Ali Lohan Does Not Know White Oprah The Same Way We Know White Oprah
Ali Lohan, the future face of fashion and the frontrunner for the role of Jen if there's ever a Dark Crystal remake, is on the cover of Page Six Magazine for reasons that lie on the cum-covered Kleenex that got tossed into Rupert Murdoch's trash can after White Oprah paid him a visit. Page Six asked Ali about her facial transformation into a Ren Faire Goddess Bunny and she answered it the only way a Lohan can:
On the rumor that she Kardashian-ized her face: "I was cracking up. Because, like, when would I do that? I'm 17 years old. That's not legal! I would need my mother's signature, and do you think my mom would ever sign off on that? No!"On drugs: "I just say no. I'm lucky enough that I had my sister to learn from. I’ve seen people do it to her, so I've learned to be like, 'That’s stupid, no.' I admire how strong she is. That's why Lindsay and me are so close, because we're able to talk about those things together."
Oh, Ali, bless you and your Paul Pfeiffer in drag-looking ass. White Oprah would sign off on the sale of Ali Lohan to Doug Hutchison for a bottle of Popov and an unused prescription pad, so signing off on plastic surgery is nothing to her. I'm sure the Lohan family plastic surgeon already has her signed permission on file just in case the coke numbs take over her signing hand and she can't operate a pen. And the only thing LiLo has taught Ali is how to lie, cheat, steal and snort with the best of them. I swear. We already know this, but this interview has confirmed that being delusional does not skip a generation.
via UsWeekly
That's no way to sell magazines.
Submitted by cake coke and cock on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:15pm.
If I were ugly I'd cut my losses and get really fat. Why be ugly AND hungry?
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BEST FUCKING LINE I HAVE HEARD ALL DAY...TRUE STORY! CAN'T FUCKING STOP LAUGHING.
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I can't judge... the cheese biscuits at Red Lobster make me wanna touch myself
--Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 11/04/2011 - 9:41am.
she looks like pinnochio in these pics.. like the one with the chiseled wooden face..
What in the Benjamin Button shit happened here.
It wont be long before Ali Lohan does a "Marilyn Monroe" inspired shoot.
And in about 18 months time, Playboy will call and offer $15, 3 coupons to burger king, and a $50 starbucks recharge card for White Oprah, Lindsay lohan and Ali Lohan to faux lez out on the cover of playboy/
This is all I got:
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=rachel%27s+sister+pet+sematary&um=1&hl=en...
Dina used to snort cocaine with Lindsay, so I'm going to go out on a looooong limb and say she would let Ali have surgery. Also, she let Lindsay get tittay implants at 16! This woman should be considered an unfit mother. In fact, I can't believe CPS hasn't investigated her. Obviously something in the cocaine ain't clean.
Tragic nose
I believe the look is "moribund".moribund
[mawr-uh-buhnd, mor-]
adjective
1.
in a dying state; near death.
2.
on the verge of extinction or termination.
Motherfker, Ali has died??!? RIP, Ali. Dina for sure sold this embalmed/viewing pic for profit, that soul-less bitch. Sads
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"...To feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each others' minds
Just to see what we'd find
Look at shit through each others' eyes..."
-Eminem, "Beautiful" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgT1AidzRWM&ob=av2e
morbid looking. like a cadaverish ghost.
her face hints strongly of sallow horse breeding.
kinda a homely girl. her face is mishapen, distorted and uneven.
sad and abused look, she probably is as cerebrally vacant as she sounds.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWmetGC6tyk&feature=related
K im pretty sure she looks older than me and I'm 29
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other). - MK
"or reasons that lie on the cum-covered Kleenex that got tossed into Rupert Murdoch's trash can after White Oprah paid him a visit. "
Now that's some seriously funny shit!!! Unfortunately for White Oprah though, I don't even think Rupert would let her suck his dick. Well maybe, if she PAID him.
Thanks Becky! Seriously though at least when Lindsay gets dolled up she looks like a model. Ali to be quite honest is a little scary.
LOL @ Manimal!
Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 4:56pm.
Finally Rumor Willis has some competition!
Really there should be a beauty contest that you only need a 5 to win!
Submitted by justice on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 5:40pm.
"the frontrunner for the role of Jen if there's ever a Dark Crystal remake"
Ahahahahahahahahaha! How dare you! Just too good.
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I love that MK used this as a reference. Just watched this on Netflix!
"the frontrunner for the role of Jen if there's ever a Dark Crystal remake"
Ahahahahahahahahaha! How dare you! Just too good.
--thanks awfully--
The whole family is sociopathiv. They just lie without realizing how obvious it is that they're lying.
