Chelsea Handler Is Still Brangeloonie Enemy #1
Chelsea Handler must not mind it when a scorned Brangeloonie leaves a severed Grey Goose (The vodka bottle, not the animal. That hurts Chelsea more.) on her doorstep, because she's still throwing shit at St. Angie Jo's glowing halo. Chelsea got banned from heaven's gates back in 2010 when she called Angie a home wrecking cunt during her stand-up act and the ho is at again. During an interview with More magazine (via Page Six), Jennifer Aniston's long lost sister separated at the tequila bottle farted at the mouth about how there's certain women that other women shouldn't trust. When More asked Chelsea what her idea of a non-girl's girl is, she summoned an ice cold, razor sharp side-eye from Maddox by saying this:
“Probably Angelina Jolie . . . She [Jolie] doesn’t strike me as someone I would have a close friendship with.”
Does Jennifer Aniston fill Chelsea's pool with top shelf vodka every time she publicly puts Angie's name on the bitch list, because damn it's like those two got a bet going or something. I love the shade of it all. But Chelsea doesn't have to tell us she's not ever going to make Angie a size -10 friendship bracelet, because we all know that she's the CEO of TEAM JEN. Chelsea hates Angie as much as she hates sunscreen and water that doesn't get you drunk. But does Chelsea know that Jesus transferred his powers over to Angie so that bitch can turn potatoes into vodka and Perrier into mimosas, because that could be a deal breaker.
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Submitted by amrun on Tue, 04/24/2012 - 12:17pm.
Oh I'm so sick of hearing about how married people only talk about their children. I was single until my 30s so I had a fair amount of time to knwo what its like before kids. YOu want to know what is so boring about childless people? They only talk about themselves!!! My job, my hairdo, my workout. Its like nothing else is relevant but their self obsessed little world. And the constant navel-gazing and self absorption-don't get me started. Before you talk about your married friends-make sure your conversations are really as interesting as you think they are. The point of kids is gettting out of yourself and putting someone else's needs ahead of your-Oh never mind-you won't understand-its not about you so you've tuned out.
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THANK YOU!!! Hit the nail on the head. That's it in a nutshell. As a married woman and mother , I can hang with the best of them. My single friends included. I have no problem listening to them tell about their "all nighter", new guy they're fucking, boyfriend they broke up with, how "busy" they are with work, etc. BECAUSE I CAN RELATE TO IT (been there done that). But it's so hard for them to listen to even 15 minutes of child talk. You know you've bored them after 5 minutes. I love my single gals, but have definitely lost a few along the way b/c they are consumed with themselves.
Who gives a fuck what this horse faced bitch says? I'll bet anything she's fucked a married man before. Her neurotic bitch BFF should have given Brad a fucking baby instead of being a vain little bitch worrying about her shitty ass career. Brad left her 6 fucking years ago, her and Maniston need to move on.
why do we care what this drunky has to say about anything! i agree, but seriously, chelsea is becoming just as bad as the kardashians...ok, maybe not quite. but almost!
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Oh I'm so sick of hearing about how married people only talk about their children. I was single until my 30s so I had a fair amount of time to knwo what its like before kids. YOu want to know what is so boring about childless people? They only talk about themselves!!! My job, my hairdo, my workout. Its like nothing else is relevant but their self obsessed little world. And the constant navel-gazing and self absorption-don't get me started. Before you talk about your married friends-make sure your conversations are really as interesting as you think they are. The point of kids is gettting out of yourself and putting someone else's needs ahead of your-Oh never mind-you won't understand-its not about you so you've tuned out.
I'm noticing this trend lately on blogs (especially The Superficial): the headline and the first part of the post is a huge exaggerated lead-up to a very BLAND quote. I mean really, "I don't see myself having a friendship with her" IS NOT "that skinny bitch can go suck a big donkey dick and die." Now THAT would be a BURN, but that's not what she said, folks.
daisydaisy: I love you, THANK YOU, I worship you for your comment.
Submitted by MadgesVadge on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 3:07pm.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 10:15pm.
UBF, I think that is more common as people settle down with families. Single people usually don;t want to hear about married people's kids all the time, and married people don't give a shit about singles going out and getting shitfaced, dating, etc....you just run out of common ground, except for the people you are very close to.
