QOTD: The Terror Will Never End

Since SATC2: Dry Vaginas in the Desert was such a critically acclaimed masterpiece that won several Oscars and was called a cinematic wonder that film historians will continue to study for centuries to come, Sarah Jessica Parker and Michael Patrick King are talking about making a third one. And they've already come up with the storyline. There has to be a better way for those whores to stuff more millions of dollars into their feed bags without terrorizing the public's senses, right? I fucking guess not, because SJP said this to Parade Magazine (via HuffPo) when she was asked if there were any plans for her to pull out her Louis Vuitton whip and beat that dead horse again (insert "horse beating a dead horse" meta joke here):

“There is. I know what the story is. It’s a small story, but I think it should be told. The question is, what’s the right time to tell it?”

I've said before that SATC3 should be the pilot episode of the Golden Girls, but I've changed my mind. Those four shaved and embalmed hyenas in $1600 shoes are far from the Golden Girls. SJP ripped out all those characters' hearts and nibbled on their souls, so they're basically just zombies now. Zombies in the City! George Romero should direct that shit.

The only story there is to tell is the one where Rojo Caliente acts for the people by locking those three hags (Mrs. Rojo is excused) in a tomb and lets them nag each other's faces off while she sits on a folding chair, slowly eating Red Hots in front of the camera for 120 minutes. SATC3: Rojo's Revolt, that's the only shit I want to see.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by madam ex on Mon, 08/22/2011 - 7:21am.

Its not an age thing, its a been there, done it and re done it (BADLY) and now it will be re done and people will die from boredom, not age.

Submitted by vegaschick on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 4:11pm.

It's funny, I enjoyed the series when it was on in the 90's, but I can barely stomach the reruns now. What was it about these ladies that we found so fabulous? They were the biggest bunch of cunts, no wonder they could never find men.

Submitted by IrishFury on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 3:13pm.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 7:46am.

Things I hated about SATC2-

Samantha rubbing her vagina with ointments in the OFFICE.
Samantha and her corny one liners like "Lawrence of my labia".
The night club scene with them singing "I am Woman".
Carrie and her whole attitude- Fuck you Carrie, if I were Big, I would DIVORCE you for being an asshole!
The stupid nanny in a wet tshirt.
Liza Minnelli singing "All the Single Ladies".
Carrie's hat for the gay wedding.
Carrie "coincidentally" seeing Aidan in the souk.
The whole menopause story line. NOTE TO SJP- Women do not go to movies to get information about menopause, and it wasn't funny!
Samantha and the Dutch guy on their date/ Good grief! How many cliche things can you pack into one scene!?
The Samantha and Miley Cyrus "same outfit" scene. ANOTHER NOTE TO SJP- Putting a Tween Queen in your movie doesn't make it any more hip or relevant.
The entire Abu Dhabi trip, and I REALLY hated it when Miranda said "Abu Dhabi Doo!" Jesus Christ! STUPID x'1000!

I could go on, but you all get my drift about why I HATED SATC2. Please SJP, give me another reason to throw things at my tv, because I sure as fuck will not pay to see this shit in a theater and pay actual money to you!

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Cuppy, THIS AND ALL OF THIS! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

SATC2 was an abomination of a movie, not due to age, just due to shitty acting, dialogue and plot. Everything sucked and the stupid one-liners and double entendres were nauseating!
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Dark-sided!

Submitted by IrishFury on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 3:07pm.

I agree Zorba, the stupid "jokes" about SATC 3: The Retirement Home/ The Golden Years/The Menopausal years is fucking old.

I'm 41 (yes, fucking old!) and no where near menopause or retiring. I'm in better shape that most half my age and my sex life with my partner of 12 years (and three kids) is still great.

Same with all the comments to J.Lo and Anniston etc that say "go home and drink your Ovaltine" and shit are so annoying. These posters who write all that stuff are only a matter of time away from being "old" themselves and hahaha on them when they have to listen to the same shit from other younger assholes.

Can you imagine someone in their 80s, listening to someone in their 40s being told to get the fuck out to pasture? Ha! Betty White would laugh you to oblivion!

In other words, shut the fuck up with telling women of ANY age to amble off to Shady Pines. Times waits for no-one and that includes your dumb ass.

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Dark-sided!

Submitted by quickkill on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 1:19pm.

SJP looks like a goblin. This is one tired story. Go away Sex and the City.

Submitted by ♀ on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 12:41pm.

Chef-n on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 2:07pm.

ROTFL! That video NEVER gets 'old'....

LMFAO!

Hedonism part deux! Old man crotch doing the nastay junk funky skunky monkey juttin' jive.

Submitted by Chef-n on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 12:37pm.

Their boyfriends will be like this guy : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVtEX1J7tXQ

but with a diaper instead of a speedo

Submitted by ♀ on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 12:28pm.

Chef-n on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 1:52pm.

And their boyfriends will be like that too. Who will want to see them having sex together ?

It 'DEPENDS' (lmfao) if they have 'young studs' catering to their diaper needs or old men their same age who .

Got dang. The porn industry has some weird, kinky shit for sure.

I've yet to see porn videos of OLD men with OLD women. Now, THAT would be a first.

