Who The Hell Is Taylor Swift Yodeling About Now?
Taylor Swift, the worst thing to happen to the Kennedys since the Kennedy curse, has a new song out called "We Are Never Getting Back Together" and based on that title you might think she's singing to the definition of maturity, but were her and maturity ever together? Taylor of Sunnybrook Farms tells Good Morning America (via People) that surprise, surprise, she wrote that song about one of her ex-pieces. But before we start guessing about which one of Taylor's exes is going to tell Rolling Stones in a few months that she really put bruises on his innocent heart by writing a song about him, let's listen to that mess first. WARNING: Taylor Swift is still writing lyrics that sound like they were written on her paper bag book cover during 7th grade homeroom.
If you'd rather try to chew bubblegum with your butt than press play on that bubblegum song, then read the spoken word part instead, because it is gold (via ONTD):
So he calls me up and he's like
"I still love you" and I'm like, I'm just ...
This is exhausting, you know like
We're never getting back together
Like ever
When you make an Avril Lavigne song sound like a Carole Fucking King song, maybe it's time to stop getting creative inspiration from the 16-year-olds you share a bottle of Strawberry Hill with while hanging out with them behind the bleachers on a Friday night.
So who is Taylor singing about this time? Jakey Gyllenhaal? John Mayer? Joe Jonas? Taylor Lautner? Oh, I don't even know why we're playing this game when we all know who she's really singing about:
You can't blame him for that DUI now. We'd all lose our minds in a bottle of the sweet nectar if Taylor Swift told us we were never like ever like ever like getting back to like gether like ever like.
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Submitted by Ophelias evil twin on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 7:59am.
LOL well he is a kennedy, so he will get off scot-free!
I am like so like fucking like done with like this stupid like 7th grader like singing about like dumb like stuff about her like feelings and all ......
Put her of fucking Nicholodeon or something.... FUCK!
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Back from vacation? Vacation from where? The Willy Wonka factory? The Al Jolson Resort? MERCURY? MK - 8/1/12
oh gawd I hope that Kennedy kid pulls an uncle Teddy on her.. car. bridge. buh byes.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 10:37pm.
literarylioness, heheheheh I don't know about that! Dude is like her GRANDFATHER's age! OLOL *worse than Carey and Emma Stone, imo* ICK NAST
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I know, but the song writes itself: "Grandpa why did you leave me? I thought you would love me forever, since you only have a few more years, but you left me too."
For such a pretty girl with some talent she's so weird. Buying a house next door to his grandmother? Dumbass.
One thing I find interesting is her change in clothing to fit in with the Kennedy image. She looks the part I'll give her that.
Submitted by Cat Scratch on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 3:41pm.
She plays it sweet but she's all kinds of nasty. I mean, she talked shit about Camilla Belle which was awesome but don't turn around and go on Ellen and act like you're so wholesome.
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Co-sign. She attacks Camilla Belle, who is gorgeous, and every peen who leaves her. She acts like she's in high school, and her fake sweet personal attracts the 12 year olds.
I bet that she still stalks Jake.
Here's the thing. Someone that invents Crocs AND looks like a reptile! Reporting this one to vigilant citizen!
Submitted by literarylioness on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 10:31pm.
Lainey says she is talking about Jake Gyrenghtoall (sp), but I think its Poopy Mayer too.
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literarylioness, heheheheh I don't know about that! Dude is like her GRANDFATHER's age! OLOL *worse than Carey and Emma Stone, imo* ICK NAST
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 10:04pm.
ETA: I still think this croc guy is a creepo and I'm afraid for her. hahaha
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No! The croc guy is perfect for Squinty! He could give her something to REALLY write about.
Submitted by angry_secretary on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 9:31pm.
in the song she says that the guy will probably make an "indie" record that's so much cooler than hers, so maybe she's trying to reference john mayer (ha!) or owl city's adam young?
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Lainey says she is talking about Jake Gyrenghtoall (sp), but I think its Poopy Mayer too.
Loopy, she writes about it because it's all a daydream fantasy! Don't you think the publicists are to blame for all the stories about her? I just can't believe that girl has ever SEEN a PEEN, let alone a gay one. I will never believe it, NO HOW! No matter what people say. She is obnoxiously INNOCENT, and I CAN'T stand her for that! lolol
ETA: I still think this croc guy is a creepo and I'm afraid for her. hahaha
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 9:46pm.
no guy wants to date her, because everytime they breakup she writes a fucking song about it and publicises it. like some dim wit teen at high school who just broke up with the guy and whenever he walks pass, she would just laugh loudly "aahahahaha yeah i might take you up on that date" and the gay kid she is talking to, thinks "WTF? date what? girl i was just telling you that those shoes you wearing is ugly"
and the guy walk pass raising one eye brow and thinks "WTF craaayyyzeee ass bitch"
thats all she ever seems to write about, her fucked up relationships.
Loopy, me too! That Miss Goody Two Shoes ACT don't fly with me, AT ALL! I wanna strangle her bubblegum-chewing high school ass worse than you! And again, I'm not a violent person... AHHAHAHAHA
#KILLKILLKILL!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by WithinReason... on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 9:38pm.
this bitch annoys the hell out of me i want to throw water balloons filled with rotten eggs and flour at her.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 8:57pm.
i want to pinch taylor's pubes and then set them on fire. god i hate this bitch.
