutouts in that article.
And karaoke at the Corner Bar! Although karaoke in Nashville can be an amazingly humbling experience.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 7:41pm.
if i was her cook/chef, id cook her own shit to her.
since she doesnt think her shit stinks.
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Bwhahaaha *claps claps claps* and garnish it with some cilantro, lemon and garlic to taste, lol Although, I wouldn't wish that on you Loopy. I bet she's be very demanding, I mean both ends are cleansed every few weeks!!! Don't do it!
And here I thought dieting had the opposite effect o_O
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Plus her movie career is like over. What does she have left to stay relevant? She can control the food she eats and her weight like a self rightous nazi. How absolutely and completely dull.
This bitch has been starving herself for 20 years. She most likely has a sexual disorder to boot. Total self absorbed neurotic. Bet she's a real treat between the sheets, this ho has no idea how to let go.
ed by Whamo on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:44pm.Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:26pm.*****"Um Whamo, you did wash your hands with a fresh bar of triple milled organic lavender soap, right? Otherwise, my vagina cannot tolerate the PH imbalance of digital penetration..._________________________________________________"that's right baby, you know I love when you talk clean to me."
@ Joe....*Sad background music as Whammo's Guuinness dick deflates*....LOL!!!
*stuffs bendy in*
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Hahaha...you're a good sport Whamo :D
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"Other than her belly, which is rather flat, every other part of her body has ballooned. And this is Kim holding to a strict diet. Imagine if she let herself go?" Joan Kardashian (Kim K's aunt) (HAHAHAHAHA)
if i was her cook/chef, id cook her own shit to her.
since she doesnt think her shit stinks.
Submitted by IrishFury on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 1:16pm.
All I am is a simple working mother of 3 with huge gastric issues. And I'm 20 hours into a 48 hour fast and I am bloody starving
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And a funny as shit lady. Sending you love.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 7:13pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:26pm.
A+ you are the best.
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Ha! I mean, seriously. I think she's pretty and I think she can look great in clothes and stuff, but, and I'm not a dude, I just don't see her as an object of lust. I just can't see the SEXX. I can see it in other celebs I don't particularly care for. I can see wanting to bang Megan Fox until she swallows her tongue and can't spew no more stoopid. I can see that. I can even see banging Angie Jo until her preying mantis exoskeletin fractures. I can see that. I just can't see blowing a load of Goop on the Gluten Free Fish train. I just can't see it. Not.Sessay.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Question 1: Someone *made* her sing?
Question 2: She drives her own car?
Question 3: People liked who she "was?" Like after she won an Oscar but before she turned 40?
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
Submitted by zomay on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 7:21pm.
Last weekend I was talking to a couple who are in their 90's. They are 92 years old. I asked them for any longevity tips. They laughed and said they have always eaten whatever they wanted in moderation. So there you go.
That's true. But I bet they also worked hard, walked a lot, enjoyed life, tried to be happy, surrounded themselves with family and friends, etc.
Last weekend I was talking to a couple who are in their 90's. They are 92 years old. I asked them for any longevity tips. They laughed and said they have always eaten whatever they wanted in moderation. So there you go.
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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:26pm.
A+ you are the best.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:58pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:26pm.
*lies flat on back with arms by her side*
lolllllllll. That's her yoga pose, dammit: Gluten-Free Fish.
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Gluten Free Fish!!!! *Dies*...Whamo, you want some Gluten Free Fish Action? I keed, I keed...
Who knows, maybe Fishsticks is a FREEEEEAAAAK in bed...and maybe White Oprah is actually a good and totally misunderstood mother...BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Gluten Free Fish!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:26pm.
*lies flat on back with arms by her side*
lolllllllll. That's her yoga pose, dammit: Gluten-Free Fish.
Fishsticks, no one cares what you eat or don't eat. Really.
For hell's sake, SHE NAMED HER FIRST KID AFTER FOOD. That's messed up.
Stupid cow.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
Dear Goop,
The Peasants all concur. Shut up.
Signed,
Peasants who can smell an insufferable, phony twat a continent away.
P.S. England, sorry you have to put up with her Upper-Class Twit of the Year shit. (nods to Monty Python)
Just an observation eating disorders and sexual abuse tend to go hand in hand.
If you need to lose weight fast google Kekwick and Pawan Fat Fast.
Hang in there IF, any good buffets near where you're having the procedure.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:26pm.
*****
"Um Whamo, you did wash your hands with a fresh bar of triple milled organic lavender soap, right? Otherwise, my vagina cannot tolerate the PH imbalance of digital penetration...
_________________________________________________
"that's right baby, you know I love when you talk clean to me."
@ Joe....*Sad background music as Whammo's Guuinness dick deflates*....LOL!!!
*stuffs bendy in*
Let's not forget she even named her daughter after a food.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:26pm.
*****
I think she's very pretty but she has no real sexxx appeal. She seems like she'd be a lousy lay...all uptight and shit.