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This is true. I don't expect my friends who are parents to apologize for gushing about their babies all day. As such, I don't apologize for not giving a rat's ass about which new tooth came in. I find that single people can find lots to talk about, but new parents always default to their kids, like they've been rewired to forget all other relevant things. Not all new parents are like this of course, but when I see a stroller army coming at me, my ovaries all but shut down.
As I re-read this, I realize how awful it sounds. I love babies, but I also love giving them back to their rightful owners.
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Yep!!! I had to hide soooo many people from my facebook page because I was tired of looking at their children and hearing about their teeth and poops. The worst is when the baby is named in utero. That just leads to a whole lot of confusion.
Be intrigued, be interested. DON'T be stupid.---TheBreakdown
I'm sure Angie is sobbing her heart out because Chelsea Handler doesn't wanna be friends with her.
Chelsea and Jen strike me as the kind of insecure bitchy "friends" who act tight but secretly spend all their time trying to make sure they look prettier and thinner than each other.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 10:15pm.
UBF, I think that is more common as people settle down with families. Single people usually don;t want to hear about married people's kids all the time, and married people don't give a shit about singles going out and getting shitfaced, dating, etc....you just run out of common ground, except for the people you are very close to.
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This is true. I don't expect my friends who are parents to apologize for gushing about their babies all day. As such, I don't apologize for not giving a rat's ass about which new tooth came in. I find that single people can find lots to talk about, but new parents always default to their kids, like they've been rewired to forget all other relevant things. Not all new parents are like this of course, but when I see a stroller army coming at me, my ovaries all but shut down.
As I re-read this, I realize how awful it sounds. I love babies, but I also love giving them back to their rightful owners.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
We all know that everyone cares about what Drunky McDrunkface Chelsea Handler thinks.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
UGH...she's one of those friends who makes her opinion looks like yours.
Chelsea Handler is one fugly bitch. Inside and out.
that bitch is SUUUUCH a hater. buuut, still true. Angie has no identifiable girl friends for a reason.
I can't with Chelsea Handler. Jen better watch her back if Chelsea is indeed one of her friends. She reminds me of the girl in high school who tried waaay too hard to be down.
Her show on NBC is horrible. Chelsea and Whitney need to be canceled.
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Be intrigued, be interested. DON'T be stupid.---TheBreakdown
jazzfish_77, I do believe you are onto something there! I can see her weaving this image of herself, the sluttiness, the drunken mess in a very calculated way, even her friendships and hookups are part of the act! I don't think she cares what people think of her tbh!
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"Latin and Greek are not dead, they are immortal!"
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•♩♦♮♠░░░░
I don't like Angelina, but Chelsea sucks too. I wouldn't want to be friends with that bitch. Social climbers are the fucking worst, and you know she used to talk a ton of shit about Aniston before they became zomg BFFs.
Submitted by jazzfish_77 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:18am
You can be an alcoholic and still function enough to "get somewhere" - in her case, F-list celebrity status.
I love me some Chelsea. She has created an image which everyone believes is true. You don't get to her level being a booze hound. You get to that level by selling the image.
Submitted by Bigbendy on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 7:36am.
TMZ is reporting that Jennifer Aniston and Justin T.are scouting for a wedding spot in Crete. Who knows if this is true or another rumor,but it's kind of funny.
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Oh, God help us if this is true!! You know the Loonies will swear on ALL their fat kid's lives, that Aniston is doing this to one up Pitt/Jolie!
What is really funny is the fact they Aniston will probably walk down the aisle long before (if they ever do) Pitt/Jolie....
Chelsea may be a booze hound with loose lips who worked her way to the top by assuming the missionary position and spending time on her knees ...but I'm gonna agree with her on this one .
Submitted by pixxxie on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 3:32am.
Submitted by Meatblocks on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 10:27pm.
angelina's is one helluva scared, insecure, self centered and lonely drug addicted skeeze.
if her fucking on a married dude, no friends and that leg-popping-look-at-me shit don't tell ya anything, then it's cause you got a mad case of the dd&b's.
nevermind the dialated pupils and clammy, glassy & sweaty white skin and dark sallow eye hollows that would give even aguliera's makeup artists a run for their best skills.
whatever beauty she had it's now run hard into a bony cruella deville graveyard of stark & gaunt severity.
