The Wedding Special Is Going To Last Longer Than The Marriage

On October 9th, lure your worst enemies to your house with promises of free puppies and pot cake (or potcake puppies), strap them into chairs in front of your TV, glue their eyelids to their brows and torture their souls raw by forcing them to watch the Kim Kardashian wedding special on E!. Entertainment Weekly says that when Kris Humphries sacrifices himself to the Kardashian monster by marrying the butt of the beast, E! will film every second of it and air it in a two-night special. It will be FOUR FUCKING HOURS long.

Now we really know where that portal in Carol Anne's closet really took her. It took her into the terrifying future where she was a guest at Kim Kardashian's wedding. You can chant all you want but your TV will never get clean after you watch 4 hours of that mess.

Speaking of chanting, even if you don't believe in it you should try. Chant for a wish that on Kim's wedding day, Brad Pitt and St. Angie get married next door, Tommy Girl and Stepford Katie announce their divorce in an interpretive dance on the front lawn and Tim Peeler finally catches Khloe with a net and drags her back to his backwoods cabin to domesticate with him in bliss (this is possible, Tim saw it on a TV show). Basically, just pray bitch gets outshone.

Or if you like to keep things simple, you can pray that Pimp Mama Kris revives her world famous pop career by performing this during the wedding march:

That will make even the Kardashians' maker, Lucifer, take the express elevator from Hell to put an end to this madness.

via ONTD

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by vernongye on Tue, 12/13/2011 - 11:36am.

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Submitted by z-listed on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 1:05pm.

I HATE her!!!!!!

Submitted by Danistar on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 8:46am.

What I got from Pimp Mama Kris' corntastic video is that...she really loves her friends.

"I make myself sick, get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure grown up nerd."
-Fatlip (The Pharcyde)

Submitted by Slore on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 7:40am.

Slore=Slutty+Whore

I wish I could find the star trek video to prove that the enterprise was attacked by the Kardashians. Which would prove that this is in fact a invasion of dumb whores on the earths people

Submitted by PinkTransAm on Fri, 08/05/2011 - 12:25am.

I watched the whole viedo and no one pee'd on her at the end! I want my 4 minutes back!

Submitted by OHPLEAZ on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 8:54pm.

((((Submitted by KA on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 10:06pm.

you know what's sadder than this wedding or this "special"? the people that will be sitting at home watching this shit.)))

Since, my hubby and I got rid of cable we won't be watching it. Even though I'll probably find it online, lol.

Submitted by KA on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 8:36pm.

you know what's sadder than this wedding or this "special"? the people that will be sitting at home watching this shit.

Submitted by Hysteria on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 8:08pm.

Yuck. Talk about reality show whores. How many marriages can they milk out of that mess.

It's just revolting.
.
.

Submitted by BitchHouse on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 6:49pm.

Submitted by shopaholic on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:01pm.
Submitted by BitchHouse on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:42pm.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:30pm.
Pretty sure I saw OJ at the 1:50 mark.
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you did see OJ, sitting at a table with Kris, Robert (?) & NICOLE BROWN! it's at 1:52.
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Yes shopaholic, that was disturbing. Guilty, I did look for it, but wasn't expecting to feel my stomach sink to my ass from fright. These people scare me.

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Eazy E's own prescription for "nourishing the inner aspect", Nutz On Ya Chin.

Submitted by caprica six on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 6:26pm.

GOD BLESS THE FAIRYPISS TRASHIAN-HUMPHENSTEINS!! WEDDING OF THE CENTURY! BYO-THORZINE/BOTOX SHOTS AND ELECTRODES! CAN'T WAIT!!

*eyeroll-seizures and vomits*

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"People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch."
~Jack Nicholson

Amy Winehouse "Will You Still Love Me?" (RIP)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ludxpkyrab0

Submitted by Albatross on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 5:45pm.

Submitted by OXA on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 3:46pm.
Bitch is getting married on John Lennon's birthday!

