Good News For You Single Hos, Trace Cyrus Is Available Again
The meaning of true love is already on the dirty bathroom floor, crying into a half-empty bottle of Strawberry Hill after hearing that Zac Efron and pro beard-in-training Lily Collins broke up and now its going to bawl all of its internal organs out once it hears that the prized steed of the Cyrus family, Trace Cyrus, is no longer rearing on top of Brenda Song. There will be no double Cyrus wedding, because Trace told People that he's not going to ride off into the sunset with Brenda. As Brenda's mom Mai Song thanked the gods above the clouds for rebuking the craving for Emo pony peen from her daughter's being, Trace had this to say about their break-up:
"Brenda and I have decided to go our separate ways. We split up a couple of months ago. We will continue to focus on our careers."
Seriously, if you've ever wanted to see a Thai mother pop her pussy on her front lawn, go to Mai Song's house right now, because no doubt she's celebrating being free from those Cyrus crazies forever.
But Brenda is going to regret letting go out of Trace's lead rope. Brenda will have to find a new moonshine supplier and where else will she find a hot piece who is such a bad ass motherfucker that he has TWO feather drop tattoos. Those feather drops tattoos obviously represent the two canaries he took out. Yes, Trace is that bad. DanRad, you know you want to get on that while it's hot.
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I love you DListed James Haven xoxoxooxxo.
Submitted by z-listed on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:26pm.
Brenda Song is an idol on the Disney Channel. She's got gobs of cash, trust me. She's been on there forever...and take it from someone who had to watch Disney Channel against my will, this girl is hilarious.
LOL, James. That Trace is an ungrateful gelding, isn't he?
James Haven is here to tell you crazy bitches the REAL reason Trace called off his engagement to the lovely yet, untalented Brenda Song. Trace called James Haven to ask him if he would go out for a much needed Boys Night Out.
Seems Trace was unhappy about the engagement present from his daddy, Billy Ray Cyrus. Trace was miffed that Billy Ray gave him an Electric Knife while Miley received a Krupps Coffee Maker and Milk Frother!
James Haven told Trace that it is the thought that counts but Trace would have none of it. He said that besides the flimsy gift he felt that Brenda was bringing him down. He told James Haven that because Brenda was a Disney chick he was losing gigs and having to work weddings and 80's band reunions dressed as Mick Mars. Trace said that anyone associated with a Disney girl is usually stripped of his manhood and ends up in bad Nicholas Sparks movie.
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by Sweetas on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 12:47am.
I am SO gonna use that next time I'm asked to tell a joke.
That pic reminds me of what my brother-in-law once told me.
He was a police officer in West Virginia and he said that the further out of town you drove, the closer the eyes of the residents got.
Okay then, carry on.
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I want to live only till I die, no more and no less - Eddie Izzard
Submitted by Cowjam on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 10:21am. ...
Submitted by letinstar on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 8:19am.
Oh, Jesus. That really isn't a shirt...
Where's the eye bleach? Who hid the eye bleach?
Submitted by letinstar on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 8:19am.
i just realized trace isn't wearing a shirt...GROSS...
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I thought it was a paisley ascot.
Submitted by didimao: "These two never made sense. Why in the world would Brenda, date and want to marry him? He is not attractive at all. She could have any guy she wanted even if she wasn't famous."
I think she was trying to rebel against her parents and teach them a lesson.
So next time she brings home a guy who's not a Korean brain surgeon her parents will think, "Well, at least he's not like the LAST one she almost MARRIED! Let's give this guy a chance."
What a mouth breathing knuckle dragging troglodyte.
I'm relieved on behalf of Brenda's family.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
i just realized trace isn't wearing a shirt...GROSS...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
too bad. this chick, and Hemsworth, have/had a good shot, at improving that gene pool.
maybe their good looks could cancel out the fug gene that's running rampant there, for future generations..
Submitted by dementa on Tue, 06/12/2012 - 1:29am.
Imagine if he procreated with SJP.
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I think you can safely name that child Secreteriat whatever the sex is.
He is SO nasty.
It's just a matter of time before his chipmunky little sister ends her engagement, too.
How are these hideous Cyruses, who are clearly troll-animal hybrids, able to pull such attractive significant others? Yes, they have money... but Jesus... for me, there'd be NO AMOUNT HIGH ENOUGH.
Emo pony peen would make a great name for a band.
He has a root beer in his hand. Sugar cubes would be preferred, but a sugary root beer will do. He seriously looks like a horny horse who's about to bust a load in that picture. Like if you've ever seen a horse when they get a boner, their nostrils flare like that, and they do that thing with their mouth. I was unfortunate enough to have grown up on a property adjacent to these rich fucks with horses, and they'd come up to our fence and get boners and stuff.
This post needs a "My Little Pony" tag.
Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto. - Vera Donovan
Imagine if he procreated with SJP.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I don't think he's that bad looking, actually. I have lots of tattoos so I like his. He's a little horsey faced, but I've woken up with worse (waaaaaaaay worse). I would hit it. *shrugs*
I reckon head-to-toe ink works on some people, but this kid is not one of them. Without the tattoos, he'd be unremarkable. With them he's grotesque.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
lmfao Whamo!! Okay, a girl walks into a bar with a pig. The bartender says "we don't allow dogs in here" and she says "it's a pig." Bartender says, "I was talking to the pig."
*has nothing to do with the thread*
OT - So?
A dog walks into a bar and sees two horses talking near the end of the bar, he looks at the bartender and says well look at THAT, a talking horse!!
These two never made sense. Why in the world would Brenda, date and want to marry him? He is not attractive at all. She could have any guy she wanted even if she wasn't famous.
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
Oh fuck "...is no longer rearing on Brenda Song"....lmao...
*snort, wipes eyes*
I love you mk.
Submitted by cripbabe on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 11:51pm.
seriously, where do all these nobodies get the $$ for all that ink? that shit ain't cheap!
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yup - ironically, he spent a whole lot of money to look that cheap
He looks like Miley in drag coupleing up with Tila Bacardi or Tequila or whatever her name is.
Submitted by Cowjam on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 9:55pm.
He is a most unfortunate looking young man, isn't he? What exactly is this "career" he's going to be focusing on? Surely not in the entertainment industry?
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It's the Kentucky Derby.
Trace recently had to drop out of the Triple Crown race....I asked him why the long face, Trace? And he stole my apple out of my hand.
Lindsay Lohan's costar's nalgas flew her so close to the sun that they both exploded into stardust that still lights up Hollywood.
seriously, where do all these nobodies get the $$ for all that ink? that shit ain't cheap!
Submitted by Nanners on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:01pm.
*sings*
All the single fillies, all the single fillies
Now put your hooves up....
'Cause if you liked it, then you should have put a rein on it...
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Now this is really clever and deserves to be posted again. lol! Again, wish we had a like button...
I had a horrific thought that just might end my hard earned, long term sobriety - this mess and Blohan mating and having chilluns - AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 11:31pm.
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 11:28pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:12pm.
You guys killed me with all the horse jokes.
Don't you mean, "you hors killed me with all the horse jokes"?
See what I did there? With the hors and the...
No?
*gongs self*
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Well, I liked it, agirl!
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Thanks IF, I 'preciate that!
So, who else here thinks that Trace here is unskilled in the bedroom? A show of hands please...
Submitted by agirl on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 11:28pm.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:12pm.
You guys killed me with all the horse jokes.
Don't you mean, "you hors killed me with all the horse jokes"?
See what I did there? With the hors and the...
No?
*gongs self*
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Well, I liked it, agirl!
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:12pm.
You guys killed me with all the horse jokes.
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Don't you mean, "you hors killed me with all the horse jokes"?
See what I did there? With the hors and the...
No?
*gongs self*
Gah, he's horrific. He's a full blown Cyrus, but he reminds me of what would happen if Boobshit McGee and Lil Wayne mated, sprinkled with a little bit of Mr. Ed on weed.
So I googled him. He's just another talentless fame whoring inbred idiot, big surprise. I'm going to bed now in complete anonymity with my fluffy nice cat who could care less about this shit.
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What is her problem? She's just laying there...
So I guess the line forms to the left? *steps daintily to the right* all yours, hos.
This is so sad, a good moonshine connection is hard to find, My best friend's boyfriend is from Georgia (like backwoods fuck your sister Georgia) but he brings back the best peach moonshine ever! I swear if she ever breaks up with him i may have to jump on that just to keep getting that moonshine
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I wish I had multiple Alts, that way I won't be so lonely when I'm talking to myself
Submitted by EvilShoe on Mon, 06/11/2012 - 10:19pm.
Brenda Song was hilarious on Zack and Cody or whatever it's called, pretty sure my son made me watch them all. I hope she can climb out of the Disney whore outfit one day and find a good, normal comedy to star in. Funny girl.
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She was my favorite character on that show! I'm rooting for her to do well too!
Submitted by Datura on Wed, 05/30/2012 - 10:59am.
I was a skinny, pink preemie. I looked like an earthworm until I was two months old.
This man's hands so cool..
I thought they had broken up already.
http://www.sellerfromchina.com/
What careers?
Runs to People mag? "Respect our privacy"? I think Lesbeiber could beat his ass.
Ewww they look like they stink! A couple of Fisters (F listers)
"where else will she find a hot piece who is such a bad ass motherfucker that he has TWO feather drop tattoos."
*chokes on Slurpee, dies laughing*
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Hey, Trace, you got some squirrel stew on yo chin, muhfuh!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Poor Trace is crying in his sugar cube cocktail as we speak.
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who are these fucks?
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What is her problem? She's just laying there...