Archives

Kate Hudson and Lance Amrstrong broke up like 10 seconds ago and she's already got herself a new bag. Well, an old new bag. Some nosy bitch told OK! that they witnessed Kate and her ex-husband, Chris Robinson, kissing on the street in front of her apartment in NYC.

The nosy bitch said, "They were really affectionate with each other and gave each other a kiss which lasted much longer then a platonic kiss should last — 20 seconds, maybe a little longer. Without going into all the details the kiss was more than just friends. They seemed like something more going on and were very affectionate with each other."

Without going into details? Did they also finger bang each other or something? Whoever this "witness" is, needs to get laid now. Who stands there, stares, and times a kiss? Well, I do that, but I have my reasons.

Kate is just making a pit-stop on Chris before moving on to her next dude. Her vagina is probably feeling weepy and alone, so it needs someone familiar to console it. That's what exes are for.

File this under: I need to see video footage of this STAT! UsWeekly reports that 19-year-old Nikki Blonsky from the "Hairspray" movie and her daddy were arrested at Providenciales International Airport in Turks and Caicos. They were reportedly involved in some major brawl with a lady.

It all went down when the lady wanted to take one of their seats at the airport. The Blonsky family had their luggage on the seat and refused to move it. That shit is my pet peeve. That's when things got physical.

The woman's injuries must have been major because she was immediately flown off the island to Miami. Oh god. Nikki sat on her, didn't she? I know, I know, but you were thinking the same thing. Slap yourself with melted Snickers!

Nikki was charged with actual bodily harm and her father was charged with grievous bodily harm. Can they also charge her with busting out my eardrums during "Hairspray"?

It gets even more bizarre, Bianca Golden from "America's Next Top Model" was also somehow involved in the fight. Her family lives on the island. TyTy Baby would be so proud!

Nikki was in court this morning wearing a neck brace.

This is some random shit! You see what leaving your bag on an airport seat does?!

UPDATE: TMZ reports that Bianca from ANTM was also arrested. Bianca's mother was the one who was flown to Miami to have her injuries treated. Nikki's dad, Carl, is still in jail for allegedly beating down Bianca's mom.

The fight started because Nikki's family was saving 5 seats and Bianca's family wanted them. It got so bad that one of Bianca's family members even bit Nikki's foot. Nasty. Toe jelly in the mouth!

Nikki and Bianca were both released on bail. VIDEO NOW!! Please!!!

Another reality show! This one is brought to you buy former meth head and new mom Jodie Sweetin. Steph Tanner from "Full House" told People that she's shooting the show in a couple of months.

Jodie's husband, Cody Herpin (HERPES!), will also be in it. She said, “We are in talks with a couple of networks right now. We have one picked out, but nothing is signed yet. We actually got approached about doing it by multiple people. It was one of those things where we were like, ‘Wow. Let’s totally do it.’ I think it’s sort of a fun way to show the other side of celebrity and a sort of semi-normal life.”

She wouldn't say what the title of the show is going to be, but you can probably take a guess. Let me see... It's either going to be "The Sweetin Life," "Sweet N' Herpes," How Rude," or "From Meth Pipe to Baby Bottle."

That being said, I will have to put my Tivo through more trauma by recording this shit. One day, my Tivo is going to cross its arms (mine has arms) and scream, "NOT TODAY!"

Shia LaDouche is still in the hospital after his drunken car crash left him with busted fingers. I'm surprised he didn't try and smoke in his hospital room bathroom. I visited my abuelita in the hospital once and some hot chola got busted for smoking a joint in her bathroom. When security asked why she was doing that, she smacked her lips together and said, "Ta. Aye! What else was I supposed to do?" Exactly.

While Shia is in there, he should also have the doctors take a scalpel to that truly fug tattoo.

Here's a few more of raggedy LaDouche outside of the hospital yesterday. He's a mess in bloody jeans and a ripped-sleeve t-shirt. It's an outfit only Kid Rock could love. The slippers are sweet, though.

What are you doing this weekend? I know what I'm doing. I'm totally going to the Jersey Shore to party with these amazing individuals. The Dirty went to Jersey to do a casting call for a new show called "Guido Beach."