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love this comment so much i nominate you for hot slut of the month!!
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I second that! Brilliant comment!!
Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 12:51am.
Chelsea is right. Angelina is the exact type of disloyal man-worshipping cunt with zero female friends.
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Exactly!
CSG hey,thought better of my comment and edited, but you caught it! Ha. This thread is one I will have to finish checking out. Very topical for me. Getting things done with women is sometimes a lot of extra work. I am all marlothomas about gender and kids and free to be you and me, but I have experienced a lot of wasted time trying to work with women on a project. It's prolly anecdotal and not proof of anything, but my preference is to work with men, especially gay men! There you have it all. Ceativity, spirit, fun, can do!
Lisbet, Sal is saying that Justin and his girlfriend were not married and therefore it is ok for Justin to dump her for someone else. I don't want to start a discussion about if a piece of paper does make a difference or not because for some people it is important and for some, it is not. All I am saying is that being with someone for 14 years must be worth something at least, even if you were not married.
Chelsea should be talking shit about Brad. That would REALLY be brave.
He's what I DO know, that's one cold cut a bitch in half cunty McCunty STARE Angie's got going there! What a CUNTFACE!!!
I can't imagine she likes getting pictures of her from that angle either cause DAMN that is one solid Neanderthalish lookin JAW she has, fuck me that thing's a fuckin steam shovel!!
Submitted by Thamar on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 7:55am.
Share the outcast feeling among girl pals. Who needs the cattiness of the HW franchises. Lived some of those scenes at different scale. Still the same s**t.
Nice for me to read of segment of women here who failed at girlfriend or rather dropped out. Glad for it today but the cruelty was immense. Woman are more fierce. Look at nature. Men are stronger but use a woman for ferocity. .
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Thamar - I agree to a certain point. I was hanging with a pretty toxic group a couple of years ago until I decided I needed to get away from them because they were effecting my peace of mind. I took some time to myself, then reconnected with old friends (who are sweethearts), met two wonderful women at work who I've become good friends with, and am very happy with the way things worked out. Walking away from the first group was the best lesson I've learned.
That being said, I wouldn't want to hang with either one of these bitches. I still think Jen A comes across as pretty easy-going, but who knows how celebs are IRL.
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If it looks like a stunt, walks like a stunt and smells like warm piss on burnt plastic, it came directly from Pimp Mama Kris' pimpin' hand. - MK
Nice symmetry with the pics MK
TMZ is reporting that Jennifer Aniston and Justin T.are scouting for a wedding spot in Crete. Who knows if this is true or another rumor,but it's kind of funny.
Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 3:47am.
justincase - well said. We (women) seem to be ingrained in this hatred of each other that really makes no sense. I think PEOPLE can be pretty evil and venomous, but I haven't seen much IRL to make me say women in particular are worse than men, no matter what pop culture tries to tell me.
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Agreed! I think, in general, we just go at it differently.
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
Women can be catty backstabbing gossiping cunts for sure, eternal highschool popularity contest with most bitches, I'd rather have male friends any day.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
To me this utterly unfunny bitter ole hag would constitute a reason by itself to join team Brangie.
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Better a bottle in front o'me
than a frontal lobotomy
Chelsea strikes me as a jealous vicious bully cunt. I've come across the type growing up and you can't do anything to appease them. The just have to hate as they don't have anything else to offer. Its who they are. Sad.
I do Pagents!
Submitted by watermethodgirl on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 3:55am.
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But it's an interesting point. If you're that bonded and together, why not just sign the piece of paper?
"The shade of it all!"
-Latrice Royale,
Drag Race Season 4
(and who I thought was going to win!)
"Come on Gloria..."
-Hank Azaria "The Birdcage"
I just would not like to be friends with either one of em...they both look like they have chronic bad breath and Angelina can only probably be a *real friend for about 3 minutes until the converstaion ultimately has to come back to everything about her. You know she is one of those.
@ Molotov Cocktease - keeping an open mind with like minds.
