Charlie Sheen Is Giving Lindsay Lohan A Job
Charlie Sheen already gave Lindsay Lohan $100,00, because he thinks he's Hollywood's premiere Captain-Save-A-Ho and he has a soft spot for train wrecky hos in need. (You know what I mean by "soft spot." I'll leave it at that.) TMZ says that LiLo still owes the IRS over $100,000 and now the State of California is coming at her, because she didn't give them any tax money in 2011. They want over $56,000 from her. So what is a train wrecky ho in need to do? Bitch probably called up Daddy Charlie and he told her she had to work for it this time.
When Charlie tells a ho that she has to work for that money, that's her cue to get naked and grab the donkey, the latex gloves, the tub of Crisco, the midget twins, the anal speculum and the dildo gas mask. But this time, Charlie meant that LiLo has to get to work on his basic cable show. Deadline says that LiLo will play herself on an episode of FX's Anger Management. In the episode that airs in April, LiLo gets down with Charlie after meeting him in therapy. So this is the second time that LiLo and Charlie will get into bed together in front of the cameras (private sex tapes they made together don't count.)
The last thing people need to see is LiLo and Charlie kissing, because I'm sure it looks just like a malnourished salamander nibbling on an uncooked turkey burger. Nobody wants to see that. Save it for American Horror Story. Instead of airing the actual episode, they should air the making of the episode. I really want to see Charlie scream his hairpiece off when LiLo locks herself in her trailer and refuses to come out, because she doesn't like the tone of the script.
Since this is the second time Lohan and Sheen are working together, we can officially call them the Tracy and Hepburn of our time! And "Lohan Sheen" sounds like a fancy name for the coke sweats. Perfect!
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You know what bothers me? I read on another gossip app that Lindsay actually never so much as texted Charlie a thank you, when he gave her that $100k to help her with her tax issues.
I love that he helped out Brett Butler. He's really kind to do that, she's thankful for the job on his new show. He's just too nice doing nice things for people like Blowhan. I've developed a whole different hate for this thankless firecrotch. It's just so incredibly rude to not even say thanks even if he only gave her a dollar to make him holler.
Now, this bitch has a stint on his new show. Some people are just so undeserving, she's definitely one of those people. I hope he does at least get to tap her ass for all he's done. I'd be forever doing nice things for him if he gave me that kind of money and work.Not sexually, I.just.can't...ugh
What is up with his face!? Is the the most recent picture of him? Yikes.
Charlie Sheen is one butt-ugly motherfucker.
Now, Emilio, on the other hand ... I have thought was hot since, like 1982, and to this day, still do ..
We all know what's going on here, don't we?
Blowjobs for money.
Hohan's prostitution is more evident every day: they're both repugnant.
Mrs j
Captain save a ho she's not worth it.
Spend your money on a ho who will at else appreciate it. Or spend it on your goddesses and tiger juice.
Charlie Sheen is giving her a job. Hmmm....so I guess that means that she'll be giving him a "job" in return?
The Ballad of Lindsay Lohan
When you work from your home
And johns call on the phone
You're a call girl
When you walk 'til you limp and give a cut to a pimp
You're a street whore
When they're beggin' you please
To get down on your knees near their groinage, Excusa me, but you see
Don't you touch where they pee without coinage.
When you straddle and squat
To show them your
Sheen is doing this because Lohan is more screwed up than he is, and he wants to put himself in a more positive light by contrast.
Step into the Delusional Hall of Mirrors..
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Fair is foul and foul is fair..
Cinnamon Champagne? that is hilarious.
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 11:02am.
Ophy: Yes, but she's a wild card, that Lindsay. She could come up with some completely NEW fuckery! *waits optimistically*
you have a point there Hekki -- ::rubs hands in anticipation:: I'm sure it'll be a doozie.
Someone over at Gawker called her "Cinnamon Champagne", which cracked me UP.
Ophy: Yes, but she's a wild card, that Lindsay. She could come up with some completely NEW fuckery! *waits optimistically*
Never mind Lohan Sheen sounding like a fancy name for the coke sweats...
It rubs the LoSheen on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
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"I'm bluffin with my muffin."
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 10:06am.
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin: "...You will regret this Charlie. No good deed goes unpunished with this waste of space."
