Hot Sluts Of The Day!

The spectacular eyebrows of Bernard Ingham, Margaret Thatcher’s former chief press secretary.

At Margaret Thatcher’s funeral yesterday, Bernard Ingham walked through the doors and guests were temporarily blinded by his gloriousness and for a second they thought that a pair of magnificent angels wings had arrived, but it was something even better. It was the fluffs of white hair over Bernard Ingham’s eyes. It feels wrong calling them eyebrows, but they’re so much more than that. Those are beautiful hairy awnings for his eyes. You could set your drink on those things! Bernard Ingham’s eyeballs always stay cool in the shade thanks to the twin canopies of brow hairs over his eyes.

They also look like two majestic clouds and if I was a 4th grader again, I’d pluck them right off of his face and glue them onto my prehistoric diorama project. I spent minutes teasing a bushel of cotton balls and they never looked as fluffy and perfect as the hairy clouds on Bernard’s face.

If Larry Hagman’s bush brows and Andy Rooney’s bush brows mated, had twins and those twins overdosed on EGH (eyebrow growth hormone, it’s like HGH for brows) and Propecia, they’d look just like Bernard’s bristly brows of perfection. I hope that as Bernard gets even older, his brows keep growing and eventually fully become one with each other and his sideburns. Then he’d have a glorious headband of brow hairs. I’m getting the swoons just thinking about it.