See what I mean? They're eeeeeeeeeeeeeeevilllll!

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"It's all fun and farts until somebody gets punched." -MK

Submitted by suckandfuck on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 5:42pm.

AUNTIE BARBARA'S!!!!!

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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

Submitted by Albatross on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 5:38pm.

These people are Satan's minions. Pee Girl and her family are vapid wastes of space and oxygen.

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"It's all fun and farts until somebody gets punched." -MK

Submitted by Slutleena on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 5:08pm.

Tacky Fame Whore Game Proper.

Sincerely,
Alana Smithee

Submitted by OneLiner on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 3:51pm.

mmmmhh...always wondered if Mama Kris was hot in her younger days....now i see she wasn't

********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********

Submitted by kokoskitten on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 3:35pm.

Kris looks not a day over 45 in that video and she's supposed to be "turning 30" ??? Now I'm going to have to google her and find out when her fame whorin started.

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 3:30pm.

@AgentM - I am pretty sure OJ is still in jail.
So probably not.

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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011

Submitted by AgentM on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 3:22pm.

Umm is OJ going to their wedding?

Submitted by hellooworld x_x on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 3:20pm.

someone needs to tell this WHORE that this is her 2nd marriage and to quit running around like shes some virgin new bride.

Submitted by Sayonara on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 2:36pm.

This is crazy! I doubt that they are in love. They barely know each other. Shame on Ryan Seacrest & the E! Channel.

(973) Jersey Strong

Submitted by OXA on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 2:20pm.

Submitted by chaka1 on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 3:31pm.
I hope it ends like the Moldavian Wedding Massacre on Dynasty.

I am with you but would prefer it be at the rehearsal dinner.

Submitted by OXA on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 2:16pm.

Bitch is getting married on John Lennon's birthday!

Submitted by the_shari-est on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 2:12pm.

I hope someone busts them out after the wedding when they never file the certificate to make it legal.
It's a wedding EVENT but they won't legally be married.

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"Peachy with a side of keen, that would be me"

Submitted by boomsy on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 2:04pm.

Oh dear God...I turn 30 tomorrow; is this what the future holds for me? If so, I'm partying myself to death tonight.

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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...

Submitted by chaka1 on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 2:01pm.

I hope it ends like the Moldavian Wedding Massacre on Dynasty.

Submitted by freshfacestripper on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:47pm.

my friends would kill me if i did a video like this. fucking weirdo motherfuckers.

Submitted by guest on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:42pm.

athina...exactly!

missjane...me too. they were perfect together.

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by vegaschick on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:40pm.

Amazing! Is Kris Humphries retarded? Seriously? This relationship is reality t.v. How many guys did Fatass fuck in the past year to land one so stupid that he doesn't realize the greasy whore has sold her soul to the devil for a little infamy and loads of cash

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That's why I'm so shocked people actually believe this relationship is real. Kim and Kris are horrible actors and can't even pretend there is any chemistry between them.

Submitted by Stock Broker on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:37pm.

My calendar is full on October 9. But let me check:

8-9am: Wake up, shower, shave & J.O. to Charlize
9 - 10am: breakfast
10 - Noon: more J.O. to Kate Beckinsale
Noon - 5pm: golf

_______________________________________________
"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone

Submitted by MIRROR BORE on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:07pm.

God bless this chick, but the say she dies she won't be able to get into hell or heaven because E! Officially owns this bitch's slutty ass soul

Submitted by Athina on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:53pm.

Submitted by guest on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 2:17pm.

nick & vanessa's was only two hours & it was really cute. but i was a huge newlyweds fan so that's probably why i liked it. messica even got a side-eye mention from vanessa even tho she called her nick's "ex" & not by name.

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Not to mention Nick and Vanessa seem to have something real. They've been together for 5 years, not 5 minutes, like these two assholes.

