Papa Joe Simpson Is (Allegedly) Gay And Has A 20-Year-Old Boy Toy
Why didn't I see this coming? The frosted hair, the chunky silver bracelets bought online at BelloMarc, the obsession with chichis, the wardrobe from Structure circa 1998, the way his hair seems to naturally swoop by itself like he's an albino flamingo dancing in the wind.... Papa Joe Simpson was a peen lover this entire time! Now that I look at him, Papa Joe does look like that late-in-life gay at a Central Florida gay club who always has some kind of sugary green cocktail in his hand and who always dances something extra to the beat of a Cher song, because the last time he danced to a Cher song he was surrounded by the straights and had to keep his fierceness bottled up inside. But now that he's free, he's going to let all his glitter out!
And here I was thinking that he was just your regular straight Baptist preacher from Texas. They're all like that!
The National Enquirer (via Radar) says that Papa Joe's 34 year marriage to Jessica and Ashlee's mother, Tina Simpson, died, because she found out about his natural love for the peen. Papa Joe couldn't keep his gayness a secret anymore, so he finally bulldozed through the closet door, so says some anonymous source:
“Joe got the family together about two months ago and came out of the closet. He told them that he’d tried to continue in his marriage to Tina, but he couldn’t go on any longer and deny the fact that he had these feelings for men. Joe said it wasn’t fair to her, and it wasn’t fair to him.”
And when Papa Joe was pulled over for DUI over two months ago, his 20-year-old boyfriend was sitting next to him in the car.
I do feel a little lied to. A thick layer of EWWW would cover my skin every time Papa Joe would lay his eyeballs on his daughter's titties and I was getting grossed out for nothing. Papa Joe wasn't thinking about motorboating the Jesus out of Jessica's tits. Papa Joe was simply just paying homage to a pair of magnificent chichis. (Or maybe he was imagining his daughter's chest as the supple butt cheeks of a 20-year-old boy toy. If that's the case, I still had every right to be grossed out.)
If this is true and Papa Joe really is coming out, then I can't wait to witness his non-stop gay party parade. You know he's got a few short-sleeve mock turtleneck Spandex shirts hanging in the back of his closet that he's just been itching to pull out. Show us, bitch!
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Papa Joe wasn't thinking about motorboating the Jesus out of Jessica's tits. Papa Joe was simply just paying homage to a pair of magnificent chichis. (Or maybe he was imagining his daughter's chest as the supple butt cheeks of a 20-year-old boy toy. If that's the case, I still had every right to be grossed out.)seo
He has the same vapid expression as his daughter, no offense to her, because I actually have often felt sorry for her. Reminds me of that hilarious impression the unemployed actor Jeff Polage did on Gallery of the Absurd:
http://galleryoftheabsurd.typepad.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncateg...
He's gross. Looks like his skin is that pink, hairless kind and that he would have fat, hairless legs. And all he'd ever want to do for sex is get fucked up the ass. I just belched imagining those pink, fat, hairless legs waiving in the air.
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"She's Black & I'm Gay--- we create culture."
In the immortal words of Margaret Cho's Momma: "Everybody a little bit gay…” ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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I didn't see this one coming, even with with the frosted highlights. This is crazy!!!!
Papa Joe is like PMK, gross no matter what.
"motorboating the Jesus out of Jessica's tits" - lolol Ya, her boobs are the perfect butt cheeks of a boy toy! Supple and pert. ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Ew. Like he wasn't gross enough! Now no one's safe from him?
how very steve newlin.
The first time this bitch imposed himself and witless daughters on the public, I knew he was gay. Pleeeze...highlights, fake tan, subtle hissss in his speech. This is no surprise. Nor is it news.
Thirty-four years a hypocrite and now just another perv.
Clue #1 to all of us should have been the preacher angle. We all should have seen this coming.
MK - motorboating the Jesus out of her tits - LMMFAO.
Hearing his two tuneless spawn attempt to warble for the last decade would make any man want to stick his head between the first beefy cheeks in his vicinity and use them as a sound barrier.
I'd bet money he's either done Rick Perry or shared a boy toy with him. Oh, Texas...
He should hook up with Randy Travis.
I know of a lady who was married to a Baptist preacher and after 30 years together and 3 sons, he finally came out to her. The whole time they were married he was living two lives. One of the good preacher and the other as a closeted gay man. He had a lover on the side whom he stayed with for the remainder of his life.
