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Taylor Lautner's publicist is fucking done with him professionally and it isn't because of a gay scandal or anything like that. It's because Taylor's father is the second coming of Kit Culkin wrapped in White Oprah and incubated inside of an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Basically, Taylor's father is the stage dad from the ninth circle of Hell and his (ex)publicist isn't about to go to jail for double slapping a grown man's basement chin.

The Hollywood Reporter says that Robin Baum of Slate PR, who also represents Daniel Craig and Johnny Depp, erased Taylor's name from her BlackBerry after only working with him for three months. Taylor's manager has kept their lips shut over this mess, but sources say that Taylor's father Daniel is the problem.

Judging by that picture, Daddy Lautner looks like a for real twat wart who will huff at you when you take too long at the sundae bar at Sizzler. But he should still learn from the Kit Culkins and Jaid Barrymores before him. Either Daddy Lautner's going to completely ruin his son's career. Or he's going to get dumped by his son and will have to pay his bills by selling stories to the tabloids for a four-figure check. Being a stage parent is not hard. Just let the professionals do the work and then steal a little money off the top each month. Seriously. But Taylor's publicist really should've seen this coming. Never trust a stage dad who looks like the pile of Chet from Weird Science.

via Animal NY

Tyrese, the Coca-Cola yodeler turned singer turned star of Baby Boy turned best-selling author, has been campaigning hard on Twitter for the chance to play Martin Luther King Jr. in a biopic because he believes it's his destiny. And then Tyrese brought God into it the other day when he Tweeted that the lord gave him a sign and let him know that Jesus will hold his bag while he auditions for his dream role.

You know, my neighbor who always looks at me like I'm made of queefs actually addressed me by my full name today, so that tells me that anything is possible in this world. But are we sure that God himself revealed this to Tyrese? Are we sure this isn't a prank revelation? This has made me believe that there's a Crank Yankers in heaven.

Meanwhile, Martin Luther King Jr. is delivering an HD side-eye while giving an "I had a dream...that Tyrese did not play me in a damn movie" speech up in heaven.

via Crunk + Disorderly

Just bask in the torpedo of judgement that Grandma Huxtable is throwing with such ease. The purse of lips, the lowering of the chin and the stone cold eyes let you know that you better sit on your hands and keep your words on the safe side of your mouth. Something tells me that Grandma Huxtable is throwing this same look at the angels in heaven when they asked her if Raven-Symone's eyebrows look chewed up and spit out in person.

Clarice Taylor, who was nominated for an Emmy for playing Grandma Anna Huxtable, passed away from heart failure in Englewood, NJ on Monday at the age of 93. Clarice also played Harriet on Sesame Street and the Good Witch in The Wiz. Clarice is survived by her two sons and five grandchildren.

Rest in peace, Clarice. May heaven be filled with nothing but clip-on gold earrings. I will tell a Brooklyn doctor to "SIT DOWN, HO" with my eyes in your honor today.

via MSNBC

Bradley Cooper's wide eyes tell me that he will snort the last line at a party without guilt and he looks like the type who won't even use his hand to wipe the sweat bead that dropped from his forehead onto yours when he's hitting it from the front. So naturally, I can understand why some hos swoon until they cream over him. If your ass falls under that category, then you better get your body ready and apologize to your panties in advance, because here he is speaking French like a Rosetta Stone valedictorian.

B.Coop is definitely fancy in more ways than one. He could be talking about turtles snow-balling each other and I wouldn't even know. I have no idea what he's saying, but it doesn't matter a damn. Just put your nipples to the monitor and take it in.

It's good to know that B.Coop will know what you're talking about when you say to him, "Sacrebleume!"

via Buzzfeed

Doesn't this break several child slave labor laws? ARREST SELENA! - (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

With a good publicist, Blake Lively proves that childhood dreams can come true - Lainey Gossip

Kim Kardashian was pregnant with a publicity stunt. Already gave birth to it. Moving on. - The Superficial

"Thank you, migraines." - me - Towleroad

RiRi's answer for what she looks for in a man sounds like every username on Grindr - Celebitchy

Squinty Zellweger's got a new piece and he's totally gay (I do not know for a fact that he's gay, but I figured we should just get that out of the way now so we don't have to bother with it later) - Just Jared