Submitted by Eddie Van Hilton on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:53pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:42pm.
Submitted by Eddie Van Hilton on Thu, 08/04/2011

Not from SoCal. I guess it's considered Central Cal, on the coast. 1 hr from SF.
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Okay...Santa Cruz...SLO...???

Submitted by Athina on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:51pm.

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 08/04/2011 -

--does she even like this dude? Or is she just getting married to get married. I liked her with Reggie...although I would like myself with Reggie a hell of a lot more.
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There is no doubt in my mind that they don't even know each other, let alone love each other. It's for pure publicity and money. The show is getting stale, and a wedding needed to happen soon. This neanderthal was convenient. Reggie was the one she REALLY wanted, but he dumped her ass stone cold, because she knew he would have nothing to do with her stupid ass reality show. So she was left to either pursue her "career" in reality television or Reggie. She'll forever be kicking herself in the ass for letting Reggie get away. Neanderthal man will never have Reggie's status, money, or looks.

Submitted by _fail_ on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:49pm.

Humphries signed on the dotted line so I don't really feel sorry for him. OK, I do.

Submitted by guest on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:48pm.

& on topic...i think kris lives vicariously through kim.

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by guest on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:47pm.

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by Rocket on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:46pm.

What is tragic is that we are NEVER going to be rid of the Khardashians. They have two teenage girls that they are starting to whore out.

I hate Ryan Seacrest! He brought this plague on us.

Submitted by Toner on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:45pm.

Wow. That's a new low. Kris is such a self-serving cunt. OJ Simpson is in that fucking video.

Submitted by azgirl on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:43pm.

We need to stand together as one and boycott this mess. If it gets shitty ratings maybe they will go away.

Submitted by Eddie Van Hilton on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:40pm.

Be specific girfriend...Central Cali?

Santa Cruz...SLO?

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:28pm.

It should not be legal for cyclops and yeti to wed. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!?!?!?!?!11

*seizes*

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Submitted by Arlene Machiavelli on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:25pm.

I will avoid this fuckery like the plague and watch one of my fav flicks American Psycho as catharsis.
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Submitted by suckandfuck on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:15pm.

BIBLE STUDDIIESS
CHEESECAKE FACTRIIIEEEEEEE

ugh that is BEAUTIFUL

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:12pm.

Submitted by Eddie Van Hilton on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:36pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:13pm.
I have no clue what part of LA that bitch is driving through, obviously not a part of LA I'VE seen. (used to go down there every couple of weekends to party).

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"used to go down there..." Are you from the Valley? I always suspected you from being SoCal.

What part of SoCal are you from?

And keeping on topic...It's obvious Kris has always been a wannabe...
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Not from SoCal. I guess it's considered Central Cal, on the coast. 1 hr from SF.

Submitted by BelvaSchittzenpotte on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:07pm.

Here's hoping Harold Camping reappears and is right about the rapture on October 9th.

Submitted by Eddie Van Hilton on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 12:06pm.

Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 1:13pm.
I have no clue what part of LA that bitch is driving through, obviously not a part of LA I'VE seen. (used to go down there every couple of weekends to party).

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"used to go down there..." Are you from the Valley? I always suspected you from being SoCal.

What part of SoCal are you from?

And keeping on topic...It's obvious Kris has always been a wannabe...

Submitted by Candy on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 11:59am.

My sister would do that to me. She'd lure me to her house and force me to watch that mess. She watches the show all the time to the point where I just get up and leave when it comes on.

I have to be very careful about not going over to her house during that time. Her favorite subject is Rob, Lamar and Khole
蜘龍====================龍蜘

(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

Submitted by agirl on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 11:58am.

That video was magnificent! I love O.J. too, I mean, who doesn't?

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 11:57am.

*puts in request for vaca day on 10/10*

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11

Submitted by LettucePrey on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 11:55am.

DAMN IT....I effing love you Dlistin' hos! Crackin' mah bones mon!!!

OJ is Khloe's sperm donor: ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'mma startin' on this right nah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KISSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!