Rob Kardashian

UPGRADE!!!

Rob Kartrashian wah wah wah'ed out a river of sad tears on Twitter earlier this month right after he found out that his girlfriend Rita Ora allegedly let a bunch of dudes run up into her raw while they were together. Rita Ora never said anything about it and ten seconds later dumb ass Rob tried to act like he wasn't talking about her. But a source tells UsWeekly that Rob was obviously talking about Rita Whora, because he dumped her after finding out that she screwed his heart over by screwing Jonah Hill.

The source said that while Rita Whora was in NYC for a minute, she spent the night with Jonah Hill. I know Jonah Hill doesn't exactly moisten your chops, but ANYTHING is an upgrade from a piece of trash Kardashian. ANYTHING. That night in NYC, Rita Whora probably woke up in her hotel room, came to her senses and realized that she let a Kardashian raw dog dick her a bunch of times. Rita Whora ran out of her hotel room in a panic and tried to wipe the Kardashian smegma from her poon by humping everything in her path. Rita humped a door knob, humped the maid's cart, did anal with a DO NOT DISTURB sign and then she came across Jonah Hill in the hallway. Rita drive-by fucked him in ten seconds flat.

You gotta hump what you gotta hump to get rid of that Kardashian stench on your twat. Even if UsWeekly's headline read, "Rita Ora Cheated On Rob Kardashian With A Pile Of Zombie Poo," I still wouldn't judge or blame her.

Pimp Mama Kris' lowest-earning whore, Rob Kartrashian, let out a Twitter stream of tears when he said that his former piece Rita Ora allegedly cheated on him with twenty other dudes. Even a brain dead trick with the IQ of a sock knew Rob was talking about Rita Ora. But Rob must think anyone who cares about this shit is as stupid as him, because he claimed today that he wasn't talking about who you think he was talking about. Rob tweeted (and then deleted) a "shame on you" speech to the media for bringing up Rita Ora's name. via E! 

"Just so we clear I never once mentioned 'Rita Ora' in any of my tweets or even used the word 'whore' and I never would. I Respect Women. Sad that the media created negativity for a young artist new to the game that is working so hard to make it. Never mentioned any names. I speak truth. I'm a very Real dude and everything I say I mean…But never called anyone specific a whore and said any names. You all did."

Rob achieved the impossible. Rob is so dumb that he makes Kim Kardashian look like she could actually win a round of "Are You Smarter Than A Dog Dingle?" Rob wouldn't even pass the qualifying test. And no, Rob would never call anyone "a whore." I'll just leave this here (skip to the 2:39 mark):

"Rita Whora" trended on Twitter a couple of nights ago and it was the only time I really wished that my parents would've named me "Rita" so my junior high school nickname could've been "Rita Whora." "Rita Whore" started trending after Rob Kardashian jumped on Twitter and melodramatically went off about how his British pop singer girlfriend Rita Ora cheated on him bareback-style with 20 dudes. Well, sometimes when the regular dick you're hopping on doesn't get you off, you have to search for that orgasm by hopping on a different dick, or 20. It happens.

Rob and the Rihanna-wannabe were dating for about a year or two, but now their true love is over and he let it be known on Twitter on Sunday night. In case you missed it the first time, here's a whore member of the biggest whore family in America giving ladies a lesson in self-respect:

I've got a metallic taste in my mouth and I'm really close to fainting and it's all because I overdosed on irony after reading Rob's first tweet. A Kardashian telling people to respect themselves? I mean, Kim Kardashian doesn't even know what the phrase "unprotected sex" really means. She probably thinks it means having sex without the cameras rolling. If you want to see the true definition of confusion, wave a condom at Kim's face. She doesn't know what that is!

Rob didn't stop there either. The Daily Mail points out that after a fake Rita Ora account tweeted, "Rob's dick was wack, I had to go somewhere," Rob's simple ass responded by saying he knocked her up.

I doubt Rob put a Kardashian in Rita Ora's womb. Because as soon as a Kardashian fetus starts growing in a womb, Pimp Mama Kris and photographers from Life & Style shows up in a cloud of black smoke to take pictures of the ultrasound.

And why does Rob keep going on about this? Doesn't he have a sock empire to run?! And more importantly, why am I writing about these nobody whores? ("Because it's an ongoing theme on Dlisted, see Courtney Stodden." - you "Good point." - me) Next thing you know I'll be writing a 4,000 word post on how a junkie hobo got into a fight with his own shoe in front of a Circle K in Kansas City, Missouri. Actually, I should've written that post instead of this one.

Here's Rita Whora performing at a show in Germany last week.