We need to break this cycle. Lindsay blew it. Don't give this little shit a shot.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
She's not ugly by any means, but she's also no unique beauty or talent that will make her happen in Hollywood.
I honestly had no idea who that was a picture of.
Finally Rumor Willis has some competition!
And I've seen better looking corpses.
She's wasn't beat with the ugly stick, she IS the ugly stick.
"That's why Lindsay and me are so close."
Ah, the perils of a GRE from White Oprah's Home Schooling Academy. She's 17 and has the language skills of a chimpanzee.
Yes at least white Opra had the decency to wait until she was nineteen before she cracked her first zit and these days getting a new face comes with the added inconvenience that if it is done too drastically as opposed to a gradual process is somewhat incriminating. That said kids, I’m willing to bet my mother’s life savings that Alien will get three sets of cheekbones before her 21st. Just a hunch.
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/11/ali-lohan-still-believes-she-did...
Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:36pm.
And has almost as many spots.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
She looks like an ugly/skinny Tina Fey
Submitted by cake coke and cock on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:15pm.
If I were ugly I'd cut my losses and get really fat. Why be ugly AND hungry?
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AHAHAHAHAHAHA
Damn, that is one ugly looking girl now. Plastic surgery definitely did not do her any favors. And bitch please, your sorry ass sister was never "forced" by anyone to do drugs. How stupid do you think we are?
"The other lohan"??!! WTF? No.no.no. Michael Sr. is the "other lohan". Bitch, you are the "other, other lohan" and that is some sad shit right thur. And! you are all assholes....just thought I would point that out.
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
She looks like an evil wood nymph, an ex-Mason family member who is living under a bridge with a AK-47 anti-aircraft gun.
.
.
She looks about as hollow as her sister's rotted out nasal cavity. Also, at the bottom of that cover it says she talks about "her family's secret recipe." hmm, is that a combination of coke, delusion, alcohol mixed together, and bake on high for 10 years.
why does "high fashion" have to be so ugly? she's a fucking DOG!!! (no offense, dog...) all those emaciated Vogue models look like sick drug addicts..... gross. give me a Christy Brinkley any day!
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I guess it's best to end a relationship the same way you start it: absolutely fucking tanked. MK 6/11
She looks like an emaciated Tina Fey.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
by do it to her she means she's seen her sister sucking cock for a bump, right?
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Daniel Craig looks like he'd angry sex you into a coma!--astute observation by ISprainedMyUvula
christ on a cracker just STFU. "I'm lucky enough that I had my sister to learn from. I’ve seen people do it to her..." what? did people tie hohan down and shove coke up her nose and vodka down her throat? another whorefaming family. they'd love to be the kartrashians.
Baby's-breath in her hair and eggshell white lace top? Who's she supposed to be? Carole King?
Her harsh features cry out for heavy blacks and reds and cover those freckles. RuPaul could maybe salvage this mess. Maybe.
Submitted by Echo27 on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:31pm.
LMAO @ the Paul Pfeiffer reference. Remember the rumor that he was really Marilyn Manson?
lol, yeah
Fuck, wrong post. You see what this ugly creature does to me?
I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!
Submitted by The New Improve... on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:02pm.
I just googled some before and after shots of Ali Lohan and found this. It's possible I might not get a wink of sleep!
http://www.thefablife.com/2011-09-07/17-year-old-ali-lohan-seemingly-pro...
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I understand her wanting to get her nose done, but she really should have considered how that would give her the all-nostril look. The cheeks and chin are awful, but I think the worst part is those godawful eyebrow implants.
LMAO @ the Paul Pfeiffer reference. Remember the rumor that he was really Marilyn Manson?
Submitted by The New Improve... on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 2:02pm.
The first 5 pics (except #2) weren't bad, but jesus #6 made me lose all hope in the future.
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My obsessive fascination is in your imagination.
I don't think she had surgery. She just needs to stuff a side of bacon in that crack pipe.
I don't get ugly chicks that think they can make up for it by starving themselves. Fug is fug no matter what size it is. If I were ugly I'd cut my losses and get really fat. Why be ugly AND hungry?
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
You bitches got yer funny hats on today!
Given how emaciated Ali's been looking these days, I'm surprised that she had enough energy to do an interview. Sounds like WO has been giving interviews again!
She's kind of got an SLA era Patty Hearst thing going on in the face. Did that just date me?
wow. I guess even Photoshop threw up its hands, and said "I quit this bitch".
What she did to herself, or WO made her do, is just criminal. really, someone ought to press charges. :(
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS DO DRUGS TO THEM!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
She looks like an old hag.
God but she's horrible looking. She's like an ugly version of Kate Middleton.
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin