Who The Hell Is Taylor Swift Yodeling About Now?

Taylor Swift, the worst thing to happen to the Kennedys since the Kennedy curse, has a new song out called “We Are Never Getting Back Together” and based on that title you might think she’s singing to the definition of maturity, but were her and maturity ever together? Taylor of Sunnybrook Farms tells Good Morning America (via People) that surprise, surprise, she wrote that song about one of her ex-pieces. But before we start guessing about which one of Taylor’s exes is going to tell Rolling Stones in a few months that she really put bruises on his innocent heart by writing a song about him, let’s listen to that mess first. WARNING: Taylor Swift is still writing lyrics that sound like they were written on her paper bag book cover during 7th grade homeroom.

If you’d rather try to chew bubblegum with your butt than press play on that bubblegum song, then read  the spoken word part instead, because it is gold (via ONTD):

So he calls me up and he’s like
“I still love you” and I’m like, I’m just …
This is exhausting, you know like
We’re never getting back together
Like ever

When you make an Avril Lavigne song sound like a Carole Fucking King song, maybe it’s time to stop getting creative inspiration from the 16-year-olds you share a bottle of Strawberry Hill with while hanging out with them behind the bleachers on a Friday night.

So who is Taylor singing about this time? Jakey Gyllenhaal? John Mayer? Joe Jonas? Taylor Lautner? Oh, I don’t even know why we’re playing this game when we all know who she’s really singing about:

You can’t blame him for that DUI now. We’d all lose our minds in a bottle of the sweet nectar if Taylor Swift told us we were never like ever like ever like getting back to like gether like ever like.