Rose McGowan

Noted punane wrangler Bill Clinton co-hosted an event with Prince Albert II at a casino in Monte Carlo last night and it brought out the likes of Rose McGowan, Diane Kruger, Joshua Jackson, Billy Zane and an award-winning porn star who got close to him for a picture. Brooklyn Lee (right), AVN's Best New Startlet of 2012, Tweeted (via TMZ) this picture of her and two friends, Tasha Reign (left) and Jennifer Taule (far left), hugging on some Bill. I'd like to think that Brooklyn Lee knew Bill was on the guest list and wore that blue dress with a bedazzled white spot especially for him. I'd also like to think that this picture will be the inspiration for a reality show called Bill's Porn Angels.

And I'm not sure of something. Is this what Brooke Hogan, Ashley Tisdale and Nikki Cox look like with beer goggles on or with reverse beer goggles on?

Here's Jason Momoa with a side of Zoe Kravitz and a side of Lisa Bonet at the L.A. premiere of Conan the Barbarian, which is a shit show I'll wait to see in the comfort of my own private space so I can watch his King's Hawaiian sweet bread pecs bounce in slow motion. But this isn't about Jason Momoa's King's Hawaiian sweet bread pecs, surprisingly. This is about THOSE BROWS!

I've given several sermons about Jason's hairy eye triangles, but I'm still torn. There's the cholita lover in me that wants to wax them off with one swipe and throw them toward the Klingon homeland of Qo'noS where they belong. But then there's a part of me that think they look like the gentle waves that carried Jason Momoa to the shores of Hawaii after Neptune made him by mating with a black pearl oyster during a falling star storm. TORN!

While I continue to tear myself apart over this very important eyebrow issue, here's some more pictures from the premiere of this generation's He-Man movie including some pictures of Rose McGowan and Rachel Nichols. I'm guessing it rained Crisco in L.A. last night, because everybody looks greasy as all hell. Like they were in the wrong place when Tommy Girl sprayed out a lube fart. Well, everybody but Rose McGowan was greasy. But that's only because her skin is made of blotting papers. Rose is totally what it would look like if a sculptor with arthritis made a baby powder figure of Dixie Carter.

The Conan: The Barbarian reboot (whatever that is) is right on course to becoming this generation's Masters of the Universe. Meaning that it will be awful, will flop and will be enjoyed by yours truly with a full bong at midnight when it comes out Starz. (Note: My 8-year-old self didn't enjoy Masters of the Universe with a full bong. If my memory serves me right, I enjoyed it with a full bottle of Orbitz soda. I think. So there's no need to call Child Protective Services on my mom's ass a million years after the fact. Actually, maybe you should, because that would be funny. Record and YouTube it!).

There is a twinkle in this dull mound crap, though. No, I'm not talking about Jason Momoa's caramel kiss nipples. I'm talking about Rose McGowan as some sort of villain alieness who has an infinityhead like Kristen Wiig's Baby Hands character and a yarn wig like Raggedy Anne. Basically, she's the white Rihanna. Watch her in action.

If this mess came out 20 years ago, my friend Armando and I would both have a Rose McGowan action figure and we'd both be fighting over who gets to be her when we play Conan: The Barbarian in the sandbox. Some stupid little ass girl in our group would say, "But I want to be her. I'm a girl." "SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF HERE!," Armando and I would say in unison.