It'll be interesting to see which way she chooses to screw this up/him over.
hmm lessee - not showing up on time or not at all because of some mysterious flu/respitory condition (code for hungover) and then items will go missing from the set and then she'll get arrested outside a club at 3AM for drunk driving and/or assaulting someone. You know? the usual stuff Hekki.
I do know one thing, Charlie Sheen better lock up his valuables when she's around.
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"Bye, Whore" -MK
...and now SheLo is born and the apocalypse begins.
Pray sinners!
Charlie's mouth looks how a 95-yo man's mouth looks.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Submitted by Ophelias evil twin: "...You will regret this Charlie. No good deed goes unpunished with this waste of space."
It'll be interesting to see which way she chooses to screw this up/him over.
He's better off just handing her the money. Expecting something in return is the wrong way to go here, Charlie.
MK's post and the comments call for some Curtis Mayfield...
But they don't know
There can be no show
We're all gonna go
If There's Hell Below
Secret stash, heavy bread, baddest bitches in the bed that's the Pusherman
Don't wanna be like Freddie now
'Cause
Freddie's Dead
this is some nasty shit to see first thing in the am...
lilo should keep her options open...it could be any day the executives decide she is needed to star in "mean girls:the crackie and grifting years"..
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
I fear for Charlie!
God what the hell?? These looks like Faces of Meth posters.
" Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer"..William S. Burroughs
hot chick, you eloquently stated what i think is /will be happening with sheen/lohan.
Wow, wish I never saw that picture of Charlie. What a shame.
"she turned away, what was she looking at? She was a Sour Girl the day that she met me"
STP No. 4
Aaaaaaghch!!!
"Charlie Sheen is giving Lindsey Lohan a job"
No doubt she'll return the favor.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Lock up the tiger's blood!
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
@EdDallas teehee thanx! it's my most fave pic of goblin face at her last court apperance.
if Charlie is hooking his hopes and dreams on Hohan helping his ratings he is more gone that I thought. Did he not read that NY Times article about how she made the set of the Canyons a living hell. What's different this time?
That has got to be the scariest picture of Charlie I've seen yet.
Not that anyone asked, but here is my theory:
Fact: The show started its new season a couple of months ago and the rating are steadily going down. The second season has 96 episodes! 96???? Why??
They must think this whore is going to increase the ratings for at least an episode. If it works, they'll have her return.
@ophelias-evil-twin: that avie is hilarious!
@Webberbear -- Wynona Judd? oh lawd that would mean seeing Mama Judd's clown face in the audience .. and you know she will make it all about HER.. And Andy Dick? Let's see if he can stay sober and not try and show his pee pee to everyone.
eta: just checked the list on the ABC site and no White Oprah.. she's halfway through her box of Chardonnay right about now.
So cast of Dancing With the Has-Beens and Never Weres revealed. I only know Wynonna, Andy Dick, and Dorothy Hamill. And I've heard of Kelly Pickler and D.L. Hughley. Looks like the only "reality" I'll continue to waste my time with is "Celebrity Apprentice".
His penance, her savior. Not much left for her in the business. Soon she's just copying that retard Stodden chick.
Last I heard, nobody was watching that show. Charlie might just be using her like everybody else does. I used to like her, but I didn't watch her on SNL, Glee, Liz and Dick, and I won't watch AM either.
Submitted by KA on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 1:57am.
:)
Good lawd ..they look like wax figures in the faces of meth museum.
You will regret this Charlie. No good deed goes unpunished with this waste of space.
They should use that photo on anti-drug posters and hang them up in schools.
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"Brows should not look like a condiment!" -MK
WHY CAN'T I POST :(
Anothe delusional crackie. Does he really believe she's going to be different for HIM? Oh, because you paid her up front, she'll feel obligated to show up on time and do a good job?
He gets points for trying. I'll give him that, because he really does seem to want to help her. He seems to have some kind of savior complex.
Can you tell me why when I click a link it just takes me back to dlisted but in a new window?
It's basically ruined my life
OH OK IT SAYS THEY MAY TAKE A WHILE TO SHOW.
WHY AREN'T MY POST SHOWING UP AND QHY WHEN I CLICK A LINK IT JUST OPENS A NEW PAGE IN A NEW WINDOW BUT ITS JUST THE SAME HOME PAGE NOT THE DLISTED LINK?
IS IT MALWARE
Submitted by veryoldbat on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 12:57am.
Loopy.. I need a new avi... Suggestions?
