Selena Gomz Is Not Carrying The Second Coming Of Canadian Jesus
You can go back to using your bunker to store your Extreme Couponing victories and tubs of boy butter, because a flock of locusts with tiny halos of golden follicles over their heads will not smother us now that we know Selena Gomez's womb is not full of a Bieber baby. That's what TMZ says anyway. When Selena Gomez went to the hospital on Thursday night after complaining of a headache and the voms, we all figured that either she and Justin Bieber scissored too hard or that a Belieber poured battery acid into her kombucha tea. But a source tells TMZ that none of those are the cause.
A source type says that Selena is sick with blood pressure issues, but doctors aren't exactly sure what is causing the inside of her veins to hum a David Bowie song (ugh, I know). The source also put on a serious face and said that the only baby she'll rocking to sleep in the near future is Justin Bieber when he has a night terror and wets the bed.
I for one am choosing to believe that Selena is not with child, because 2011 is already the year of the BABIES!!! and we don't need to know that BABIES!!!! can spawn more BABIES!!!. That'll be like when Sigourney Weaver realizes that she's in the alien nest and she's doomed. Eh, I'm sure Selena just has Bieber Fever and the cure is a double slap to the face and a month without Twitter.
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Yeah like the Beiber's balls produce sperm
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 8:11am.
Submitted by LisaRose on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 7:15am.
They both are Christian
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Sorry I was going to but I can't let this pass with out a...WTF does "they are both Christian" mean..please explain.
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it is probably the opposite of how unchristian to take it in the ass. I take in in the ass therefore for some people I am not christian. heh.
Submitted by LisaRose on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 7:15am.
They both are Christian
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Sorry I was going to but I can't let this pass with out a...WTF does "they are both Christian" mean..please explain.
Submitted by LisaRose on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 7:15am.
I don't see how anyone can pick on Selena and Justin. I truly feel these are two sweet kids in the middle of Hollyweird. They both are Christian and both know what their moms have been through having kids at young ages. They're way more responsible than what people give them credit to be. I hope she gets well.
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Are you being sarcastic like Sucky usually does or that's your honest to God opinion?
please don't be mad I am just wondering ;)
Selena Gomz Is Not Carrying The Second Coming Of Canadian Jesus........anymore.
Yeah, I don't think the Beebs has workable jizz. He probably doesn't know what to do when his wang gets all hard like that. He probably cries to mommy about it.
I would easier believe drugs.
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"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
Meh. I guess i can believe Bloodpressure. Used to have low ass bloodpressure in my teens and ended up with killer migranes because of it. More believable than that Bieber has sperm with swimmers in it, anyway.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
I don't see how anyone can pick on Selena and Justin. I truly feel these are two sweet kids in the middle of Hollyweird. They both are Christian and both know what their moms have been through having kids at young ages. They're way more responsible than what people give them credit to be. I hope she gets well.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by howdareyou: "...I think Bieber's mommy has him wearing briefs 3 sizes too small, just in case the girl pills she's slipping into his Kool-Aid don't do the trick."
AH HAHAHAHAHA! I wouldn't put it past her to slip him some BC.
Which brings me to the point: WHY isn't there a BC pill for men yet? Don't they want complete deniability?
Or I guess it's easy enough to just say "Well, how do I know it's MINE?" which is what they ALL say.
What's good?
"Selena Gomz" teehee
I love MK's boo boos. So cute.
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Rod & The Faces Maybe I'm Amazed
I hate to stick up for her, but . . . When I was in my early 20s, for a while I had an issue where my blood pressure would drop so quickly when I stood up, I would get dizzy and occasionally fall. My bp runs pretty low, anyway. Eventually it went away and they never determine what it was. So it could very well be some kind of bp problem.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
They both come from teen moms, so it wouldn't be strange in their worlds to have a baby now...
High blood pressure at her age? The contraceptive pill.
I think The Biebs has everyone fooled with his epicene appearance and trades on his fame to stick his adolescent dick into anything he can lure into his tour bus.
When Selena's not looking, that is.
He'll have an STD by the time he's old enough to legally fuck.
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Rod & The Faces Maybe I'm Amazed
Hi angel! you know good and well this shit is playing out like a dun-dun-dun soap opera before our very eyes!
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"A few months ago, at a party in Hollywood, Scarlett Johansson did a pretty spot-on imitation of me. She wrapped a bandage around her boobs and tumbled down a flight of stairs with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hands -Clove
Submitted by Kerfuffles on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 12:36am.
At risk of undermining my own point: good one.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
OUCH@ The Extreme Couponing victories comment MK!
I have been doing that since the show started. LOL
My boyfriend works at an apartment complex and most people there just throw the inserts in the recycling bins so I now have him grab them.
I have done well though. 47 boxes of pasta for FREE that all went to the foodshelf...There is a "brag lounge" on thekrazycouponlady.com and I have 2 brags so far:
http://thekrazycouponlady.com/2011/05/27/47-boxes-of-ronzoni-garden-deli...
And here is one where we paid $0.64(all in sales Tax) at Walmart for over $22 for things we actually use:
http://thekrazycouponlady.com/2011/05/27/my-first-walmart-brag/
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 12:15am.
I'm trying to keep an open mind here, because every now and then some ill-fortunate teen does get as disease or affliction that is commonly associated with older people, like a cerebral hemorrhage.
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I was reading this sentence and half-expecting it to end with the word 'pregnancy'. Huh.
