The Look Or Not The Look: Mischa Barton’s Shredded Coochie Cutters

If you were in junior high school or high school in the 90s, I’m sure you’re filing a police report against Mischa Barton for stealing your favorite shredded coochie cutters. The Blake Lively of the early 2000s gave hos several servings of thighs, ass and suffocating crotch while strolling around L.A. in some shredded shorty shorts yesterday.

I remember when we used to shred our own jeans in the 90s. My sister and I would sit on the carpet in the living room and painstakingly (yes, painstakingly, it was hard!) shred our jeans with an X-Acto knife and sandpaper. We’d try hard to make the rips look organic, because if they didn’t whores would make fun of you at school. It was hard work! Chirruns don’t know how hard we had it. We had to shred our own jeans! (Yes, “We had to shred our own jeans!” is my own version of “Get off my lawn!”)

That said, I appreciate Mischa’s gorgeous choker and shredded jeans, but if ho really wants to bring the 90s, she needs to bring it hard. This look is all wrong. She should wear black shiny Spandex shorts underneath those coochie cutters, a crushed velvet vest over that t-shirt and some flower Docs. I swear, bitches should have to watch 90210, Clarissa Explains It All and Fresh Prince before they try to dress 90s.