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GROSS! I DON'T wanna touch her pubes, but you go right ahead pyroloopy... Y-U-C-K.
Meyer will always be infinitely worse plus he makes me itchy!
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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grow up you dumb bitch and stop trying to fuck gays, and fucking douche bags and now high school barely legal guys.
Soon you'll be like wilderama and hang out at disney's graduate school waiting for your next bang.
in the song she says that the guy will probably make an "indie" record that's so much cooler than hers, so maybe she's trying to reference john mayer (ha!) or owl city's adam young?
taylor & that bitch-faced teen mom farrah need to do a duet, like, totally. like.
It's time for Taylor to shake things up a bit and write a song about her secret lesbian tryst.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
another song about a boy and a relationship... way to grow in your songwriting there, taylor.
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"I felt very still & very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo."
i want to pinch taylor's pubes and then set them on fire. god i hate this bitch.
if fatal attraction is ever remade, i nominate taylor swift for the role of alex forrest.
Great. Another song about Kanye.
I don't think I've ever actually listened to one of her songs until now. Embarrassingly bad.
Jesus Christ. That was like, the worst, like, thing ever.
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Shiitake happens...
Submitted by JTROS on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 4:19pm.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 3:54pm.
There needs to be a Dlisted convention. But it has to be in Chicago because I am poor. ;-)
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Co-sign. I may not live there anymore, but would visit in a heartbeat! Just not in the winter...
(Snowpocalypse 2011 broke my spirit and made me move south)
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Not sure how far South yer talkin....but Virginia Beach got smacked in 2011! Nowhere is safe.
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SANTO DIOS! PRAISE HAY-SOOS CREASE-TOE!
Submitted by El Bastardo on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 3:48pm.
Stupid little girl! At least if I wrote songs about my failed relationships they would be interesting.
'Stop laughing at my tiny penis'
'I thought girls had Adams apples'
'I know I'm hideous but I grow on you darling'
'Sorry I sharted during the bj baby'
'Why don't you like cheese honey?'
'But Dear, showers are for losers'
Now available to download on itunes.
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You forgot my fave, "It's your birthday AGAIN? Do you have one daily?"
Submitted by Kizzy on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 3:55pm.
Can you like, just like, remember like, you're like, supposed to like, be like, a grownup, like now? And like, don't fucking like, give like, Jerk Mayer like, any fucking like, reason to like, throw like, a public like, pity party, like again, like.
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Sing it sister!
Is she tone deaf? Can she sing anything in the right key? That was very painful. I bet dogs bark when her shit gets played.
please let this song be about my ears and her voice
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I thought that album title and art was a joke - really. WTF?
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 5:01pm.
LOVE the Black Keys! Cuppy- I saw an interview with Ray LaMontagne and he said he also loves the Black Keys and wants to work with them. I had lady wood for three days after seeing that.
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*squee* That would be fabulous! OMG! *fangirl in me comes out*
Like, SHUT UP, already!
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
I normally like her stuff (shoot me if you must), but what the fuuuuuucccckkkk is this crap?
So, when is she going to write a song about the time the battery of her dildo died?
I truly believe that you haven't begun to scoop up all of life's beautiful moments until you've heard the line "Watch the wig!" from a piece while sitting on their face. - MK
Lyrically, this song is awful. She hasn't grown at all in that respect. The melody is pretty good, and I'll give her credit for doing something different vocally, although I do detect a bit of autotune to help her with the bigger vocals but at least it's not too obvious.
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Never ever listening to this song again if my ears can help it! HORRIBLE! Avril Lavigne trades in her skater gear for Forever 21. No thanks!
My niece LOVES Taylor. I introduced her to her music (she was a big Miley Cyrus fan at the time so I did her a favor), and she went to see her in concert a year ago. I don't mind Taylor as much as other people. I recently introduced her to Regina Spektor and she absolutely loved her music.
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The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
LOVE the Black Keys! Cuppy- I saw an interview with Ray LaMontagne and he said he also loves the Black Keys and wants to work with them. I had lady wood for three days after seeing that.
*waits for the Kennedy curse to take affect*
You got me. I didn't scroll down and see that picture of the dui guy. LOL!!!!!
Taylor Swift is a talentless bitch with RICH parents who bankrolled her early career, paid for PR, etc., who also got VERY LUCKY and became famous in spite of the fact that she sucks dead donkey ass.
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
Submitted by EvilShoe on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 4:32pm.
TBK are VERY good. I LOVE Gold on the Ceiling!
If you wanna write a song to get back at someone do it like the Queen Alanis Morrisette with You Oughta Know.
Taylor "Light In The Piazza" Swift needs to sit down with her babble. she's a cliche
Usually with Taylor Swift I just find that her stuff is not to my taste. It's inoffensive and I wouldn't hate on anybody for liking it, it's just not my thing...but this is aggressively terrible. It is like she is devolving musically and her lyrics are now on the level of middle school poetry instead of high school poetry.
Evil - when I heard Too Close the first time, for a few seconds I thought it was The Black Keys (who are underrated).
something is seriously wrong with her. Tthis is some Light In The Piazza shit we are in the middle of with this one
i am like never like ever like ever like listening to this song like ever like
www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 3:54pm.
There needs to be a Dlisted convention. But it has to be in Chicago because I am poor. ;-)
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Co-sign. I may not live there anymore, but would visit in a heartbeat! Just not in the winter...
(Snowpocalypse 2011 broke my spirit and made me move south)