Johnny Takes A Tumble
Before hitting play, you might want turn your speakers all the way down or staple your ear flaps to your face, because the dramatic ass paparazzo screeching out "You dropped Johnny!" til his tonsils fell off could wake a Lohan from her drunk coma.
Fresh off of pissing people off with his rape comment, Johnny Depp took on the drunk celebrity obstacle course in Hollywood as he left some restaurant called 25 Degrees the other night. Johnny made it out the door (1 point), scribbled out an autograph (2 points), got bro hugged to the ground by some Gallagher looking ho (-3 points), got back up (3 points) and then kept on signing his name like his nalgas just didn't eat sidewalk (20 points!!!!). You can't keep a drunk Johnny down! But the most impressive part of Johnny Herp Derp's tanked bitch stroll to the SUV is that not once did he shove his BIC down that pap's mouth to stop the fake scream madness. If there's such a thing as beer goggles, there must be such a thing as beer plugs and Johnny definitely has them shoved in his ear holes.
Johnny eventually got into his SUV and showed everyone he was okay by doing the heroin tap and the fisting an imaginary asshole salute! And no, I'm not entirely convinced that this isn't John Mayer.
via Gossip Cop