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depends wat you're in the mood for.
HI EVERYONE.
WHY WHEN I CLICK ON A LINK IN THIS SITE IT JUST OPENS THE MAIN PAGE AGAIN IN A NEW EINDOW?
IT'S REALLY EFFECTING MY LIFE IN A NEGATIVE FASHION.
CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN
Crackies of a feather stick together. This is a great arrangement. They can maintain the craziness, violence, diseases, drugs and legal bills all in the family, sparing the rest of the world. Crackie twin powers activate!
Well, you knew it'd come down to cable television and her basically making a career of being a parody of herself.
Is her mother seriously still her "manager"? Hate to say this but I miss when White O and Ali were out and about with her showing up at some Las Vegas nightclub with her underage Ali and a "Don't you know who I am?" for the doormen.
She's such a shitty actress that (baring low budget schlockfests on lifetime) the only person she's being hired to portray is herself...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Hate watching sex. Something about it makes me depressed. It's not me in the scene. Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze excepted. That was beautiful.
Charlie gets points for helping a ho. If he's extracting favors from Lindsay then he's a POS.
"Lohan Sheen" sounds like a fancy name for the coke sweats. Perfect!
Hahaha - brilliant :) Perfect, indeed!
Charlie Sheen must have a lot of dirt on people in the industry, I tell you what. There is no other reason for him to keep getting so much work.
He looks like effin' Smeagol.
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God don't like ugly.
Submitted by the_hot_chick on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 1:12am.
I don't think they've fucked...YET.
Charlie is helping Lindsay out because he feels sorry for her (she reminds him of himself perhaps?), and MAYBE is interested in sex with her. Lindsay is taking Charlie's help because she's desperate, can't/won't help herself, and has no other options (since she won't get it together).
They will end up sleeping together/dating. Charlie will think he's helping LL by becoming her boyfriend/sponsor. She'll see dating him as a way of ensuring the gravy train. Their " relationship" (mess) will be a non-stop repeat of breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, getting back together...with lots more of her legal/IRS/drug/theft/family troubles thrown into the mix.
Eventually, Charlie will break up with LL for good, and that will pretty much be the end of Lindsay.
After Charlie, she won't have any boyfriend-sponsors: she'll lose touch with the ones she has now while dating Charlie, and she won't be able to get a new boyfriend-sponsor because of how far she will have fallen. So no one's going to pick up restaurant/hotel/bar/credit card tabs for her, let her stay in their place, lend her their Porsche, give her money, or get her onto red carpets and/or into after parties. She won't have a career, and without Charlie she won't have anyone to vouch for her, or get her a pity job. She won't even be able to do Vivid Video porn, or pose for Playboy. At this point, Lindsay will be more of a has-been and joke than she is now, so no freebies from stylists/businesses that want quick/easy press coverage. She won't leave Charlie with much money: I don't believe that she can get pregnant, so there won't be child support, and he's not going to marry her, so there won't be alimony. She won't have any money, and no where to go.
Lindsay will spiral so much while she's with Charlie (not because of him, but because that's the direction she's headed in), that by the time of the break-up, the press won't want to cover her at all. We won't even hear about the final Charlie/Lindsay break-up, because they'll have broken up so many times by then, no one will care. She'll be off everyone's radar for a couple years. Then, we'll hear some sad story about her: someone (a friend or pimp) shopping around a home-made sex tape of her, or, she got arrested for "soliciting". Her mug shot will turn up, and she'll look like a 65 year old woman. There will be blind items about a former Disney Darling turned prostitute. Finally, she'll be found dead somewhere- drug overdose- and Hollywood will "mourn" her loss the way Hollywood does: former co-stars who haven't spoken to her in years tweeting that it's so "sad" she died, people who wouldn't speak to her for a million bucks rhapsodizing about her "tragedy", the ladies of the View philosophizing about why she didn't get "help". E! News will do a 2 hour True Hollywood Story about her life. Her father will try to milk the situation for press and maybe sue someone. And the great irony: Lifetime will do a trashy tv-movie about Lindsay. They'll air it at 8pm on a Sunday night, after an all-day marathon of "Liz & Dick", "The Parent Trap", and "Freaky Friday" (the E! network will get dibs on "Mean Girls").
Sorry this got so dark. But the more I think about Charlie + Lindsay, the more I feel like this is the beginning of the end for her.
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Ya.
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