Sal darling, if you KNOW you are not meant to be with someone, you do not stay with him or her for 14 years. I wouldn't! There are married people getting divorced all the time as there are unmarried people staying together for all of their lives. If you are with someone for 14 years, you have been through good and bad, you have a relationship, a bond as much as any married couple and if your partner leaves you for someone else, it will hurt as much as if you were married. So what is your point?
justincase - well said. We (women) seem to be ingrained in this hatred of each other that really makes no sense. I think PEOPLE can be pretty evil and venomous, but I haven't seen much IRL to make me say women in particular are worse than men, no matter what pop culture tries to tell me.
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Come along, Pond.
These two women may be nasty but to cast most women as "venomous creatures" is a misogynistic, de-humanizing generalization. Social constructs routinely pit (no pun intended) women against each other for the limited resources available to them. Women are human like everyone else - good or bad by nature.
edited because it's 1am PST, I'm delirious and I need to go to bed now!
I think they should both get into a boxing ring and sort their shit out.
Fight Club style.
Independent of any AJ commentary, I find CH obnoxiously unfunny and cloying, desperately grasping for some teensy bit of celebrity through osmosis of richer and more affluent stars. The fact that she swings so heartily from JA nutsack does not surprise.
And what the fuck is a "non-girl's girl"? That question sounds like it was written in a highschool burn book, and the response does too. Adult women aren't measured by their ability to make friends, you dumb cooze.
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Come along, Pond.
Submitted by Meatblocks on Sun, 04/22/2012 - 10:27pm.
angelina's is one helluva scared, insecure, self centered and lonely drug addicted skeeze.
if her fucking on a married dude, no friends and that leg-popping-look-at-me shit don't tell ya anything, then it's cause you got a mad case of the dd&b's.
nevermind the dialated pupils and clammy, glassy & sweaty white skin and dark sallow eye hollows that would give even aguliera's makeup artists a run for their best skills.
whatever beauty she had it's now run hard into a bony cruella deville graveyard of stark & gaunt severity.
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love this comment so much i nominate you for hot slut of the month!!
chelsea is a booze guzzling, trailer trash, old before her time, jealous cunt!
Holie's lips look like infected and swollen vulva. She was so attractive back in the day.
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Trailer Trash.
Let's face it, the real cunt here is Brad... he's the home wrecker. As much as Angie is annoyingly annoying, she is not at fault for his actions in my opinion.
I don't know much about Chelsea... but I know this Brangelina shit is getting as old as the fucking hills. No.. as old as a piece of fossilized dung from a trilobite (which would be much more interesting than any of these dumb fucks).
Who cares about Angelina? I mean really. Aside from Brad Pitt.. why are we talking about her?
Submitted by mike :
Frank Langella had a new tell-all autobiography out.
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Oooooooooo! I love biographies, so I'll definitely read that! :-) He was the best Dracula evah.
Submitted by bornagainChristian on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 1:19am.
Why all the blown out of proportion commentary on Chelsea's answer??
SHe may be friends with Jen, but does that mean she's wrong about Angie??
HELL...NO....
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Seriously, sometimes I feel like I'm reading in an alternate universe on here. I also think there are a lot of woman hating wackos as well. If a guy starts fucking his costar while he's married to you that means you are doing something wrong where you can't "keep a man" now? Jaysus, pick up your knuckles and join us in the modern world.
I don't give a shit much about Chelsea/Jen/Brad/or St Angie to be honest, I just think it's funny how people really believe the shit the Enquirer shovels that all these years later Jen is still torn up.
I'd rather have Chelsea give an honest answer to a dumbass question than do the fakey BS answer most celebs give. And no, I'm not butthurt about Angelina and Brad. I've thought she was a skank back when she was playing tongue hockey with her brother at the Oscars so it's not about TEAM ANISTON hurdy durr.
"Oh Nooo don't go out THERE. What? I tried to warn her."
As if anyone cares what a drunk piece of used carcass has to say. Obviously Chelsea's bff Jen still has issues with her ex and arch nemesis otherwise she'd be able to keep a man (note: Creepy Justin is obviously a PR stunt). Brad and Angelina have held it together for how long now?
Chelsea should stick to what she's good at: making fun of people in her list (Ds and Fs) and tossing back tequila shots with Chewy.