*cries in corner*

Submitted by Chef-n on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 12:22pm.

♀ on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 1:49pm.

No, that will be "Sex in the SHITTY diapers".

And their boyfriends will be like that too. Who will want to see them having sex together ?

Submitted by ♀ on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 12:19pm.

Chef-n on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 1:44pm.

When these women will be 70 and in a wheelchair, will they still be in "Sex in the city" ?

No, that will be "Sex in the SHITTY diapers".

lol

Submitted by Chef-n on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 12:14pm.

When these women will be 70 and in a wheelchair, will they still be in "Sex in the city" ?

Submitted by ♀ on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 12:09pm.

When will "Zombie cunts" go theatrical? Or ice parade?

Worst photo-shopping EVER!

Submitted by Get Serious on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 11:18am.

Ugh; chick flicks. Hilarious that these dried up old skeezers still think they're "sex-hay", and that the plot of the last movie was they had to visit the arab world to find any dudes that found them attractive. Pandering at it's absolute lowest...

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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer

Submitted by yucko on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 10:38am.

That actually looks more like Chloe Moretz than Samantha. Not that I care.

I liked that Chloe girl when I first saw her in (500) Days... but ever since then she has grated on my nerves. The schtick is the same, and her real-life counterpart just purses her lips and squints her eyes to try to be sexy in all the red carpet pictures--at 13/14. Ugh. Don't want to see where she's going to be in 5+ years.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 8:12am.

Enough with this crap! I loved the series, refused to see any of the movies.

They had better use other actresses of they are doing a prequel. The only one of those ladies who still looks good is Cynthia Nixon....and maybe Kristin Davis.

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I think it's time we stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

Submitted by Miaspeople on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 7:29am.

I loved the entire series and the first movie. About a year ago I introduced the series to my daughter, who is now also a fan.

We rented the second movie and agree with the consensus that it was just awful. Aside from a few moments of horror at the plotline, I spent the entire movie trying to figure out what it was about SJP's face that seemed so "off". Never did figure out what it was, and I don't need to know bad enough to watch that terrible movie again.

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'Let's eat Grandma!' or, 'Let's eat, Grandma!' Punctuation saves lives. Use it. Save a life.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 6:16am.

Things I hated about SATC2-

Submitted by Dr. Dick on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 6:03am.

SATC 2 was the worst movie I have ever seen.

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 5:41am.

I hate Carrie Bradshaw!

Submitted by Stock Broker on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 5:19am.

Maybe they'll be living in a homeless shelter for out of work, middle aged, past-their-prime socialites.

This gaggle of slags have passed their expiration date.

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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone

Submitted by Thamar on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 5:01am.

thank you fistcksfn for the link

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/27/sarah-jessica-parker-how-does-s...

those execs, do they really expect us to suspend this much disbelief...Greg Kinnear, Kelsey Grammer and Pierce Brosnan all after SJP's ass...can't we stay in some realm of reality here?

"OH YOU FANCY HUH" - KA

Submitted by TheBreakdown on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 3:04am.

The last one, which was even dumber than the first, made enough money to warrant another film whether we like it or not.

I just hope the other 3 tricks get PAID too, because SJP is running her one-trick pony cashcow into the ground!

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Facebook: Triston Negreaux
http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe to Heaux Confessionals©

Submitted by nsaustin on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 2:48am.

LMAO @ "Rojo Caliente slowly eating Red Hots in front of the camera for 120 minutes."

So worth it to come here first thing in the AM!!

Submitted by stake_spike on Sat, 08/20/2011 - 12:40am.

I hate myself for saying this but I would watch another one, even though the other two were shit. I loved the series, and for once it's nice to kind of get glimpses over the years (no I can't move on). I wouldn't pay for it or anything (besides HBO already gets my money, monthly, despite the fact that they've taken away all of my favorite shows, fuck them), but I wouldn't be adverse to seeing another.

And none of this Blake Lively as Carrie prequel shit. Fuck that. I'd rather watch these hos trying to get it on in a retirement home than see that boring trick in a S&tC movie. She can fuck off back to that CW shit she's in. I'm sure she can blow Weinstein for some (other) more undeserved roles.

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Proud supporter of the Donner Party

Submitted by chocopuffs on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 11:30pm.

the title will be something like "Sex in the City:Death became them" and the Mr. big role will be played by Rojo caliente
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He said "I love you". I sneezed and said "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit". Unknown

Submitted by Lolah on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 11:13pm.

"Hands-down worst photoshop in the SATC2 poster is pony parker."

The whole poster is a Disaster.

Submitted by Lolah on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 11:12pm.

I have yet to see anything by them. The poster alone is reason enough to not watch it, AWFUL.

Submitted by Wanted on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 9:54pm.

I can appreciate Cynthia Nixon giving a Rojo tribute in this pic

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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
-Father Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 9:28pm.

I couldn't even get through the first movie, because the sense of vicarious shame was too overwhelming to endure. Middle-aged can be sexy seductive, but not like this. To me it was always painfully obvious that Parker and Cattrall can't act for shit, but seeing their inadequacies enlarged and spread out over a period of 1,5 hours felt like having un-sedated root canal treatment.