"Um Whamo, you did wash your hands with a fresh bar of triple milled organic lavender soap, right? Otherwise, my vagina cannot tolerate the PH imbalance of digital penetration...Oh, and do be an angel and mist your bits with rose water...You do generate a bit of a musty odor when you eat gluten that I, quite frankly, find off putting...Oh and grab an Egyptian cotton towel from the loo while your at it, I just had the maid hand wash these 9,000 thread count sheets in reverse ionic organic jasmine diamond water...I'd prefer not to stain them with your lustful secetions...Ok..." *lies flat on back with arms by her side* "I suppose I'm ready now, but if it's going to take more than 20 minutes, I should put that placenta mask in my hair first..."
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LOLOLOLOLOL
*Sad background music as Whammo's Guuinness dick deflates*
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"Other than her belly, which is rather flat, every other part of her body has ballooned. And this is Kim holding to a strict diet. Imagine if she let herself go?" Joan Kardashian (Kim K's aunt) (HAHAHAHAHA)
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 6:24pm.
LOL! Yeah, she probably would be a high maintenance lay.
I do sort of like the outfit though and think she's pretty.
Submitted by Whamo on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 5:01pm.
@ GG.....re sans make-up, that can be said for about 90% of women we see in the industry. It holds true for the guys too. I've many pap pictures of guys some of the ladies get all heated up for and I could say the same thing. Who doesn't look better when they are all done up and airbrushed. I find it kinda head scratchingly funny that someone could look at Gwenny and say she isn't pretty, I just don't understand it. Yes you can call her irritating I'm not and can't really defend that but IMO ugly she's NOT! Lol :P
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I think she's very pretty but she has no real sexxx appeal. She seems like she'd be a lousy lay...all uptight and shit.
"Um Whamo, you did wash your hands with a fresh bar of triple milled organic lavender soap, right? Otherwise, my vagina cannot tolerate the PH imbalance of digital penetration...Oh, and do be an angel and mist your bits with rose water...You do generate a bit of a musty odor when you eat gluten that I, quite frankly, find off putting...Oh and grab an Egyptian cotton towel from the loo while your at it, I just had the maid hand wash these 9,000 thread count sheets in reverse ionic organic jasmine diamond water...I'd prefer not to stain them with your lustful secetions...Ok..." *lies flat on back with arms by her side* "I suppose I'm ready now, but if it's going to take more than 20 minutes, I should put that placenta mask in my hair first..."
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Everytime we hear from this bitch she is going on about food, No wonder she had a miscarriage if she is treating her body like shit.
Obviously she has an eating disorder, but why does she think anyone gives a shit? she is not relevant. She is just the epitome of Hollywood Nepotism. Have a fresh air sandwich bitch and fuck off.
I just hate this fucking overly verbose bitch. Just shut up.
She Stinks!
I love how she says "I'd rather die than let my kids eat cup-a-soup!" and "I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can!" yet she's more than happy to shill processed ready meals for low rent convenience stores - http://bit.ly/16HPGjp.
Not so picky about food after all, eh? What a hypocrite. Someone with that amount of food control issues isn't all right in the head.
yepyepyep,
thank you, friend.
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Dark-sided!
question does she talk about food during sessy times, in her sleep she reminds me of Bubba from Forestt Gump who talked non stop about shrimp....I lived with a food obsessed person..it is seriously not pretty, you want to smack them in the face constantly, that or buy them a fucking cheezeburger....
Submitted by misslainey on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 5:30pm.
I am really trying to understand how anyone thinks she is attractive?
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*scratches head* :) :P
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 03/19/2013 - 4:40pm.
... she is straight up back road okie
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ahaha! how true, how true!
She actually said that about the taco truck and its location?!? What a pretentious doomazz. The less fancy parts of town are where the good eatin' is to be HAD! More tacos for us!!!
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IF I cut out sugar for a while and it's hard because a lot of things have added sugar or sweeteners. I had to cut bread except one brand, potatoes, rice and bananas but I didn't cut out banana sorry.
I hope you gut gets better and hopefully this cures all your issues. Praying for you.
About health is it not hard to cut out junk, but it has to be homemade meals I find it expensive to eat fresh fruits and veggies but once you cut out junk and sugar And chocolate you don't crave it or eat a banana trust me you won't need the junk. I'm now cutting out dairy and that is hard, no cheese but I manage. I got soy cheese :,( not the same. Dairy makes me sick and then you find out how many things have milk added try cutting out dairy and sugar as I did. I got sugar back on my life because otherwise I will freaking disappear. Read about how many foods are sugar look at your diet, if the pasta or flour doesn't say whole wheat flour is a no no. It's hard it takes dedication and you will forced to cut 90% junk food but my. Stomach is finally flat no more bloating.
I am really trying to understand how anyone thinks she is attractive? It's not because I think she's a pretentious snot, bit she really isn't pretty. As much as I dislike Angelina, I think she is pretty.
Goopy and Cameron Diaz have the same greasy face. Goopy may be in shape, but her face...