Anyhow, the good news is this lady met a much younger man afterwards (20 year age difference) who ADORED her and she finally got to know real true companionship and love.
Not surprised...
Lol MK -- you just described one of my late in life gay friends (Baptist preacher for a father) who lives in north central Florida and LOVES lemon drop shots, lol.
Well, well. This (allegedly) would explain many things.
Maybe someday (soon I hope) people can be open and honest about who they are with no repercussions so that families aren't destroyed because everyone was living a lie.
I wonder if his 2 former sons in law knew?
Does this story answer any Blind Items?
About a month ago there was a BlindItem about a dad who was a manager of a family and they were religious but he was having an affair with a someone young who was a former co-star of one of his kids....the answer put out there was the dad of the Jonas Brothers.
But would Papa Joe fit in as the answer? (assuming the gay stuff wasn't true)
Submitted by MTurtle on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 12:47pm.
What bothers me the most is that everyone engages this troll and has conversations before the behavior comes out. The second that I say HEY, though, it's like I have done something wrong. That pisses me off.
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Hey Muds, I didn't think you did anything wrong :)I'm never sure if ppl on here are knowingly engaging the troll or not. Some will engage as long as it plays nice. I never knowingly engage. Not worth it.
"You know he's got a few short-sleeve mock turtleneck Spandex shirts hanging in the back of his closet that he's just been itching to pull out. Show us, bitch!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
If Papa Joe loving the boys was the case, why didn't he pay more attention to Ashlee?
I think you should always try to dress your age.
Middle-aged people who dress and act their age are far more attractive, than those who desperately cling to their youth.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 2:39pm.
Submitted by TEE on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 2:09pm.
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QUE RRRRIIICCOOO!!!!
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lol - pretty tame compare to the one that i read. lol.
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 2:30pm.
I'm the middle child and yes its very cool they get along the way they do, as soon as they start getting on each others nerves my dad usually leaves to his house and comes back the following day like nothing happened. And I have also uncovered some family secrets not from snooping but for looking for my birth certificate, I found my older brothers instead and well lets just say our dads name wasnt on there. EVENTUALLY my mom told ME the truth (diff dad) since i work with a family law attorney and had to get the paperwork for the name change (to reflect my dads) info on my brothers Birth Certificate. lol... wow as i type this my family blows me away - HAHAHAHA I still wouldn't trade them for the world.
Submitted by TEE on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 2:09pm.
LOL, let me clarify what was hard for me, reading the sex messages he got from the men he was hanging out with and nonetheless in Spanish! LOL SOOO GRAPHIC!!!
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QUE RRRRIIICCOOO!!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by CashewTime on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 2:06pm.
Submitted by islandgirl on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 2:01pm
Makes me curious about some of the other kids from my high school, especially some of the wholesome types (male and female) who visited this family in LA thinking Papa Joe could help them make it.
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He probably made them speak in tongues. :P
TEE: It's awesome that your parents remained good friends. Best possible outcome from that situation.
Are you the eldest? Sometimes I think we are better at keeping secrets. I was a terrible snoop as a kid and I found some shocking stuff at my dad's. Nothing illegal and he wasn't gay but I still blush to remember. I will take it to my grave, along with some other secrets.
Come to think of it, my very own snooping kids could find some puzzling items... *rushes off to find better hiding place for STUFF*
Rut roh, Papa Joe. Doesn't the National Enquirer usually get their shit right? I guess this explains the Ryan Cabrera and Lane Garrison stuff, that never did sit quite right with me at the time. Nick Lachey should write a tell all!
"anonymous source" = Pete Wentz ?
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 1:57pm.
Submitted by TEE on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 1:56pm.
my dad had lots of gay friends. anyway it was very hard for me
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omg plz PLZZZ keep going!
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LOL, let me clarify what was hard for me, reading the sex messages he got from the men he was hanging out with and nonetheless in Spanish! LOL SOOO GRAPHIC!!!
Submitted by islandgirl on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 2:01pm
Makes me curious about some of the other kids from my high school, especially some of the wholesome types (male and female) who visited this family in LA thinking Papa Joe could help them make it. Everyone in my high school would say, "Good for them. She comes from a good family and represents great values, what a good role model for young girls." And I would sit there so confused, noticing that she was just as scantily clad in her videos sometimes as Britbrit and that her dad talked about her tittays. I imagine some of those people feel pretty stupid these days. Probably have since the first divorce, lol.