If you've got a dirty vagina or asshole, watch all 7-minutes of it. You will walk away squeaky clean thanks to the douche overload in this shit. The saddest part is that I'd probably do sexy times with 100% of these dick bags.

Brendan, I'd hit it. Dino, I'd hit it. Krystel, I'd hit it. Mike, I'd hit it. Jon, I'd hit it. Jen, I'd definitely hit it.

Seriously, Jen and her mother are the hottest bitches in this mess! Fast forward to around the 5-minute mark to watch them in all their douche glory. Jen's ex-boyfriend's new chick shows up and well....you'll see. At the end, one douche perfectly sums it up by saying, "That's gold! That's liquid gold!" Damn right it is!

Thanks kdracofan

As much as Katie Holmes' tight rolled Bugle Boy straight out of 1990 made my teeth hurt, I miss them. Without them, she's back to looking like a brainwashed Stepford robot with a creepy husband who suffers from a bad case of dick butter breath. Okay, she always looks like that, but at least the tight rolled jeans were a distraction.

Katie, carrying a cup of hot barley water, showed up to rehearsal for her Broadway bore show this morning. I don't know why the bitch has to go to rehearsal. Can't Tommy Girl just upload her lines and shit into her system hard drive?

.....and it's Shauna Sand. The Empress of Lucite was out mingling with her subjects in Hollywood last night. You can't tell from these pictures, but those roses were actually dead before Shauna touched them. She magically brought them back to life.

Last night, Shauna proved once again that she is a true natural beauty. She's like a fresh gardenia in the morning rain. I mean, she hardly woke any make-up last night! I know, it's hard to believe. Shauna is beauty in its most natural state.

Shauna also announced that she is the spokesperson for the extremely exclusive San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino in Highland, CA. And by "exclusive" I mean anybody can get in as long as you're wearing shoes. And the ads don't do her justice.

Here's more of the most beautiful woman in the world with her secret husband. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pack my things. I'm moving to Highland, CA!

At least MiserAlba's nippies look happy - Hollywood Tuna

One of the chicks from The Veronicas is naked - Egotastic!

Kate Moss' holiday in Spain. Bitch looks beat - Popsugar

Michael Douglas is a sloppy, drunk pepaw - Cityrag

Even Wino's pussy loves thee crack (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Snoop Dogg's tour bus busted for pot - Hollywood Rag

Marisa Miller needs a bath - IDLYITW

James Franco talks about kissing Sean Penn - Towleroad

Bennifer's new baby and new house - Lainey Gossip

Kate Beckinsale needs to step away from The LongWHORIA - Just Jared

You know that dude in the back is totally saying, "Gurrrrl. Look at that flamer over there. My tranny poodle wouldn't even rock those pants. I can smell his ass jam from here. Anyway, fuck this dyke. Let's go see Mamma Mia again." Those dudes are totally mistaken! Ed Westwick is not a homo! Yes, there's been rumors that he's totally boning Chace Crawford, but it's a falsity! He was spotted the other night making out with a chick! That proves everything!

Some witness-type saw Ed at Lit in NYC on Wednesday night with his tongue down some random chick's throat. The witness said, "When the two left together, Ed was leading her by the hand. He was moving quick, but he had time to wink at a hot brunette before slipping out."

There! We can finally shut the closet door on those homo rumors.

Here's Ed wearing totally straight dude pants on the set of "Gossip Girl" the other day. I'm not being sarcastic either. Only pimps and mafia bosses wear pants like that.

Yeah, I know Salma Hayek and her sugar beard cancelled their contract, but she still has that "billionaire glow" about her. Nothing is better than going out and spending money on stupid shit. Especially when it's not your fucking money. Seriously, I can never find one bad thing to say about this hot bitch. Okay, the only negative thing I have to say is that she should be wearing high heels. Rich ladies should only wear high heels wherever they go. Flats are for the poor.

I also can't get enough of her Pampers commercial for UNICEF. I stop my Tivo every time it comes on. Nobody says "one packa Pampers" the way she does.

Here's Salma, Valentina and some small person in Beverly Hills yesterday.