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The satanic warlords of Hollywood have a new way of torturing us. They aren't remaking pieces of our childhood into movies anymore, they are turning them into TV shows! Heathers is already under the guillotine waiting to get chopped, and now Teen Wolf is next. Isn't it sad that your bestest friend, the 1980s, is getting punched in the face over and over again and all you can do is watch...and Tivo it.

Reuters reports that MTV is working on a pilot for the TV version of Teen Wolf and they plan to make it more dramatic. You know, for the Twilight audience. Gurgle. The Senior VP of series development for MTV said, "It has a fresh take and is very different from the original. It has more of an 'American Werewolf in Paris' feel to it. It's a dramatic thriller with two best friends in the center who provide a great comedy element: They are two very relatable characters on the outer circles of popular cliques."

An American Werewolf in Paris?! That's like saying their remake of Teen Wolf is going to have more of a "TOTAL SHIT" feel to it. Which it totally is. It's going to be a giant bowl of fur-covered caca.

The only way I'll be kind of okay with this is if they cast Adrian Grenier's ass crack as the title role.

Life & Style is saying that Halle Berry has got a case of the babies AGAIN. Apparently, Halle went through a lot of shit to conceive her first baby friend, Nahla, and the second time wasn't any different. One of Halle's friends, who has a mouth bigger than Parasite Hilton's crotch cave, said that she conceived her first baby through in vitro fertilization and her second through artificial insemination.

The friend went on to yap, "She's just ecstatic to be pregnant again. She wasn't sure if she'd have another baby, so she's very happy!"

Halle's rep put his hand and refused to comment on this.

If my ass was Halle Berry, I'd be giving crazy Michelle Duggar a run for her baby money. My fuck part would be permanently glued to Gabriel Aubry's dick stick and it would never let go. Those babies would have to call the fire department to help them find another way out, because I'd never let his sessy ass go.

If one of your homeboys got shot and you have things to do, Christopher "Kid" Reid has just the suit for you! Tell your flip-flops to take a time out and do the "Kid 'n Play Dance" all the way to SW Suits in Carson, CA! Make sure to tell them Kid sent you, because I think they give him a quarter for every time someone mentions his name. And bitch needs it!

And I'm all for stars of the 80s and 90s in commercials for local clothing stores. I can't wait to see Lisa Lisa's commercial for Susie's Deals. Or Stacey Q for Rainbow.

VIA Crunk + Disorderly

The latest pair of astronauts to go where every celebwhore who has every had a baby goes are David Boreanaz and his wife Jaime Berman. The two welcomed their second oxygen-stealer into this world yesterday. Right before she popped, Jaime told People, "We've been trying to have another baby for a couple of years now so we are beyond excited. We're over the moon.”

Speaking of, David and Jaime's baby just might try to fart her way all the way to the moon when she realizes what her parents named her. David and Jaime named their baby girl Bardot Vita Boreanaz.

Bardot's 7-year-old brother will grab on to her when she busts out of there, because his name is Jaden Rayne. Bardot Vita and Jaden Rayne! I don't know if they sound like the members of an early 90s R&B girl group or the stars of a late-night Cinemax movie.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak will not stand for Prop 8! She will duct tape her nipples in the name of free publicity equality! But seriously, Kim should've used some of that duct tape to cover up her low-budget Barbie wig, because it needs to stop. I'm joking! Kim is doing it for a good cause.

Kim brought her leased (4 more payments!) tittays out just so Mah Boo Anderson Cooper and I can get married under a silver moon one day. Thank you, Kim! At our reception, you can sing an acoustic version of "Tardy for the Party"......at the end of the night. That will be everyone's cue to get the hell out!

Click here to learn more about the NOH8 Campaign.

Pete Wentz totally dropped his pants on purpose - Towleroad

B.Coop joins The gAy-Team - Just Jared

HoHan is now posing in staged bikini pictures for rocks - Egotastic!