#ShaqRetires - The Daily What

-10 - Hollywood Tuna

FIND IGOR!!!! - OMG Blog

IN THIS ECONOMY, Aubrey HO'Day has been forced to use leftover tablecloth trim as a bikini bottom - Hollywood Rag

Blake "It Wasn't Me" Lively keeps her clothes on for Glamour - Popoholic

RiRi's new video is like an island Janie's Got a Gun - ICYDK

Like a boss - Cityrag

Kelly Rowland's shirt would look much better as an Easter cardigan on a 4-year-old - Tom & Lorenzo

Kiki Dunst's friend is taking me higher - Popsugar

RPattz's eyebrows are hurting me - I'm Not Obsessed

Sean Penn being Sean Penn - Celebslam

According to Star Magazine and InTouch Weekly, Angelina Jolie is shooting heroin into her giraffe leg arms while Brad Pitt is shooting the shit with Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer is stealing another bitch's man while Brad is stealing Angie's stash and replaces it with protein bars. Throw in a third world orphan, your newly activated Friendster account, me in size 29 jeans and it would be 2006 all over again.

No, no. I don't mean that. Tabloid covers of Brangelina and Aniston scandals are as classic as chin strap dildos and West Hollywood's Rrrrrrosas Lady.

via Cover Awards

Yes, those kids are probably filled with all layers of excitement thinking they are getting a picture with Greta Gremlin, but they will soon realize that they shared space with an even hotter creature. Janice took time out from pumping half of her checking account into her car to give some young fans a priceless memento while wearing a dress so short you could almost see her Dickinson.

And then Janice Dickinson kept the pose party going and showed the gas station that they aren't the only ones who can sell chicharones wrapped in plastic. When Janice sells, I'm buying. I could just roll Janice's pork rind legs in chili limon salt and nibble on 'em all afternoon.

Oscar-winning actress, cookbook author, lifestyle deity, purveyor of knowledge, gangsta rapper, country music superstar, fashion icon, working mother, Martha Stewart's idol, outdoor pizza oven enthusiast and the pride of Britain... And now Gwyneth Paltrow can add "social network savior" to her flowing list of achievements. Fishsticks will take her oversharing to frightening new levels now that she has joined both Twitter and Facebook. Up until a few hours ago, Fishy left poking to the common folk and thought that hashtag was a smoking game her husband played by himself down in his man cave to deal with her ass on a daily basis. But Fishy's about to do a whole lot of both.

Fishy first Tweet came in the form of a video tour of her nostrils. Fishy is trying to make you think that the video is of her hailing a cab in NYC, but nope. She has ulterior motives. She's trying to let you know that this is what your nostrils should look like. If they don't, then you better gargle them out with flax seed oil and work on your yoga flares.

And there's a "like" button on Fishy's Facebook page as of right now, but don't think it'll be there for long. I mean, it's a given that you'll "like" everything she posts.

via Gawker

When I said a silent prayer asking for two child stars of yore to join together in the name of love (and a blurb in UsWeekly), I was thinking more along the lines of Harriet from Small Wonder and Heather from Mr. Belvedere. But sadly, that's not what we were given. We were given Justin Timberlake and Ashley Olsen instead. I mean, if you're going to pair someone from Full House and someone from The Mickey Mouse Club, why couldn't it have been Kimmy Gibler and T.J.?

Despite the denials from Justin's rep, a source tells UsWeekly that he's definitely hooking up with Tangina's true biological daughter. They apparently spent time together at two Broadway shows, a restaurant and a hotel in NYC. Because Ashley barely broke up with Justin Bartha and Justin Timberlake split from Jessica Biel, the source says they are trying to keep shit on the down low.

This is a pairing as bizarre as cayenne pepper lube. I just cannot picture Ashely Olsen cooing the word "pruuuuuuuune" into Justin's no-no in the middle of the night. And my thoughts are powered by the top users at Consumption Junction, so I can usually picture some screwed up shit. Justin has to be dating Ashley Olsen as some sort of dare or challenge. Justin wants to make everybody laugh and laughing in a happy tone is against Ashley's beliefs. This is either going to end with Ashley owning Justin's soul, or Justin winning the right to cross any bridge at any time.