The CAPTION THIS Contest

Once upon a time there were three very different little girls who grew up to be three very different women with three things in common: they're brilliant, they're beautiful, and they work for me. My name is Rabbi Charlie. - Swallows

Runners-up:

Passion of the Christ: First Blood - PeggyOlson

With their remaining members still free, Pussy Riot sends a message to Putin: fuck with us NOW, bitch! - Resident Pragmatis

via Izismile

Marilyn Manson converted to Mormonism and now instead of the Beautiful People he sings, the Beautiful Sister Wives. - OneEyedSue

Runners-up:

The Real Housewives of Hades. - JPHinLA

The walking dead, white, and blue continue their world domination tour. - Edna -E- Mode

"Oh honey calm down. Look at this, loud thunder is just corpses and zombies and demons bowling in Heaven." - TexnDoc

(Thanks,Holly)

Ok Head out, Shoulder out, now where is the part that tells me how long its gonna take this fucking reptile to push out the rest of me? - crankenstein

Runners-up:

You know, just Jon Hamm, sitting around, catching up on his reading. - Spkheller

I'd rather lay in a bedful of snakes than read "Fifty Shades of Grey" - Eileenie McMeanie

When Neil said he was getting into bed with snakes, everyone just assumed he meant his joint home fragrance venture with the Kardashians. - jellin76

via Metro

Despite it being microscopic, Pricksohorny Pete saw his own penis shadow and declared 6 more weeks of winter. - Aphid

Runners-up:

Every time Canada denies Randy Quaid's citizenship application, he removes a piece of clothing. - GingeMinge

Even with all this distraction, John Travolta, we all know you are going bald. - FluffKitteh

When Igor knocked on the door and saw Chris Hansen, he tried to make a quick getaway. - atlantapug

via Izismile

Instead of Dorothy, our tornado accidentally sucked her uncle Dwayne into Oz. He already killed the dancing flowers and he's really going to work on the munchkins now. HELP US. - Orangina

Runners-up:

"It puts the lotion on its face - lest is gets the plunger again." - Miss_Ann_Thrope

He really went cuckoo when one of the heads shouted "Ha ha, you missed-ogynist!" - TexnDoc

Not to be outdone by Kramer's success with his coffee table book, Elaine sold Mr. Pittman on the idea of "JimBob 101: how to get a head in life" - Jintess

via Picture is Unrelated

"Hey man, isn't that Steve Tyler?"

"Nah, I think it's Liv Tyler."

"Whatever man, I cried at the end of Armageddon"

"Yeah, me too bro!" - Homeless J

Runners-up:

White Oprah scoffed at reports that her daughter wasn't staying at a reputable hotel - she is - White Oprah just didn't say exactly WHERE in the Beverly Hills Hotel Lindsey was staying. - crankenstein

Tan "Mom" was nearly busted in the men's room at XL, but quickly thought to re-tuck and sit down when "she" heard someone coming. - turnelbup

How do you know when you've hit rock bottom?
When urinal the wrong places. - Dawn Davenport

via Izismile

In retrospect, Tina Simpson should have been clued in by Papa Joe's choice in bodyguards. - ling1

Runners-up:

In an effort to be seen as more manly and tough, the Scientology Youth Club formed an LA street gang. - amykins

A cap isn't the only thing they wanna bust in your ass. - Sweetas

Justin Beiber's new band ... LiL Purp and The Sizzups. - veryoldbat

via Poorly Dressed

These His & Her's - Weight Reduction Body Suits can be yours for only $19.95 plus a %@#^ load of shipping charges.

(note: side effects may include higher blood pressure, headaches & dizziness, change of hair color, increased head size, Zombie like drooling, impotence, spitting blood, loss of consciousness & eye balls popping out. Do not fart while wearing suit or operate any heavy machinery. To be safe, any machinery. - Homeless J

Runners-up:

The Real Housewives of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. - PeggyOlson

This month's Snooki and JWOWW centerfold is Playboy's lowest selling issue to date. - iwouldmarrymichaelk

America was sad to see how badly Pebbles from "The Flinstones" and Sally from "Davy and Goliath" had aged on Cartoon Network's "Celebrity Rehab". - turnelbup

via Poorly Dressed

Unlike peons who buy those vulgar cars with factory-made leather seats, Goop's BMW comes with a DIY 'Kill n upholster' kit. - Emeriesan

Runners-up:

The cops could smell the bull from Lindsay's "I wasn't driving the car" excuse from a mile away. - Half Empty

"What? I got ass, grass AND gas." - Sweetas

The new BMW's now run on cows milk instead of gasoline. Unfortunately it's still over 5 bucks a gallon. - LargeMarge

via Break

Jane's hidden Nanny-cam shows what Tarzan and Cheetah were really up to when she was away from the hut. - Whaaaaat

Runners-up:

Ed misunderstood the word, "banana hammock" - DiamondDogs

There once was a man from Montana

Who worked a donkey show in Havana

He said with a shrug

As he removed his butt plug

Who wants a big brown banana? - citizenstrange

via Evil Milk