Submitted by mike on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 11:29am
It sure does now that we have some context. "Go on girl, shake those double Ds!" lol.
Submitted by CashewTime on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 1:46pm.
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Right? It's always the most self-righteous ones that have the biggest skeletons in their gay closets.
Submitted by TEE on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 1:56pm.
my dad had lots of gay friends. anyway it was very hard for me
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omg plz PLZZZ keep going!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
I have a story to share... My parents were together for 24 years and eventually split, they remained CLOSE friends, when i say close i mean Best Friends close he drives her to the store, mall, wherever she needed a drive too and he would come over and eat breakfast, dinner etc. then go to his place. ANYWAY... a couple years after they had split i had mentioned to him that i sent him a picture text of my kid in her Halloween costume and he said OH i dont know how to check my text messages... SOOOOO I go to his phone to see if he received it, ONLY to find messages from MEN talking about how nice it was meeting you last night, you're a great guy, and MORE that ive chosen to believe i imagined **SHIVERS**. I couldnt look at my dad in the face for a long time. Never told any of my siblings. But my mom once did mention to me (we're very close) that my dad had lots of gay friends. anyway it was very hard for me, but once i knew my parents were much happier as friends and my mom was OK (not sure if she knew) I kinda got over it.
Submitted by Aerialgreen on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 1:23pm.
Which reminds me, Sucky, this is your #1348 warning...this month
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YOU BETTER SHOW ME YOUR DICK
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
BWAHAHAHAHA... I went to high school in the same area as this family, and I was told I'm going to hell by people like this, some of whom were their friends. And always in a polite way with a sweet smile, of course, so I couldn't bitch at them or I'd look like a crazy. It was especially infuriating considering that I was such a good kid-didn't have a drink until after graduation and made good grades and everything. And now this paragon of a family not only has two divorced children, one of whom screwed Crabdick Mayer and has a paid fiance and child out of wedlock, but now the big pimp of the group, the nice pastor, is gay! LOVE. IT.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 12:37pm.
I recall reading about Lane Garrison I think he was called? The actor who did a little jail time for manslaughter for driving a teen home stoned from a party and crashing him into a tree - being from Dallas he seemed to have an odd relationship with this family, at one time living with them. Makes me think he was an early lover.
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Submitted by charlottecorday on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 1:20pm.
He enjoyed tooling around in that convertible with Ryan Cabrera too much. The fact that cartoon dollar signs popped out of his eyes when Titz entered the room was the most normal thing about him.
..................................
And that boy band he managed. Duh! No wonder Tina did her weight in blow!
http://www.lipstickalley.com/f15/old-jessicas-
simpsons-mom-snorting-coke-316464/
Nothing surprises me much anymore, but I have to say this does. I feel bad for his wife if she was really naive to it, it was bad enough she had to put up with him being a jackass in general.
TEAM NATURAL LOVE FOR THE PEEN
Submitted by annobanano on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 11:50am.
@ Submitted by tojo on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 11:48am.
...*waiting for Michael Lohan to come out next*
The gays will NOT allow Michael Lohan into their club.
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*cosigns* no we won't allow him ever, any fellow willing to help him get a membership will get his own ID cut with scissors on the spot.
Which reminds me, Sucky, this is your #1348 warning...this month
He enjoyed tooling around in that convertible with Ryan Cabrera too much. The fact that cartoon dollar signs popped out of his eyes when Titz entered the room was the most normal thing about him.
Here in Texas, lots of these closeted gays. I am always suspicious of men who wear these pearl buttoned, form fitting western type shirts, fake dyed jeans with buttoned pockets on the back and a little jewel for the button. They all love to start the conversation with "I'm a Christian" and their trophy looking wives walk around with a blank stare under perfectly coiffed brown hair with "just ten foils" on the top highlights. The women go out with their group of friends wearing Nordstrom dresses in Popsicle colors, drink Appletini's and meanwhile their men who claim to be at a Mavericks game, are usually spending the second half under the bottom half of a Bear in a bar bathroom down on Oaklawn.
Hmmmm mmmmmm.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 12:50pm.
*pats Jack on head, cracks open a beer and hands it to Jack*
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^These are the simple things in life that make us happy... :)
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"Shitty relationships mystify me." ~ mike 09/22/2012
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Takes guts to come out, so... more power to him. Hope he stops with the Baptist stuff, though. Pretty sure they don't dig that.