Ginger Spice getting pepaw-handled - Hollywood Tuna

Jennifer Garner and B.Coop's alleged former sugar daddy pal around in L.A. - Popsugar

Hayden Panatroll is still sexing up HoHan's leftovers - Lainey Gossip

Katie Price says she was raped several times. Eeesh. - Holy Moly!

Mickey Rourke's piece of the night might be a dude - Hollywood Rag

Camila Alves' hairy stomach is keeping the babeh warm (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

This is big news: Courtney Love is eating food - ICYDK

Lezzie tats galore - Cityrag

If you need to be punished for whatever, watch this video - SOW

Miley Cyrus is a Sienna Miller in training - Celebitchy

I guess Vanessa Manilafolders couldn't find a more famous peen than Nick Lachey - I'm Not Obsessed

Scenes from the Cougar Convention take two!

This is Vadge's "nothing special" video for "Celebration" which is a single off of her latest greatest hits album. It's just Vadge grinding and humping it like she has an itch in her crotch that she can't scratch. Put a tube of Premarin on it!

Lourdes and Baby Jesus both make cameos in this video. My favorite part comes courtesy of the latter. While Baby Jesus pretends to spin (awww...endearing), Madonna comes around, strips off his jacket and shows us all what her money can buy. Yes, Madonna, we know Baby Jesus is your whore.

And I leave you with some pictures of Madonna, Baby Jesus and political Rzipi Livni leaving a restaurant in Israel last night. Ha.

YES, such a thing as the National Singles Cougar Convention exists and the first one was held in Palo Alto, CA last Friday night. Exquisite eyebrows + titty implants circa 1984 + hongray hongray snatches + copious amounts of Lady Era + horny young peen = A GOOD OLE' TIME! Eff SATC2! This is the real shit right here!

Cougars from all over the land gathered together to go cub hunting! Apparently, none of the ladies were looking for commitment, they just wanted some fresh dick for the night. Work that shit, you old whores! Hunt, pounce and bust! Get yourself a hot

SF Weekly has more pictures from this elegant affair. Warning, you may see your momma in some of the pictures, so be-fucking-ware.

"Are you having another hot flash or am I just doing something right?" - Cub to his Cougar in the last thumbnail below.

Same-sex couples in Vermont will be able to get married starting today and in honor of this momentous occasion, Ben & Jerry's has temporarily renamed "Chubby Hubby" to "Hubby Hubby" for 30 days. Hubby Hubby is made of fudge-covered peanut-butter filled salty pretzel wangs and vanilla cream. That's not a butt sex joke. Those are the actual ingredients.

Ben & Jerry's issued this statement of words about Hubby Hubby:

“The legalization of marriage for gay and lesbian couples in Vermont is certainly a step in the right direction, and something worth celebrating with peace, love - and plenty of ice cream."

You can buy Hubby Hubby from Ben & Jerry's ice cream trucks in Vermont. They aren't changing the labels on Chubby Hubby in grocery stores.

While this is awesome of Ben & Jerry's, I can't help but feel that they left the lezzies out! I mean, couldn't they rename "Cherry Garcia" to "Cherry Gayellecia"? Or what about, "Everything But The....Penis." Or simply, "Fish Food."

VIA Joe. My. God.

Possible Greyhound beater and overall manslut Gerard Butler still keeps it real whenever he goes back to Glasgow and he has his mom to thank for that. Gerry tells the NYDN that his mother is not impressed that he's making millions of dollars and tickling Jennifer Aniston's thirstay poon.

Gerry said, "I go home and they'll cook Christmas ­dinner, and she's like, ‘C'mon, give a hand, come on, wash the dishes or put the dishes away.' And I'm like, ‘Mom, I am a major Hollywood movie star, I can't be doing this. It's embarrassing.'" Gerry went to say that no matter how much he whines about his shit being made of sparkly gold he always ends up on his hands and knees, wiping her floor.

Gerry needs an abuelita in his life. Bitch wouldn't have even made it to the word "movie," because an abuelita would've cut his tongue out way before then and made menudo out of it.

And you know what's even more embarrassing than a major Hollywood movie star doing dishes? A major Hollywood movie star's mother not having a dishwasher and a Roomba!