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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."

Mahatma Gandhi

Submitted by Hysteria on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 9:07pm.

All I've heard is - prequel. That might actually be interesting.

Hands-down worst photoshop in the SATC2 poster is pony parker. Looks like a horrible plastic surgery rendition of Carrie. How did she approve that?? I think she looked at it too long. Overthought.
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Submitted by Stan Dup on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 8:47pm.

“There is. I know what the story is. It’s a small story,

Oh wait...don't tell me...you have sex IN the city?

Submitted by kathleenvh on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 8:35pm.

O I see they've cast someone new for Samantha

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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other). - MK

Submitted by Hello Kitty Ho ... on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 8:28pm.

Sine I'm an Italian horror freak, I vote for Dargento or Fulci to direct this. Maybe My Little Pony Parker would puke up her intestines like in the movie ""The Gates of Hell''. (Google it kids)

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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:49pm.

Women make me sick. There I said it.

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:53pm.

Have you tried them cooked?

Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 8:11pm.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 9:14pm.

You're back!!! Your avie, hahahaha

Submitted by D.R. on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:51pm.

A zombie romance movie would be awesome! Parts would fall off when they kiss. :)

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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.

"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:49pm.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 9:14pm.

Comme vous voulez. I think that's whose face Sucky is using for his long-time avie.

May I add that I'm in awe of your P-shop skills?

Submitted by chocopuffs on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:45pm.

mhmm , it was cool back when hbo had sex and the city, now is called, "lack of sex in the city"the last movie was really bad, SJP was trying to look like a teenager and you saw nothing but wrinkles. The only part I liked from satc2? was Liza Minnelli singing "all the single ladies" and I kept wondering, how long it took them to have that scene done, Liza dancing was like a commercial for a hip replacemt .

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First of all my doctor totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, i get off the surgery table looking life freakin' Shrek. "white chicks"

Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:44pm.

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 8:41pm.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:10pm.

Your avie!!! hahaha I bet you don't even know what a catcher is, let alone who Brian McCann is.

---Nope, I don't. Should I Google?

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:39pm.

Isn't octogenarian skank Kim Cattrall making enough from those "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" commercials? I can't believe anyone has found you sexy since Porky's!

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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

Submitted by Night Owl on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:31pm.

I'll always remember Rojo Caliente in that one movie from the 70's or early 80's where those chicks go to summer camp and want to lose their virginity. Rojo was that hippie chick that wore a roach clip in her hair all the time.

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Little Darlings? That was Cynthia Nixon. what's his face (Matt Dillon?) was so cute back then.

Submitted by Night Owl on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:28pm.

SJP's face looked like it was totally photoshopped (or whatever they do) in that whole 2nd movie. She was so weird looking.

Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:11pm.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:10pm.

Your avie!!! hahaha I bet you don't even know what a catcher is, let alone who Brian McCann is.

Submitted by anonymous7643 on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 6:37pm.

Why did the photoshop people do that to Kim? I think she is beautiful as is, although beginning to venture into surgery victim territory.

THe last movie was an abomination, but I love SATC too much not to see another installment.

Submitted by Red Dwarf on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 6:36pm.

Not seen a single episode, much less the movies.
*breaths on knuckles*
*polishes on ample bosom*

Submitted by Chilly on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 6:28pm.

Is that blond child supposed to be Kim Cattral? She hasn't seen that age since Joan Crawford did the Ice Follies of 1939 (and if real that's the year that photo would have been taken).

Submitted by Neurotic on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 6:27pm.

Submitted by TexnDoc on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 7:27pm.

AbFab is possibly the best show ever made.

Maybe if Sex & the City was more like Eddie and Pats and didn't take itself seriously(at all!) it would make me stay for the show and then see the movies.

The entire hyper-cougar-on a nicotine and air binge-waifsized-desperate-woman never did it for me.

And omg, lmfao, Zomay!

Submitted by zomay on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 6:23pm.

Oh goodie! Now I know what DVD to get all my Dlisted friends for a Christmas stocking stuffer.

No need to thank me pals.

Submitted by paige on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 6:14pm.

Two things: first, the photoshop person made sjp and Kim look worse. And, I will watch whatever ( even shit) they put out because I love the characters and the show so much! I do admit there were many cringe worthy scenes in the last movie, still love them!

Submitted by hotpocket on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 6:14pm.

I tried to watch this show, but all they did was talk about men (or so it seemed to me). I love men and love sex, but I've also got a life of my own, and it doesn't revolve around someone else. And I never needed to live vicariously through TV characters, because I was already doing whatever I wanted and haven't needed that validated. But I have friends who tell me to give it a chance, so maybe some rainy afternoon.

TexnDoc, Love AbFab!

Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Fri, 08/19/2011 - 6:02pm.

Sad that they took such a beloved, iconic show and turned it into pure embarrassing tripe. Imagine if they made "Sopranos: The Movie" where Tony and the gang pull a bank robbery in Vegas or some stupid shit. Hell to the no.

What I especially hate about the SATC movies is that they're an easy joke on aging women. SATC 3: Hot Flashes, yada yada...