Aw, if she's not pregnant and not doing coke (that's the other one, apparently), why is this relevant?
Although it'd be funny if there were a mini Bieber out there. You'd think that Bieber himself is already a miniBieber... I don't know why this amuses me so much. There's always a smaller Bieber, and they fit together like matryoshkas.
Okay, I need to go to bed now.
I'm trying to keep an open mind here, because every now and then some ill-fortunate teen does get as disease or affliction that is commonly associated with older people, like a cerebral hemorrhage. I don't know Gomez and I am clueless as to her claim to fame, but I hope that she's gonna be okay anyway.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
*smoochie@M C*
And-Werd.
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
*slow clap for the Bieber/Gomez PR machines*
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"A few months ago, at a party in Hollywood, Scarlett Johansson did a pretty spot-on imitation of me. She wrapped a bandage around her boobs and tumbled down a flight of stairs with a bottle of Jack Daniels in her hands -Clove
She was poisoned by a Belieber.
BRING BACK the old, glamorous Hollywood!!!
Bearding for the beaver has to be a tough gig, so I'm totally buying this.
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
Blood pressure issues in someone that young who's not overweight could be caused by an eating disorder (low bp), amphetamines, or cocaine. Birth control pills are another possible cause.
Pfft cmon now, he's only pretending to be a lesbian so we don't think they're bumping pre-me uglies and she's in the hospital BECAUSE she's got a flannel wearin bun in the over.
Too many women under one house!
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Just sayin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFjyAOq341U&feature=channel_video_title
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"Oh yes. DListed: the klassy destination for thoughtful le
I'm no expert on such OB-GYN matters, but I don't a girl gets knocked up when a boy gives her a pedicure.
Bogus Bieber bumping causing blood pressure issues?
Something far worse is afoot.
Blood pressure issues? WTF 18 year old has "blood pressure issues"? Eating disorder, alcohol/substance abuse, unplanned pregnancy, diabetes, even thyroid issues may be believable, BUT BLOOD PRESSURE ISSUES? Bitch please, you want us to believe that you have hypertension? Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Fuck off.
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Fuck him and his hair. (Mrs. Voorhees, 6/3/2011)
Awe man! I was hoping that she was knocked up so I could find out what stupid name that these two would come up with for their baby.
Now i'm left counting the minutes to find out how long it takes for her to cancel her little teeny bopper concert by me for the second time due to her "medical issues"
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I'M DONESVILLE!
Nourish the Inner Asshole
Borrachas of the world unite and take over!
She looks like a crotchety old lady in this picture, the way old people squint at you when their eyes are bad and they can't quite see your face.
I'm wondering what the hell they mean by "blood pressure issues." Seems kind of young and active for that kind of thing, but what the hell do I know.
This is wonderful news.
She should use the occasion to have her tubes tied, then insist on a vasectomy for Beibs. It's never too early anymore.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Well, looks like she'll have to climb out of that pool of plain and common in some other way (although I would have really enjoyed watching her child support his ass). Read on the internets the other day that the little androgynous shit made 53 million dollars last year. Still can't tell this one apart from the 3-15 other ones on Disney that look just like her.
"Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others with a fountain pen." -- Woodie Guthrie
Well that sucks. I had my popcorn ready for Alfie and baby Maisie Part 2
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2238252.ece
I mean.. who wouldn't want to be hospitalized after having sex with the prepubescent Bieber. *shivers*
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
how in the fuck is that little fetus with a body by auschwitz bagging anything over 11 or under 76? gomez has a case of fetus face herself but she's got a hot body unlike the beebs.
-just an angry guy with a bag of (raul duke's) dicks
How about some TONY AWARD news, MK? I forgot they were on (with the basketball championship so did the rest of America I bet).
Well I'm glad Trey Parker and Matt Stone won everything. Love them.
I wish she was pregnant. Think of all the Bieber fans frothing at their mouths, waiting to beat the shit out of her.
Is blood pressure issues the new exhaustion and dehydration?
Even if she was pregnant, there is no way they would let her keep it. Which is kind of a scary thought when I really think about. Forced abortions...ugh. I may be the only one that never thought she was pregnant. Can't for the life of me imagine Justin coming within 2 ft of a va jay jay.
*Change is inevitable; progress is optional
*She who conquers herself, conquers all
I doubted she was pregnant, just totally nauseated by Bieber touching her so much.
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I thank you for the kindness, and the times when you got tough
And Papa, I don't think I said "I love you" near enough
6/1942-7/2010
Even if she were (she's not, cuz that prepubescent likes other boys), Disney would never let it happen. She probably ate some tainted sour cream in the Green Room.
Silversun Pickups, Rusted Wheel
Hotmami she's riding that publicity train for all it's worth. No more, no less. She's a beautiful girl absolutely...but they are a dime a dozen.
She is spotted with the little wtfever stupid 'going to be the next Michael Jackson' girlboy and she has added at least 2 years to her career.
6 months if his voice changes before then
It probably just hit her all of a sudden that yes....she IS actually having sexual relations with Justin Bieber, and the thought of that was enough to make her keel over with nausea. I'm actually getting queasy myself just thinking about it.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
She has shitty taste in "men". She's adorable and could do SO much better. Shame.
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
lmaoo @ "scissored too hard." I think Bieber's mommy has him wearing briefs 3 sizes too small, just in case the girl pills she's slipping into his Kool-Aid don't do the trick.
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When I was crazy I thought you were great
She has better taste in sunglasses than he does.